9th Oct'06

i just realised tt its October already
thats, thats So fast!
just 3 more weeks to the Big O's
i believe tt God can make a miracle happen within 3 weeks
right?! all things are possible (:

--

yo world,
i've been studying quite a bit recently
saturday, i went to the airport with PAMELA soh (:
the girl with curly curly hair when she was p5 n 6
the girl who was my Bestie (:
ah huh, she's rrly one of the few whom i really really Loved/love!
we reached there in the morning
and ho, it was Very productive indeed
--
you noe, we were thinking tt if one day, we were to leave hse and have no where to go
not to ur friend's place cause theres too much trouble
we can always head to the airport!
free aircon, free place to sleep
haha! and its so 'classy' there too
love the airport (:
-

i saw Charmaine frm cell studying there too
and Den Cheryl Mar and Jue (:
they came over to eat and den rachel joined in the studying as well
after draining our braincells, i accompanied rachel to buy her bag
wats with all the shops?! none of them sold the bag tt she wanted
it was so disappointing! we went frm changi to bugis, frm bugis to cityhall
and being two ppl with no-directions, we wasted lots of time
thanks to Sandy Wong haha who directed us to the mrt through the phone
i saw Eevel and bugis
frm far, it was the first thing tt caught my eye
cause his hair was lyk, woah. Spiked up, Mohawk!
and i went, "oh my gosh, i see eevel"
and rachel went, "oh my gosh, we see eevel"
haha, anyhow, its all in the past
doesnt affect me anymore (:
--

ytd, i went to studying with Pam and Sheena at the same old place
we stuffed ourselves with $1 worth of pie
haha! all PL girls all the same okayy
sheena makes me laugh lyk crazy
i brought this old picture with pam and her pom pom hair
it was so funny and it cracked us up real badly
i wished i can load it in here, but i dunno how
haha! too badd, pluss i looked lyk an idoit inside too
haha

oh yea, and i had a rrly Weird dream the other day (:
only Soon li noes haha

i Love my cell and i rrly Thank God for it Very very much
N293

--
BIBLE. i need one real badly, where is the money?!

just the other day, someone told me about someone's life and all
and i wonder if things will ever work out?
infatuation is such a scary thing
and everyone has fallen into its trap
including me
but i'm out of it soon





sometimes i see sunset in your eyes

4th Oc'06

okay, so maybe it wasnt all tt bad
the vice principal saw one group of ppl with me included
and it isnt down at her office
haha she's rrly nice actually
i almst wished tt she gave us each a hug
she looked so Hugable!
and i've heard many times of her being rrly nice and..motherly
and all those words of encourage said, i noe are meant to push us even more
surprisingly, they rrly work
and it really Is comforting, to know tt so mnay ppl still trusts and believing in you

after sch, i went to meet wang lao shi
and she was really sweet
arh, why is everyone so nice?!
esp at this period of time, it makes dun want to disappoint the ppl ard me
though she had a rrly Bad sore throat, she still insisted on tutoring me
i cld tell she was struggling, though she tried rrly hard to hide it
and i still can easily recall all the words of encouragement some said tt rrly touch my heart
jue-"you can do it one. you were just lazy, just look at all ur past results"
sheree-telling me how she rrly studied and she actually Loaned me a bag of Mt books and E maths papers so i can improve
or maybe its because i rrly can do it?
and ppl dun just say it for the sake of saying so
thank you so so much
i am surrounded by angels in this life of my
(:

and the number of demons just seem to reduce everyday

dont' ever give up cause' its not the end
--

oh yea,
i wana talk about our overnight study!
haha though it was Days ago
angel, soon li, elana and me stayed over at elana's club
poor liwen went through Alot before having the permission to stay over
but she's so cute!
just the way she insist on having things her own way makes her adorable (:
i think, our overnight study was more of a failure
haha but it was Very fun (:
we played a little at the pool playground
if i had more clothes at tt time, i wld Definitely play in it!
it was pretty cool yet, scary
lyk around 4 am? there was absolute no one around except the security and us and.. tt guy frm RJC who studied in the same room
haha
and Elana showed me how squirdword looked like
angeline Aw was the ultimate Pig! (:
after playing n eating, she finally settled dwn to study and she's the first to doze off
how funny was it

haha

i wan to stay over again!
but i guess better to do it after our O's (:
--

i've been having quite a bit of my P5 n 6 bestie lately
haha
those were the good old childish times when we "friend here and there"
i'm gona study with my P5 n 6 bestie on sunday! (:


--

and once again, the big o topic of JC life is constantly brought up in sch,
and all ard me
i believe that guys and girls can be really close friends
and i think its so cool
and i know tt people change overtime
that, i've learn to accept it too





when we're tired, we sit back and think about all the fun that we've had

3rd Oct'06

i seriously feel lyk retaining for one year
and get everything right
the vice principal wants to see me down at her office tmr
tgt with some other ppl


standing at the rooftop
everyone scream your heart out
this is what we've got now
scream your heart out!

28th Sep'06

God opened my eyes today, within my heart
actually it was ytd, but most of me chose to ignore it
and as i was sitting in the hall, down at my own corner, doing some maths, He came ino my heart once again
true, so many times, we're disppointed with so many things in life
so much that we dont know whether to trust or doubt anymore
ppl always tell me, trust trust, trust
yea, i know i know i know
but its because i take the step of faith to really let go and believe in Him,
thats why when things arent pleasant this time, i Reallyreally do qns
i trusted and this is it?
thats all i get after trying and believing and mybe even praying and testifying and everything?
i have to admit that so many thoughts ran thru my mind when i see my results
its not just the results alone, but the process of it
and the ppl ard me, my own life. i really do wonder if i'm a fool at times
why is it that ppl whom i know of choose to put studies before God, they neglect the great one frm above
and yet at the end of it all, God allowed them to do well n succeed
yea, i know this is temporal happiness.
but still, i wld love to have this kindof happiness as well
why does it seem lyk the 'bad' ppl get all the good stuff all the time
and why is it that its so easy to encourage ppl, to spur them on
yet when i myself am down, it seems lyk nth much can actually help
it seems lyk its easy to help others to look on the bright side
but when it comes to myself its all so tough
well, actually i know the answer of it all
okay, maybe not
but i know that God really does love me and He really Does care for me
the rush of qns just come all the time.
why is it that everytime i fall, i promised not to ever qns and ask God again
yet i cant seem to do it?
just why leh, why ME

and back to where i was, sitting in the hall..
the one from above just went something lyk this,
"what about the good times? do you only remember the bad ones?"
and i thought a little,
indeed God Is very faithful to me
like the time he touched my heart as i stood in the train, heading for service
and like the many times when i was fearful and cried out to Him,
He didnt just threw me aside, instead, He embraced me and made everything go fine
just everything, indeed
and my Maths. i had an A1 for it
i was so blinded by the ugly side of everything that i failed to see the bright side of life
it really Is a miracle to be getting a One for maths, i thought i screwd it up
if this is not enough,
He answered a couple of my personal prayers and things changed
a particular friendship seems lyk its so pleasant and possible now
and just everything is beautiful indeed
my God helped me to forget the unwanted stuff
and He replaced redundant hopes n desires with much more Beautiful ones
--

so amazing huh?
(: Yea

and through it all, i choose to believe once again
and fight
cause everybody's fighting with me!
and i'm not the only one


theres this song which goes,

when you feel like no one understands,
someone loves you,
even when you dont think so
dont you know?
you've got me and Jesus.
by your side,
through the fight,
you will never be alone,
on your own,
you've got me and Jesus.


to some special people out there, i toldcha i wanna be ur cheerleader!
and you said you wanna be mine too
(:
i guess, we still have each other and most importantly,
Jesus
so the chapter ends for now,
and the studying begins once again
just wait and see






you're the author of creation

27th Sep'06

i think we all need to come before God
just something, somehow to make things better
the toughest moment is when you're down and everyone ard you is too
thats the hardest moment to find the right words to say to try to feel the right way
and the most horrible feeling is when you realy Did study and no one believes you
seriously, okay maybe i didnt study or slogged lyk crazy
but i placed double efforts on IT. and i placed my hopes on it
and the outcome is worst den before. its just so so ugly to take in
ppl tell me to believe. but its basically because i believed thats why its so sad now!
who Will believe that i study. i bet she thinks tt i dun give a damn. but i tried so hard lar
God, God, God i know you still love me
i love you too

25th Sep'06

ELANA tan! (:
thankyou for that beautiful Pink rose
you rrly got it for me!

that was so Sweet of You! (:
thanks Crush!
--

my results arent pleasant at all
and we've all been talking abt our results, JC life, studies and everything thats related in to that topic that i'm starting to get tired of that subject
i've got one for my maths
but other den that, all's so crapped
all the studying of chemistry produced a D7 in the end
i dunno why!
neither do i know wat actually went wrong
many qns and thoughts were running thru my head
sometimes i rrly wonder, whats good and wats not?

and one thing which i found out today was that
crying is a Good form of releasing ur inner feelings
No wonder everyone crys
no wonder

i guess the most difficult thing now
is to gather up all our inner feelings and get all charged up
as i looked into so many ppl's eyes today
i really wonder, how are we gona do this?
how are we gona pull through this together, all fine?
elana, angeline, rachel, liyun, shrooms, jue, gradys and sososo many more
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):
okay, thats enough
no point dwelling on those unplesant stuff yea?

for now, we just have to keep going on and on and on





will you answer all my doubts for me

24th Sep'06

hey world, today started off really great (:
i was in the train, on my way to church
and i was listening to christian songs, playing on my mp3
before i knew it, i was soaking in God's presence
the feeling was so Strong all of a sudden that i started tearing
i was controlling them as much as i could cause there was just so many ppl ard me

and i heard the one frm above speaking right into my heart, at tt moment
it went smth lyk this,
"hey my child, here we go again. here i am speaking to you once again, just lyk the last time i spoke to you. whats all these about? come on, its not lyk you dunno that I will never fail you.
its not lyk you dunno I can wash your sins, have you forgotten tt I'm your merciful Abba Father? whatever happened to 'standing strong' no matter what happens? whatever happen to the amount of trust you used to have in me? oh why dun you just trust in me that I can make you perfect. in my eyes, you're beautiful. Very beautiful indeed. if you will only believe "
-
and then i saw smth as my eyes remained shut
i saw myself kneeling before the Lord, but my head was bowed low
i felt uncleaned within. unworthy to face my saviour, the one who died on the cross for me, the one who loved me for who i am
but He stretched out His loving hands towards my face and lifted my face as i stayed, kneeling before Him
and in His eyes, i was perfect.
right at that moment, i was flawless and most of all, Beautiful.
there wasnt a single blemish on my face, neither was there anymore unpleasant feeling in my heart
the heaviness disappeared and
everything was just plain perfect and pleasant


Man. it was really amazing.
just the day before, sarah told me abt her encounter with her handphone and stuff
and i was thinking,
if i really needed stuff and i cant afford it, why not just pray and ask God for it
and leave it to Him to provide?
its gona be a challenge to do so, and lets see how's the mighty one gona work when He decides to move (:
--

theres so many things tt i wanna get
i want a new Bible!
i want to start afresh, and anew

i started cleaning my whole room ytd, and am still half done
haha
wow, i didnt know i owned about 4 written diaries before
but they all fill less than half a book
no wonder, it never works out haha
and i saw so many alr-forgotten neoprints
they bring back all those happy memories which make me miss those times so much
arh! growing is a happy and sad process

--

we're gona collect the rest of our results tmr
its quite expected wat the outcome will be, what the scene will be lyk
for now, lets just not think about it
and have a happy night tonight!
(:





"by the roses of spring, by maidhood, honour, truth and everything; i love thee"!

24th Sep '06









just a few words,
Thank God for these Amazing People (:

23rd Sep'06

hey world,
ytd they gave out the results of EL prelims
it was so not good
the atmosphere and all was so unpleasant
ppl were crying, sad, complaining
it seemed lyk the only pleasant thing to take in were smiles n laughters
i wonder wats it gona be lyk on the actual day of O' level results
i had a C5 for english
hrm we need a miracle down here

ytd at east coast with cell was rather fun
but too bad we only bummed into amelia n gradys at the end of everything
it wasnt easy finding them at first cause we're all moving ard
part of me wanted to stay and join them
cause everyone's been having so much problems lately,
the main reason for going was to Play n Enjoy and forget everything else
but cell group is cell group and tt company is great too (:
i feel lyk going to East coast with grad and maybe a few othrs again, and we'll play till everything's forgotten

--

i have a friend whom i love Alot
but lately, i feel lyk i'm loving her less n less everyday
its brianwashing you see
i still love you alot, and i reallyreally do
just tt sometimes, i duno wat i shld do
hrm, you still love me do you?
i pray tt God will keep this friendship going
it means alot to me

--

studying will ressume on sunday!
we have..abt 4 weeks left, its time to fight the battle and win the race


because of the one above,
everything will be filled with love

i know that everything will be beautiful once again soon
(:





everybody scream your heart out

20th Sep'06

hey world, i spent approximately 12 hours of my day down at Audrey's hse today
tgt with hazel
we watched old shows lyk 'Lion King' and "i not stupid 2'
piano n guitar were inlcuded too (:
haha and aud's bro was seeking attention, somehow he reminded me of my own brother
after lazing ard lyk some useless bums in the living room,
we went up to her room and we played..Soccer!
haha but with a smaller ball
and somehow everyone ended up screaming, petrified when we talked abt cabbies n women in Red, with Long hair
haha
(: thats a smile for the two of you


--

of course, if you ask me, theres bound to be some unpleasant stuff as well
why not?
just abt a few hrs ago, i bummed into an old friend
soemone whom i chose to ignore the issue abt and place it on one side of my head
someone who was close to me, for a period of time
someone whom was of a diff kindof company, a diff kindof influence
she practically belonged to a whole diff world
its amazing how we clicked
i am aware of how things hav come to this stage
she didnt even speak to me, she just smiled
but when i rang her up just now, she sounded all too eager to hang up on me
i suppose she's still angry
i must admit that i've neglected her in some areas
priorities in my life have made me unavailable at times
things lyk my own sch life, studies, sch mates, family, church
esp church, maybe its the fact tt she abhors it tt made her put all the blame on my church
and i made the stupidest mistake of all
to forget totally abt her birthday
that made her feel so off in my life amongst my busy schedule and i guess it blew it off
its clear for me to see that she hasnt gotten over it
but its been a few mths alr
how was i to be able to cope with so many issues
it wasnt easy esp when i cldnt see her conveniently
not in church, not in sch, not anywhere near my hse
not even in my dreams, all that exist is the memories we share 6 years ago, down at a daycare centre
i wonder how she's feeling. to put it on an ugly term, betrayed?
maybe she cant rrly trust me to be there for her n share her sorrows, double her joy anymore
while i managed to be the cheer leader of many ppl ard me,
my promises of being there for her at times, failed
but at times, its really tiring to be the cheer leader all the time
it had feel nice that once in a while, someone Will be there cheering for me as i run my own race in life
someone strong whom i can fall against and i can lean on
it feels lyk i've totally lost my grip on smth big.
-

mayb its cause of this issue tt i'm starting to feel tt i'm allowing another diff friendship to fall
cause this time round, when a crisis striked,
i played a lil role in the crisis and i wasnt able to sustain the role, of being the strong and stable one, leading to the open path
its the kindof fear you get esp when in a relationship, you feel lyk you're mostly the one giving
it makes you worry lyk crap and think lyk crazy if everything's gona fall apart or not when you feel tired urself
because the main factor of everything being in place is gone
sometimes it just feels lyk crap, and it reallyreally does
no one wanted it to end up lyk this, who would?
all i need is God to be in my life all the time to be the one behind everything, that way everything will go just perfectly fine
God has been faithfully in my life all this while,
but have i been faithful to Him too?
its so hard to confidently say yes that, i can only hope tt i'm better off
its the feeling of being tired, yet not wanting to let go. wanting to give a lil bit more and at the same time, wanting to noe tt sometimes you rrly helped and are treasured. and wanting to noe that you're more den just a service which provides.
-

and another thing, which i rrly dun feel lyk talking about
sometimes i really do wonder, how is it that amazing ppl managed to mean wat they say all the time?
what is it tt keeps their faith going on and on non-stop
sure, i've told God before, "if its your will, it will come to pass. and i place my turst in you, i only want to follow your ways. i dun want to give in to my own wills and allow hurt to come in"
but just how much do i mean what i say?
its when the real thing hits that makes you realise how hard it actually is.
i really Long to be lyk them too.
see those, strong n faithful stable ones, who arent swayed easily? who doesnt want to be lyk them?
i Long to be just half as good as them
--

but then again,
"all things work for good to those who love Him"
and i really do believe in it
to say that you have no worries wld be lying
i suppose, its only normal for me to vent some of my feelings every once in awhile
i'm only human
and all will be fine, cause i still believe in Miracles
let the good cover up the bad,
and let the bad dissolve in the good, shall we?

--

looking at the brighter side of life
the exams have come to an end!
its gona be a week of enjoyment (;
thank you father for every single blessing there is in my life
its when things are not going well that makes every little blessing shine even brighter






Heaven knows that i need You here with me

19th Sep'06

hey HANSHENG, happy birthday to you (:
i pray that God's blessings will be flowing abundantly in your life!
happy sweet Sixteen (:

--

i'm left with Only Chinese paper 2 tmr
praise God for that (:
i've estimated my L1R5 and i'm most likely gona get ard 18
i hope it wont be any higher
and oh Please, if its possible let it be lower than 16 pleasee?
arh, lets not talk abt studies shall we?


i went to watch 'little man' today!
we Jean, sihui n soon li (:
it wasnt tt nice actually but its hilarious enough to keep the laughter coming
the whole cinema was rather empty but it was all good
esp because of the company!
the good old pri 5 n 6 days still have a Huge place in my heart
and it will always be the same.
before the movie we went to pastamania
and gosh, the food there was argh
okay, its not their fault, its our fault for making the wrong decision
the smell of milk powder made me us feel lyk vomitting haha
definitely not appealing
anyhow, the library at bishan is quite nice (:

--

for the joy of the Lord is our strength
i wish i can say this freely and easily without having myself to confess it
but life's not a bed of roses isnt it?
and even if it is, roses do have thorns
well, thats thinking logically
and maybe perhaps its a form of brainwashing oneself too
but i'm okay (:

i'm not too sure myself
why is it that i'm affected when i chose not to dig it deep in the first place
but anyhow,
whats a little thing of the heart and a little of the emotions?
it will all be over soon i hope





only you can fill me now

17th Sep'06

sings, "..i just called..to say..i Love you! "

(:
i just happy, just happy for some reason i dunno why
ever since friday, its been 'holiday'!
and i havent touched anything since
we estimated wat we wld get for prelims today
19 arh, i Hope i'll get below tt
after prelims, i'll work double hard
i promise!
i promised so many ppl, i'm gona keep my word (:

---

elana gave me smth ytd! thankyou so much (:
love you love you, love you too!
and sandy wong gave me smth today!
love you love you, love you too!
haha
saying Love you to my female friends is Easy!
cause its comfortable saying it, and most of all, you guys are just plain,
lovable (:

and anna,
i jus wana tell you that you're rrly one awesome person
i never told you this, but i think you're amazing
cause you're only a yr older most of us and you hav ur own studies n problems too
but you never fail to appear so strong and..stable!
and you're always hanging on o matter wat happens
i think God is so good to us because of someone lyk you
thank you so (:

--

okay, heres some stuff that happened recently,
1. i've been watching 'full house' lately, yes i'm a little slow but its rrly Nice!
if you havent watch it, Please dont watch it haha. its addictive. its Bad.
i cant seem to tear my eyes away frm it until i finish the whole thing
2. i drank 2 glasses of fruit juice and i think the fruits were rrly powerful, cause
because of those two glasses, i had diarrhoea last night
3. pianoo! elana is pro at piano (: i salute you. i wana learn too!
4. i cant wait for wednesday (:



i'm one happy person
but i miss a female friend who seems to have disappeared somehow
you're not the same anymore
i wonder if its because i was a lil too harsh the other time?
but someone's got to tell you wats right n wats not
and someone's got to give you a sign to tell you wake up to reality
its hilarious the way i worry n fret over our friendship
maybe i'm too sensitive at times
but, Rah. dun you at least care?!
maybe you're just busy now,
i hope so, i hope it'll be back to normal soon


anyhow, i'm still happy.
its just a small portion of it all
(:
thankyou ppl for making me feel so loved.
and i just wanna say too,
SHROOMs-though you wont see this, cause i refused to give you my url, haha thankyou for being so patient with me! and teaching me, drilling me with all the study facts. discipling me non-stop. and thankyou for giving me a chance..to be used by God (:
SOON LI-you're one of the best of the best. was the best and is still the best. is guess things may revolve and things may change. but at the end of it all, its still the same! you're my burping competitor and it'll be the same now and forever (: love you! i wonder if i can still piggy back you? haha





all's good and well.
Lord i love you so much, love you so much

13th Sep'06

yo world (:
the past few papers have been alrighttt
its not tt they're superb easy or Superb tough
but, i refuse to think more abt it
after all the thoughts, i still think..
Come wat may!
i've done wat i can.
and the rest, i shall just leave it to the one frm above to decide for me
i just rrly hope tt i can take the outcome later on

whats left!
chem
A maths paper 2
physics
E maths paper 2
chinese

praise God that i did my lit alright,
praise God that A maths was attemptable,
praise God that geo wasnt tt bad afterall

and the list goes on! (:
i've been feeling that everyday indeed, is becoming more n more beautiful
perhaps its because i've finally found that small little missing which i dun rrly noe wat it is in actual fact
anyHow,
He directed me to this verse ytd
and its really beautiful indeed :

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,
to those who are the called according to His purpose"
-Romans 8:28

indeed, all things work for good to those who love my almighty God (:
because i know it and i believe in it
i cant say that things are pleasantly smooth
in fact, they arent really what we expect them to be
but life's not just about the things on this earth
my God made me see beyond everything,
just everything!

--


i am currently using my bro's phone
at least its cooler than my old one
haha, the old one's spoilt

i had an Awesome dream last night(:
and i'm not saying it
someone once told me that if you want dreams to come true,
you shld tell anyone abt it
and so, i'm not telling!
hopefully, please please please come true
(:



i think i've placed a one too many (: alr
but i really do feel light and you can say, carefree on the inside
because..
she's talking to me just lyk before alr
and i am more than glad that things are close to perfect
and i look forward to after the exams
though it means being nearer to the big O's
oh man,
i Cant Wait!





present mirth hath present laughter, but whats to come is still unsure

8th sep'06

i had a nightmare last night!
what the crap.
i dreamnt that rachel n i had a Major arguement and everything ended just lyk that
it was so sad ): i almst cried in my dreams
and i dunno why, but cell grp was forming this politics grp during our exams period
and i didnt want to join cause of studies
but everyone threatened to kick me out if i refused
and i dreamnt i was talking to this someone on the phone when the connection was cut off
when i woke up,
i found myself holding my hp to my ear with no one on the line
Haha, rather ridiculous, i must say


i CANT find my pure lit book
someone please just pray for me
i dunno how i am i gonna study for it





santa is my best friend! because he has all the gifts (:

7th Sep'06

there are only two things to worry about:
either you are well or you are sick
if you are well, then there is nothing to worry about;
but if you are sick, there are two things to worry about;
either you will get well, or you will die
if you get well, there is nothing to worry about
if you die, there are only two tings to worry about
either you will go to heaven or hell
if you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about
but if you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with friends,
you wont have time to worry

---


except the last part, i kindof agree with that
why worry!?
soon it'll all be over and we'll be seen rejoicing (:






life is good, but eternal life is better

5th Sep'06

The Difference


i got up early one morning
and rushed right into the day;
i had so much to accomplish
that i didnt have time to pray.
problems just tumbled about me,
and heavier came each task,
"why doesnt God help me?"
i wondered,
He answered, "you didnt ask".

i wanted to see joy and beauty,
but the day toiled on grey and bleak,
i wondered why God didnt show me,
He said, "you didnt seek".
i tried to come into God's presence;
i used all my keys at the lock,
God gently and lovingly chided,
"my child, you didnt knock".

i woke up early this morning,
and paused before entering the day;
i had so much to accomplish
that i had to take time to pray.




school was quite redundant today
we did chem prac and i Bleached my shirt on accident, while spilling some chemical on my shirt
): its Supposed to be blue and now its red
four Big red spots on the front of my shirt made prac so horrible today
the blues jus keep pouring in
i think i've said this a million n one times alr,
but i dun wanna graduation
oh well, i think thats life

i doubt i'll be coming in here any sooner,
so to ELANA TAN (:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE for today
and
HAPPY BIRTHDAY for tmr!
((:






one day, you'll noe what i mean

4th Sep'06

hey world,
i studied with gradys today (:
the library has become my second home!

everyone's mourning the death of steve irwin,
well, i mourn too
i used to be so amazed by the way he handles those reptiles
but at the same time, my heart goes out to the stingray which caused his death
i think its probably feeling so guilty right now
imagine the thousands n millions of ppl cursing it
--


for a moment, i felt lyk i was used.
but den again, on the bright side of things, it doenst matter anymore.



shakespearean's love is so cool (:



lets love like we've never loved before

3rd Sep'06

hey world,
yes, about the topic on studying..
my plans for burning mid-night oil have gone all wrong so far
i always end up falling asleep
lets strive for over 50 hrs a week starting frm today
i dun believe i cant stay awake the whole night
if others can, why cant i?
angel was dozing off during sevice today
haha wrong choice on staying up late last night

--

just a couple of days ago, i received news that my classmate's dad passed away
and abt a week ago, i was told tt my Godma has to go for kidney dialysis
about two weeks ago, mum told me that my dad's friend Is Still suffering frm Aids, half alive
yes, all these info came within a short period of time
it seems lyk everyone's dying or suffering or death is approaching!
is it just coincidental or wat
everything has to do with death
and i have a friend,
who recently just inhabited some eating disorder
she practically starved herself but she's Not fat! skinnier than meee

i find it especially tough to open this golden mouth of mine, just to speak or tell adults abt Jesus Christ
if i had opened this mouth of mine, she probably wldnt be suffering now
it makes us feel terrible, filled with guilt
God, we neeed the courage

-

elana's laughter makes me laugh (:
and sandy, are you seeing this?
it feels lyk its been so long since we last hanged out, i dunno why!
i hope really everything will be fine after the exams

--

i was talking to rachel the other day,
wat happens if God approves of homosexuality?
she said by now, she wld have gone with this good pal of hers cause her friend isnt straight
but she's Awesome and superb sweet
even i agree that she wld have gone along with her
and den she asked, "what abt you?"
i thought and i realised, i wld have gone along with this other bung friend of mine too
haha
but then i thought again and i realised tt if homosexuality was approved by God,
i wouldnt even go with a bung,
i Would have been the bung instead
HAHA
relaxxx, i'm Straight and i have no thoughts of becoming a guy
but seriously, i think if the one frm above approves,
many things will not be wat they are now
to be honest, i supposed jue, althea, shrooms and rachel plus me wld have been unstraight ppl by now
haha, its rather funny when you think of it
will, its just cheap fun thinking of things lyk tt
esp when you realise the outcome
anyhow,
since God says no. we say no too (:
cause its so not right n Abnormal.

-

the past few days have been good honeymoon time for my parents
without the presence of my brother
and studying is more effective at hme
i sure hope their relationship is getting Sweeter n sweeter
but please, dun let it be shown in frnt of me
i cant take all that mushiness
i wonder what my bro's doing,
that lucky kid's probably eating some delicious italian pasta right now
he better bring some back for me!


anyhow,
we're gonna be some kiasu nerds and wait outside the library before it opens tmr
gradys, me and maybe rachel
because everyone's studying nowdays and everyone's fighting for the tables
and being desperate means you have to fight too


lets get it started (:




i think of you night and day, and you make my heart swayy

31st Aug'06

those were the moments, when things seemed smooth sailing
i've seen enough this week, both happy and sad
a few tears from someone who is part of my life
and i didnt rrly noe how to react.
i noe that, partially its because of me
everyone needs assurance and need to be told that they're impt
you're still as impt as before
am i?
you noe, i've been wondering if i am for so long

--

teachers' day went pretty well
and one of the performances cracked me up real badly (:
it was superb funny

my brother's leaving for italy today
he's gonna be gone for abt 2 wks long while i'll be hme studying
that lucky kid
its going to be rather lonely and barren at hme
how i wish i cld fly off with him

--

if i could make things better, i would
but for now, i dont know how to
used to speak abt reaching out and all those stuff
but then smth got me realising that we have to be strong first
i dont think i'm in the position
more or less, i've tried
i hope i can still be found
the light's getting dimmer
i wish that for once, He would find me
and me, i'll just sit in the corner and wait, hoping that i'm worthy enough for Him to come and assure me

"if you're walking with God, somehow, you'll be favourable in the eyes of others."
it was very true
am i still that favourable?



right here in this place, i just want to see your face

29th Aug'06

i dont really get it either.
i cant seem to understand what you want me to understand what you've been understanding all along.
this kindof sucks ):
i think i just felt tired for a moment.
-
hopefully things will be better after awhile


the teachers' day item got a lil screwd.
first we got in and then there was this re-audition.
and we arent in. and they said we cld put up with this lil item.
so we 'composed' this Beautiful song.
and now, it cannot be presented.
what crap?! ):
the song's beautiful! and the lyrics are so meaningful
i think the arrangement got so wronged, seriously.
only two sec four classes got in.
rahh, they shld just give priority to sec fours
and we all agree!


HRM. today's tuesday, tmr's thurs! class photo taking (:
i'm gona bring my Camera tmr !
i realised i have so few pictures of us in sch
and tmr's our Last proper lessons tgt as a class
after tmr, its prelims and den its revision in the hall
and i only realised it Today.
i didnt noe it had all be so soon
--

i looked thru my personal schedule today and i realised i'm a busy woman!
studied with rachel n sandy wong ytd!
and almst everyday's filled with either sch sutff or studies
theres hardly anytime left to play or hang out anymore.
i've been thinking of joby n junling alot lately.
i havent seen them since May
and i really miss them so much. i hope she rrly understands
this world's a demanding one
how am i to fulfil and satisfy everyone's needs, including mine?
"i'm dying with love present on this earth. and dying without it at the same time"
true huh? and we all say that love is beautiful.
its a tricky issue


funny how its seems lyk non christian friends appear to be more sensitive and understanding towards ur struggles.
it surprised me today.
normal people wldnt noe whats going on.
they probably wldnt even sense that smth Is wrong
i guess thats why God place these ppl ard me
for extra comfort (:
i told her that my soul's tired, if she noes what it meant.

--

i suppose JC life's gona be very different?
the blues just keep coming non-stop lately.
how wld we be by then?
will the way we sit, talk, act change?
the way you Burp after eating, changing in class, being rough n babaric.
its all so uncivilised. but i'm gona miss being uncivilised :D
cause' it had been so fun and interesting and carefree.
Hrm
NO. i dun wnat a class filled with ppl frm the opposite sex.
haha its gona be so different ):
being a sexist is cool.
i wanna be a sexist lar.
we were talking abt it today haha.
jue and althea! (:
guess wat?! both of them were mistook as guys in public before!
funny huh.
well, if you're wondering, i too had the same encounter
that was back then when i had Superb Short hair.
and the auntie practically said to my mum in frnt of me,
"woahh not bad, you have two boys!" -in chinese and i was with my bro
my mum practically pulled a black face at me the whole day, lecturing non-stop
haha
i think its so hilarious esp encounters with the toilet.
awhile ago, i was in china with my bung friend.
she Had to go to the toilet urgently but when we appraoch the toilet,
the toilet auntie appeared and she refused to let my friend in?!
she was lyk,
"dun bluff me. i noe you're a boy, go to the gents!"
my friend was practically jumping ard, she was so urgent Haha
superb funny :D i had to smuggle her into the toilet in the end, when the toilet auntie wasnt aware.

i'm looking forward to tmr,
for some reason, i dunno why.
but i wanna snap picutures with jue, mk, althea, Sarah, Rachel! shrooms..and the list goes on.





its still the same, you see,..it will never change

28th Aug'06

this is not goodbye, this is starting over
if you wanna know, i dont wanna let go
say it isnt so
(:

27th Aug'06

today's sermon was..woah.
ppl ard me were so giggly! and i cldnt help but laugh along too
haha, thats because in girls sch..you noe what kindof stages thsoe kindof jokes will develope into. it was kindof hilarious.

last night, i had a dumb dream.
i dreamnt tt i was in some coffeshop with a dinosaur.
and i was the only human it spoke to.
we practically chatted over coffee and food.
--

its EL prelims tmr.
and i feel kindof sick, honestly
the fear has more or less disrupted my mood for studying.
-
i sure hope that things are getting better on the other side
i think if we take away the slimming pills and tablets which are affecting some ppl ard me,
and take away the self-consciousness too.
together with homosexuality, things will be a little better?
why that girl?





hrmm, i dun intend to affect anyone with what i'm feeling
but i think we're rrly all drifting apart.
cant you see, that everyone has their own world
i suppose its just the exam symptoms i'm getting.
everything will be fine yea.
it will bee.



am i the only one in church today, feeling so small

26th Aug'06

i guess theres rrly lots of stuff which you cant tell ppl about
certain issues, its just the thing about
you noe you cant tell or share ur burden cause if you rrly do,
who noes what they might be thinking
they might just get get all worried for nth, and keep and extra look out on you
or just lecture and point to you solutions
or maybe they wont even understand
yea, we are do Need directions but wat are listening ears for?
many promise to be there and listen.
many say that they'll understand
but when it things really happen,
i realised that theres really only a few whom i can turn to
and i'm really greatful that
i'm not just the one giving n giving n giving all the time
i'm just greatful that the one from above is gracious enough to show me that this world is beautiful.
it takes to hands to clap



at least i know that there are angels

25th Aug'06

hey world, ARH!
i can Feel all my pimples popping!
haha seriously. i think its due to the stress that we've all been facing lately.
i rmb, we used to say n complain all in the name of Fun.
"argh, i'm so stress. i can feel all my pimples popping lar!"
thats wat we used to say in class
and Now.
how wld i noe it wld all come true huh?!
but its rather hilarious seeing a couple of them going thru the same thing as me
HaHa

after visiting spectacle shops,
i realised that finding a Suitable one isnt tt easy afterall
where did all those which i used to think was nice go to?
-
its phototaking on monday!
i just want to bask happily with everyone's company when we can
before the exams fever gets real bad
and before all the graduation and stuff
they're real bad stuff ):
i came across someone's site the other day
i guess we shld all jus treasure all tt we have and not complain
but look at the good side of it all instead!
cause its really really Beautiful
right? (:

no wonder ppl always say that we're very sheltered in the walls of PL
i was talking to rach the other day abt bullies n fights, that kindof stuff
and oh my gosh. i didnt noe they did such things in other sch
in mix schools, those guys tie up this other small petite guy and place him literally at the ceiling.
you noe, in class those kindof ceilings which you can lift up the square boards.
they actually stood on the chair and left tt poor guy there for a while.
it was so hilarious. but it was so Mean!
my bro told me abt all the fightings in his sch too. his juniors n seniors.
i guess PL isnt rrly that bad afterall.
no offence, but i really really do love my sch (: more than the other girls sch in this world
i think we're still the best i can ever have.
just look at all the pranks n commotion you get in other schools.
i guess the 'worst' we ever got was when the whole sec four level got pranked.
we went to class in the morning and guess wat was on the white board?!
"the girl with the highest belt gets a prize during assembly"
and some classes have things lyk
"its the principle's 70th birthday today, please bring these balloons down for assembly"
of course, the culprit was not caught.
but it was so funny!
yes, there might have been theft cases, and..lesbianism.
funny issues lyk girls with short hair having forced to wear wigs.
but still, its Good overall.
i can just go on and on and on abt the great times we had/have
its always been lyk this whenever we rake up the past
and i Love this place hell lot. ((:

lessons have been alright lately.
and chinese is a lil more interesting nowadays
cause' i'm sitting with jue and althee! (:
we belong to the same species!
i was attracted to this comic bk which rach borrowed frm amira today.
yea, okaay, its about love. but wats so abnormal abt that!?
and so, i was sitting beside jue during mt, reading tt book.
i was at the climax part of the story when she suddenly bang the table.
i was shocked and i stared at her, puzzled.
and you noe wat she did!??! she took that book frm my hands and went, "do ur work lar!"
and she gave me tt 'nani nani poo poo' expression
she was half smiling okay! she knew tt she had disturbed me
haha it was funnyy
but but but i rrly felt lyk punching tt stupid woman!
she took that bk frm me for almst the whole of mt lar!
and they were saying lyk i'm some pervert.
fact is..i'm NOT! i Dont read PORN!
i'm not sick in the head! haha
it was funnny (: i knew they were just kidding
but when i showed them the sweet parts of the comic,
their expressions cracked me up real badly.

heyy sandy,
i know you'll read this.
okay lar, i shall just be thickskin lyk you
and tell you that..i Love you too (:
and i really care for you alrightt.
its rrly great to see you smiling No matter wat comes your way!



-
Father,
i know it has rrly rrly been awhile
yet it seemed lyk centuries
You still have a place in my heart.
always have been and will still be
i want to return to that sit which i used to sit faithfully in.
and dwell in Your presence, the way i used to be.



knocking on heaven's door

22nd Aug'06

SANDY WONG!?
i'm nice (: it doesnt rrly matter haha i wont let such stuff bother me
but Anyhow, i'm Still gona change my password!
haha to ensure you dun impose as me! :D
-laughs

prelims' practical is over!
it didnt went all well though
for the First time i cld spot the cations and anions but i mixed everything up at the ans part and it all went wrong
okay, enough of that
after practical everyone was going on and on abt it non stop
it figures tt it'll all be better if we dun talk abt it.
arh! EL prelims is on this monday and i just discovered it a couple of days ago
that fast huh!?
i think i'm rrly ageing
haha
-
i dropped my hairband into the toilet bowl ytd
i had no choice but to say 'byebye' to it
i guess its a blessing in disguise cause many said pins are Nicer (:

after so longg,
i finally got the book 'the boy called it' in my hands
that true story is heart Wrenching ):
i'm not even half done with it
but i feel so blessed while reading it
that little boy went thru so much torture n abuse lar
its so Sad
his mama forced his face into the diapers with defecation and she made him place his hands into fire.
now now, isnt it heart-breaking?
and thats only the minority of it
reading that book makes me feel like crying
No wonder joby said she teared while reading it.
i rrly felt like i'm sucha fortunate kid, when compared to him in that book
cause, despite the violence that i faced. and all the other things tt pollute my ears at home.
i noe these cant be compared to others out there.
i know that many are suffering and are even worse than me.
so why, exactly was i complaining. and why, exactly did i felt so insecure and scared and insignificant?
that reason, i dont know.
but i know He cares for me.
and i feel Blessed indeed (: i know that He lets everything happen for a reason.
and,..i just want to turst in you.

i was just wondering, just how many out there are suffering in sucha manner?
Many, i suppose.
this world is such a sad place to be in ):
i wanna be Angelina Jolie.
i wanna be Mother Teressa.
haha i noe it sounds rrly funny and weird.

anyhow
i heard a nice song this morning from blackspot's ipod
and it kindof swept me off my feet
i forgot to ask for the name of the songg
-

Father, i really think you're amazing.
thankyou so much, for all that you've done in my life.




nobody told me it would feel so good

HELLO!! i'm SANDY!

well. i'm bored. so i decided to hack into fiona's acc. i didn't hack la by right, i just came in, because i came in (:
i wonder whats her reaction when she sees this. just hope that she wont scream n yell at me and "wo he ni jue jiao!" meaning, cut the relationship or sth la. fiona's chinese aint tat good so it wont happen. hahahah =P


LOOK AT FIONA's HEAD!!! ITS LIKE POPPING OUT OF NO WHERE!? hahah. she got watermelon head =P


she thinks that she looked weird. she always does. hahah! =X

LAST BUT NOT LEAST......


fiona quek loves me alot alot alot! don't you agree?!

hahahah!

shes the best! (:

20th Aug'06

once again, i'm feeling so BLESSED
(:
i rmb awhile ago, i felt lyk i rrly needed angels from above
and the most High did hear my cry indeed
and now, i dun have just one, i have a Few (:
i Really do feel so Blessed.
thank you so much!
and to sarah lee, i wanna be your cheer leader in your own spiritual journey too
-


today's sermon impacted me deeply.
as i scroll down my list of friends, i realised that some fit into stage number one
some dun seem lyk they wld last
i was trying to fit everyone i know into the diff categories
its true indeed that while good friends you have many, true friends you have few
i guess its rrly the quality that counts, and not the quantity
-
but i believe that everything happens for a reason
surely, these ppl we meet in life, they appear for a reason
and if that reason is just to be a hi and bye friend
it wld be sucha waste.

anyhow, its a brand new day tmr
(:
and i noe it'll be great



and i am left in awe of You

19th Aug'06

hey world,
last night, i dreamnt of Food!
-we three, soon li, me and jean were at this free flow buffet.
the whole place was filed with glorious bakery buns
we were Superb excited,wating for our turn
but When it was our turn, we had to pay for the buffet
we were the only ones who had to pay.
arh, wat crap haha. you can imagine three unglam women complaining in my dream.
-and ms gan was there too, for some reason.
seeing her in my dreams rrly spooks me out.
it happened a couple of times alr
i dream of her that night and the next morning, i'm late for sch.
is this some form of foreshadowing or wat
its so Eerriee


i havent been studying much lately, ever since the common tests
theres only 23 more days to prelims. ):
it seems lyk those retarded moments in my p5 n p6 life were only last yr,
and those carefree and happy moments in my sec 2 life were only last week
sec 3 seems lyk ytd
time passes so fast that i feel lyk i'm ageing.
i was reading a senior's blog just the other day
life indeed as been great for her, but she was ranting on abt her past.
her happy moments in PL.
i wonder if it'll be the same for me when i leave the walls of PL
no wait, it'll definitely be lyk this.
this has gone a lil far,
but i dun want to leave PL ):
after spending 10 yrs in this sch, i think it'll be lyk a hole in my heart, having to leave this place.
-
just the other day we were talking abt how nice wld it be if we all retained.
first, you have more time to study
second, you spend more time in PL
third, you have a better knowledge on how to spend ur time wisely
fourth, its a later goodbye to everybody
loook, theres more pros than cons.
i didnt write down the cons cause i tink that its just..
oh well, so it figures that i Choose to look at it in a good way.
but then again, how many ppl in their right mind wld want to retain?
very few indeed.


i realised that everyone has been making trips to the library alone to study.
i've tried a couple of times, but its so lonely!
i guess, we cant help it.
its all because of the distance.
maybe thats why everyone has no choice but to just place ur butt in one nearby library n Mug a few hrs straight.
i think by now, loneliness is a smaller issue.
-
"eyes, they tell alot" -ME
"shape, they form a person"-RACHEL

haha she meant body figure.
as in, what kindof body figure is appealing.
Haha, its kindof funny when you have this kindof talks in sch.
ytd, during recess this was wat was going on.

"whats attractive is their hair!"-MK, JUE
"and their smell"-Jac

and the talk on BO starts..
haha its rather funny. i realised that diff ppl notice diff things abt Other people.
like to me, the first thing that stands out is the eyes.
to rachel, its the body figure Haha
and shrooms, its the lips.
my gosh, i think mk, jue n jac plus me, we're the more decent ppl.
who on earth will notice the lips first!?
its just kindof weird..No?!


i did this little thing for fun, and i saw the results:

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

someone tell me wat does this means!?
i think it kindof links to my current life HAha





it was a dream come true for a short period of time

do you noe that you're actually very very impt to me?
sometimes as the days go by and as we live similar lives, but lives of our own, i realised that i let the day past without even talking enough to you.
its true that we're 'close', considering the places we go, the directions to which we dedicate our time and life to together.
but, but but its just not the same. its not the same.
it isnt any simlilar to what we were before we both grew so much. we used to play even more, and we used to share even more.
perhaps we've been so close. that we thought exchanging time for each other in exchange of other ppl wldnt matter much.
but i find myself missing you nowadays. i really miss the good old days when you didnt have to care so much for other ppl. when i didnt have to care so much for others too.
when we werent abt reaching out, or being more open.
i really miss the days when its just you and me, and others (: of course you've ur own grp of friends and mine too.
i think its jealousy. its looks lyk an ugly word. and i dun want to be jealous. but do you noe smth, feeling it actually makes me realise the impt of you.
why else wld one feel that way?
it doesnt mean that i hate whoever comes your way, or wanting you to place us first.
no, not at all. it just means that i hope to share the fun n laughter too. it makes me happy to see you happy. but it really makes me sad to see that the friendship that we share is slowly dying away.
i dun want you to get it all wrong. i know that many times you've doubted this friendship of ours.
pondering if this is actually worthy? was it the fact that we were so close, that i took you for granted at times? was it the fact that you doubted too, that you didnt want to be hurt and so you let loose a little?
i realised that i never actually told you how much you mean to me.
because it makes me feel so weird! i used to think, what if you dun treasure me the way i treasure you?
but no, i've come to discover that really, what matters most is who you are to me. it doesnt matter how you feel. thats what unconditional is about, aint it?
i dun want to fret over, us always being on the same level of things and who's gona be better.
true is, i never felt that way. but i fear that you wld. its such a sensitive topic, that i try hard to avoid it. i dun want this kindof things to come our way.
it doesnt rrly matter. if its your calling, why not? it wld be amazing just for you being who you are and me for what i am, and not having thoughts that we wld be on different levels one day.
it really doesnt matter to me.
our circumstances allow us to be close. but how close is close? i think i'll miss you Hell lots when things are different.
that day will come. when we each go our separate ways. and i dun think it'll be long.
i want to cherish and love you for who you are. the way you've always been to me!
i tink you'll feel so orbiang lar, but stilll, these are some things which i've wanting to tell you, but never got to.
i really do Love you. i really really do (:
and i feel like hugging you, dear friend.
you really mean alot to me.

17th Aug'06

the feeling of being sick is Horrible ):
just ytd, i was wondering how it feels.
and today, its My turn.
being a woman is Horrible. horrible, horrible.
and i think i'll fail today's A maths test.
i cldnt do them, and i didnt feel lyk doing them.
my stomach was hurting lyk crazy, i think i scared jue cause it was so painful tt i started tearing.
i cant do anything today.
i cant eat ):
it makes me wanna vomit.
but praise God! its 10:17am and i'm at hme, no sch for me (:
rachel ho didnt appear again, i think she's still sick.
the whole world's sick.
wat is happening!??



its been a few days too long

15th Aug'06

hey world! today's quite a beautiful day (:
though i didnt get to see wats written on the name tag clearly this morning.
and though we had a physics test today.
its over and its smth worth rejoicing over!
Rachel ho didnt come to sch today ):
i was so worried for that stupid woman lar,
she made me so worried.
by not picking up her hp, hse phone for the whole afternoon
and James didnt ans his phone either.
it appears that she's sick.
its so unlikely for her to be sick. i guess its a horrible feeling, get Well soon buddy
it'll be diff without you in sch!

we were having a conversation in sch today,
agreeing on who looks more to the chinese or western side.
so, Ms sarah lee looks more to the western side and shrooms who wants to look lyk a western is more to the chinese side.
and when it came to my turn,..
i was flashing everyone a Wide smile, waiting for their answer when sarah lee went,"you look more to the malay side"
i was lyk wat!?
so out of point leh! and do i really look lyk i belong to that group?


i was talking to gradys today.
and she's really,really,really very nice and gentle
so much that i feel rather man talking to her
haha, i'm serious
why are some ppl born out to be so sweet and some so..unladylike?
beats me

anyhow, i forgot wat i wanna blog haha!
dinner's ready (:
seeya!






i heard a voice inside my heart

14th Aug'06

i feel like i just drank a bottle of Sweet honey water.
i feel so Sweet (:
Eee i didnt noe so much ppl wld actually care abt me.
i'm So BLESSED indeed
thank you Father, thank you so much!
:D

14th Aug'06

i skipped school today.
arh, i know lots of ppl Will react and some will start 'lecturing' me after knowing my reason.
i have personal reasons. haha
i havent touch my physics yet and the test's tmr lar ):
and if case you dunno, i have a Phobia of physics, theres so much to study.
and mrs tay's face always makes me feel so guilty cause i've never passed nicely for my physics ever since last yr.
i dun want to let her dwn again, by failing this time.
someone once told me that diff ppl react differently to stress.
some work even harder and go all the way, some run away.
for now, i'm working hard, and running away a lil i guess.

but do you noe smth?!
the feeling of guilt is so heavy. and..rather intense for me.
i kept waking last night n the thought has been flashing in my head since this morning.
is it me or is it other issues? yes, it rrly makes me feel so guilty, but i rrly need the time
plus, so many other ppl's doing it now a days.
skipping sch to buy time.
i dun think i'll ever do this again though, the feeling's horrible.
clara must be sitting alone during A maths today, without any partner.
i can almst imagine her saying,"i'm gona kill fiona Quek!"
and rachel must be hanging with shrooms all day.
rachel saying,"i shld have pon sch with her lar! that slacker!"
shrooms saying,"i'm gonna scold her!"
mk understanding why i skip sch cause She herself Skipped before.
jue,"that fionaa arh.." and she'll shake her head a lil, but understanding my reason.
althea! arh, i wldnt dare to tell her my reason for not going to sch, cause i'll feel lyk i let her down in some way.
haha, it rrly do sounds lyk i've committed a big crime huh?
actually, i think i miss them more den i suppose they wld think of me.
funny how much sch has affected my life, esp the ppl in there.
though we arent that kindof close close who'll actually hang out 24/7, i guess its the link in the heart whereby, you just dun have to meet up and be close all the time. its an acknowledgement in the heart.
annnnd, theres laksa in sch today! haha, i noe lar, it sounds so dumbb.
But, its been smth that i've started to like recently. yucckk, they dun sell it on other days.

you noe, how nice wld it be if we all have a chance to make wishes.
this way, the world will be such a happier place.
i want to do smth great and meaningful after finishing my big O's.
i dunno how, i dunno what, but it'd be so amazing to fill the holes in ppl's lives. and, everyone's gonna be happy!
if i have the ability to do so..i would,
elana-remove all your doubts and fears that you have. and really, let you be happy on the inside, the exact same way you appear to be on the outside.
liyun-help you in ur spiritual life and boost it all the way up. cause i believe you really can do great things!
sandy-remove watever thing thats has been restricting n obstructing n bothering you for so long. i just hope for you to be yourself and do what you want! trust urself, n dun let others control you
weide-heal your sickness and seriously, Feed you with lots of food lar. you need more Food haha
hansheng-remove ur doubts and troubles in life and see you Happy!
rachel-take away ur slacker attitude and be behind you, supporting what you do in ur church (:
shrooms-help you in ur spiritual life and tell you tt you're really awesome!

lets face the facts, the world is sucha broken down world lar.


HAHA, rachel just called me. that woman skipped sch too!
oh wells, what can i say?





having a piece of you is amazing

12th Aug'06

i have one Big question,
someone please tell me wat is PUK number?
something is seriously wrong with my phone ):
i dropped it on sat and the cover kindof split into two and now its not working.
i went to meddle with my sim card on another phone and now the sim card's lock.
and all the card asks is for me to enter the 'PUK number', enter the 'PUK number'
lyk i noe wat that is!?
well, i would Love to enter that number.
my parents arent gona get me a new phone lar
so i guess, its a cut off frm the world now.


yuccck, i realise i got so many things need/want to get
but i just dun have the cash


oh wells, lets just count our blessings,
maybe its one less distraction so i can concentrate on my studies.
yea, Praise God.
i believe theres a reason for everything!
cause i choose to believe!



you're the song that lives in me

12th Aug'06

hey world,
it was the release of O' level Chinese results ytd.
you shld have just see wat was happening in sch manz.
the whole world practically went nuts.
the moment tt announcement was made, everyone started screaming and jumping lyk some Morons. haha
it was funny actually, just watching that scene alone.
is it the same in all the other schools or is it just ours?
either way, it still appeared hilarious, though i was petrified on the inside.
it wasnt tt bad, those screamings n jumpings make me feel even worse lar! it made me more scared.
and the weather just changed all of a sudden.
i was wondering if it was a msg frm God or smth.
the moment tt announcement was made, there was thunder and rain started pouring.
my gosh, it sounds so dramatic yet true.
wat an atmosphere to go with.

maybe its a girl issue.
before i knew it, so many ppl ard me were crying
i didnt rrly noe how to react when i saw mine.
i noe i dont deserve to cry. and i wont let myself cry over smth lyk results.
it seems rather dumb actually.
because, all those sleeping n slacking in class, i have only myself to blame. and i cant say tt i've put in my ultra best, as compared to some who mugged lyk crazy.

it all went alright until elana came into my class and she gave me a hug.
she was laughing, but i cld still see the bitterness behind her eyes.
and thats when those tears came.
i know, its so dumb lar. here i am telling others to be strong, and everything.
and there i am, myself, doubting God over n over again.
i'm not saying that He shld reward me with smth Big.
but when i look at the ppl ard me,
some dun even deserve wat they get, why are they getting all these?
why does it seem lyk Nth pays off for me?
and does God noe our bitterness indeed?
elana struggles so much, i noe she doubts herself so often.
even when her art is Superb, even when things seem to be smooth.
i realise that strong ppl always meet with the obstacles, and weak ppl usually get better and better.
and den the weak becomes strong.
and the strong becomes weak. and the strong always seem to be going thru smth big. and big and big and big. sometimes i just wish i'm just an ordinary kid. doing ordinary stuff. doing ordinary things. and let others encourage me. Let others care for me. let others pull me through.
let others worry for me, let others think n pray for me.
den maybe, i'd be all so strong n well now.

i'm not blaming the one above. i Know that God lets all things happen for a reason n everything.
and i Know that He cares. its not lyk i dunno all these.
these, all things i've always been telling ppl ard me.
but i guess, i need some time to let it seep into my brain.
and into my soul too.
you've seen how i fallen since the mid-years n nth actually seems to be getting better.
Where and How am i gonna get stronger?
i want to be stronger and i hope to be.
but circumstances tell me its gona be difficult.
when i went back to class, someone wrote the verse abt God making us the head n not the tail.
indeed, i noe the one above Loves me alot. its not lyk i've never seen anything Great done by Him.
but, why am i in this class when i dun even deserve to be in here?
to put me in the best and let me be the last? to be the fool out of the best?
it feels lyk Crap.
show me smth, just show me smth.
i noe i qns a Lot. but, i can honestly say that they dun deserve it. not more than i do. and just look at some, just look at them. they place studies before You. they dont know wats their Real priority in life. and yet everything seems to be going so smooth?
my life seems so be a contrast with theirs.
somebody just tell me if i'm going after the right thing.

we had O' level EL oral after sch.
the bitterness was slowly fading, i hope i do well for that oral.
i really hope i do.

i met an angel in school today.
i never knew her as someone so Nice and Sweet.
we were walking out of sch when i saw my chinese teacher.
i practically ran towards her, shouting her name.
and she turned and said smth lyk this in chinese," hui lin, ni shi zhe me le?" (my results)
and i was lyk, "wo bu zhi dao, wo bu zhi dao. wo ying gai cong kao mah?"
and she went, "Yao. ying hui wo zhi dao ni xing de. zhui sao A2, ni zhi shi lan duo er yi"
and before i knew it, she was holding my hands n looking into my eyes! telling me, that she'll encourage me and help me.
my gosh, my heart melted on the inside. that was seriously the best thing i've ever heard ytd.
she just seemed so motherly all of a sudeen, i almost Hugged her on the spot.
i had to stop myself from doing so.
i was lyk asking her,"ru guo wo zuo zuo wen, ni ke yi bang wo gai mah?"
and she went,"dang ran, zhi yao ni jiao, wo yi ding hui gai de. wo hui gu li ni de"
i was so touched. this rrly reminded me of my late compo the other time.
i was lyk one Month late, yet she didnt scold or anything.
all she said was, "wo deng ni de zuo wen, zhi yao ni jiao, wo ying ding hui gai"
Why is she so NICE!? she makes me wanto Hug her and cry,"lao shi!! zhi you ni liao jie wo!"
Before i leave the walls of PL and graduate, i'll defienitly take Pictures of her n me. and maybe Laminate them n place them Big Big on my room wall.
she's really amazing.
all those ppl walked first without waiting for me when my lao shi and i were talking!
and they didnt rrly buy it when i told her she's so amazing.
she really iss. oh man, someone tell me why is she so NICEE!?
i pray that she'll be happy always! (: she touched my heart ytd.


i supposed, it isnt the end yet. it isnt time to give up or anything.
especially not when others have Hopes n confidence in you.




you were a fantasy which i dream wld become true. was i one too?

10th Aug'06

today was (:
i met rach, James and Amos in the morning.
i was Supposed to study with rachel. we had lyk four chapters of chem to crammed into our brains, plus lit essays.
who noes, they came along too. haha
but it wasnt so bad.
we hung ard in the arcade n travelled all the way to esplanade's library.
for wat particular reason, i know not.
someone please tell me why were we so dumb?
it was no diff lar, it was as crowded.
but i guess we study better under pressure.
i sat there for hours straight. and after the whole thing, i really jumped for joy manz.
though i'm not done with another chpt or so, it was such an accomplishment.
three heavy chapters okay!
to us it was lar.
i came hme rushing lyk some mad woman.
theres so much to do ):
theres lit eassays to type out, and another Two huge chpts of chem to go.
and somehow, all the ppl i want to talk to or have been longing to talk to always happen to chat with me at my busiest moment.
makes me feel so sad, and guilty and argh,
unpleasant feeling.



i can Really really feel the stress all coming up.
there IS/ARE O's LEVEL ENGLISH ORAL tmr.
there's Chem test tmr.
there's lit test tmr.
i can just drop dead and die lar.
i never thought that blogging abt studies wld be interesting.
but, its seriously snatching the joy frm me.

Praise God! cause still, there's always a silver lining in a cloud.
you just have to look closer.
someone told me that we dun have to study the last chpt for tmr!
thats one huge chpt gone.
EEE praise GOD! i'm smiling lyk crazy now. cause its just so amazing lar.
((: wooohoo, i Knew it! i knew that God is good!
i cant afford to fail. i'm so sorry, but if i do, i wld be letting Ms ferngy down, my parents down, God down, myself down.
i've seen everyone's disappointed faces already.
its so torturing to see them.


my mp3 is exchanged with James' one for a WEEK (:
thats so amazing. cause it has Beautiful songs in it.
(:


tmr's friday, i'm think i'll love it still.




i realised that if i dream hard enough, it'll come true

9th Aug'06

which is worse?
doing averagely well in ur studies all along and suddenly, wham. big blow to ur results. you start to fail everything all of a sudden.
or
being in a Good class and not doing extremely well, yet enough to pull thru. when suddenly, wham. big blow too, everything's failing.

i suppose both's equally bad.



will you deny me now?
after those talks and sharing. its so weird, sometimes i wish i noe only a little.
i should have just stuck to my own circle of friends and not really bother to go a little further.


my heart breaks a little for the things of this earth.
stupid studies have got us depressed n upset over nth actually.
it only demoralises us.
it wasnt as sweet as it was before.
stupid stupid stupid.
excuse me, but ):
why must there be friends who are so hard to comprehend.
why must there be temptations everywhere.
why must there be love.
why must there be conflicts.
why must satan do all this?

whats life without a lil ups and downs?
really, i guess it wld be meaningless.


but if i have a chance to go on a runaway trip,
i guess i wld take only a few with me.
the rest, i dont want to think abt it anymore.
at least not for now lar, its stupidly consuming all my time and giving me redundant troubles.
i have my own to deal with too





daddy promised to sing me a lullaby

7th Aug'06

monday. and wat to say, ytd was Mostly, awesome (:
looking on the bright side of things, it was Nice.

met with audrey ytd morning and i almst Hugged her!
cause smth in her just makes me happy and break into a smile.
that woman is naturally cool and pretty lar, serious.
you just have to take a closer look at her.
you'll understand only later. i've known with her since pri one, i've discovered smth!
haha, and everytime tt teenage actor, shawn lee is mentioned, audrey flashes thru my mind.
no?
its lyk this to me haha.
it was so darn crowded after the whole thing.
thank God for an empty enough bus to board on,
after we walked to the previous bus stop.

we went to Mos for Food.
can you believe it, that was my only decent meal for ytd.
haha i cldnt believe it, and this morning, i was starving.
i had One bowl of laksa for recess. and almst a second one after sch, if jue didnt stop me.
they shld just give a bigger serving.
haha! and most of the ppl i noe in PL will go, Amen haha
anyhow, we were playing this number game at Mos.
and it made me laugh (:
but seriously, lemon plus french fry plus tomato sauce plus milk plus ice plus tea plus tissue paper isnt tt gross rite?
its only the finger touching tt substance! i'm sure theres Much more to fun.
haha perhaps i'm saying this cause i didnt lose.

FOP was really great.
i like Don Moen. he has a really clear voice and its amazing.
i didnt noe i had one of his CDs at hme, until ytd when we started singing his songs.
and to think tt CD actually belonged to my dad. and tt CD is so old lar.
no offence, but i thought tt guy in the CD died alr! to think i saw him ytd.
Nick vijichic was there too. (however you spell that name)
i was suprised. cause he's just this guy who has to limbs. no hands, no legs.
and i rmb, during one of our sch chapel, they actually talked abt him, being such a great testimony.
yes, he Is indeed a Great testimony. and smth abt his optimism touched me deeply.
i never thought i wld actually see or hear abt him again.
but there he was in the midst of the crowd, worshipping too.
its simple coincidences lyk this which tell me that i'm in the right place, and at the right time.
and most imptly, doing the right thing.
i almst made my way hme ytd, before the whole thing started.
but score one.
i didnt. and score two. i controlled my temper! (:
seriously, Soon li, arent you proud of me!? i didnt have a single moodswing last night alright.
it wasnt easy. i know it sounds so easy But it wasnt. before you left, it was horrible.
and after you left, it was as horrible.
and i was feeling horrible and rotten. i felt lyk a rotten banana, all squashed n lousy and gross.
and score three. sandy (: you pulled thru with ur emotions too.
haha
it sounds dumb lar. but i noe you hung on to the strong side on the inside. i saw it. i looked into ur heart!
haha nah, i'm not God. well, i felt you clinging on to the strong side.

i think i'm so blessed.
looking back, sometimes i qns why did God made me grow up in a methodist church when he wants to place me where i am now.
what were those 12 years for? some of my childhood friends frm there, whom i never rrly got to see again. but i felt Him last night speaking to me.
indeed, things do happen for a reason.
i guess thru these lil stuff, i've become more exposed.
to the methodist, to the charismatic. to diff areas, and being able to relate easily to diff ppl.
cause i realised that when it comes to things lyk speaking in tongues, the other side qns and dun rrly understand wats going on.
and den when it comes to singing those methodist songs, many frm the other side know nth abt it. or dunno abt those kindof songs, not used to the way the traditional church goes. the practices.
and ytd, God answered one of my questions i've been bombarding Him with.
its so amazing.
i really want to make it a pt not to complain watever comes my way.
cause theres a reason for everything, and God's our maker afterall.
and the more we Dont have to fear.
its enough knowing that He noes our sorrows, theres no need to harp over it.


little bryan is such a cheeky fellow.
haha. that guy thinks i'm 14. and he thought i was the same age as him at first.
p5!? hello, are you kidding me!? do i actually look tt young n immature.
and he Contaminated my New lollipop with his saliva-filled lollipop.
but i found a partner who has the same hand size as me (:
till we meet again buddy.

i was happy when i made my way to sch today.
finally! Althea kindof noes what those songs sound lyk.
i've been trying so hard to bring across those songs to her.
but apprently, i cant sing for nuts. and everytime i try, it goes way out of tune.
and i never get to teach you any song while you Always teach me new ones.
ppl lyk chris, claudia, jac know what i am singing in class now!
praise God, i'm not a loner anymore (:
Claudia is so..pro! oh manz, i really salute you (:
do you noe wat she was going to do ytd?
she was going to sit at indoor stadium alone for FOP.
i mean, she was all so prepared to go there alone, simply because no one was going with her.
imgaine being alone in a place full of unknown ppl.
i wldnt have tt guts to.
i salute you (: all that guts for the glory of God!










baby, its going to be different. its going to be only you and me

5th Aug'06

ytd, we were doodling lots on our white board in class.
the whole class was off for bio.
and althea, nic n me were drawing crazy stuff on the board.
den soon li came along. it was so hilarious!
we wrote ah lian langauges. and it was Superb funny.
"miie lub eeu 4eva lehx, y did euu chose tuu leave miie?! euu bwreak moii heart again worxx~`*"
haha THIS, was wat was filled our white board ytd.

after sch, i went over to rach's hse.
study wasnt tt great. but i'm glad i went to her hse anyway.
it helped spent some of my time last night
(:


have you ever wondered, if the devil can be overcome by Love?
something tells me that its possible.
surely, that for what he's doing right now, he has his own reasons.
to rebel, to go against. surely he has his own difficulties too.
maybe thats the reason why he's going ard bringing harm to everyone, thinking that this wld make him happy. when actually in fact, he wont be.
i dont know.
but if i've overcomed my fear of spirits by then. and when i see one of satan's man.
i wld tell him, "Jesus loves you, why are you hurting urself and everyone ard you? its not too late to repent"




some things are just too complicated

3rd Aug'06

hey Sandy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you (:
i think i've said this a million and one times.
but still, i really Wanted to make this day of yours special.
but i'm sure you had fun anyway.
this is the day which the Lord created you!
aint tt amazing?
i duno when did we get rather close.
but anyhow, i'm just real glad that you're part of my life.
though i dunno why i become so childish when i'm with you.
and ppl actually Thinks that you're older lar.
you moron. i'm sorry for spilling a lil trouble at you ytd.
but i'm fine. yea? cause we'll be. together.
(: you've been so strong. i believe you'll do smth great despite ur youth.
God Bless You my dear sister! (:



school today wasnt entirely great.
i was trying to cramp Physics into my saturated brain today.
things that cropped up made me unable to study last night.
and its a most prob i'm gonna fail that quiz.
arh, nevermind.
i failed my El compre test. but the actual reason behind it was tt i was dozing off while doing tt paper.
i dun think she believed me.
cause she said my results were lyk Crap.
she said they were ridiculous results.
what can i say? i'll just have to work even harder.


dun get me wrong. school hasnt been pulling my spirits down lately.
in fact, its one of the best stuff lately alr.
i'm sorry if i've been a lil weird lately in sch.
some things have just been running thru my head.
we went for colours award prac today.
and i felt so..weird and Happy!
i still cldnt believe that i still qualify for it.
well actually its no big shot.
but stilll, she has been really Nice to me. giving me chances after chances.
thank you so so much.
standing there stirs up an awkardly pleasant feeling on my inside. (:
i learnt one New song in sch frm Althea today.
its Beautiful.
i wish i'm musically inclined!
if onnly.
den before you noe it. i'll be singing and producing my own album manz!
by faith. haha



I've finally found a reason for living
it's in giving every part of my heart to Him in all that i do every word that i say
i'll giving my all just for Him, for Him...


i realised it has only been Four days since that last screwd up issue with you.
and whatever happened ytd was not yearned for.
i've tried controlling my feelings inside.
sadness, grief, anger, bitterness. whatever it is. i tried.
but i guess we all have feelings. not that i've always spilled things in here. but i figured this helps a hell lot.
so wat exactly was it over?
a handphone. it was that simple. it was just a little handphone.
i can see that things as small as this is now enough to trigger our relationship.
its enough to threaten our realationship.
i reallyreally didnt mean to shout at you last night.
it was just that 5 blows were a lot to take.
i know you cldnt help it either. its not entirely your fault.
cause i know that you struggle too.
i noe that you had no intentions of things turning up this way.
because you said that you love me and i believed you.
but if you really love me, why are you doing this to me?
cant you see that its killing the inside of me?
i saw the anger in your eyes. and it really made me wanna cry.
there was so many things i wanted to say to you.
but i cldnt say even one. you just wont allow me to.
it made me want to hug you even more. but that anger on the inside of you makes me crumble.
and i felt the my patience dying away.
i felt unforgiveness brewing. it was horrible. i dont want to feel this way.
unforgiveness is bad. i've learnt to overcome that and i dun want to trip again.
i was hiding in the toilet alone and i asked myself if you noe how i feel?
i doubt so. true, i felt that God didnt care. esp not for me.
but He never fails to assure me.
and that was wat which made me realise. that my tears are nth actually. it doesnt matter if i crumble on the inside again and again. cause i can count on my Lord to always pick me up.
but i dunno what to do when it comes to you. cause' you arent that same person anymore. you dun love love as much as you used to.
praying for you is getting tougher. cause a lil part of me has started to doubt. but i still love. and i think thats all that matters.
looking at that bruise makes me feel lyk i'm tasting acid.
sometimes it makes me go all crazy again. it makes me want to scream and run away.
to somewhere Far away frm you.
but i realised that once you try to let go, everything will appear better.
sometimes i just feel lyk a Stupid fool. a moron in fact. esp when the ppl ard me are down. and i go around with a smile plastered on my face.
if not, its the same words of "dun give up", "keep pressing on". and ppl think that i'm an idoit who just basically doesnt noe what sadness is. who jus basically thinks that its easy to say when i myself have yet to try it out.
but no, i'm not.
i've found a different kindof grace.
and yes, You picked me up again.
though i still felt lyk asking "why" and question and ask if you care for me.
You were patient enough with me.
and really, this is all that matters.
i still want to see heaven.
devil, will you please go? will you listen if i were to tell you that what you're doing will only bring urself no joy at all?