MOVED.

www.imthe-heroine.livejournal.com

i know that ive been busy.
tell me now, what am i supposed to do.
and who am i supposed to please.

being BUSY SUCKS.
i wish you knew how much i care.


please understand me.

it isnt "what am i here for"
but instead,

"Who, am i here for."

--

today i reflected on myself and my life.
until i can manage waking up on time,
staying awake through all my lectures,
doing tutorials Myself,
coping basketball,
cell and service,
being a good daughter
and a good friend,
then i guess, i can think of expanding my capacity even more.

i was telling and asking Abba Father today.
when can i start serving in my ministry?
why is it that theres still no news for so long?
when is it gonna be my turn?
and then i realised,
i cant even manage all that ive got now.
and to be honest,
when i see friends around me falling ill,
i find myself looking forward to the day when its my turn.
but that day never comes.
perhaps i should stop having thoughts of running away or hiding off somewhere for awhile.
i would really Love to take a break.
but i would want to take a break With Abba Father,
not From Him.


forgive all these talks,
i need a place to rant a little in.


i MISS RACHEL HO so muchh,
i dreamnt of her whole church gang last night.
and i MISS ALTHEE so muchh,
that reading her blog is the only way i can catchup with her life.
i MISS JOBY so much,
but we're both too busy to meet up.
TELEPATHYYYY.
):
well, i THANK GOD for people whom i can see everyday.

JESUS CHRIST,
you're my HERO!
please come and Perk up my emotions and fill whatever emptiness there is.
come and be All the Good that i'm not, and take away All the Bad that i am.
and dear God,
i need more of patience for this coming week.
more of tolerance,
more of Love,
and faith and more of strength.
in short,
i just basically need to be more of You.

Thank You.


and so, my heart sings.

he was sitting there on the cold hard ground,
collecting social graces.

i've found the path which i want to take.
to major in social sciences and be a psychiatrist
or a psychologist, going into prisons and homes to aid people,
spreading the LOVE!
OR, major in literature and see where i can go from there.
(:


THANKYOU so much, for sticking around me.
for putting up with my smiles and frowns
or
just being a normal friend who doesnt change despite the situation.
--

yesterday after cell,
i learnt that if i really want to see it coming to past,
i'll have to bear the full responsibility of it.
so bring it on,
this EASTER is gonna be a Different one.
-
and soon, i know you care
(:
i Love you Alot, Alot.


"and all things, whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."
-Matt 21:22

i, want to be a Prayer Warrior.



someone's watching over me.

they tried to pull me away.


my Biggest faults are
Stubbornness and Pride.

as a matter of fact,
maybe sometimes i really do have to stop and pause
to listen.
--


my knight in shinning armour

once again i pour out my life.




i just read sandy's blog and it made me Smile!
these are really, the kindof things which keep me going.
"it's a new start.
and they'll be jealous of ur smile(: "
she said that too,
and i think, its really meaningful (:
--

everyday, school has been like a mini challenge to me.
but after one week,
i feel like i've accomplished something.
and i really do like that feeling.

perhaps its really biting in.
and that explains why ive been determined to stay Strong no matter what.
just this week alone,
people around me have been crying, crumbling, feeling stressed.
ive seen E,X,C cry.
and receiving a 1Am phonecall from P only to hear her crying non-stop made me feel so horrible on the inside.
theres really, nothing much that i can do but to direct them to the same helpline i turn to,
Abba Father.

imagine having to face and hear negative statements everyday.
lines after lines of words that are Not edifying at all.
i know its all meant to be a joke.
but maybe sometimes, it just gets carried a bit too far off?
and theres a reason why they say
theres a limit to everything.
for the exact same reason which make C teared that day.
i feel so ARGhH.
i feel like punching someone upside down.

i'm a human,
i do feel something too.
and i managed to control everything and lift them all to abba father today.
releasing made me feel so much better(:

forgiveness is unconditional.

--

of course
School was PLEASANT too
(:

studied with stinky and sooon ytd.
and stinky will always be my good friend despite being so smelly.
(:
am so glad to be roaming the streets with AH SOON ytd,
i miss YOUR company alot
though i see you ever so often-ly.
we,
bought MY BAG :D

Beng has been giving me the cold shoulder lately
i dont know why
but it makes me feel so uneasy on the inside
it makes me so not at-ease without all those "insults" and "scoldings"

i hope things will be better soon.
--

i've never really took sermons and sunday messages seriously before.
but now,
i see that its starting to influence my own life.

change is needed for growth.
love, is essential.

and i dont believe that
love cant melt any cold heart.


give me some time to prove to you that my God is Real.

shout it out with a voice of triumph


"therefore we do not lose heart. for even though the outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is renewed day by day"
- 2 Cor 4:16

this verse was one of the few revelations i had
and
its been running through my head for the past few days.

it means that though the body will grow tired
and be weaken,
the spirit's Different.
it can be standing strong cause this strength which i'm leaning on,
its not mine but God's.
and since my God is so Big and Strong and Almighty,
this pillar of strength which i'm leaning on will not tumble or fall or come crashing down.
--

i have so many things to say,
i vomitted them all out to Abba Father.
people just never seem to be there all the time do they?
but then again, even if they do
i dont think i had want any either.
the way ive pushed so many away,
its not that they're not good enough,
i just feel much safer and less vulnerable with my Abba Father.


RIGHTS,
friday!
WEEKENDS are coming again, HO.


seeing with your heart

do you think that i would cry on the phone?

i've learnt to be stronger now.

--

THANK YOU GOD
once again,
for the GOOD, the BAD
the SWEET, the SOUR, the SALTY and the BITTER
for the TEARS and LAUGHTERS
for REST and for WORK
as well as for PATIENCE and LOVE
all experienced in my busy school hours.

maybe sometimes, just sometimes,
i need a little more privacy
so i can trash more things out and share more personal stuff.

anyHOW,
biblestudy tmr, i Cant Wait
(:

andd gonna, gonna
hit the track and run those lanes for the next three days again.
lets go, LEGS.
we can Do it!


running after You.

much has been happening
i'm so Happy that its friday!
(:
finally a short break and a chance to catch up.


what the world needs now is love

you are the one

the weekends are coming,
the muscles in my legs are aching.
homework's piling,
and emotions are rising.

my SPORTS SHOES have fallen apart
):
i Need shoes.
my White jersey has gone missing
)':
i Miss it Alot.

i've never been this awake before during tutorials
and of course,
old habits die hard
and theres still so much to improve on
but what i really need now is the strength
and your understanding.
--

was late today and i gave history tutorial a miss.
sat at some ulu staircase talking with sooon for the whole of first period.
i really miss those days.
those days, those days.. soon enough we're gonna be 21 and ready to marry and have our own Baby!
hahaha.

caught up with Huds today!
and i Cant wait to see joby's face in the next few days.
(:
-

much has been going on recently.
all these things that are happening,
they make me feel flattered and honoured,
but i guess i have no need of these kindof distractions for now.

ALRIGHTS!
history quiz and tutorial are waiting for me
and so are two maths exam papers
Plus econs.
which reminds me when i was rushing hme wrk the other day,
leo went,
"see la! PLAY PLAY PLAY."
and Stupid BENG went,
"see la! PRAY PRAY PRAY."

he meant it in a joking way and it made me laugh haha.
OKAY,
i shall be a GOOD testimony.

am missing CHURCH
and seeing ppl like my cell and those marists ppl
cant wait for SUNDAY!


falling into the arms of grace,
into the arms of Security.

i cant stop falling in love with You

its amazing how i've been living this week through.
to be honest,
training has zapped almost all the energy that ive got.
with the SIX plus plus km i ran on monday alone,
and reaching home on late nights
together with piling homework and tests,
they're draining me out.
BUT
i still wanna thank my Great BIG GOD!
for keeping me awake in most of the lectures
today, i broke my own record! reaching school at 7:15AM
i Knoww, it isnt that early,
but HEYY i broke my own record Haha.

before this whole new school term started,
i told myself
no Matter what, i'm gonna expand my own capacity. and No matter how tiring its gonna get, i will survive with God's help.
its not just a religion alone,
its a personal relationship that i have.
cause' this is how i grow.
how does the tough get going if the going doesnt get tough?
--

tonight, i'm a little disappointed and shaken.

but seeing keeps me believing
and
believing keeps me going.

i dont believe there'll be no breakthrough in you.
just wait and see.


the higher the calling, the tougher it is to breakthrough.

we cannot tell the sun to keep shinning,
nor can we tell the rain to stop falling.

i think, i want to find a new home
one with more privacy.
sometimes along the way,
all those giving becomes tiring.
not just giving physically, but mentally, and emotionally as well.
i need an Input and an output.
ABBA FATHER,
please give me the strength to stay as the pillar
which never breaks.

PAM and me are both crazy about bball now (:
i LOVE you MAGGIE,
thanks for, Everryything (:
and for always listening.



this is my life,
and i wanna live my life to the fullest.

and theres so much to say to you, its empowering me.
the music's blasting, those lines,
they remind us of what we used to be.

after a tiring day out in school,
seeing familiar faces,
trying my best not to miss and think of people like
huda, lim woan, tabby, clauds..-
after putting up with the mischievous acts of others,
pulling my hair, shooting friendly sarcasms, shoving me around, jeering jokingly
concerning things like my very own religion.-
after thinking much for the day
and mixing with new friendly pleasant people,-
after evening training which left me gasping for air at the end of it,
but was edifying cause i was praised today,-

i just feel like saying a little prayer
and then crawling into bed with my aching legs,
not needing to move one Inch
and allowing my eyes to take a break.

BUT
its only the first day of school.
why am i feeling so tired?

Female warriors arent worn-out that easily,
so i shant be!


what can i do to make you care?