hey world.
theres is Really SoSo Much tt i want to do.
believe me, its rrly hard trying to balance your time.
i just spoke to my physics teacher ytd.
boy oh boy.
tt look on her face just made me feel so guilty.
plus watever happened today.
i feel lyk i've been letting so many ppl ard me down.
i feel lyk i've been a failure in almst everything, in nothing.
and i feel lyk i'm such a bad testimony for christ.
really.
i'm not degrading myself.
but i feel lyk the dirtiest scumb on earth.
shoots.
cheryl was lyk, "come on, dun say tt"
i guess she was shocked. because i was always the one who took things lightly.
and i was always the one who seem carefree.
i guess, somethings really Do change.
but dun wrry, i'm still alright n kicking.
i'm not beaten down yet. (:
yea.
if others can, why cant i?

things tt i wanna do:
-change my blogskin
-load n develope pics
-remake my room!
-revise my sciences
-basketball (:
-train 2.4km!

uh huh.
so here we go again.
today's tuesday.
it has been great (:
and my party's drawing nearer n nearer!
HAHA
the date is comfirm (:
14h april'06
its on good friday.
in my hoyuse of course, and it WILL be great.
cause lots of ppl agreed to help me out :D
i am getting a whole Big plate of my fav stuff, cooked by Rach's grandma haha
n sarah's cheese cake!
i cant wait, and i hope it will be great.
(: yea


excuse me, but do you mind if you step out of my way?



i still keep you in my mind

RAINBOW-coloured BRACES are so COOl n FUNKY n NICE
:D

i've become alot darker!
tts wat many told me when the new term started.
all thanks to swimming with Joby n Junling.
it wasnt a bad thing though i kept complaining at first.
i ended up having lots of fun (:

meanwhile,
i am planning my first birthday party ever!
haha sounds dumb i noe.
but still, Sweet Sixteen alright. (:
lets do smth diff this time.
i didnt noe planning is tt tough.
theres soso many ppl i wanna invite!
but we've got to think if my friends can click well with each other.
plus, i cant find a suitable date.
oh Manz. i hope all goes well!
lumdeeedums! (:

you've got me thinking again n again n again n again.


as usual, i feel lyk doing smth on an impulse again.
guess wat it is this time?
going to the beach to have fun with my best buds, and we'll bring my Camera along, and we'll all go click click, tkaing pics non stop.
yups. tts wat i feel lyk doing now.

my dreams are coming back.
HAHA
i mean, those tt you actually dream abt when you're sleeping?
they stopped coming for awhile, which rrly makes my sleep boring at times.
ohh how i wish i can dream of smth rrly Nice tonight.
smth lyk YOU.
:D





fi i ksa, wlil oyu cmeo?
ro tno? i erally dnto wshi ot fnaastszie aynmroe


this shld have ended long time ago

hey world.
i've been told tt some ppl reads my blog.
its not exactly a bad thing though.
but its just a warning to you, my entries may be depressing at times.
i cant garuentee much. but since you've found encouragement frm here so far, it wldnt mind abit if you continue visiting.
yups.

i'm not exactly in a mood to smile.
its not lyk today hasnt been a great day.
No, it has been.
you have no idea how much i miss service.
just how much.
i missed it terribly.
i almst forgot the feeling of worshipping in tt auditorium.
i realised, tt if you were to separate me frm church, i dont think i will survive.
and i miss the ppl there too, of course.
i hugged liwen lyk some retard today!
i almst wished i cld bring her hme with me (:
and yesyes i miss sandy too (:
i'm glad to noe tt tt woman misses me too
HAHA
anyhow. there was prayer meeting ytd, with so much other stuff going on.
i dun noe where to start.
life has been taxing.
and i've rrly tried to juggle things the way i can.
but things dont always turn out the way you want them to.
My mum called leila today. again.
i was wondering, wat if i never find out all these stuff happening.
will i ever noe tt she calls?
i feel lyk i've missed out so much.
So So Much.
i feel lyk i've fallen short of so many things.
things tt has got to do with my own spiritual walk.
i've been missing cell, the fellowshipping, tt celebration
N293's birthday, blahh and so much more.
plus the duties tt i used to have, the things tt i used to do.
it just seems lyk i cant be trusted on anymore.
or maybe i've become less approachable.
i think i am blubbering rubbish again.

i realised.
you cant do Everything right at the same time.
one moment you are accomplishing smth,
and before you noe it.
you've screwd the rest.
AIYA maybe this is just the pessimistic way of thinking.
i sortof broke dwn in the toilet a couple of hrs ago.
but i'm all right n clean now.
yea.

it Feels good to have ppl praising your faith.
praising the way you've pulled through your times of struggle.
its nice to noe tt wat you've gone through has encouraged others.
but the thing is,
i have yet to fight my fight of faith.
as you seee,
theres still so many things coming my way.
and i HATE it.
but in case you're wondering, i'm not giving up.
hah
hey Mr Satan, for your info, i Love kickboxing.




i have lots n lots n lots to tell you.
oh Man.
if we can find the time to just sit and chat.
i'll tell you EVERYTHING.





follow HIM

time certainly does fly fast.
so fast tt i didnt even realised its Friday!
URGH.
so i guess the hols have come n gone.
i practically spent everyday out of the hse, rotting my butt off with anything but studies.
):
i think my mother's banned on grounding me.
its either sooner or later.
but theres just so much fun going on!
in fact, too much.
theres gnna be two birthday celebration going on tmr night.
pluc my GB slp over thing.
tell me which one shld i go?
i have no idea.
i've come to realise the value of FUN.


met up with Joby n Junling today.
i wasnt supposed to be happy.
actually, i was determined to stop myself frm smiling.
becausee they were going to Tan n Swim!?
my gosh leh.
that Is So not my type.
and they were actually going to Force me to do it.
aiya. but anyway, i just played in the water with them.
i gave in the end. HAHA
and boy, it was damn fun (:
spent so much time just simply laughing away n taking pics!
we got so burnt, just by playing in the water alone.
my skin hurts.
but the warm tingling feeling makes me feel So comfortable.
Haha.

we rot in Junling's condo's basement later.
i was reading those magazines n stuff.
when smth just popped in my mind.
and it just wldnt go away.
it just chose to stay.
and its still here, if you're wondering.
this sucks.




before i eat you alive

went to learn the guitar ytd (:
i picked up quite abit!
for some reasons i dunno why, there were more ppl than expected.
i guess i was thinking too much.
HAHA but anyhow, theres Nothing going on, if you're wondering, that is.
my fingers are hurting after all tt playing.
we wasted our time away, talking n doodling on papers before bs started.
but ytd was a Nice.
it feels lyk we've catched up quite abit after so long.
we got to noe each other Soso much more.
tt woman's right. we shld sit and talk lyk this more often.
but i skipped CCA for it HAHA
ssssshh
i need a break larh
i'm so sick n tired of having to face it so oftenly.
but it won't happen again, i promise!
dude.
it was so fun in the arcade!
HAHA
not tt we've never been there.
but it was Cool alright.
tt gun game lar, its hers n my all time favourite.
if i am rich.
i will spend lots of time just mastering tt game, PLUS, get all the christian CDs in this world.
:D
there you go,
another reason why i Must win speeling Bee.

now tt i've realise how tricky life can be.
i dun feel lyk punching anyone anymore.
Hah.
serious.
"its not a sin to be tempted. but its a sin to fall into temptation"
tts wat tt woman told me too.
i guess i cant blame anyone cause' i myself am no better.
(:
noe wat?
i've been really tired lately.
tired of encouraging the ppl ard me.
tired of doing so many things, follow up, reach out.
but i've come to realise tt tts wat i'm called to do for now.
if i've told God so many times tt i lay my life dwn for Him, why isit tt i'm not willing to do simple things lyk this?
if everyone's tired, den who can God use?
i've thought it through.
(:
i'm not tired.
it was merely a short break, and now i'm coming back.
hey you all, Watch Out.


i wasnt in an exactly great mood this morning.
my mum was So naggy!
my bro isnt at hme!
he's off for camp.
no one's hme to play some sports with me.
i want to play tennis.
i want to play PS2
but theres no one living in my hse to do tt with me
and den theres this person who appeared, msging me
with some unhealthy language.
tt was lyk the final straw.
it Urks me sometimes.
i've tried n tried to put up with tt language.
i noe tts the way you are, i cant change it.
but, its lyk a pollutant at times.
i dunno if i'm going tmr or not.
i'm afraid i lack the tolerance n burst tmr.
i want to go overnight cycling and tennis.
huh huh huh some body give me some time.
i think i'm behaving just lyk a kid.
okay.
i shant complain anymore.

A maths tuition later!
reminder: i'm a sec FOUR kid. time to study Big Time.

its a liek ly possiblility tt i'll throw a Humongous party after the O's.
all must come!
HAH.
just kidding.
i dun have the cash.
but den again, i'll consider having one (:




a million red MnMs
you coloured them one by one, with the blood on Your hands

my greatest love is You

every new day, Your glory unfolds
filling my eyes, with Your treasures untold
the beauty of holiness, brings worship anew
my greatest love is you

call me deeper, into Your grace
the river that flows, from the Holy place
wash over me, cleansing me through
my greatest love is You


firstly, i had like to say,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to RACHEL HO ((:
happy sweet sixteen to you!
ytd was fun
haha i enjoyed playing tennis n bball with you n tt company of urs
though i was picking the balls most of the time.
the ppl frm ur church rrly make me smile
HAHA
its nicer having such company, maybe we'll go east coast some day again yea?
and woman! you've been sucha great encourager to me
esp in sch, when i burden out all my worries,
you never fail to lighten them
i thank God for such an Amazing person lyk you :D

after all the playing ytd n today, plus the camp
my muscles are aching.
almst everywhere.
my thighs, my arms, my back, and even my butt lar pls
Haha.
but i feel good
lumdeedums
i won't say why
:D

but then again, its a fantasy
since ppl dream all the time,
just allow me to dream on this time.
just this once


he came to sentosa today.
it was rather weird though.
gosh leh. one part of me just cldnt stop worrying lyk crap.
but the other part of me was able to relax
i hope he doesnt feel left out, cause' i practically threw him aside when we were there.
i tried alright.
but its not as easy as it seems

i saw a komodo dragon today!
wooh!
HAHA
i noe its not tt exciting.
but you Have to be there.
Trust me, you Have to be there to noe what i'm taling abt!
aiyo, it was so big.
i got a shock of my life.
i have the urge to cycle at east coast! (:
overnight!
but i cant seem to find the time.
it just seems to scarce recently.

the moon was Awesome today.
it was a beauty.
frm now onwards, fiona will observe the sky everyday.
Hah, it has become my latetest addiction.

maybe if i try hard enough, i wld slide back again.
to how strong i used to be.
how i used to dream dreams and see visions.

Your nail-pierced hands, that i'll never forget

camp's over!
sec two training camp is over! (: its time i sleep ard in the hse!
lots of things happened the past few days.
some happy, some sad.
but i saw God working mightily in little ways.
like when gf sort of broke dwn. we decided to pray, and God's presence was rrly strong, so strong tt i started crying myself.
it makes my heart stings.
i miss the times i was so in love with God.
when everything wld just go on so smoothly and fine.
and everything just seemed possible.
now tt camp has ended. i realise i missed so much when i'm back.
its tt feeling of trying to catch up with watever tts running on and on and on.
i rrly hope to see those amazing days again.

there was midnight drill on the second night.
HAHA it was so funny when i think abt it.
i slept at 1 am okay! and before i cld slp for long, everyone was banging on the doors, shouting for us to wake up.
i thought there was a fire please.
i was half dead.
there scolded n Scolded blahh and they made us do drill in the dark.
haha but wats funny is tt the nxt morning.
some sec twos actually said to each other "i dreamnt i was doing drill last night" HAHA so funny! i cldnt stop laughing alright.
i thank God tt at least we Were in the camp committe.
at least we dont have to do wat the juniors are going through.
we fooled them so many times tt they had to do drills. and were allowed only A minute to change into full U.
they Actually believed us.
its Super hilarious, their expressions n actions.
:D i cant stop laughing.
haiyar, i shant be so mean anymore.

we watched movie on the second night.
"what a girl wants"
i noe, it was wayy long ago.
but it was nice.
its tt fairy tale every girl will one.
and since i'm a female, well.. you shld noe.
tt guy was cute hahaha
but tts not the pt. the pt is tt, it was so romantic.
and we started chatting abt some crap.
well, it will be Nice if my lover is a great singer, singing with with the microphone, his guitar n his band.
and his eyes will be So nicee. that deep and beautiful kind which only i will be lost in.
and he is cute. Hah you noe tt prett boy look, plus muscles.
of course tts only silly talk.
it only works in movies.
wat matters most is the heart.
(:

theres lots tt i wanna accomplish
i promised soem ppl that i'll hang out with them when the hols start.
i rrly hope tt i wld be able to keep my words.
some ppl just go pass when you hang on too losely.
it used to trouble me when i'm buddies with guys.
i mean, it felt weird being close to another guy.
or just having him as a close friend.
but after all tt has happened. i guess smth has changed.
it just makes me smile when i picture the times that i'll be hanging out with you soon.
i'll be the tomboy and you'll be the gay.
(:





cause' all that matters, i will not say

my muscles are aching!
but i feel fit HAHA well, at least the pain keeps me awake throughout the day.
its been tiring lately. Real tiring.
i think i have to considering sacrificing some stuff frm now onwards.
as usual, i'm NOT supposed to be here.
was online for grp work, so i decided to stop here for awhile. Hah.

my weekly timetable: (all after sch)
Mon-PL prayer meeting, physics tuition
Tues-off! (:
Wed-mt compo class, bible study
Thurs-leaders drill, A maths tuition
Fri-CCA

shoots. and Now, they are packing my saturdays with CCA too.
forcing me to miss out so much of my cell.
i hate this.
but this is life yea?

i almost broke dwn today, in sch.
nope. it has nothing to do with my tiring sch life watsoever.
its smth else.
during mass prayer cell after sch.
i felt so lost, irritated and Angry at the same time.
i dun wish to pt fingers in here.
but its really getting on my nerves.
i mean, you all claim lyk "reach out! yea!"
and then simple commitment lyk today, you cant even keep.
i noe it isnt abt forcing. but hey, if we cant even be faithful in little things, how do we expect the unsaved to be touched?
i noe its tiring.
and almst everyone thinks tt simple meetings lyk this arent impt.
tts why they dun turn up.
but we have to make the first step wat.
if everyone just thought the same way. of course we wont get anywhere.
you think its useless, i noe you've been feeling dry.
but wont you just try.
i'm sick and tired of always having to push and encourage others.
its not lyk i was never tired.
i was.
i felt lyk giving up too.
but i learnt. maybe you shld try learning to stand up on your own.
and quit running away.
aiya.
i'm not angry but i just feel lyk spilling all these out.
if we cant even help ourselves, who Will help the unsaved?
wat for talk so much abt reaching out when we cant even do it right ourselves.
crap larh
i'm sorry for my bad attitude.
but i dun feel good.
try being in my sheos and you will noe.
you'll noe how it feels to be encouraging others, how it feels to press on.
i'm going through wat you Are going through.
just learn and press on alright, i'm trying too.



alkdodaspjrp3jpsofjvegb

everything's perfect n amazing, its something you'll never find on earth.

i'm back(: still alive n kicking
there was sports hits today.
Rach was power alright! she ran real fast.
i'm so proud of you, and i'm sure God is too.
though you didnt come in first today, you still own smth, Plus, you won for 800m please.
power! (:

my hol's pack!
uh huh uh huh, i dunno why but i feel so high now.
theres so much i reallyreally want to say
but. too lazy to type in here.


anyhow, We are Going to The Beach!
hows tt?
not just once, but twice during the hols.
YAY!
i like.
and i'm loving it.
those carefree times are the ones i treasure best.


i was racking through the folders i have in my C drive and i found some pics.










class chalet '05! (:













its perspiration plus Rain water










mamalicious










its tt kindof face we give to You









i was tt happy (:









i noe, we look stupid









and we made it through









smth which changed a part of me









cause' its just like this









beautiful!









just like heaven









she's so pretty












moron












i was that light









the same (:





there, probably some pics tt i'll never show somewhere else.
(:
they mean hell lot to me

how does it feel if you're talking to someone whom you really feel lyk punching in the face.
and you are Close up with him/her too?
not nice.
my violent intentions have yet to fade.
well, tts because i Always dun get to carry them out.
i dun noe to laugh or to cry.
this is so Dumb.

my heart feels heavy.
as usual, whenever i'm troubled with ppl's problems, plus my own.
i noe a little too much.
which rrly isnt tt good as it seems.
one of my motto this year is to meet the needs of others, and be there for them.
and hopefully, not allowing my own burdens be smth heavy for them.
nevertheless, things have been going frm glory to glory for me.
yes. i can feel it.
(:
day by day, as each day passes.
i feel God's presence becoming more and more real in my life.
i have to admit that i havent rrly been pressing into my own Qt and stuff.
but i went on, trying to share the burdens of my friends.
and God rewards every little faithful thing.
He is so real in my life.
this is just great.
guess wat she said!?
GUESS!!??
she said i'm gonna play the guitar for morning singspiration during assembly, friday, fortnightly.
(: i almst jumped for joy.
thoguh i fear, i noe it'll be good.
all things start off small.
and i rrly want to thank my saviour for Everyything.

i've been doing push-ups lately.
oh yea. i have some goals regarding health which i shant say in here.
HAHA
who wants to train 2.4km with me!?
you noe wat, i found tt soccer is so fun.
we were playing soccer with a bball the other time.
still, it was Super hilarious n amusing.
i rmb playing it with my cell mates, I was the one dodging the ball.
but in sch, its Others dodging the ball and Me kicking it damn hard.
arh, so Cool.
but it'll be better if theres a few more babaric n rough girls to join in with me. :D

holidays' coming!
one week is so precious. you can never imagine how precious it is to me.
almst everyday's packed alr.
with the camp, sq outing, cell outing, cca, out with friends
i Have to squeeze in space for my studies.
which by right, shld take the top pirioty.

i realise theres so many ppl in my life whom i've had So Much fun with.
some of whom, i'm reallyreally greatful for.
thankful that they appeared in my life.
theres a few who wld just brighten up my day for nuts.
and they make me smile lyk a retard frm the mental hospital.
i shant mention names in here.
it'll be all too weird when we meet again.
what to say, it had be Real nice if we were to go again and play lyk never before.
and perhaps, no other wrong thoughts n intentions.
we'll stay neutral, yet have fun at the same time.
we'll tease and laugh under the sun, without acknowleding the feeling that has begun.


i want to know you
IN THE SECRET IN THE QUIET PLACE IN THE STILLNESS YOU ARE THERE IN THE SECRET IN THE QUIET HOUR I WAIT ONLY FOR YOU CAUSE I WANT TO KNOW YOU MORE I WANT TO KNOW YOU I WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE I WANT TO KNOW YOU MORE I WANT TO TOUCH YOU I WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE I WANT TO KNOW YOU MORE I AM REACHING FOR THE HIGHEST GOAL THAT I MIGHT RECEIVE THE PRIZE PRESSING ONWARD PUSHING EVERY HINDRANCE ASIDE OUT OF MY WAY CAUSE I WANT TO KNOW YOU MORE





the clouds are reallyreally nice nowadays.
they look lyk marshmallows to me!
but besides that, they are just so comforting to look at.
somehow, the remind me of God's kindness.
go look at it if you have a chance nxt time.
you wont regret, trust me.




i said,"yes,yes" a million times, and i watched how you made my life become so fine