31st July'06
its a brand new day indeed.
but smth got me all so excited frm the moment i woke up.
it was the deliverance.
it seems lyk things happened just an hr ago.
i got so excited when i reached sch.
i wanted to just open my mouth and talk abt wat happened.
and share. but den i stop.
i just realised, there was no one i cld talk to abt it!?
):
i was so sad. there was only sarah.
the rest didnt really understand.
but still, i kept feeling the joy within me.
i conquered a lil something last night.
before i went to bed, i closed my eyes in the dark and prayed out.
Loud.
it lasted for ard 15 minutes.
though it wasnt smth Great or amazing.
i know i conquered smth.
cause i've never rrly got the guts to this before.
either i try and i end up falling asleep. or i pray in the light.
i think its cause' of the wild imagination that i have.
to tell the truth, i was fearful indeed.
not That i lasted thsoe 15 mintues with a peaceful soul.
i kept opening my eyes, out of, yes, fear.
but it was Amazing (:
a little baby step at a time.
i noe i'll be able to see heaven one day.
i dreamnt of smth last night.
and when i woke up, i realised it must be some kindof word frm God.
i think? cause things seem to make so much sense.
so here goes wat was in my dream:
we were at amk mrt station. me, shrooms and nanxiao.
and there was this commotion.
and rumours that it was Safe to walk on the mrt train tracks.
you see, by walking on the tracks, you take a short cut.
and so in my dream, ppl were walking on the tracks.
and others, mostly were taking the escalators. or walking on the platform.
i was on the platform. and shrooms was too.
but she was Superb near the edge, she was almst falling off.
and nx, she listened to those rumours, she walked on the tracks.
and that was when i heard God speaking to me.
he told me that those on the tracks were unsaved. they were the ones in danger.
i dunno why, but that catholic high guy appeared in my dream too.
he was on the escalator.
i really think its God revealing smth to me.
casue i've always wondered if he, was a christian too.
so when i heard frm God, i panicked.
so did shrooms. cause' nx was on the tracks.
we cried out to her and thank God, she turned her head and heard us.
and she made her way back.
this, i felt God speaking to me abt this in my dream. that, she'll come back. that her heart will no be hardened. that its never too late. cause' i've been disappointed and losing hope in her lately.
it somehow seems lyk she isnt as open as before. and i wondered, where did all those fastings, prayers, money go to? ptl indeed. i felt so assurred in my dream.
and in my dreams, there was shrooms.
i wasnt very sure myself why she appeared in my dream.
until i recalled my dream today in sch and i spoke to her.
she didnt attend service ytd.
i noe its God. calling her back. drawing her back into His presence.
she was standing so near the edge of the platform in my dreams.
and the fact that she has been struggling for quite some time make my dreams make a whole lot of sense.
its no point being a mere christian alone.
God doesnt just want that. He wants a personal, close and intimate relationship with us.
i was taken aback when i spoke to her in sch today.
so much that i forgot to share with her my dream.
):
i wonder if she'll believe me if i tell her later on tonight.
this, isnt the first time she appeared in my dream alr.
and its not the first time that God's calling out to her.
i think my Saviour is so loving indeed.
right, and back to my dream.
so after nx got back onto the platform with us, i saw this woman.
she was hugging her little baby. and i just stared at them.
they were on the tracks. and they were determined to be on the tracks.
all i had to do in my dream, was to open my mouth and tell her to get her feet onto the platform.
but i didnt open my mouth. i never did.
and she went off with her Baby in her hands.
they both suffered Because of ME.
):
God's telling me smth i noe.
i noe i noe i noe.
i noe i have Alot of Fears.
which i have to clear, slowly.
bit by bit.
and i'm gonna fight it all Off.
it was amazing.
really. it nearly blew me off my feet.
but the important point is what the next step will be.
i know i have to change my attitude towards ppl.
and i have to use a different approach.
Lord, teach me how. i cant do this without you.
i dont want to screw things up anymore.
praise God for everything indeed.
i feel so happy.
i feel lyk screaming and shouting for joy.
and i feel like dancing. (:
i know You'll show me heaven one day.
i Know we Will see Heaven on earth one day.
i know what i just blogged abt probably seems hard to believe.
i dun really believe it either.
but its True.
i'm not lying.
i know that God noes its true. and its all that really matters.
i Know and i Believe indeed.
(:
cause' you're all that i ever need in life.
all that i ever wanted.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
30th July'06
today seems lyk a Long Long day.
and its an amazing Long day.
if things were under my control, i had choose for today not to end.
but i'm not. its my God who's under control.
that makes it Even better (:
and Much much Cooler indeed.
i was awoke by Junle's msg. reminding me to bring the cake.
apparently it was sent half an hr ago.
thank God for tt msg alright, it woke me up!
and i wonder, wat happened to everyone else Huh!?
those ppl who promised to remind me abt the cake.
now, i noe who can really be trusted. haha
i'm just kidding.
anyhow, the the vibration of my phone created weird dreams as i slept.
cause' i was half conscious. and i guess, things tt were Really happening gt mixed up with my thoughts.
because of that msg..guess wat i dreamnt!?
i dreamnt tt sandy msg me.
and she was lyk, "fiona! wanna go swimming?! we call everyone along!"
den i replied happily in my dreams, stating YES.
but i had to change my mind later, disappointing both me n her cause of my O's.
weird Huh.
and i dreamnt of Another dream.
i dreamnt of Nanxiao!
she was lyk "fiona, i'm so sorry i'm not rrly in the mood for going to church nowadays. i noe you put in alot of effort. i really hope we be Close friends. and i treasure our friendship alot!"
i was Dizzy in my dreams.
haha. seriously, i dreamnt of these.
and when i woke up, i was a lil disappointed.
why!? i want nanxiao's msg!
anyhoww, i managed to get to church safely haha.
my guitar Is so heavy lar.
but thanks to weide who's helping me to re-string it.
i bet he went thru more tough times den me.
Because..someone left my guitar sitting in the boot of a Cab, all by itself.
and totally forgot abt it.
he had to rush and find it back.
anyhow, thanks BRO (:
i appreciate it alot.
deliverence was Cool.
really. at the beginning of it all i was Petrified.
like seriously. i think i held this stunned and shocked look on my face.
cause ppl ard me, starting asking if i was okay.
i wasnt really okay.
i had a shock.
but God's presence was Really Really powerful.
ppl ard me were screaming, they were coughing. and crying.
before i knew it, More were doing so.
i Saw with my own eyes how some struggled.
how much they cried out, desperate. wanting to let go, while they just cant.
which made me really really Hate the devil.
and a part of me in my heart which goes,
"why did Lucifer go against God? why why why. He was so awesome. He used to be so awesome. and look at him now. he's a devil. and he's not even getting anything. he's only hurting himself. and the presious ppl of God"
if you ask me,
Lucifer is a Nice Name.
really.
wat a pity.
Anna. i want to say, thanks so much for asking me so many times.
i noe you'll see this.
actually when you first asked me,
a lil portion wanted to respond alr.
but, you noe. fear, doubts. and all the other stuff tt comes along.
i was thinking in my heart, "if anna asks again, i'll respond"
and you asked. and i told myself No again.
and den again, i told myself "now, if she askes again, i'll definitely go"
and you did. and i told myself no again.
and so the cycle goes.
until everything was almst over.
when ppl were singing praise song. that i felt a Deep sense of regret.
and den, you asked me again.
thats when i responded.
haha.
thank God for a cell leader lyk you.
i love you (:
i really do.
thank you so much for always being so understanding.
and just being who you are.
i'm learningg to love you more and more!
Rev Mike Conel was so near me.
he was just a few steps away. and i saw it. i saw with my own eyes how he touched others. and they just fall, under the presence of God.
it was amazing.
and i really wanted to go forward.
with all my heart, i wanted to so badly.
my heart was screaming for me to MOVE it.
but my feet Didnt listen.
Fear. i noe its fear.
den i thought abt the woman with the issue of blood in the bible.
as my feet hesitated, i thought abt that woman.
she had so much faith so even touch Jesus.
i was asking myself.
wats so scary huh!? its just stepping forward.
but yet it seemed lyk the most difficult thing on earth.
i practically followed behind him in circles.
circleS.
and then after a few circles, he went off.
and thats when i stopped following, and guilt came upon me.
fear came upon me. the feeling of unworthyness came upon me.
the cry of really wanting to draw close to God, but i just dun noe how.
it came upon me.
all at one shot. before i noe it, anna was praying for me.
and someone came along too.
i was crying and shouting and maybe screaming? i dunno.
but i really felt lyk throwing everything out.
all the stupid thoughts. doubts. hurts. family. Fears. everything.
i dunno who's that someone who prayed.
but i rmb her face.
she was so cool. everything she prayed was somehow accurate.
weird huh.
but rrly. i didnt realise how fearful i was until today.
the spirit of darkness, doubts, condemnation, unworthyness, faith.
i guess this is common.
today has really impacted my life.
i'm Glad i belong to the hse of God.
i'm God's child. (:
and it's really amazing to be one.
and so i came home.
after all the amazing issue.
you noe, they say when you're delivered and cleasnsed, things will start coming back.
they'll become worse. and situations will seem Even tougher to handle.
it was Totally true.
just that i didnt expected it to be so quick, so soon.
i really really tried to control what i could.
forgiveness is smth i've learnt to pull thru.
its the tolerance that i've yet to learn.
things that just flow never endingly frm ur mouth makes me wanna shout.
they make me crazy. they make me want to scream back at you.
cause you Never understood me.
and everytime i Try to make you understand. it never works.
and so you just keep going on and on, thinking you totally get it.
when actually in fact, you dun at all.
things that flow out from ur mouth makes me want to cry at times.
because you dun noe wat you're saying.
i shld have brough you along today.
but den again, i really wonder if it wld actually helped.
you noe what i learnt today?
i learnt tt curses are a way thru which devils move.
and it shook me real hard on my inside.
cause you're the forst to appear in my mind.
if thats not enough. you resort to violence too.
i've learnt to be strong. really. but i crumble at times too.
i'm still a human after all. how perfect do you want be to be. things lyk this are hard to ignore.
and he's still young.
do you actually expect him to go thru what i probably have?
well, i wont let that happen. cause i'm gonna protect him.
i dont hate you. though soemtimes, i really really cant seem to control my own tongue back at you.
i want to love you.
i want to see you drawing back to God one day, tearing in His presence.
and i want to Hug you in God's presence.
i cant even rmb when was the last time i actually hugged you.
dad, i dont hate you. really. i forgive and i forget.
please dont make me sad anymore.
today seems lyk a Long Long day.
and its an amazing Long day.
if things were under my control, i had choose for today not to end.
but i'm not. its my God who's under control.
that makes it Even better (:
and Much much Cooler indeed.
i was awoke by Junle's msg. reminding me to bring the cake.
apparently it was sent half an hr ago.
thank God for tt msg alright, it woke me up!
and i wonder, wat happened to everyone else Huh!?
those ppl who promised to remind me abt the cake.
now, i noe who can really be trusted. haha
i'm just kidding.
anyhow, the the vibration of my phone created weird dreams as i slept.
cause' i was half conscious. and i guess, things tt were Really happening gt mixed up with my thoughts.
because of that msg..guess wat i dreamnt!?
i dreamnt tt sandy msg me.
and she was lyk, "fiona! wanna go swimming?! we call everyone along!"
den i replied happily in my dreams, stating YES.
but i had to change my mind later, disappointing both me n her cause of my O's.
weird Huh.
and i dreamnt of Another dream.
i dreamnt of Nanxiao!
she was lyk "fiona, i'm so sorry i'm not rrly in the mood for going to church nowadays. i noe you put in alot of effort. i really hope we be Close friends. and i treasure our friendship alot!"
i was Dizzy in my dreams.
haha. seriously, i dreamnt of these.
and when i woke up, i was a lil disappointed.
why!? i want nanxiao's msg!
anyhoww, i managed to get to church safely haha.
my guitar Is so heavy lar.
but thanks to weide who's helping me to re-string it.
i bet he went thru more tough times den me.
Because..someone left my guitar sitting in the boot of a Cab, all by itself.
and totally forgot abt it.
he had to rush and find it back.
anyhow, thanks BRO (:
i appreciate it alot.
deliverence was Cool.
really. at the beginning of it all i was Petrified.
like seriously. i think i held this stunned and shocked look on my face.
cause ppl ard me, starting asking if i was okay.
i wasnt really okay.
i had a shock.
but God's presence was Really Really powerful.
ppl ard me were screaming, they were coughing. and crying.
before i knew it, More were doing so.
i Saw with my own eyes how some struggled.
how much they cried out, desperate. wanting to let go, while they just cant.
which made me really really Hate the devil.
and a part of me in my heart which goes,
"why did Lucifer go against God? why why why. He was so awesome. He used to be so awesome. and look at him now. he's a devil. and he's not even getting anything. he's only hurting himself. and the presious ppl of God"
if you ask me,
Lucifer is a Nice Name.
really.
wat a pity.
Anna. i want to say, thanks so much for asking me so many times.
i noe you'll see this.
actually when you first asked me,
a lil portion wanted to respond alr.
but, you noe. fear, doubts. and all the other stuff tt comes along.
i was thinking in my heart, "if anna asks again, i'll respond"
and you asked. and i told myself No again.
and den again, i told myself "now, if she askes again, i'll definitely go"
and you did. and i told myself no again.
and so the cycle goes.
until everything was almst over.
when ppl were singing praise song. that i felt a Deep sense of regret.
and den, you asked me again.
thats when i responded.
haha.
thank God for a cell leader lyk you.
i love you (:
i really do.
thank you so much for always being so understanding.
and just being who you are.
i'm learningg to love you more and more!
Rev Mike Conel was so near me.
he was just a few steps away. and i saw it. i saw with my own eyes how he touched others. and they just fall, under the presence of God.
it was amazing.
and i really wanted to go forward.
with all my heart, i wanted to so badly.
my heart was screaming for me to MOVE it.
but my feet Didnt listen.
Fear. i noe its fear.
den i thought abt the woman with the issue of blood in the bible.
as my feet hesitated, i thought abt that woman.
she had so much faith so even touch Jesus.
i was asking myself.
wats so scary huh!? its just stepping forward.
but yet it seemed lyk the most difficult thing on earth.
i practically followed behind him in circles.
circleS.
and then after a few circles, he went off.
and thats when i stopped following, and guilt came upon me.
fear came upon me. the feeling of unworthyness came upon me.
the cry of really wanting to draw close to God, but i just dun noe how.
it came upon me.
all at one shot. before i noe it, anna was praying for me.
and someone came along too.
i was crying and shouting and maybe screaming? i dunno.
but i really felt lyk throwing everything out.
all the stupid thoughts. doubts. hurts. family. Fears. everything.
i dunno who's that someone who prayed.
but i rmb her face.
she was so cool. everything she prayed was somehow accurate.
weird huh.
but rrly. i didnt realise how fearful i was until today.
the spirit of darkness, doubts, condemnation, unworthyness, faith.
i guess this is common.
today has really impacted my life.
i'm Glad i belong to the hse of God.
i'm God's child. (:
and it's really amazing to be one.
and so i came home.
after all the amazing issue.
you noe, they say when you're delivered and cleasnsed, things will start coming back.
they'll become worse. and situations will seem Even tougher to handle.
it was Totally true.
just that i didnt expected it to be so quick, so soon.
i really really tried to control what i could.
forgiveness is smth i've learnt to pull thru.
its the tolerance that i've yet to learn.
things that just flow never endingly frm ur mouth makes me wanna shout.
they make me crazy. they make me want to scream back at you.
cause you Never understood me.
and everytime i Try to make you understand. it never works.
and so you just keep going on and on, thinking you totally get it.
when actually in fact, you dun at all.
things that flow out from ur mouth makes me want to cry at times.
because you dun noe wat you're saying.
i shld have brough you along today.
but den again, i really wonder if it wld actually helped.
you noe what i learnt today?
i learnt tt curses are a way thru which devils move.
and it shook me real hard on my inside.
cause you're the forst to appear in my mind.
if thats not enough. you resort to violence too.
i've learnt to be strong. really. but i crumble at times too.
i'm still a human after all. how perfect do you want be to be. things lyk this are hard to ignore.
and he's still young.
do you actually expect him to go thru what i probably have?
well, i wont let that happen. cause i'm gonna protect him.
i dont hate you. though soemtimes, i really really cant seem to control my own tongue back at you.
i want to love you.
i want to see you drawing back to God one day, tearing in His presence.
and i want to Hug you in God's presence.
i cant even rmb when was the last time i actually hugged you.
dad, i dont hate you. really. i forgive and i forget.
please dont make me sad anymore.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
29th July'06
it seems lyk i'm not fated to use wordpress at all.
i've been trying for ages to sign up for an account.
its either my comp or my e-mail.
so, i'll just stick to this place den.
it isnt so bad haha.
being ard Happy ppl really makes you happy.
and casting away thoughts, really makes you happy too.
i've been harping on the amazingness of ppl ard me lately.
and yes, indeed. i still do.
thank God for So Many amazing ppl.
really, with so many Amazing ppl ard, who needs loneliness?
soon li self-invited herself to stay over last night.
haha, okay lar. but my hse's open 24/7 anyway.
we met bro Kel ytd after sch.
and we talked. a whole lot. abt our studies and studies and studies.
it was another reality slap on my face, tgt with a heavy load of stress.
Monday. monday onwards, no more going out.
unless its for special purposes and special ppl.
but just abt everyone ard seem so special nowadays,
i hope i'll be able to resist it.
so anyway, we bought my shoe.
i wanted the another kind. it was Superb Beautiful.
but still, reality Is reality.
that design was obviously meant for guys. and just look at the price manz, totally beautiful.
goes to show that no pain, no gain.
Soon Li bought a new bag.
and we feasted on big Macs.
den we headed hme.
we were so tired, that we didnt talk much in the night, we just prayed.
i know God hears every single prayer we make.
i know, i know and i know.
and i Want to believe.
and i believe, just that faith takes time and needs to be built.
for now, i Believe that my faith will be strengthened.
you noe, like i said, i've been finding everyone so amazing lately.
almost everyone. esp those ppl frm my sch.
everytime i get reminded of O's, it leades me to the thought of graduation. and the thought of graduation makes me think of bidding farewell to so many wonderfully made faces.
and This makes me wanna Burst out crying.
the fact is, we're reminded of O's so very often lately.
it sucks.
really.
people whom i've known for TEN years. if not, four, or six.
it wont be the same.
i noe we'll all meet up and stuff, but it'll be tough.
only those rrly deep and genuine ones last a whole lifetime.
Soon Li-six years. my gosh thats rather long. and to think we only got close to each other in our secondary sch life. when we're in diff classes. aiya, to be honest, i have no fears abt our friendship. cause we see each other almst 24/7 in church! and God's in the centre of everything. this is so cool lar. i totally trust God that we'll last forever man. really. just that things just happen for a reason, lyk what we learnt today. i noe this friendship can be lyk hell at times. and my fault. but but but, i really wanna kick the devil away. we'll do this tgt yea?
Rachel-woman, woman, woman. i noe you since pri one! and you were lyk some blur sotong back den. if you dun rmb, let me remind you manz haha. pri 4, we were Real close. and thats when we both started being Naughty and ill-disciplined. thats the year we started eating in class, sleeping in class, talking back to teachers. please dun tell me that you dun recall, you See. we were such Screwd up kids okay. and today! we're still sleeping and eating. oh well, oh habits die hard. very hard in fact. i'll cry if we arent as close when we graduate loh. and after crying, i'll come haunting after you.
Althea-colourful braces! reatrded actions and cheerful character. my gosh, just abt everything of you really Makes me break into a Big Smile. really (: i think God really really placed you in my life for a huge Reason. though we arent close at all. but despite this point, it just feels comfy when i talk to you. mostly, about God (: you make me wanna love God even even more. and you taught me the guitar. you're practically the reason i am what i am with the guitar today. i dun you'll ever noe, but i think you're my angel. really. and the Fact that we belong to the same "species" makes me even more myself manz. you understand how i struggle abt all the stupid girly issues. and you noe how its lyk with God in life. i wanna noe you more. and closer, in fact. really. i'm no pervert. but i realy Love you. as a friend. and i wanna say a Big thank you (:
Jue-you're just abt another person i wanna noe more abt too. these four years we share in class just never seem to provide the chance to. you're lyk althea to me (: though we dun share the same thing for God. i feel all so myself with you lar. just comfortable and it feels lyk you wld understand just abt anything abt me that i'd pour out to you. sometimes i really wish you share things lyk God in common. cause i noe you'd be so understanding if i ever split my burden up with you. and you'd always be there. but life's lyk that. thanks for friday. really. though it was just a short moment. thank you hell lots (: you were amazing. its not just because we belong to the 'same species' that i feel so comfortable. theres smth more. i always thought you're pretty loh. Natural beauty. stubborn pig. if only you had not be shy and Listen. to me, deep in ur heart, its treasure that i see. and you're one who rrly treasure what you love. that is so sweet indeed (:
you noe, i think i'm one Blessed kid.
esp to have you by my side. whther its in sch, or not. its almst the same.
cause i think of you and you think of me!
someone once told me, if you rrly love someone. or someone is special to you.
you wld think "whats he/she doing now?"
or wonder if she has anything on today. that kindof thing.
and i realised, thats exactly how i feel!
msg that i receive, before reading them, i wld hope that its you.
weird, but still. haha and phone calls before i receive them, sometiems i wld just hope its you.
just so that we'd had a daily update on each other's life.
thats wat rrly is impt when someone's rrly precious to you i guess.
and yes, you're impt to Me.
(:
i came across this pic just now.
i MISS those times lyk crazy.
all those over night cycling. and laming ard.
its still has a place in my heart, really.
it seems lyk i'm not fated to use wordpress at all.
i've been trying for ages to sign up for an account.
its either my comp or my e-mail.
so, i'll just stick to this place den.
it isnt so bad haha.
being ard Happy ppl really makes you happy.
and casting away thoughts, really makes you happy too.
i've been harping on the amazingness of ppl ard me lately.
and yes, indeed. i still do.
thank God for So Many amazing ppl.
really, with so many Amazing ppl ard, who needs loneliness?
soon li self-invited herself to stay over last night.
haha, okay lar. but my hse's open 24/7 anyway.
we met bro Kel ytd after sch.
and we talked. a whole lot. abt our studies and studies and studies.
it was another reality slap on my face, tgt with a heavy load of stress.
Monday. monday onwards, no more going out.
unless its for special purposes and special ppl.
but just abt everyone ard seem so special nowadays,
i hope i'll be able to resist it.
so anyway, we bought my shoe.
i wanted the another kind. it was Superb Beautiful.
but still, reality Is reality.
that design was obviously meant for guys. and just look at the price manz, totally beautiful.
goes to show that no pain, no gain.
Soon Li bought a new bag.
and we feasted on big Macs.
den we headed hme.
we were so tired, that we didnt talk much in the night, we just prayed.
i know God hears every single prayer we make.
i know, i know and i know.
and i Want to believe.
and i believe, just that faith takes time and needs to be built.
for now, i Believe that my faith will be strengthened.
you noe, like i said, i've been finding everyone so amazing lately.
almost everyone. esp those ppl frm my sch.
everytime i get reminded of O's, it leades me to the thought of graduation. and the thought of graduation makes me think of bidding farewell to so many wonderfully made faces.
and This makes me wanna Burst out crying.
the fact is, we're reminded of O's so very often lately.
it sucks.
really.
people whom i've known for TEN years. if not, four, or six.
it wont be the same.
i noe we'll all meet up and stuff, but it'll be tough.
only those rrly deep and genuine ones last a whole lifetime.
Soon Li-six years. my gosh thats rather long. and to think we only got close to each other in our secondary sch life. when we're in diff classes. aiya, to be honest, i have no fears abt our friendship. cause we see each other almst 24/7 in church! and God's in the centre of everything. this is so cool lar. i totally trust God that we'll last forever man. really. just that things just happen for a reason, lyk what we learnt today. i noe this friendship can be lyk hell at times. and my fault. but but but, i really wanna kick the devil away. we'll do this tgt yea?
Rachel-woman, woman, woman. i noe you since pri one! and you were lyk some blur sotong back den. if you dun rmb, let me remind you manz haha. pri 4, we were Real close. and thats when we both started being Naughty and ill-disciplined. thats the year we started eating in class, sleeping in class, talking back to teachers. please dun tell me that you dun recall, you See. we were such Screwd up kids okay. and today! we're still sleeping and eating. oh well, oh habits die hard. very hard in fact. i'll cry if we arent as close when we graduate loh. and after crying, i'll come haunting after you.
Althea-colourful braces! reatrded actions and cheerful character. my gosh, just abt everything of you really Makes me break into a Big Smile. really (: i think God really really placed you in my life for a huge Reason. though we arent close at all. but despite this point, it just feels comfy when i talk to you. mostly, about God (: you make me wanna love God even even more. and you taught me the guitar. you're practically the reason i am what i am with the guitar today. i dun you'll ever noe, but i think you're my angel. really. and the Fact that we belong to the same "species" makes me even more myself manz. you understand how i struggle abt all the stupid girly issues. and you noe how its lyk with God in life. i wanna noe you more. and closer, in fact. really. i'm no pervert. but i realy Love you. as a friend. and i wanna say a Big thank you (:
Jue-you're just abt another person i wanna noe more abt too. these four years we share in class just never seem to provide the chance to. you're lyk althea to me (: though we dun share the same thing for God. i feel all so myself with you lar. just comfortable and it feels lyk you wld understand just abt anything abt me that i'd pour out to you. sometimes i really wish you share things lyk God in common. cause i noe you'd be so understanding if i ever split my burden up with you. and you'd always be there. but life's lyk that. thanks for friday. really. though it was just a short moment. thank you hell lots (: you were amazing. its not just because we belong to the 'same species' that i feel so comfortable. theres smth more. i always thought you're pretty loh. Natural beauty. stubborn pig. if only you had not be shy and Listen. to me, deep in ur heart, its treasure that i see. and you're one who rrly treasure what you love. that is so sweet indeed (:
you noe, i think i'm one Blessed kid.
esp to have you by my side. whther its in sch, or not. its almst the same.
cause i think of you and you think of me!
someone once told me, if you rrly love someone. or someone is special to you.
you wld think "whats he/she doing now?"
or wonder if she has anything on today. that kindof thing.
and i realised, thats exactly how i feel!
msg that i receive, before reading them, i wld hope that its you.
weird, but still. haha and phone calls before i receive them, sometiems i wld just hope its you.
just so that we'd had a daily update on each other's life.
thats wat rrly is impt when someone's rrly precious to you i guess.
and yes, you're impt to Me.
(:
i came across this pic just now.
i MISS those times lyk crazy.
all those over night cycling. and laming ard.
its still has a place in my heart, really.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
27th July'06
hey world (:
the past few days have been wasted mostly cause' of my laziness.
but everyday's still great.
because God's with us.
and yes, i'm still trusting in Him, definitely.
monday-
for the first time in my entire sec four life, i was early for monday assembly!
but i agreed to meet Soon Li and we'd go for it tgt.
that stupid woman went off without me!?
i was so early okaay. and i ending up being late, sitting at the corner, staring at the ants on thr floor in frnt of me.
who bully who!?
my teacher spoke to me about my reults.
speaking to him was Tough.
i really didnt want him to think that it was church and stuff that pulled my grades down.
though i noe thats how some ppl see it in sch.
i'm sucha bad testimony when it comes to studies.
buut, if God place me in Here, in this class, of All the other clases.
i'm sure theres a reason behind it yea?
i'm sure theres more to this.
so anyway,
as he was saying, speaking to me.
i was relieved. thank God it wanst wat i expected.
i thought he wld probably scold me.
or maybe even have the bad impression of church and stuff.
cause' he Used to be frm our church. just tt he doesnt attend anymore.
i suppose he noes that i noe that he noe abt me being anxious over what he'll think.
anyhow, he told me "if you really want it, excel in both areas."
it was rrly surprising to hear frm him.
it sounded lyk "do good in both areas, to Please God"
i dunno, somehow it seemes lyk that.
i pray that he'll expereince God's love again.
(:
i was having a blissful dream during A maths,
when lams whacked me Damn hard.
she pointed to the back door on my right.
guess what, Soon Li and elana tan were right there, making funny faces and actions.
i was lyk..Argh!?
you wake me up just to show me both of them!?
haha
okay lar, they werent that bad.
but it happens so often alr alright.
and i was dreaming of smth totally Amazing.
now, i cant even rmb it.
i want to rmb all the sweet and lovely ones that i have.
its so cool lar.
tues, wed-
was late for sch on tues, as well as wed.
i had to rush hme to get cash to top up my ez-link on tues morning.
and i was burning mid night oil, that left be late on wed.
unlucky for rachel to bum into me on wed.
haha that woman wanted to run to sch.
not that we dun rush to sch everyday, but run!?
that wld require Lots of energy.
so i made her walk.
and best, we were both late tgt.
i saw the disappointment in their faces.
cause i noe that recently, not only my studies but my conduct in sch was also deproving.
i dun think i'll get tt colours award thingy anymore.
cause' a student leader shldnt be late often!
as simple as that.
i hope all the hidings of my face behind the bk as she walked past rrly did help.
i received a phone call just now.
and it made me all so happy!
big Smile to this amazing thing.
i thought we're never gonna go out again.
some ppl say that in friendships, you've to noe whats right and whats not.
some, you just have to let go.
but i never believed in letting go.
if its bad, why dun try to mould it?
instead of letting it all go and slip away.
and den its good-bye forever.
thats not wat its supposed to be, that had be so sad!
i Knew God placed you in my life for a reason.
i Knew it, i Knew it! praise God (:
you're still the same old person.
just a lil more vain.
haha
and another You.
you're so weird nowadays lar.
whether its my prob, or yours.
i just pray that God will continually be in the centre cause' i'm not ready to let it slip yet.
never. and i noe you feel the same.
the past few days have been cool.
cool enough to sum this week to be pleasant.
of course, spiritual wise, everyone's having struggles.
if only everyone really mean what they say.
and of course, not just to keep Your word.
but rather, do things all out of the love for God.
Father Lord, we need you here. we really need you here. can you really see that my heart is heavy?
that my class needs lots and lots of help?
how come no one cares? Why?
why is it that ppl can claim to love You so much, claim abt your awesomeness, and yet when it comes to small commitments like pm, and those in class, they're off. no one's coming.
i hate to say this, neither do i wish to judge. but aint it similar to the scribes and pharisees?
its not just abt small issues lyk pm. things lyk your own spiritual walk and life.
why isit that ppl can sing of your greatness and when it comes down to this kindof thing, they're gone. and no one's interested.
i used to be so greatful for ppl whom i thought could understand.
but sometimes, it just seems lyk i dunno whats wrong in their lives, and they dunno whats going on in mine.
cause here i am, persuading lyk crazy. and there they are, refusing lyk Nuts.
i noe this isnt pleasant at all. i mean, no one likes to be the Naggy person. no one likes to be the 'bad guy'. and to be honest, i'm so tired of always having to Happen to be the one who's aware. and ignoring makes me guilty. and guilty makes me qns, and persuade.
maybe everyone has their own reasons and problems.
of course, i'm not perfect too. to be honest, my spirit, itself is weak. i'm not better.
and if ppl turn up, just because its the result of forcing, whats the point?
i dun wanna force, i just hope that my persuasion will maybe shake smth on the inside of you.
because you used to be so strong. you and you and you.
is this a problem of the world or is it just Me, alone?
do you even remember? we really said we wld press on together.
and reach out together. no, it wasnt me who said it. it was You, in fact.
and to the others who are weak as well, you all said you'll fight to the end. and you said God's amzing, powerful.
i noe its not just mere words. cause i've seen how God touched our lives.
if so, they Why is it that everyone's crumbling?
simple things lyk pm might not seem impt. esp the ones in our sch.
but if it doenst start within the christians, how are we gonna reach out.
no one understands lar.
i guess i'm as equally screwd up too. i'm in no position to judge.
i just noe that i an Angel frm above.
i need a guardian angel.
one to lead me and be with me always.
YONG CHIANG: yes, it doesn sound Nice. and stop using my Beautiful Name! its an insult!
ELANA: whats ur new link? and you Big Pervert! (:
SANDY: someone's birthday is coming. HUH. we're gonna eat! our fav hobby (:
NICOLETTE: heya (: i'll be strong and will you. we'll stay strong together!
SHEREE: i wanna be a nerd (X
[NA]: yes, my dear cg leader! watashiwa totaemo kirae desu!
LIYUN: wait till i'll show you my muscles, they'll be bigger den urs man. of course you'll have to wait haha.
hey world (:
the past few days have been wasted mostly cause' of my laziness.
but everyday's still great.
because God's with us.
and yes, i'm still trusting in Him, definitely.
monday-
for the first time in my entire sec four life, i was early for monday assembly!
but i agreed to meet Soon Li and we'd go for it tgt.
that stupid woman went off without me!?
i was so early okaay. and i ending up being late, sitting at the corner, staring at the ants on thr floor in frnt of me.
who bully who!?
my teacher spoke to me about my reults.
speaking to him was Tough.
i really didnt want him to think that it was church and stuff that pulled my grades down.
though i noe thats how some ppl see it in sch.
i'm sucha bad testimony when it comes to studies.
buut, if God place me in Here, in this class, of All the other clases.
i'm sure theres a reason behind it yea?
i'm sure theres more to this.
so anyway,
as he was saying, speaking to me.
i was relieved. thank God it wanst wat i expected.
i thought he wld probably scold me.
or maybe even have the bad impression of church and stuff.
cause' he Used to be frm our church. just tt he doesnt attend anymore.
i suppose he noes that i noe that he noe abt me being anxious over what he'll think.
anyhow, he told me "if you really want it, excel in both areas."
it was rrly surprising to hear frm him.
it sounded lyk "do good in both areas, to Please God"
i dunno, somehow it seemes lyk that.
i pray that he'll expereince God's love again.
(:
i was having a blissful dream during A maths,
when lams whacked me Damn hard.
she pointed to the back door on my right.
guess what, Soon Li and elana tan were right there, making funny faces and actions.
i was lyk..Argh!?
you wake me up just to show me both of them!?
haha
okay lar, they werent that bad.
but it happens so often alr alright.
and i was dreaming of smth totally Amazing.
now, i cant even rmb it.
i want to rmb all the sweet and lovely ones that i have.
its so cool lar.
tues, wed-
was late for sch on tues, as well as wed.
i had to rush hme to get cash to top up my ez-link on tues morning.
and i was burning mid night oil, that left be late on wed.
unlucky for rachel to bum into me on wed.
haha that woman wanted to run to sch.
not that we dun rush to sch everyday, but run!?
that wld require Lots of energy.
so i made her walk.
and best, we were both late tgt.
i saw the disappointment in their faces.
cause i noe that recently, not only my studies but my conduct in sch was also deproving.
i dun think i'll get tt colours award thingy anymore.
cause' a student leader shldnt be late often!
as simple as that.
i hope all the hidings of my face behind the bk as she walked past rrly did help.
i received a phone call just now.
and it made me all so happy!
big Smile to this amazing thing.
i thought we're never gonna go out again.
some ppl say that in friendships, you've to noe whats right and whats not.
some, you just have to let go.
but i never believed in letting go.
if its bad, why dun try to mould it?
instead of letting it all go and slip away.
and den its good-bye forever.
thats not wat its supposed to be, that had be so sad!
i Knew God placed you in my life for a reason.
i Knew it, i Knew it! praise God (:
you're still the same old person.
just a lil more vain.
haha
and another You.
you're so weird nowadays lar.
whether its my prob, or yours.
i just pray that God will continually be in the centre cause' i'm not ready to let it slip yet.
never. and i noe you feel the same.
the past few days have been cool.
cool enough to sum this week to be pleasant.
of course, spiritual wise, everyone's having struggles.
if only everyone really mean what they say.
and of course, not just to keep Your word.
but rather, do things all out of the love for God.
Father Lord, we need you here. we really need you here. can you really see that my heart is heavy?
that my class needs lots and lots of help?
how come no one cares? Why?
why is it that ppl can claim to love You so much, claim abt your awesomeness, and yet when it comes to small commitments like pm, and those in class, they're off. no one's coming.
i hate to say this, neither do i wish to judge. but aint it similar to the scribes and pharisees?
its not just abt small issues lyk pm. things lyk your own spiritual walk and life.
why isit that ppl can sing of your greatness and when it comes down to this kindof thing, they're gone. and no one's interested.
i used to be so greatful for ppl whom i thought could understand.
but sometimes, it just seems lyk i dunno whats wrong in their lives, and they dunno whats going on in mine.
cause here i am, persuading lyk crazy. and there they are, refusing lyk Nuts.
i noe this isnt pleasant at all. i mean, no one likes to be the Naggy person. no one likes to be the 'bad guy'. and to be honest, i'm so tired of always having to Happen to be the one who's aware. and ignoring makes me guilty. and guilty makes me qns, and persuade.
maybe everyone has their own reasons and problems.
of course, i'm not perfect too. to be honest, my spirit, itself is weak. i'm not better.
and if ppl turn up, just because its the result of forcing, whats the point?
i dun wanna force, i just hope that my persuasion will maybe shake smth on the inside of you.
because you used to be so strong. you and you and you.
is this a problem of the world or is it just Me, alone?
do you even remember? we really said we wld press on together.
and reach out together. no, it wasnt me who said it. it was You, in fact.
and to the others who are weak as well, you all said you'll fight to the end. and you said God's amzing, powerful.
i noe its not just mere words. cause i've seen how God touched our lives.
if so, they Why is it that everyone's crumbling?
simple things lyk pm might not seem impt. esp the ones in our sch.
but if it doenst start within the christians, how are we gonna reach out.
no one understands lar.
i guess i'm as equally screwd up too. i'm in no position to judge.
i just noe that i an Angel frm above.
i need a guardian angel.
one to lead me and be with me always.
YONG CHIANG: yes, it doesn sound Nice. and stop using my Beautiful Name! its an insult!
ELANA: whats ur new link? and you Big Pervert! (:
SANDY: someone's birthday is coming. HUH. we're gonna eat! our fav hobby (:
NICOLETTE: heya (: i'll be strong and will you. we'll stay strong together!
SHEREE: i wanna be a nerd (X
[NA]: yes, my dear cg leader! watashiwa totaemo kirae desu!
LIYUN: wait till i'll show you my muscles, they'll be bigger den urs man. of course you'll have to wait haha.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
23rd July'06
in life, theres Aways Always Always a constant circle going round and round and round.
a cycle of sadness and depression.
and then its happiness and smooth sailing.
den wham, troubles again.
Stupid Cycle.
but i guess its really the faith within that gets you moving.
to be honest,
i cant feel God anymore.
not the same way as i used to.
each time i come before God's presence, i dread of the outcome.
and Prayer's smth thats difficult.
not tht i dun pray. but its so tough to, esp when i'm alone. esp when i wanna speak to Him for a long long time.
the tiredness, distractions, watever just keep coming in.
making me stuck in this stupid cycle as well.
just ytd, we were talking abt overcoming our weaknesses.
if others can, why cant i?
but, i thank God for everything.
it really works.
count the blessings when things ard seem lyk curses instead.
and den you'll start to realise that God really does care for you actually.
you just have to be stronger and stronger and stronger.
God, if you really really do care,
please just hear what the ppl on this earth are crying out.
please come among our families.
get rid of all these vulgarities.
take away the violence and curses and hatred.
take away all the misunderstandings and suspicions.
come into our lives and please help us to see the light.
so many times, you promised that you will never forsake nor leave us.
if this is so, i pray that i'll never have to stumble so very often again.
i pray that all we see ahead is You alone and none other.
please just be with us and never let us go.
remember us.
i noe that you're listening.
i noe that you care.
but we arent perfect.
we tend to doubt. we're insecure ppl.
i'm longing to see heaven on earth.
i believe that what i'm believing in is the same thing as what i used to believed.
Lord i believe, help my unbelief.
an empty video recorder
in life, theres Aways Always Always a constant circle going round and round and round.
a cycle of sadness and depression.
and then its happiness and smooth sailing.
den wham, troubles again.
Stupid Cycle.
but i guess its really the faith within that gets you moving.
to be honest,
i cant feel God anymore.
not the same way as i used to.
each time i come before God's presence, i dread of the outcome.
and Prayer's smth thats difficult.
not tht i dun pray. but its so tough to, esp when i'm alone. esp when i wanna speak to Him for a long long time.
the tiredness, distractions, watever just keep coming in.
making me stuck in this stupid cycle as well.
just ytd, we were talking abt overcoming our weaknesses.
if others can, why cant i?
but, i thank God for everything.
it really works.
count the blessings when things ard seem lyk curses instead.
and den you'll start to realise that God really does care for you actually.
you just have to be stronger and stronger and stronger.
God, if you really really do care,
please just hear what the ppl on this earth are crying out.
please come among our families.
get rid of all these vulgarities.
take away the violence and curses and hatred.
take away all the misunderstandings and suspicions.
come into our lives and please help us to see the light.
so many times, you promised that you will never forsake nor leave us.
if this is so, i pray that i'll never have to stumble so very often again.
i pray that all we see ahead is You alone and none other.
please just be with us and never let us go.
remember us.
i noe that you're listening.
i noe that you care.
but we arent perfect.
we tend to doubt. we're insecure ppl.
i'm longing to see heaven on earth.
i believe that what i'm believing in is the same thing as what i used to believed.
Lord i believe, help my unbelief.
an empty video recorder
Friday, July 21, 2006
21st July'06
friday! i was Happy until a few moments ago.
one of my good friends called and gave me a reality check. just minutes ago.
it was more like a Tight Slap in the face.
i'm really trying okay.
really!
everyday i go to sch and face the white board.
"52 days to prelims.. 102 days to O's (i think).. and blah blah days to Cambridge dinner..blah blah days to freedom"
if this is meant to Push us.
its really working.
too much in fact. i dunno where to start studying!
i got my report book today.
and they didnt believe me when i told them my class position.
their unbelieve only made things worse.
Eee. and jue was flipping thru my bk today. she said i used to be some smart kid. really.
i looked thru. and woah. seriously, i Really was doing well.
i mean lyk, 3rd in class, those A1s.
i wonder where they all flew to.
AIYA
God will Really really make a way right?
right now i just have to figure How am i going to present this report bk to my mum.
how am i going to put up with her Voice when i'm alr having trouble doing so.
i noe everyone wants to help me.
thank you for offering up your precious time and for all the times i've bugged you guys for much that i dun understand abt.
i pray that God will look down and see all these now. and Help ME.
i know He will. i just need some assurance frm no one actually. but frm Him only.
i really feel like crying ):
someone make me smile.
schoool.
seems happier and lighter esp when we all make an effort to be cool abt it.
chem prac was funny!
blame the class for the register order.
my bench was occupied by Nicole, Me, rachel and ms sarah lee.
and my left, right partners are Sotongs lar.
sarah is so far away ):
teacher called on me today. i looked to the left, and den to the right for help.
that was when i realised.
wah, die. both of them are equally as bad as me.
haha but it was funny.
cuase of the way we all screwd everything up.
practical. rachel ho, that woman mixed all the acid and solutions wrongly.
she titrated the stuff. and i had to help her to catch up.
it was really funny. you've got to be there to see it all manz.
so we were all laughing at her.
when..i realised i too was doing the wrong thing.
was supposed to add only lyk wat, 2 drops of starch sol.
i dunno how, but the instructions got mixed.
and the starch solution just kept adding on and on and on. and soon enough, the whole flask was Black.everyone had a shocked when they saw tt black stuff.
it was hilarious!
plus, titrating a coulourless sol so that it becomes colourless!?
it doesnt even make sense!
i told you we screwd everything.
Then it was sarah lee's turn.
i told you we were all sotongs lar.
She screwd up her chem prac too.
she added the wrong stuff as well.
hopeless, hopeless, hopeless!
i thank God for these bench mates anyhow.
it makes lesson more interesting!
i'm falling for 'Jars of clay' (:
and it was really nice singing in class today.
Mon, i'll bring my whole file of guitar scores.
and we'll sing and sing and sing.
that had be amazing.
farewell, fair cruelty
friday! i was Happy until a few moments ago.
one of my good friends called and gave me a reality check. just minutes ago.
it was more like a Tight Slap in the face.
i'm really trying okay.
really!
everyday i go to sch and face the white board.
"52 days to prelims.. 102 days to O's (i think).. and blah blah days to Cambridge dinner..blah blah days to freedom"
if this is meant to Push us.
its really working.
too much in fact. i dunno where to start studying!
i got my report book today.
and they didnt believe me when i told them my class position.
their unbelieve only made things worse.
Eee. and jue was flipping thru my bk today. she said i used to be some smart kid. really.
i looked thru. and woah. seriously, i Really was doing well.
i mean lyk, 3rd in class, those A1s.
i wonder where they all flew to.
AIYA
God will Really really make a way right?
right now i just have to figure How am i going to present this report bk to my mum.
how am i going to put up with her Voice when i'm alr having trouble doing so.
i noe everyone wants to help me.
thank you for offering up your precious time and for all the times i've bugged you guys for much that i dun understand abt.
i pray that God will look down and see all these now. and Help ME.
i know He will. i just need some assurance frm no one actually. but frm Him only.
i really feel like crying ):
someone make me smile.
schoool.
seems happier and lighter esp when we all make an effort to be cool abt it.
chem prac was funny!
blame the class for the register order.
my bench was occupied by Nicole, Me, rachel and ms sarah lee.
and my left, right partners are Sotongs lar.
sarah is so far away ):
teacher called on me today. i looked to the left, and den to the right for help.
that was when i realised.
wah, die. both of them are equally as bad as me.
haha but it was funny.
cuase of the way we all screwd everything up.
practical. rachel ho, that woman mixed all the acid and solutions wrongly.
she titrated the stuff. and i had to help her to catch up.
it was really funny. you've got to be there to see it all manz.
so we were all laughing at her.
when..i realised i too was doing the wrong thing.
was supposed to add only lyk wat, 2 drops of starch sol.
i dunno how, but the instructions got mixed.
and the starch solution just kept adding on and on and on. and soon enough, the whole flask was Black.everyone had a shocked when they saw tt black stuff.
it was hilarious!
plus, titrating a coulourless sol so that it becomes colourless!?
it doesnt even make sense!
i told you we screwd everything.
Then it was sarah lee's turn.
i told you we were all sotongs lar.
She screwd up her chem prac too.
she added the wrong stuff as well.
hopeless, hopeless, hopeless!
i thank God for these bench mates anyhow.
it makes lesson more interesting!
i'm falling for 'Jars of clay' (:
and it was really nice singing in class today.
Mon, i'll bring my whole file of guitar scores.
and we'll sing and sing and sing.
that had be amazing.
farewell, fair cruelty
Thursday, July 20, 2006
20th July'06
hey world!
wld you believe me if i said many many things happened in the past few days.
some of which rrly made me Laugh non-stop. and a few made me reflect quite abit.
anyhow, we were just talking today during mt lesson.
and i found my Life-partners!
they are From the same species as me! we are frm the Same Breed! (:
just how cool is that!?
haha
cause we were talking abt 'being girls'
you noe, abt all the rrly girly and woman kind. and den we were talking abt other kindof girls who are just plain tomboy or different for some reason.
thats when i found Jue and Althi (:
haha! you may think its not a big deal, but it IS a big deal.
cause we were all talking abt wat we feel abt being woman individually.
and to think these two woman Think Like Me!
so cool man.
why didnt i realised that earlier? after being in the same class for Four yrs.
i discovered it only today.
haha
BUT its still amazing! i'm not alone! i'm so happy that Someone Really understands manz.
haiyar, screw trying to be oh so female n not urself.
i rather we be different and enjoy it (:
shrooms n cmk gave me smth today.
haha
it was a Great handful of Black rubber bands.
cause' i've been rooming abt in sch with a Purple band.
you see the result of being lazy to buy a black one.
aiya, that two woman were so doubtful of themselves.
its Sweet (: really. though it isnt lyk some big shot.
but i'm so happy you thought of Me!
and i think i can use lyk one band per day.
theres over 50 black ones i guess.
it really is the thought that counts (:
and it Made my day!
together with that written tissue paper i got frm Rachel Ho.
aiya, i shld have dug the card out frm the rubbish bin!
they said it was Nice.
cards frm her is lyk quite a rare thing man.
haha
this is so cool. aint it?
well, cause i've been writing cards to ppl ard me who have been so sad.
or just to encourage ppl. just ppl whom i love.
and who noes, what goes around comes around.
its beautiful. i can feel Love in the air (:
really.
i really do want to thank the person who gave me my first card manz.
which rrly challenged me to love More.
and i guess its a cycle.
and in the end, everyone gets loved!
this is so cool.
on my way hme, i did smth i've always wanted to do.
theres this old man, with only one arm at the mrt station.
he was selling tissue paper.
i've always wanted to give him smth but i never had the guts to.
afraid of wat, i dunno!
there was only once when i gave him lyk two bucks?
and that was centurie ago, when Soon Li was with me.
i wanted to chicken out today.
but i saw that old mad and i cld see that he rrly needed help.
his legs were aching. that he had to take out his slippers.
and he rrly looked thinner okaay. since Jan.
i rmb abt the love i've been experiencing lately.
and that verse..which goes smth lyk..what you do to others, you're actually doing unto God.
so i plucked up my courgae and Went right up to Him.
and gave him wat i had.
i think i shared a lil happiness with him today.
(: what goes around comes around.
maybe i'll give him a small mt bk abt the gospel the nxt time i walk up to him.
seriously, you never noe if the Love of God touches him (:
during EL, i had to talk on Sex education today.
of all ppl, ME.
it was so crap lar. i mean, who in the right mind wont feel weird?
esp when you're talking in frnt of the whole class and you noe, BGR and ..sex.
the teacher embarrassed me lyk crap in frnt of the whole class.
i reallyreally felt lyk hiding my face.
pray hard that it Doesnt come out for O levels oral.
smth absurd happened ytd.
haha
my pinaform Ripped.
we were all changing in class. and i was changing halfway when i tripped.
i dunno how. but my pinaform was at my legs.
and when i moved my legs for balance, proof!
my pinaform tore.
): i have to admit, it was kindof hilarious actually.
Dun Say that i'm fat okay! it was an accident.
and i heard enough of that! haha
went to borrow some uniform frm the office. and they were so short!
obscene man. i think those were the confiscated ones.
oh well.
anyhow, prayer meeting went well.
its getting better (:
and we're gonna grow Bigger. that, i Believe with all my heart n with all my soul.
i talked to my 'new' partner today.
she's frm china. and wat i discovered blew me off.
she isnt a christian but she believes in Jesus christ! and she does pray n read the bible.
cool man. no wonder they say that everything happens for a reason.
maybe God changed my seat because theres a greater plan.
plus, she's so niang.
maybe God wants me to learn frm her too.
seriously, everything happens for a reason.
aint it?
and if its God's will, it Will happen.
thats why i decided to let go and let God.
so wat if we decided not to let go and hang on.
whats the pt? if we rrly do hang on and insist on it. Though its God's will that it'll come to past.
it will Still definitely Not happen now or any sooner.
cause God has Bigger plans for us.
we'll have to spend time waiting even if we chose to hang on.
might as well let go and concentrate fully on God.
in the near future, if its God's will, i guess all's free to dream again.
i'm already seeing the Big picture of it all.
my God, without doubts is really amazing (:
i read sandy's blog. haha! and here goes:
Name 11 people you can think of right now in your head.After that tag at least 5 ppl to do dis
1. Liyun
2. Sandy wong!
3. shu mei
4. rachel
5. weide
6. elana
7. cheryl Mk
8. jue ying
9. junle
10. hansheng
11. althea
1. How did you meet 10?
cell! N293 (:
2. What would you do if you never met 2?
i wldnt be as childish as what i am Now! but i'd be quite sad. i fel lyk i'm her older sister haha(:
3. What would you do if 9 and 11 dated?
wooah. den the guy wld be the shorter one. and the female wld be the better one in guitar and also the one who eats more. and when i look at both of them i'll laugh non-stop!
4. Do you like 7?
yea! she has hairy legs lyk me. haha! sssh
5. would 5 and 6 make a good couple?
hmm. it will be interesting! haha i'll laugh non-stop too
6.Describe 3.
she's hardworking. and she makes me wanna care for her
7. Do you think 8 is attractive?
Yea. she's naturally pretty. just that she doesnt think so.
8. Tell me something about 2.
she always Makes fun abt me! and she's a lil off abt guys. haha but She's Nice. ( i have no choice but to say this cause i Noe she's Reading )
9. Do you know any of 4's family?
yea. the whole family! love her (: i hope she loves me too
10. Whats 5's favourite things?
God, guitar, brown(i think), he lyks to say the word "turban"
11. What would you do if 3 confesses he/she likes you.
are you kidding me!? i wld run to the toilet n look in the mirror and see if she's talking to the right person.
12. What language does 6 speak?
she's speaks lyk that, '' HAHAHAHAHA" and she makes me go hahahha too
13. Who is 9 going out with?
no one, i supposed.
14. How old is 8 now?
going to be 16!
15.When was the last time you talked to 1?
about 15 mins ago. we are gonna Eat out tmr (:
16. What is 2's favourite band/singer?
UH OH. i hope she doesnt kill me. ERM. she likes chinese songs!? and christian songs!? and aiya, if the singer is handsome she'll lyk him haha.
17. Would you ever date 7?
how can two ppl with hairy legs go out tgt?! that wld be disastrous!
18. Would you ever date 11?
if i'm a guy or she's a guy. haha it'd be Damn cool!
19. Have you ever seen 2 naked?!
NO. if not i wdnt be alive by now. i wld have died frm shock.
people whom you want to pass this on - everyone has donehis alr! hmmm Rachel, althea, mr ken! if he sees this
knew you had keep on smiling
hey world!
wld you believe me if i said many many things happened in the past few days.
some of which rrly made me Laugh non-stop. and a few made me reflect quite abit.
anyhow, we were just talking today during mt lesson.
and i found my Life-partners!
they are From the same species as me! we are frm the Same Breed! (:
just how cool is that!?
haha
cause we were talking abt 'being girls'
you noe, abt all the rrly girly and woman kind. and den we were talking abt other kindof girls who are just plain tomboy or different for some reason.
thats when i found Jue and Althi (:
haha! you may think its not a big deal, but it IS a big deal.
cause we were all talking abt wat we feel abt being woman individually.
and to think these two woman Think Like Me!
so cool man.
why didnt i realised that earlier? after being in the same class for Four yrs.
i discovered it only today.
haha
BUT its still amazing! i'm not alone! i'm so happy that Someone Really understands manz.
haiyar, screw trying to be oh so female n not urself.
i rather we be different and enjoy it (:
shrooms n cmk gave me smth today.
haha
it was a Great handful of Black rubber bands.
cause' i've been rooming abt in sch with a Purple band.
you see the result of being lazy to buy a black one.
aiya, that two woman were so doubtful of themselves.
its Sweet (: really. though it isnt lyk some big shot.
but i'm so happy you thought of Me!
and i think i can use lyk one band per day.
theres over 50 black ones i guess.
it really is the thought that counts (:
and it Made my day!
together with that written tissue paper i got frm Rachel Ho.
aiya, i shld have dug the card out frm the rubbish bin!
they said it was Nice.
cards frm her is lyk quite a rare thing man.
haha
this is so cool. aint it?
well, cause i've been writing cards to ppl ard me who have been so sad.
or just to encourage ppl. just ppl whom i love.
and who noes, what goes around comes around.
its beautiful. i can feel Love in the air (:
really.
i really do want to thank the person who gave me my first card manz.
which rrly challenged me to love More.
and i guess its a cycle.
and in the end, everyone gets loved!
this is so cool.
on my way hme, i did smth i've always wanted to do.
theres this old man, with only one arm at the mrt station.
he was selling tissue paper.
i've always wanted to give him smth but i never had the guts to.
afraid of wat, i dunno!
there was only once when i gave him lyk two bucks?
and that was centurie ago, when Soon Li was with me.
i wanted to chicken out today.
but i saw that old mad and i cld see that he rrly needed help.
his legs were aching. that he had to take out his slippers.
and he rrly looked thinner okaay. since Jan.
i rmb abt the love i've been experiencing lately.
and that verse..which goes smth lyk..what you do to others, you're actually doing unto God.
so i plucked up my courgae and Went right up to Him.
and gave him wat i had.
i think i shared a lil happiness with him today.
(: what goes around comes around.
maybe i'll give him a small mt bk abt the gospel the nxt time i walk up to him.
seriously, you never noe if the Love of God touches him (:
during EL, i had to talk on Sex education today.
of all ppl, ME.
it was so crap lar. i mean, who in the right mind wont feel weird?
esp when you're talking in frnt of the whole class and you noe, BGR and ..sex.
the teacher embarrassed me lyk crap in frnt of the whole class.
i reallyreally felt lyk hiding my face.
pray hard that it Doesnt come out for O levels oral.
smth absurd happened ytd.
haha
my pinaform Ripped.
we were all changing in class. and i was changing halfway when i tripped.
i dunno how. but my pinaform was at my legs.
and when i moved my legs for balance, proof!
my pinaform tore.
): i have to admit, it was kindof hilarious actually.
Dun Say that i'm fat okay! it was an accident.
and i heard enough of that! haha
went to borrow some uniform frm the office. and they were so short!
obscene man. i think those were the confiscated ones.
oh well.
anyhow, prayer meeting went well.
its getting better (:
and we're gonna grow Bigger. that, i Believe with all my heart n with all my soul.
i talked to my 'new' partner today.
she's frm china. and wat i discovered blew me off.
she isnt a christian but she believes in Jesus christ! and she does pray n read the bible.
cool man. no wonder they say that everything happens for a reason.
maybe God changed my seat because theres a greater plan.
plus, she's so niang.
maybe God wants me to learn frm her too.
seriously, everything happens for a reason.
aint it?
and if its God's will, it Will happen.
thats why i decided to let go and let God.
so wat if we decided not to let go and hang on.
whats the pt? if we rrly do hang on and insist on it. Though its God's will that it'll come to past.
it will Still definitely Not happen now or any sooner.
cause God has Bigger plans for us.
we'll have to spend time waiting even if we chose to hang on.
might as well let go and concentrate fully on God.
in the near future, if its God's will, i guess all's free to dream again.
i'm already seeing the Big picture of it all.
my God, without doubts is really amazing (:
i read sandy's blog. haha! and here goes:
Name 11 people you can think of right now in your head.After that tag at least 5 ppl to do dis
1. Liyun
2. Sandy wong!
3. shu mei
4. rachel
5. weide
6. elana
7. cheryl Mk
8. jue ying
9. junle
10. hansheng
11. althea
1. How did you meet 10?
cell! N293 (:
2. What would you do if you never met 2?
i wldnt be as childish as what i am Now! but i'd be quite sad. i fel lyk i'm her older sister haha(:
3. What would you do if 9 and 11 dated?
wooah. den the guy wld be the shorter one. and the female wld be the better one in guitar and also the one who eats more. and when i look at both of them i'll laugh non-stop!
4. Do you like 7?
yea! she has hairy legs lyk me. haha! sssh
5. would 5 and 6 make a good couple?
hmm. it will be interesting! haha i'll laugh non-stop too
6.Describe 3.
she's hardworking. and she makes me wanna care for her
7. Do you think 8 is attractive?
Yea. she's naturally pretty. just that she doesnt think so.
8. Tell me something about 2.
she always Makes fun abt me! and she's a lil off abt guys. haha but She's Nice. ( i have no choice but to say this cause i Noe she's Reading )
9. Do you know any of 4's family?
yea. the whole family! love her (: i hope she loves me too
10. Whats 5's favourite things?
God, guitar, brown(i think), he lyks to say the word "turban"
11. What would you do if 3 confesses he/she likes you.
are you kidding me!? i wld run to the toilet n look in the mirror and see if she's talking to the right person.
12. What language does 6 speak?
she's speaks lyk that, '' HAHAHAHAHA" and she makes me go hahahha too
13. Who is 9 going out with?
no one, i supposed.
14. How old is 8 now?
going to be 16!
15.When was the last time you talked to 1?
about 15 mins ago. we are gonna Eat out tmr (:
16. What is 2's favourite band/singer?
UH OH. i hope she doesnt kill me. ERM. she likes chinese songs!? and christian songs!? and aiya, if the singer is handsome she'll lyk him haha.
17. Would you ever date 7?
how can two ppl with hairy legs go out tgt?! that wld be disastrous!
18. Would you ever date 11?
if i'm a guy or she's a guy. haha it'd be Damn cool!
19. Have you ever seen 2 naked?!
NO. if not i wdnt be alive by now. i wld have died frm shock.
people whom you want to pass this on - everyone has donehis alr! hmmm Rachel, althea, mr ken! if he sees this
knew you had keep on smiling
Sunday, July 16, 2006
16th July'06
when i see the sick worshipping, its amazing.
there was this old lady sitting in frnt of us today.
though she was on a wheel chair, she lifted up her hand and worshipped the Lord.
ppl ard her were jumping and dancing and crying out loud.
but i believed smth in her made her stand out in the eyes of God!
its smth beautiful i saw today.
when it was ministering time, she didnt budge.
she just sat in her chair.
and i thought to myself, "she doesnt want to try. but why. if i were her, wld i be more courageous?"
but den, a min later or so.
i saw her standing up. one look and you cld tell that it was lyk a living hell for her.
that made me touched.
touched by the faith in her.
and by the love of God which moves in her life.
i guess, to God its really really precious.
i wanna be lyk that!
though she may be old, i think that old lady Is so Cool!
i salute you (:
met PAMELA soh at Bedok and we went to study.
who's idea was it to study at Macs!?
i never believed in studying there.
but Oh well. since we hardly hang out tgt.
and i wanted to hang out more den to study.
she's one comical person.
you, you , you!
my bestest bestest Buddy when we were p5 n p6!
(:
beside us was a table with a grp of ladies in their 20s near 30s?
and they were gatehred tgt, talking abt their sec sch days.
i think its so Cool Manz.
wonder if things wld be the same for Us.
tgt with my classmates n the ppl i treasure alot.
with God in the centre, i noe we will (:
GB day's tmr.
racial harmony thingy tmr.
chinese O's tmr ):
RAH why so many.
and of all days wear full U tmr!?
are you kidding me.
theres practically a layer of dust on my boots.
and i miss my previous seat.
why Must He change our seats!?
i dun feel so tall anymore. backrow makes things more interesting.
anyhow.
(:
thats just to end off with smth pleasant.
AS,
everyday's a creation of God!
everything seems pleasant for you are with me
when i see the sick worshipping, its amazing.
there was this old lady sitting in frnt of us today.
though she was on a wheel chair, she lifted up her hand and worshipped the Lord.
ppl ard her were jumping and dancing and crying out loud.
but i believed smth in her made her stand out in the eyes of God!
its smth beautiful i saw today.
when it was ministering time, she didnt budge.
she just sat in her chair.
and i thought to myself, "she doesnt want to try. but why. if i were her, wld i be more courageous?"
but den, a min later or so.
i saw her standing up. one look and you cld tell that it was lyk a living hell for her.
that made me touched.
touched by the faith in her.
and by the love of God which moves in her life.
i guess, to God its really really precious.
i wanna be lyk that!
though she may be old, i think that old lady Is so Cool!
i salute you (:
met PAMELA soh at Bedok and we went to study.
who's idea was it to study at Macs!?
i never believed in studying there.
but Oh well. since we hardly hang out tgt.
and i wanted to hang out more den to study.
she's one comical person.
you, you , you!
my bestest bestest Buddy when we were p5 n p6!
(:
beside us was a table with a grp of ladies in their 20s near 30s?
and they were gatehred tgt, talking abt their sec sch days.
i think its so Cool Manz.
wonder if things wld be the same for Us.
tgt with my classmates n the ppl i treasure alot.
with God in the centre, i noe we will (:
GB day's tmr.
racial harmony thingy tmr.
chinese O's tmr ):
RAH why so many.
and of all days wear full U tmr!?
are you kidding me.
theres practically a layer of dust on my boots.
and i miss my previous seat.
why Must He change our seats!?
i dun feel so tall anymore. backrow makes things more interesting.
anyhow.
(:
thats just to end off with smth pleasant.
AS,
everyday's a creation of God!
everything seems pleasant for you are with me
Saturday, July 15, 2006
15th July'06
i thank God for everything (:
His love, indeed endures forever.
i really Love James 1:2!
"my brothers, consider it pure joy when you face trails of different kinds" -James 1:2
on fri, we had our prayer meeting.
and it was easy to tell that almst everyone's spirit was low.
lately, it has Always been lyk that.
i rmb at the beginning of this year.
how i made a pact with God,
never to backslide or fall short frm His presence.
i Will never place studies or anything else before Him. and i Will never doubt Him.
but oh wow, even the best fall down sometimes.
prayer meeting was great. (:
you noe..
they always say tt your prayer life is always the most impt.
its the factor tt is the most essential.
and thats the factor tt i've always had trouble with.
to tell the truth, i've really been falling away frm God.
even fasting 3 days in a row seems easier den a simple prayer.
i mean, i do pray. its just tt i dun really sit dwn n concentrate on my God the way i used to everyday.
we've always talked abt reaching out.
but i realised.
before you can even reach out.
you have to first strengthen what you have.
that is, the cell.
and before you can even do that,
you have to first strengthen Yourself.
i figured. it all points back to you, your own situation n status.
before you can do anything greater.
i prayed with sarah today.
and she rrly understands what i'm going through.
cause the thing is, we're in the same boat.
after tt little sharing among ourselves today, i realised i'm not the only one!
i didnt noe i was the only one who was aware abt her own spiritual walk too.
and We Are indeed in the same situation.
struggles with prayer, the bible.
even though you Noe and you Do love God alot.
yet it seems so ironic.
and it always seem lyk you're the only person struggling alone.
cause nobody noes. not that no one cares.
but you've always been the one encouraging others. and always the stronger one.
life indeed is tough at times.
but Everything happens for a Reason.
if i didnt have PO last year.
i wldnt have been able to overcome it.
and i wldnt have the chance to Grow.
i wld still be walking in my own sinful path doing other stuff.
HENCE, praise God for obstacles that come our way.
everything is beauutiful.
God kindof spoke to me today.
cause i was being aloof on purpose to Him.
i didnt really want to let go and let God anymore today.
and i didnt want to tell Him how i was feeling.
cause it always seem the same.
its lyk being trapped in a viscous cycle of never ending turns.
but den He asked me, "my child, are you really that strong? or are you actually crumbling on the inside. why do you hide frm me. i want to fulfill my promise. if only you had open up the door of your heart again."
and woah.
needless for me to say, we all noe how powerful n amazing the Holy spirit is.
He told me,
believe is a decision made by only You and yourself.
its a choice made by you. to decide to trust smth or not.
and so is being immune to the holy spirit.
if you say you'll never be able to rekindle ur fire again.
you'll never do so.
its a decision.
God's arms are open to everyone.
it just whether we are willing or not.
even if the world crumbles,
i'll still be standing.
that i noe for sure.
(:
"by the grace of God, we will carry on."
"this is the day that the Lord has made; i will rejoice and be glad in it" Ps 118:24
i'm glad its been converted to memory (:
your love made me see beyond everything
i thank God for everything (:
His love, indeed endures forever.
i really Love James 1:2!
"my brothers, consider it pure joy when you face trails of different kinds" -James 1:2
on fri, we had our prayer meeting.
and it was easy to tell that almst everyone's spirit was low.
lately, it has Always been lyk that.
i rmb at the beginning of this year.
how i made a pact with God,
never to backslide or fall short frm His presence.
i Will never place studies or anything else before Him. and i Will never doubt Him.
but oh wow, even the best fall down sometimes.
prayer meeting was great. (:
you noe..
they always say tt your prayer life is always the most impt.
its the factor tt is the most essential.
and thats the factor tt i've always had trouble with.
to tell the truth, i've really been falling away frm God.
even fasting 3 days in a row seems easier den a simple prayer.
i mean, i do pray. its just tt i dun really sit dwn n concentrate on my God the way i used to everyday.
we've always talked abt reaching out.
but i realised.
before you can even reach out.
you have to first strengthen what you have.
that is, the cell.
and before you can even do that,
you have to first strengthen Yourself.
i figured. it all points back to you, your own situation n status.
before you can do anything greater.
i prayed with sarah today.
and she rrly understands what i'm going through.
cause the thing is, we're in the same boat.
after tt little sharing among ourselves today, i realised i'm not the only one!
i didnt noe i was the only one who was aware abt her own spiritual walk too.
and We Are indeed in the same situation.
struggles with prayer, the bible.
even though you Noe and you Do love God alot.
yet it seems so ironic.
and it always seem lyk you're the only person struggling alone.
cause nobody noes. not that no one cares.
but you've always been the one encouraging others. and always the stronger one.
life indeed is tough at times.
but Everything happens for a Reason.
if i didnt have PO last year.
i wldnt have been able to overcome it.
and i wldnt have the chance to Grow.
i wld still be walking in my own sinful path doing other stuff.
HENCE, praise God for obstacles that come our way.
everything is beauutiful.
God kindof spoke to me today.
cause i was being aloof on purpose to Him.
i didnt really want to let go and let God anymore today.
and i didnt want to tell Him how i was feeling.
cause it always seem the same.
its lyk being trapped in a viscous cycle of never ending turns.
but den He asked me, "my child, are you really that strong? or are you actually crumbling on the inside. why do you hide frm me. i want to fulfill my promise. if only you had open up the door of your heart again."
and woah.
needless for me to say, we all noe how powerful n amazing the Holy spirit is.
He told me,
believe is a decision made by only You and yourself.
its a choice made by you. to decide to trust smth or not.
and so is being immune to the holy spirit.
if you say you'll never be able to rekindle ur fire again.
you'll never do so.
its a decision.
God's arms are open to everyone.
it just whether we are willing or not.
even if the world crumbles,
i'll still be standing.
that i noe for sure.
(:
"by the grace of God, we will carry on."
"this is the day that the Lord has made; i will rejoice and be glad in it" Ps 118:24
i'm glad its been converted to memory (:
your love made me see beyond everything
Thursday, July 13, 2006
13th July'06
one of the hardest thing to do in life.
is to express what you feel inside. espcially to someone who Means alot to you!
i used to get so shy and emo when it comes to telling tt person how much, exactly he/she mean alot to you.
okay, maybe i still am emo sometimes.
but even things as simple as telling how much you Love ur bestest pal and buddy who has been right beside you all the time seems difficult.
but AIYA
if those words really come out, they wld sound so Very mushy n romantic.
so much that it might be quite sick.
haha.
anyhoww,
i realise the importance of You in my life!
You and You and You and You!
in case you're wondering, its Four different blanks.
and i dun feel lyk saying the Names of these precious ppl.
because..what if You and you and you and you read my blog!? or come across it.
i noe you will. and i dun want to think abt how to react later on.
soo, oh well (:
maybe i'll tell you personally some day.
YOU
are really one of my greatest treasure on Earth (:
though it was me who found you.
i thank God for letting me discover this amazing precious little thing.
sometimes you reallyreally Do get on my nerves.
especially when you fail to understand how much i sacrifice.
i just felt lyk screaming,
"You!? MORON. why do i have to put up with this creation of GOD!??"
haha it was that bad.
but then as time went by, i discovered that i meant alot to you too.
and the reason behind why i felt lyk screaming sometimes was because..
you mean alot to me!
sometimes i reallyreally feel lyk i give more than i take.
but really, it isnt abt giving.
you once said before that i seem to always be there for you yet you cant seem to fill my heart whenever theres a hole.
i guess diff things work in diff ways.
because just by having you confiding in me is enough to make me happy.
just ur company makes me happy!
though sometimes theres rrly nth to talk abt.
i feel happy in the comfortable silence.
i am NOT a les or watsoever.
but Really.
i guess i'll hold on to this Very tightly. until eternity (:
YOU
have always been my laughter.
though sometimes i feel so down n horrible n yucky on the inside.
and i dun even share those problems with you.
you just seem so happy in ur own smilely world.
so much that i dun want to burden them with you.
but when we talk, it was enough to make me open up Myself, willingly.
and somehow, i dunno how you manage to do it.
but you ALWAYS succeed in making a fool out of ME!
on a funny way. and den a fool out of urself!
and we'll both be the most embarrasing ppl on earth.
fullstop.
you Idoit.
all ur self-flattering rrly makes me want to Punch you at times.
shut up and stop deceiving urself!
haha that was meant to be a joke.
nah, you're really pretty in my eyes.
pretty as in really pretty. physically n inwardly.
just that i dun tell you so (:
you noee..sometimes i can feel our friendship slowly slipping away.
i noe its my fault.
i really dunno why but maybe thats how it works in the human world.
cause to ME, the other Person seems lyk the only one i'm holding onto and SHE apparently seems to care more for another person. and YOU seems to care mroe abt ME.
this is so confusing.
but AIYA, i noe can alr.
i still love you as much as i always do (:
YOU
have been sucha a Great GREAT listener.
an encourager.
it seems lyk you're the only source of inspiration n motivation behind me.
though i dun tell you this.
but things that you do,..
the way you always talk abt your own encounter with God.
as well How much you long to do for Him,
all the fasting and prayer n everything.
just make me go.."wow" thats it, fullstop.
and then, you leave me all so amazed.
challenged to do so much more.
ppl tell me that they're encouraged by ME.
but i tell them that i'm encouraged by YOU.
sometimes i just acknowledge it within my heart, simply because i've talked lots abt you alr.
but you're so amazing.
i think you're God's sent angel down frm heaven for me.
(:
YOU
are beautiful!
in your own so very unique and special way.
which makes me just Smile and go "woahh" in my heart.
i really wld have to hold on to smth for support if i really have eye contact with you for a longg longg time.
smth tells me its gonna Burn.
and theres gonna be sparks.
well, i'm not easily swayed as far as i noe.
but i wld be happy if things were to remain this way.
of course i'll be dishearten if things arent getting any better.
but it wld be better than nth.
hearing abt you, laughing at ur stupid things and seeing you makes the world go round.
yes it does.
i thank God, the lovely one frm Above (:
one of the hardest thing to do in life.
is to express what you feel inside. espcially to someone who Means alot to you!
i used to get so shy and emo when it comes to telling tt person how much, exactly he/she mean alot to you.
okay, maybe i still am emo sometimes.
but even things as simple as telling how much you Love ur bestest pal and buddy who has been right beside you all the time seems difficult.
but AIYA
if those words really come out, they wld sound so Very mushy n romantic.
so much that it might be quite sick.
haha.
anyhoww,
i realise the importance of You in my life!
You and You and You and You!
in case you're wondering, its Four different blanks.
and i dun feel lyk saying the Names of these precious ppl.
because..what if You and you and you and you read my blog!? or come across it.
i noe you will. and i dun want to think abt how to react later on.
soo, oh well (:
maybe i'll tell you personally some day.
YOU
are really one of my greatest treasure on Earth (:
though it was me who found you.
i thank God for letting me discover this amazing precious little thing.
sometimes you reallyreally Do get on my nerves.
especially when you fail to understand how much i sacrifice.
i just felt lyk screaming,
"You!? MORON. why do i have to put up with this creation of GOD!??"
haha it was that bad.
but then as time went by, i discovered that i meant alot to you too.
and the reason behind why i felt lyk screaming sometimes was because..
you mean alot to me!
sometimes i reallyreally feel lyk i give more than i take.
but really, it isnt abt giving.
you once said before that i seem to always be there for you yet you cant seem to fill my heart whenever theres a hole.
i guess diff things work in diff ways.
because just by having you confiding in me is enough to make me happy.
just ur company makes me happy!
though sometimes theres rrly nth to talk abt.
i feel happy in the comfortable silence.
i am NOT a les or watsoever.
but Really.
i guess i'll hold on to this Very tightly. until eternity (:
YOU
have always been my laughter.
though sometimes i feel so down n horrible n yucky on the inside.
and i dun even share those problems with you.
you just seem so happy in ur own smilely world.
so much that i dun want to burden them with you.
but when we talk, it was enough to make me open up Myself, willingly.
and somehow, i dunno how you manage to do it.
but you ALWAYS succeed in making a fool out of ME!
on a funny way. and den a fool out of urself!
and we'll both be the most embarrasing ppl on earth.
fullstop.
you Idoit.
all ur self-flattering rrly makes me want to Punch you at times.
shut up and stop deceiving urself!
haha that was meant to be a joke.
nah, you're really pretty in my eyes.
pretty as in really pretty. physically n inwardly.
just that i dun tell you so (:
you noee..sometimes i can feel our friendship slowly slipping away.
i noe its my fault.
i really dunno why but maybe thats how it works in the human world.
cause to ME, the other Person seems lyk the only one i'm holding onto and SHE apparently seems to care more for another person. and YOU seems to care mroe abt ME.
this is so confusing.
but AIYA, i noe can alr.
i still love you as much as i always do (:
YOU
have been sucha a Great GREAT listener.
an encourager.
it seems lyk you're the only source of inspiration n motivation behind me.
though i dun tell you this.
but things that you do,..
the way you always talk abt your own encounter with God.
as well How much you long to do for Him,
all the fasting and prayer n everything.
just make me go.."wow" thats it, fullstop.
and then, you leave me all so amazed.
challenged to do so much more.
ppl tell me that they're encouraged by ME.
but i tell them that i'm encouraged by YOU.
sometimes i just acknowledge it within my heart, simply because i've talked lots abt you alr.
but you're so amazing.
i think you're God's sent angel down frm heaven for me.
(:
YOU
are beautiful!
in your own so very unique and special way.
which makes me just Smile and go "woahh" in my heart.
i really wld have to hold on to smth for support if i really have eye contact with you for a longg longg time.
smth tells me its gonna Burn.
and theres gonna be sparks.
well, i'm not easily swayed as far as i noe.
but i wld be happy if things were to remain this way.
of course i'll be dishearten if things arent getting any better.
but it wld be better than nth.
hearing abt you, laughing at ur stupid things and seeing you makes the world go round.
yes it does.
i thank God, the lovely one frm Above (:
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
12th July'06
i cant live a day without you.
and so the music plays in the brightly lited ballroom.
as she stepped in and looked around.
unable to believe what she was seeing.
it was all so Beautiful. too beautiful in fact.
lovely.
and when she finally took it all in,
she realised why its all so amazing.
because there was no more pain.
no more worries, no more sorrows.
just as simple as that.
its a scene frm Beauty n the Beast!
i wanna watch that fairy tale Now!
haha but sadly, i dun have the CD ):
i feel so deprived of So many things now tt i place studies as one of my most impt priorities.
oh my mama.
this is sucha sad life.
even the slightest thing at hme seems so interesting now.
things i havent been touching, i've developed a liking to them.
like the piano.
the guitar, tv, comp, Food, even UNO card games n board games.
my gosh, i seem to have some attractive force to all of them everytime i bury myself with books at hme.
we've come to the stage when everyone's counting dwn the number of days we have left before prelims. before O's.
they even write it on the board!?
well, stress Is good.
it gets you on track.
i've gotten hooked to a book recently.
you seee, i'm Even reading now lar.
its the latest latest version of 'fearless'
and the main character is so Damn Cool.
she can fight. she doesnt have the fear gene. she's got the character. she's cool. and she doesnt put in hell lots of effort just to look pretty.
in short, she's Amazing! (:
i think if theres ever this kindof creation on earth,
it wld be the best ever.
as the days passed, i start to narrow down things in my life.
some of which, i finally gathered myself to let go.
some others i'm still hanging onto So very tightly.
really. i realised as you get older, it becomes clearer on whats impt to you n wats not.
i hope nth gets damaged as we carry on with the last bit of the journey.
it'll be depressing.
so what is love?
or more than that, what is True love?
as usual, its one of my self qsning qsn. just lyk the way ppl always ponder on things.
i've been seeing ppl ard me.
some in love, some maybe Not really into it.
but somehow its almst the same.
cause it always draws back to the same current situation.
its one-sided. either that or the other party is ignorant to all that's going on.
but whyy. this is so sad.
true love is when parties feel the same with each other aint it?
but why does it always seem lyk one party has to start liking first.
and then after a longg period of time.
after all the suffering tt person goes through, smth beautiful happens.
maybe its this tt makes it even sweeter.
but still, it'll be totally Amazing if both were to feel the same abt each other just abt the same time, with the right circumstances.
maybe thats why ppl always say that nothing is perfect in this world.
what is love?
i used to think that i had the key to that answer long time ago.
but now that i look back.
it was just one of my own fantasies.
love is sacrificial.
no matter what happens. despite all thats has happened. whether what he did was good or bad he still seems perfect in ur eyes.
or so, its seems lyk this to me.
and i guess it also causes you to do Many dumb n foolish things you never thought you wld do.
things lyk finding excuses just to talk to him.
or get near to him.
or maybe even running away, just when you finally get ur chance to.
no?!
love is when that person appears in ur mind ever so often without you even realising it.
and somehow things that you do in the day, it kindof connects back to tt person.
no matter ridiculous it seems.
theres so much more to this on what human look to love as.
but sometimes i ask myself.
really, whats the point of loving someone when he isnt God's ideal one for you.
as in, what if you realise one day that smth great you treasure isnt part of ur calling, isnt part of your future.
then it had be depressing. demoralizing and heart breaking.
maybe thats why, its better to seek God first no matter what.
afterall, He's in the centre of my life.
He's my first priority my life. and all that i do, i just want to please Him.
so, isnt it better to please my saviour more than anything else?
your love made me see beyond everything
i cant live a day without you.
and so the music plays in the brightly lited ballroom.
as she stepped in and looked around.
unable to believe what she was seeing.
it was all so Beautiful. too beautiful in fact.
lovely.
and when she finally took it all in,
she realised why its all so amazing.
because there was no more pain.
no more worries, no more sorrows.
just as simple as that.
its a scene frm Beauty n the Beast!
i wanna watch that fairy tale Now!
haha but sadly, i dun have the CD ):
i feel so deprived of So many things now tt i place studies as one of my most impt priorities.
oh my mama.
this is sucha sad life.
even the slightest thing at hme seems so interesting now.
things i havent been touching, i've developed a liking to them.
like the piano.
the guitar, tv, comp, Food, even UNO card games n board games.
my gosh, i seem to have some attractive force to all of them everytime i bury myself with books at hme.
we've come to the stage when everyone's counting dwn the number of days we have left before prelims. before O's.
they even write it on the board!?
well, stress Is good.
it gets you on track.
i've gotten hooked to a book recently.
you seee, i'm Even reading now lar.
its the latest latest version of 'fearless'
and the main character is so Damn Cool.
she can fight. she doesnt have the fear gene. she's got the character. she's cool. and she doesnt put in hell lots of effort just to look pretty.
in short, she's Amazing! (:
i think if theres ever this kindof creation on earth,
it wld be the best ever.
as the days passed, i start to narrow down things in my life.
some of which, i finally gathered myself to let go.
some others i'm still hanging onto So very tightly.
really. i realised as you get older, it becomes clearer on whats impt to you n wats not.
i hope nth gets damaged as we carry on with the last bit of the journey.
it'll be depressing.
so what is love?
or more than that, what is True love?
as usual, its one of my self qsning qsn. just lyk the way ppl always ponder on things.
i've been seeing ppl ard me.
some in love, some maybe Not really into it.
but somehow its almst the same.
cause it always draws back to the same current situation.
its one-sided. either that or the other party is ignorant to all that's going on.
but whyy. this is so sad.
true love is when parties feel the same with each other aint it?
but why does it always seem lyk one party has to start liking first.
and then after a longg period of time.
after all the suffering tt person goes through, smth beautiful happens.
maybe its this tt makes it even sweeter.
but still, it'll be totally Amazing if both were to feel the same abt each other just abt the same time, with the right circumstances.
maybe thats why ppl always say that nothing is perfect in this world.
what is love?
i used to think that i had the key to that answer long time ago.
but now that i look back.
it was just one of my own fantasies.
love is sacrificial.
no matter what happens. despite all thats has happened. whether what he did was good or bad he still seems perfect in ur eyes.
or so, its seems lyk this to me.
and i guess it also causes you to do Many dumb n foolish things you never thought you wld do.
things lyk finding excuses just to talk to him.
or get near to him.
or maybe even running away, just when you finally get ur chance to.
no?!
love is when that person appears in ur mind ever so often without you even realising it.
and somehow things that you do in the day, it kindof connects back to tt person.
no matter ridiculous it seems.
theres so much more to this on what human look to love as.
but sometimes i ask myself.
really, whats the point of loving someone when he isnt God's ideal one for you.
as in, what if you realise one day that smth great you treasure isnt part of ur calling, isnt part of your future.
then it had be depressing. demoralizing and heart breaking.
maybe thats why, its better to seek God first no matter what.
afterall, He's in the centre of my life.
He's my first priority my life. and all that i do, i just want to please Him.
so, isnt it better to please my saviour more than anything else?
your love made me see beyond everything
Saturday, July 08, 2006
8th July'06
what can i say.
i cant say that i'm all fully well and happy.
and i wanna party.
but, as i said.
my God has always been This Awesome n Great.
theres somethings that indeed, they let me down.
but a small portion never changes.
and i'm glad it Never Changes.
i cant say that i'm all so strong.
and i feel No grief.
cause' i wld be lying.
and lying means i wont make it to heaven.
but i can say that i'm not tt easily defeated.
because i'm not stupid.
just when things get better,
all the rest of the world will come crashing down.
today's a great example.
kaboom!
great experience during cell today.
and the nxt moment with a lil blink,
i hear things.
things of ppl not being able to make it for service.
not one but a few.
and den theres troubles at home.
failure in studies.
parents nagging, not understanding.
all the crap frm this world.
which makes me qns,
shld i tell my parents abt my results or not.
the later they find out it'll be less bad i supposed.
i'm not ready for wat is to come yet.
just looking at the ppl ard me foreshadows the many obstacles i too, will face.
we said we wld fight this tgt.
and so i am trying.
just last night, i felt the love and care of Many.
thank you so much.
even before Soon Li took tt step,
i alr experienced much.
i've received.
and i'm ready to give too.
it rrly makes my heart melt when someone says 'thankyou'
after what you did.
but tts wat friends are for.
i feel a slice going through my heart
when i see ppl distress.
so many, you name it, you have it.
elana, jolene, sandy, evan, Me, hansheng, rachel, shrooms, liyun, sarah..
and so, the list goes on.
these are what i noe of.
and i'm sure theres More.
i think i'm oh so very emo
and i got lots running through my head.
oh well, glad tt i'm a female.
i've thought of running to your side.
and encamp there when insecurity strikes.
but then again, we belong to a diff world.
not so different.
but far enough to noe its distant.
i'll just thank God cause' its better than nothing.
and nothing means Grief.
as long as it means smth.
its worth dreaming for.
you're the Miracle in me
what can i say.
i cant say that i'm all fully well and happy.
and i wanna party.
but, as i said.
my God has always been This Awesome n Great.
theres somethings that indeed, they let me down.
but a small portion never changes.
and i'm glad it Never Changes.
i cant say that i'm all so strong.
and i feel No grief.
cause' i wld be lying.
and lying means i wont make it to heaven.
but i can say that i'm not tt easily defeated.
because i'm not stupid.
just when things get better,
all the rest of the world will come crashing down.
today's a great example.
kaboom!
great experience during cell today.
and the nxt moment with a lil blink,
i hear things.
things of ppl not being able to make it for service.
not one but a few.
and den theres troubles at home.
failure in studies.
parents nagging, not understanding.
all the crap frm this world.
which makes me qns,
shld i tell my parents abt my results or not.
the later they find out it'll be less bad i supposed.
i'm not ready for wat is to come yet.
just looking at the ppl ard me foreshadows the many obstacles i too, will face.
we said we wld fight this tgt.
and so i am trying.
just last night, i felt the love and care of Many.
thank you so much.
even before Soon Li took tt step,
i alr experienced much.
i've received.
and i'm ready to give too.
it rrly makes my heart melt when someone says 'thankyou'
after what you did.
but tts wat friends are for.
i feel a slice going through my heart
when i see ppl distress.
so many, you name it, you have it.
elana, jolene, sandy, evan, Me, hansheng, rachel, shrooms, liyun, sarah..
and so, the list goes on.
these are what i noe of.
and i'm sure theres More.
i think i'm oh so very emo
and i got lots running through my head.
oh well, glad tt i'm a female.
i've thought of running to your side.
and encamp there when insecurity strikes.
but then again, we belong to a diff world.
not so different.
but far enough to noe its distant.
i'll just thank God cause' its better than nothing.
and nothing means Grief.
as long as it means smth.
its worth dreaming for.
you're the Miracle in me
Friday, July 07, 2006
7th July'06
i have much to talk about!
firstly smth rather depressing n demoralising.
my results.
i used to Dislike it when ppl talk abt lessons in sch or results in their blogs.
but i realised. its a way of relieving!
they are All So Screwd.
and when i say screwd.
i mean wat i say.
i've never done This badly before.
my gosh leh.
i failed lyk 5 subjects.
for Mid-years?!
What. in the world is wrong with me?
i chose to take it in super lightly.
but Of Course i had feelings.
i managed to swipe away a couple of tears which fell.
i'm not one of those ppl who wld cry over spilled milk.
or rather, lament over wat you didnt strive or work hard for.
because i did at least try.
it was betraying.
the feeling of putting so effort in smth, trusting that He'll never short change you.
and den oh wow, wat kindof Crapped up results is this.
i dun even deserve to be in the best class.
but i noe theres no point in moaning over smth done.
i guessed i Got carried away but Responsibilities.
of things that i Seemed to care abt more than other ppl.
and i Mixed up whats impt and wats, probably Not that as impt.
not tt i regret serving my God.
but.
not tt i blame Him for all that i've become.
but. its only human to feel what i'm feeling.
not tt i ever Blamed Him for all that He has done in my life.
i still Love Him.
just tt, as usual, i Always qns.
why is it tt everyone gets rewarded Except me?
"your time will comee"
i dun feel lyk hearing this.
that, i already know.
just pleasee, let my mind take a break n wander off a lil.
for all that i put in. i sowed into another plot and the other plot rotted.
now, when i look at the one i sowed,
nothing seems to be growing from it.
what can i say?
i dun blame my God.
i just have to learn to be Even stronger.
and Learn to do things Even better.
and hopefully, make a miracle happen.
met Eevel ytd.
its nth much in my heart, i supposed.
we watched "just my luck".
it was rather good. haha
yet rather dumb.
if one kiss means having Good Luck. woah. i'll be careful with whom i'm giving my good luck to.
Haha.
i still think Angelina Jolie is so Cool.
i salute her for that Superwoman attitude.
i want to save the world.
clothe those children.
feed the hungry.
and do smth great.
just like her.
just that i want to do More.
more than enough.
lets do this.
this is fun. its rather cool.
if you have nth better to do.
that is.
The rules: change the fonts of the statements that are true to you.
I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
-X Box and PS2 makes me Smile (:
I've tried marijuana.
-is that a Drug? obviously not
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
-liars dont go to heaven. as simple as that (:
I curse sometimes.
-if smth pushes me to my outmost limit
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
-are you kidding me
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
-that is So Unnatural haha
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
-it Feels different bolding this. lol
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way i look.
-God's creation!
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
-when they do come, i scare myself sometimes haha
I have a hidden talent
-cause' i havent rrly found mine
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
-and i thank God for them (: esp the Lovely ones whom i cant live without
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
-kiss on the check? yeaa
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
-if i have the cash
I would rather shop then eat.
I don't hate anyone.
-'hate' isnt in my dictionary
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
-a lil sometimes haha. i dunno why!
I have a cellphone.
I believe in God.
-and i'm in Love with Him
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
-but am getting better!
I have tried alcohol before.
-who hasnt?
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
-No way
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
-it REALLY really depends. but i Might
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
-so far, so good!
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
-and you get to Dress and Party (:
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
-haha! we're gonna get spongebob boxers!
I am happy at this moment.
-if i dun think abt my results that is
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
-i wanna be musically inclined! i Wished i am.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
-HAHA if its the right person. at the right time, at the right place.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
-GREEN and YELLOW are Beauties
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
-wld love to try one
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
-it can be embarrassing at times
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
-hmm wats conventions?
I will collect anything, and the more nonsesical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
-are you kidding me?
i have much to talk about!
firstly smth rather depressing n demoralising.
my results.
i used to Dislike it when ppl talk abt lessons in sch or results in their blogs.
but i realised. its a way of relieving!
they are All So Screwd.
and when i say screwd.
i mean wat i say.
i've never done This badly before.
my gosh leh.
i failed lyk 5 subjects.
for Mid-years?!
What. in the world is wrong with me?
i chose to take it in super lightly.
but Of Course i had feelings.
i managed to swipe away a couple of tears which fell.
i'm not one of those ppl who wld cry over spilled milk.
or rather, lament over wat you didnt strive or work hard for.
because i did at least try.
it was betraying.
the feeling of putting so effort in smth, trusting that He'll never short change you.
and den oh wow, wat kindof Crapped up results is this.
i dun even deserve to be in the best class.
but i noe theres no point in moaning over smth done.
i guessed i Got carried away but Responsibilities.
of things that i Seemed to care abt more than other ppl.
and i Mixed up whats impt and wats, probably Not that as impt.
not tt i regret serving my God.
but.
not tt i blame Him for all that i've become.
but. its only human to feel what i'm feeling.
not tt i ever Blamed Him for all that He has done in my life.
i still Love Him.
just tt, as usual, i Always qns.
why is it tt everyone gets rewarded Except me?
"your time will comee"
i dun feel lyk hearing this.
that, i already know.
just pleasee, let my mind take a break n wander off a lil.
for all that i put in. i sowed into another plot and the other plot rotted.
now, when i look at the one i sowed,
nothing seems to be growing from it.
what can i say?
i dun blame my God.
i just have to learn to be Even stronger.
and Learn to do things Even better.
and hopefully, make a miracle happen.
met Eevel ytd.
its nth much in my heart, i supposed.
we watched "just my luck".
it was rather good. haha
yet rather dumb.
if one kiss means having Good Luck. woah. i'll be careful with whom i'm giving my good luck to.
Haha.
i still think Angelina Jolie is so Cool.
i salute her for that Superwoman attitude.
i want to save the world.
clothe those children.
feed the hungry.
and do smth great.
just like her.
just that i want to do More.
more than enough.
lets do this.
this is fun. its rather cool.
if you have nth better to do.
that is.
The rules: change the fonts of the statements that are true to you.
I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
-X Box and PS2 makes me Smile (:
I've tried marijuana.
-is that a Drug? obviously not
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
-liars dont go to heaven. as simple as that (:
I curse sometimes.
-if smth pushes me to my outmost limit
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
-are you kidding me
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
-that is So Unnatural haha
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
-it Feels different bolding this. lol
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way i look.
-God's creation!
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
-when they do come, i scare myself sometimes haha
I have a hidden talent
-cause' i havent rrly found mine
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
-and i thank God for them (: esp the Lovely ones whom i cant live without
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
-kiss on the check? yeaa
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
-if i have the cash
I would rather shop then eat.
I don't hate anyone.
-'hate' isnt in my dictionary
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
-a lil sometimes haha. i dunno why!
I have a cellphone.
I believe in God.
-and i'm in Love with Him
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
-but am getting better!
I have tried alcohol before.
-who hasnt?
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
-No way
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
-it REALLY really depends. but i Might
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
-so far, so good!
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
-and you get to Dress and Party (:
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
-haha! we're gonna get spongebob boxers!
I am happy at this moment.
-if i dun think abt my results that is
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
-i wanna be musically inclined! i Wished i am.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
-HAHA if its the right person. at the right time, at the right place.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
-GREEN and YELLOW are Beauties
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
-wld love to try one
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
-it can be embarrassing at times
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
-hmm wats conventions?
I will collect anything, and the more nonsesical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
-are you kidding me?
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
5th July'06
MAN.
it feels lyk i've had a Loong five-week Break before sch starts.
today was lyk, to put it in a light term, tiring.
first lesson, social studies.
and bang, i was sleepy alr.
i was tinking abt Soon Li walking past my class and catch me sleeping through the back door.
but HAHA it was closed.
it Always happens.
i mean, one min you're slping and the other, you hear laughters.
and at the third minute, you realise they're all laughing at you!
i wld do the Same.
if i Had the chance.
just tt her class is at some ulu pandan place, cant even walk past.
i skipped my duty of doing singspiration today.
was feeling guilty.
buttt.
i think humans are weird. arent they?
before you have a chance to serve God, you pray n seek and ask for tt chance.
tt one little chance.
now that i have it.
i seem to be running a lil away frm it.
okay lar, the main reason for not going today was bcause i was almst late.
and the discipline mistress was there.
i wldnt want to face heer anymore.
at least not today.
she's always picking on my socks!
whether high or low, its still the same.
if not den its my earring.
i Noe whose fault is it.
give me time to change!
we took height n weight today.
i lose weight!
HAHA
well, actually not That much.
but it was worth rejoicing over.
this small lost Means that Theres Still Hope okay!
i'mma aiming for 50kg though tts a lil tough.
well, i'm That heavy.
50kg n i'll do wat rachel made me agree on.
and She too.
she's gonna parade in That Thing.
slept through A maths lesson cause' the teacher wasnt around.
but the class was so noisy, it gave me a splitting headache.
i woke with that Pain in my head. as well as pins n needles working on my leg.
limped to chapel which was So Great.
maybe its because i was sitting Right at the front.
but wow, the msg waas great.
i tried working on smiling just for no reason.
and it kindof worked.
somehow, watever you're troubled with will just become diluted.
well, it works for me.
and i tried it on ppl tooo.
i saw this girl in a christian booth after sch.
and i felt happy so i smiled at her.
HAHA you shld have seen her expression.
she Smiled back. first puzzled, den that kindof you noe..soothing smile.
it made me kindof pleasant on the inside.
den theres this other maid whom i saw.
she was practically stoning while waiting for someone i think.
when she saw me and i flashed her a smile.
and she smiled back!
aiyo.
tt sweet smile was so Laasting that i had to look away.
i felt kindof weird.
she smiles too much.
Peace.
comes from the heart.
and not the circumstances.
nor the situation.
"My brethen, count it pure joy when you fall into various trails, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."
-James 1:2
the NIV version is Much better i think.
but it was This verse that Shoo-ed all else away.
Pure JOY. like peace,
comes from the heart.
knowing that My Saviour has first walked the path which i'm walking now.
the greatest love i ever knew was when you died.
MAN.
it feels lyk i've had a Loong five-week Break before sch starts.
today was lyk, to put it in a light term, tiring.
first lesson, social studies.
and bang, i was sleepy alr.
i was tinking abt Soon Li walking past my class and catch me sleeping through the back door.
but HAHA it was closed.
it Always happens.
i mean, one min you're slping and the other, you hear laughters.
and at the third minute, you realise they're all laughing at you!
i wld do the Same.
if i Had the chance.
just tt her class is at some ulu pandan place, cant even walk past.
i skipped my duty of doing singspiration today.
was feeling guilty.
buttt.
i think humans are weird. arent they?
before you have a chance to serve God, you pray n seek and ask for tt chance.
tt one little chance.
now that i have it.
i seem to be running a lil away frm it.
okay lar, the main reason for not going today was bcause i was almst late.
and the discipline mistress was there.
i wldnt want to face heer anymore.
at least not today.
she's always picking on my socks!
whether high or low, its still the same.
if not den its my earring.
i Noe whose fault is it.
give me time to change!
we took height n weight today.
i lose weight!
HAHA
well, actually not That much.
but it was worth rejoicing over.
this small lost Means that Theres Still Hope okay!
i'mma aiming for 50kg though tts a lil tough.
well, i'm That heavy.
50kg n i'll do wat rachel made me agree on.
and She too.
she's gonna parade in That Thing.
slept through A maths lesson cause' the teacher wasnt around.
but the class was so noisy, it gave me a splitting headache.
i woke with that Pain in my head. as well as pins n needles working on my leg.
limped to chapel which was So Great.
maybe its because i was sitting Right at the front.
but wow, the msg waas great.
i tried working on smiling just for no reason.
and it kindof worked.
somehow, watever you're troubled with will just become diluted.
well, it works for me.
and i tried it on ppl tooo.
i saw this girl in a christian booth after sch.
and i felt happy so i smiled at her.
HAHA you shld have seen her expression.
she Smiled back. first puzzled, den that kindof you noe..soothing smile.
it made me kindof pleasant on the inside.
den theres this other maid whom i saw.
she was practically stoning while waiting for someone i think.
when she saw me and i flashed her a smile.
and she smiled back!
aiyo.
tt sweet smile was so Laasting that i had to look away.
i felt kindof weird.
she smiles too much.
Peace.
comes from the heart.
and not the circumstances.
nor the situation.
"My brethen, count it pure joy when you fall into various trails, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."
-James 1:2
the NIV version is Much better i think.
but it was This verse that Shoo-ed all else away.
Pure JOY. like peace,
comes from the heart.
knowing that My Saviour has first walked the path which i'm walking now.
the greatest love i ever knew was when you died.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
4th July'06
i woke so early today.
though i had no sch, i woke at the same time.
to meet MS sarah lee, who Was late by an hour!
we rushed dwn to the airport to send leila.
i got to see her for less than 5 mins lar.
MS sarah leeee!?
tt woman IS dangerous man.
i went shopping with her ytd.
and she's lyk a bullet train.
haha but tts sarah leee (:
went over to do project with Jue n cmk.
Any hse with PS, piano and Guitar Is Fun.
thats wat i concluded.
i waaant X BOX!
sometimes, i demand too much.
went shopping with Sandy wong.
we got wat we want.
and den we were broke.
i saw this Beautiful Ring.
its 20 bucks.
oh my mama.
i am waiting for my fairy God mother to appear!
feelings are best when left alone.
i have nothing to do with Him.
trust me.
thats Is history.
you dont mean anything to me
i woke so early today.
though i had no sch, i woke at the same time.
to meet MS sarah lee, who Was late by an hour!
we rushed dwn to the airport to send leila.
i got to see her for less than 5 mins lar.
MS sarah leeee!?
tt woman IS dangerous man.
i went shopping with her ytd.
and she's lyk a bullet train.
haha but tts sarah leee (:
went over to do project with Jue n cmk.
Any hse with PS, piano and Guitar Is Fun.
thats wat i concluded.
i waaant X BOX!
sometimes, i demand too much.
went shopping with Sandy wong.
we got wat we want.
and den we were broke.
i saw this Beautiful Ring.
its 20 bucks.
oh my mama.
i am waiting for my fairy God mother to appear!
feelings are best when left alone.
i have nothing to do with Him.
trust me.
thats Is history.
you dont mean anything to me
Sunday, July 02, 2006
2nd July'06
hey world,
today started off lyk some other ordinary day.
just tt i was a lil more prepared for service.
cause the day before Soon Li alr told me wat was coming up.
i had no expectations in my heart.
i was struggling within during worship.
for concentration.
i placed my phone away frm me on purpose during worship.
though i havent contacted angeline n hwee min those ppl. they werent there for service yet.
i was feeling so guilty.
but at the same time, i rrly wanted to concentrate so much on My God only.
its been so long since i last do it.
i felt my God telling me to let go, and jus pay attention to my own Spiritual life for once.
all these while i've been bothering abt other ppl's business.
but wat abt mine?
so i listened and obeyed.
i drew nth down at all.
well, i thought in my heart, " forget it. maybe its one of those sessions where i wont expereince God again. maybe nxt wk wld be better. maybe."
smth inside just refused to let things rest.
i was hoping that there wld be an altar call meant for me.
i dunno. but to tell the truth, i've been feeling dry. and tired.
Flat frm all the giving and not receving anything in return.
why is it its so easy to understand others. but yet so difficult for others to understand you at times?
why does it seem so easy to console ppl while others are unable to console You?
i think this is so true.
maybe to a certain ppl.
i reckon, i'm one of them.
all the giving makes me Drained.
and so, i was hoping hard in my heart, for an altar tt was meant for me.
and it came.
they asked for cell grp leaders n helpers.
but i still wasnt sure in my heart.
i felt Him assuring me. really.
but i still backed out.
i Chickened out.
i dunno why.
my heart was practically shouting at my feet to Move and just respond to God.
but my mind told me, "no, they're not talking abt you. dun be stupid. you think tt little step makes a difference? Moron."
i noe it sounds so cliche.
but i just stood there rooted to where i was standing and stared at the screen, watching how God touch the lives of so many.
why, i dont know.
and tts when He came and Hit my heart Again.
everything just began to flow, smth familiar which i used to feel when He in me and i in Him.
den the tears came.
and it was hard to stop.
Joyce. i was so surprised when she placed her hand ard me and gave me a hug.
i was, i dunno. horrified. for watever reason.
i just stood dare still, not knowing how to react. to God, to the Holy spirit, to Joyce. to the atmosphere. watever.
but the tears just kept coming.
and tt warm assurance just kept flowing again.
and tt little voice tt told me to let go.
"let go, be strong. you can always cry in my presence everytime you feel weak, my child. you dun have to Appear strong all the time. i know. i know and i understand. thats why i've never let you go"
man. i wished i cld just appear in heaven at tt time.
and see Him face to face.
and He wld just place me on His lap and show me the Whole world.
and i wld look down and See for myself.
with my own eyes.
how Awesome He rrly is.
i'm still longing for that particular moment.
say it with your heart
hey world,
today started off lyk some other ordinary day.
just tt i was a lil more prepared for service.
cause the day before Soon Li alr told me wat was coming up.
i had no expectations in my heart.
i was struggling within during worship.
for concentration.
i placed my phone away frm me on purpose during worship.
though i havent contacted angeline n hwee min those ppl. they werent there for service yet.
i was feeling so guilty.
but at the same time, i rrly wanted to concentrate so much on My God only.
its been so long since i last do it.
i felt my God telling me to let go, and jus pay attention to my own Spiritual life for once.
all these while i've been bothering abt other ppl's business.
but wat abt mine?
so i listened and obeyed.
i drew nth down at all.
well, i thought in my heart, " forget it. maybe its one of those sessions where i wont expereince God again. maybe nxt wk wld be better. maybe."
smth inside just refused to let things rest.
i was hoping that there wld be an altar call meant for me.
i dunno. but to tell the truth, i've been feeling dry. and tired.
Flat frm all the giving and not receving anything in return.
why is it its so easy to understand others. but yet so difficult for others to understand you at times?
why does it seem so easy to console ppl while others are unable to console You?
i think this is so true.
maybe to a certain ppl.
i reckon, i'm one of them.
all the giving makes me Drained.
and so, i was hoping hard in my heart, for an altar tt was meant for me.
and it came.
they asked for cell grp leaders n helpers.
but i still wasnt sure in my heart.
i felt Him assuring me. really.
but i still backed out.
i Chickened out.
i dunno why.
my heart was practically shouting at my feet to Move and just respond to God.
but my mind told me, "no, they're not talking abt you. dun be stupid. you think tt little step makes a difference? Moron."
i noe it sounds so cliche.
but i just stood there rooted to where i was standing and stared at the screen, watching how God touch the lives of so many.
why, i dont know.
and tts when He came and Hit my heart Again.
everything just began to flow, smth familiar which i used to feel when He in me and i in Him.
den the tears came.
and it was hard to stop.
Joyce. i was so surprised when she placed her hand ard me and gave me a hug.
i was, i dunno. horrified. for watever reason.
i just stood dare still, not knowing how to react. to God, to the Holy spirit, to Joyce. to the atmosphere. watever.
but the tears just kept coming.
and tt warm assurance just kept flowing again.
and tt little voice tt told me to let go.
"let go, be strong. you can always cry in my presence everytime you feel weak, my child. you dun have to Appear strong all the time. i know. i know and i understand. thats why i've never let you go"
man. i wished i cld just appear in heaven at tt time.
and see Him face to face.
and He wld just place me on His lap and show me the Whole world.
and i wld look down and See for myself.
with my own eyes.
how Awesome He rrly is.
i'm still longing for that particular moment.
say it with your heart
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