3rd Aug'06

hey Sandy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you (:
i think i've said this a million and one times.
but still, i really Wanted to make this day of yours special.
but i'm sure you had fun anyway.
this is the day which the Lord created you!
aint tt amazing?
i duno when did we get rather close.
but anyhow, i'm just real glad that you're part of my life.
though i dunno why i become so childish when i'm with you.
and ppl actually Thinks that you're older lar.
you moron. i'm sorry for spilling a lil trouble at you ytd.
but i'm fine. yea? cause we'll be. together.
(: you've been so strong. i believe you'll do smth great despite ur youth.
God Bless You my dear sister! (:



school today wasnt entirely great.
i was trying to cramp Physics into my saturated brain today.
things that cropped up made me unable to study last night.
and its a most prob i'm gonna fail that quiz.
arh, nevermind.
i failed my El compre test. but the actual reason behind it was tt i was dozing off while doing tt paper.
i dun think she believed me.
cause she said my results were lyk Crap.
she said they were ridiculous results.
what can i say? i'll just have to work even harder.


dun get me wrong. school hasnt been pulling my spirits down lately.
in fact, its one of the best stuff lately alr.
i'm sorry if i've been a lil weird lately in sch.
some things have just been running thru my head.
we went for colours award prac today.
and i felt so..weird and Happy!
i still cldnt believe that i still qualify for it.
well actually its no big shot.
but stilll, she has been really Nice to me. giving me chances after chances.
thank you so so much.
standing there stirs up an awkardly pleasant feeling on my inside. (:
i learnt one New song in sch frm Althea today.
its Beautiful.
i wish i'm musically inclined!
if onnly.
den before you noe it. i'll be singing and producing my own album manz!
by faith. haha



I've finally found a reason for living
it's in giving every part of my heart to Him in all that i do every word that i say
i'll giving my all just for Him, for Him...


i realised it has only been Four days since that last screwd up issue with you.
and whatever happened ytd was not yearned for.
i've tried controlling my feelings inside.
sadness, grief, anger, bitterness. whatever it is. i tried.
but i guess we all have feelings. not that i've always spilled things in here. but i figured this helps a hell lot.
so wat exactly was it over?
a handphone. it was that simple. it was just a little handphone.
i can see that things as small as this is now enough to trigger our relationship.
its enough to threaten our realationship.
i reallyreally didnt mean to shout at you last night.
it was just that 5 blows were a lot to take.
i know you cldnt help it either. its not entirely your fault.
cause i know that you struggle too.
i noe that you had no intentions of things turning up this way.
because you said that you love me and i believed you.
but if you really love me, why are you doing this to me?
cant you see that its killing the inside of me?
i saw the anger in your eyes. and it really made me wanna cry.
there was so many things i wanted to say to you.
but i cldnt say even one. you just wont allow me to.
it made me want to hug you even more. but that anger on the inside of you makes me crumble.
and i felt the my patience dying away.
i felt unforgiveness brewing. it was horrible. i dont want to feel this way.
unforgiveness is bad. i've learnt to overcome that and i dun want to trip again.
i was hiding in the toilet alone and i asked myself if you noe how i feel?
i doubt so. true, i felt that God didnt care. esp not for me.
but He never fails to assure me.
and that was wat which made me realise. that my tears are nth actually. it doesnt matter if i crumble on the inside again and again. cause i can count on my Lord to always pick me up.
but i dunno what to do when it comes to you. cause' you arent that same person anymore. you dun love love as much as you used to.
praying for you is getting tougher. cause a lil part of me has started to doubt. but i still love. and i think thats all that matters.
looking at that bruise makes me feel lyk i'm tasting acid.
sometimes it makes me go all crazy again. it makes me want to scream and run away.
to somewhere Far away frm you.
but i realised that once you try to let go, everything will appear better.
sometimes i just feel lyk a Stupid fool. a moron in fact. esp when the ppl ard me are down. and i go around with a smile plastered on my face.
if not, its the same words of "dun give up", "keep pressing on". and ppl think that i'm an idoit who just basically doesnt noe what sadness is. who jus basically thinks that its easy to say when i myself have yet to try it out.
but no, i'm not.
i've found a different kindof grace.
and yes, You picked me up again.
though i still felt lyk asking "why" and question and ask if you care for me.
You were patient enough with me.
and really, this is all that matters.
i still want to see heaven.
devil, will you please go? will you listen if i were to tell you that what you're doing will only bring urself no joy at all?