Skipalong - Lenka
so tired of feeling blue, such a heavy weight on you.
so shake it off and make your way to somewhere different,
to somewhere different.

i feel.. so many various things right now that i dont even know where to start when i want to pen them all down.
standing and believing firmly in my own actions because what ive done was the right thing to do. trying real hard to ignore what other people think or say or maybe even the new impressions formed of me. letting those opinions not get to me. and whilst i listen to the ministries or worries about other people, i try my best to keep my cool, suck it in and just listen. wondering how it feels like to really pour out everything to someone close and let her pamper me as i crumble and have my bawling moments. Missing my dear buddy so much who is so busy with school. Thank God theres still lana around.
ive come to realised that actions mean alot to me. and though my current journey may be a little rocky, im also learning and understanding myself more each day. it is also a journey of self-discovery. its a good thing because there is just so much more to learn. being a helper or having very advanced bs lessons doesnt mean that im good enough. if i were to ever have my own cg.. there is really so much more ive to do now. having a good burden for my own ministry and connectgroup. i guess theres a reason why these are my people and why those arent my people. why my people react this way and not the other way. sometimes i really dislike certain thoughts in my head. and at times i can feel the 'taker' in me giving myself reasons to feel the otherwise. but i know this life is a walk of patience, faith and Love. and i keep telling myself its okay, i have the love from above which will be sufficient enough to fill my whole heart. of course there are extreme times when i asked myself if ive been too giving or 'soft' on a friend, to keep doing the TLC way even though i myself can get so frustrated at times. but then i think of Jesus and i guess He would do the same way too. Love is caring for others at the expense of yourself. this i need to remember always. being humble and not to be trampled upon is something i need to master. i think every once in awhile, its good to show appreciation to those who have done a lot for you and not take them for granted too.
Wah, a million and one thoughts in my head, i just ranted them out in one chunk above.

feeling veryvery greatful to have Eunice who is always okay and fine with my thoughts and decisions. one sentence which she said to be the other day, "fiona, if you become cellgroup leader i be your helper and help you okay". simple statement but it felt really warm deep within to know that ive someone supporting me. i literally felt like crying on the spot. haha, not that i'll become a leader overnight but Thankyou Euniceee. i Wish for you to have your own dreams and visions too, thats a definite. (:
running my own race of faith. honestly, i dont really know how. but if others can do it, im sure it cant be impossible.

The Show - Lenka


i'm just a little caught in the middle,
life is a maze and love is a riddle.


met up with a few close buds this week. very inspired by my visitation leader. though she doesnt talk or joke much. but deep inside i can see a very warm and giving person from the way she interacts and takes such joy in wrapping goodies for the kids. it really reminds me that having Passion in what we do is veryvery important. having a calling or finding your purpose in life is good. but having Passion is even better because only when i truly enjoy what im doing will i not feel tired or even unappreciated.
was feeling really disturbed and used initially but i guess these kind of incidents would be inevitable. its okay, im really Glad that along the way ive people who reasserted my identity and worth and self-esteem. i need to be more sure and confident of who i am and what i do. felt so hurt and manipulated but its Okay now. sticks and stones may break my bones but words cant bring me down. go fiona! :0)

just a day ago i applied to work in Ben n Jerry's. had no idea that they only hire pretty girls (just like NUM hires only goodlooking and muscular guys) unitl angeline n jicai told me! my goshh, HAHA oh wells if they dont hire me its alright. i'll just go looking for another one (:

ThankYou guys for everything (:
i appreciate it when people put in effort to do special things. words are good. but action speaks louder than words (:
had a very Great dinner with my childrenchurch leader tgt with her bf recently. SUPERB LAME n RETARDED but i think they make a very good couple!
im gonna experiment with my new guitar tmr. THANK YOU (:

feeling so zonked out that ive even dozed off a couple of times in frnt of the keyboard!
good nights.

How Deep Is Your Love - The Bee Gees

it was a great day today.
Exciting morning session and then wildwildwet! (: free complimentary meals which came along with the tickets and a little ride on the ferriswheel. (:

very Busy day tomorrow. gonna visit clarice with angeline n eunice and biblestudies with both eunice n vera. followed by visitation n dinner with my leader. but im feeling EXCITED because i feel like i havent hung out with my yuppsie doodle buddies in AGES. as well all our long lost bs-es!!

i think ive a very serving cellgroup leader. its true that she can feel restless n uncomfortable when theres nth to do. but she really does serve ALOT. i salute you Boss! its very inspiring (:
currently feeling very worn out after bobbing and splashing around in the pool today. good nights (:


God's grace begins when human ability ends.

simple plan- i can wait forever - simple plan

reading patson's blog really made me realised the importance of treasuring what i have in my hands right now. both the good and bad. im glad we had those wonderful memories (:
had a good biblestudy session today over at riverwalk. i think my teacher is really good. cause' he never fails to answer all the doubts that we have. i wish soon liyun can be here taking weekly biblestudies with me so we can ask him questions after questions together. i Miss my biblestudy buddy alot alot alot.

finally managed to draw up some plans. looking forward to bs with vera and eeter :0) and our pyjamas party this week!
feeling touched by my childrenchurch leader because she is especially nice and even asked me out for dinner after visitation this week. i know that its to celebrate my birthday -hee. makes me feel loved (: and i know tt eunice,lana n angeline are doing sth for my bday tmr LOL. they are really bad in hiding. looking forward to the coming weekend(: Thankyou
gonna do some crashing tmr. am so Excited (: i think its gonna be refreshing.


close my eyes, cross my fingers
im praying for a miracle.

Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words cant bring me down.

am so gonna put aside my mondays or sunday nights to plan my week ahead. so everything will not clash. need to start planning well!
i always find myself enjoying a couple of free days followed by fully-packed ones.
i am sunburnt. after jogging and spending my afternoon at the stadium with lana tan today(:
worked at mr lai's afterwards. im beginning to enjoy what i do there.
almost half the week is gone.
most of the time i battle with myself in my brain.
i need to constantly remind myself to take joy in what i do.


JOY of the Lord shall be my Strength.
even when all's not seen or rewarded. JOY of the Lord shall still be my strength.

stopping in my tracks in the midst of the road,
just to take a breather and lighten the load.

this was ystd(: we ate sushi and hung out before i went for children church visitation. received a msg from Red Cross ystd, saying that they urgently need O Blood donors by this friday. was thinking of going down by i just cant seem to find the time. i even dreamnt of donating blood and hitting the gym last night. =/ i Cant wait to play tennis with tofu next week! very busy day today and tmr. i need to visit lala land!

and im Still waiting for a call from NTU..
cant wait for things to settle down.


out of the darkness and into the sun, but i wont forget the ones that i loved.

make a risk, take a chance, make a change and breakaway.

tuesday:
met up with gradys! (: had lunch together and we caught up alot. visited iluma too, she bought a really beautiful dress there for 72 bugs ohmygosh. but it was really pretty. wanted to catch a movie but there were no nice shows screening. we spotted a crowd, queuing up for David Archuleta's autograph session. which reminded me the day when i saw Mr lee kuan yew face to face! it was on a sunday at esplanade area, felt so surprised yet happy to be seeing my singapore hero HAHA. we had some coffee at coffeebean afterwards. i think it was vanilla latte that was so strong, gave gradys and i headaches afterwards. invited her for service, am praying real hard about it(: wish i could work with her at her work area but the working hours are Crazy. 6pm-3:30AM on fridays,saturdays and sundays. woww.

i am really gonna start saving and bottle up all the money that i have so i can enroll into SOT for sure next year. i CANT WAIT.

meeting layho today then childrenchurch visitation.
praying for open hearts, open hearts!

heavy schedule this whole week! plans to meet up with close ones and plans to meet up with friends for easter, together with work and childrenchurch. means ive to forgo class gathering this friday again. ): i think my class is fairly well bonded! some of them just met up last week and they are meeting again! ive seen claudy's uploaded pics from last year and patson's too. making me miss school even more. they always say that we only start to treasure things when its over. i think its so true. but im glad my JC years were great ones! (: though im always the one known for late-coming and sleeping.

had a great sermon on sunday and i met up with tofu and jl. we had sushi and Bens n Jerry's afterwards. makes me wanna work at BnJ now so i can spend the rest of my days happily scooping ice-cream away. i know, i always talk about having more jobs but not taking any action. because i dont think i can squeeze in anymore time for work ): anyhoww, ATE SO MUCH on sunday. went home with a Superb happy stomach. Great catch-up session with both of them! (:

today's a monday. woke up with a very dry throat. went back to bed and woke up around 2 in the afternoon. met lana and liwen at bugis! :0) i cant even rmb the last time we went out. i finally bought my bagpack! for only 20 bugs and im Loving it (: got nice leggings too for only 10! which makes me really wanna go back there again sometime next week with lana tan! met up with leslie for dinner at swensens. i feel Great for not having to worry abt cash for a day. 'been trying to save up a whole lot and giving movie sessions a miss just to save up a bit more. but i've decided to go easy on myself for a few days and just enjoy(:

think im falling sick. got a very dry and sore throat now, i Cant sing high pitches now! ):

i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly, i'll do what it takes till i touch the sky.

Kelly Clarkson (Breakaway) - Kelly Clarkson


really Love this song (:

many dreams, many visions, many unsaid thoughts.
DREAM BIG.

Leaving on a jet plane - chantal kreviazuk



fly fly,
up above the sky.


felt really unappreciated and used for a little moment today. i tried what i could to ignore it. its makes me feel helpless not knowing what to do to improve the situation.

on the flip side, i had a very long but different phone conversation today with a very special someone. i never thought i could mean so much to someone or have such significance in a person's life. thankyou for appreciating me, thankyou for re-asserting my own self-worth thought it was unknowingly. it made me think that all the sacrifices and extra care was worth it.
(:
recently, i keep reminding myself of that little pact i made within. to have more love and patience and going an extra mile into peoples' lives. sometimes it makes me feel so frustrated that i just feel like throwing both arms in the air and shout ' i give up' before i start feeling irritated or angry because i have the right to. but the little pact made me pause a couple of times this week enough for me to doublecheck my emotions, swallow my own irritation simply just to Love people even more. there are still doors that ive yet to open completely. Even so, i will not give up.
--

helped out with children church today. they had the EGG HUNT event and the sun was so Hot! woke up early for transportation and i was feeling really nervous initially, unsure if the kids would like me. but they could recognise me from all the house visitations and some even liked me! kept calling my name- YAY (: held the small palms of little kids and looked after their every needs today. there were so Many kids today that even though there were 10,000 eggs to pick up it still wasnt enough. am so excited to be serving on easter too (: got to start shopping for red/pink clothing though (EEEW, pink.) cause' they always assign teachers n helpers to wear red. why cant they just say white instead?? ):
rushed home to take a short break and practise praise before heading for cell and pm. cell today was great. i Cant wait to hear news from any local university. seriously just Any local uni and i'll be satisfied already. so then i can request for a brand new guitar from my dadddd.

1:43 AM. feeling goggy and a little dizzy already. my nose's been running like a tap!
gonna catch some sleep.

good night, sweet dreams.
God Bless.
(:

if you Want it, Fight for it

photofunia-ing at 1:11 AM with claudy.
brings back the good old days!

Realize (Colbie Caillat) [with lyrics] - Colbie Caillat



gathering up the pieces of my faith's remnants
and im still not walking alone. (:

had a morning phone talk with sarah lee today.
ive decided to go to bibleschool next year!
we'll take one step at a time, theres no need to rush. its just like learning to fly, or falling in love.
gives me time to save up and prepare myself too.
it'll be a challenge to juggle many things but i believe!

the worst time to make a decision is when you're feeling down.


missing mostly, the weather in macau.
it was a Great family time. feeling Thankful to God for this short trip(:
i counted the number of places ive been to all around the world when i was in the plane.
think ive travelled overseas more than 10 times, not a very big number but its more than enough.
thank you daddy for loving this family in your own special way.