28th Sep'06

God opened my eyes today, within my heart
actually it was ytd, but most of me chose to ignore it
and as i was sitting in the hall, down at my own corner, doing some maths, He came ino my heart once again
true, so many times, we're disppointed with so many things in life
so much that we dont know whether to trust or doubt anymore
ppl always tell me, trust trust, trust
yea, i know i know i know
but its because i take the step of faith to really let go and believe in Him,
thats why when things arent pleasant this time, i Reallyreally do qns
i trusted and this is it?
thats all i get after trying and believing and mybe even praying and testifying and everything?
i have to admit that so many thoughts ran thru my mind when i see my results
its not just the results alone, but the process of it
and the ppl ard me, my own life. i really do wonder if i'm a fool at times
why is it that ppl whom i know of choose to put studies before God, they neglect the great one frm above
and yet at the end of it all, God allowed them to do well n succeed
yea, i know this is temporal happiness.
but still, i wld love to have this kindof happiness as well
why does it seem lyk the 'bad' ppl get all the good stuff all the time
and why is it that its so easy to encourage ppl, to spur them on
yet when i myself am down, it seems lyk nth much can actually help
it seems lyk its easy to help others to look on the bright side
but when it comes to myself its all so tough
well, actually i know the answer of it all
okay, maybe not
but i know that God really does love me and He really Does care for me
the rush of qns just come all the time.
why is it that everytime i fall, i promised not to ever qns and ask God again
yet i cant seem to do it?
just why leh, why ME

and back to where i was, sitting in the hall..
the one from above just went something lyk this,
"what about the good times? do you only remember the bad ones?"
and i thought a little,
indeed God Is very faithful to me
like the time he touched my heart as i stood in the train, heading for service
and like the many times when i was fearful and cried out to Him,
He didnt just threw me aside, instead, He embraced me and made everything go fine
just everything, indeed
and my Maths. i had an A1 for it
i was so blinded by the ugly side of everything that i failed to see the bright side of life
it really Is a miracle to be getting a One for maths, i thought i screwd it up
if this is not enough,
He answered a couple of my personal prayers and things changed
a particular friendship seems lyk its so pleasant and possible now
and just everything is beautiful indeed
my God helped me to forget the unwanted stuff
and He replaced redundant hopes n desires with much more Beautiful ones
--

so amazing huh?
(: Yea

and through it all, i choose to believe once again
and fight
cause everybody's fighting with me!
and i'm not the only one


theres this song which goes,

when you feel like no one understands,
someone loves you,
even when you dont think so
dont you know?
you've got me and Jesus.
by your side,
through the fight,
you will never be alone,
on your own,
you've got me and Jesus.


to some special people out there, i toldcha i wanna be ur cheerleader!
and you said you wanna be mine too
(:
i guess, we still have each other and most importantly,
Jesus
so the chapter ends for now,
and the studying begins once again
just wait and see






you're the author of creation