"You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo."
-DADDY by sylvia plath

my scars remind me that the past is real.





--

now im stronger, than yesterday.

i'll take my chances with you.

close to 2:30am last night and i was listening to this song.
i like the part which goes, "woohooo.."
haha, CLICK FIVE(:

HMM, history wasnt very smooth,
but at least i made an effort to smoke my way through a little here and there.
Maths, MANN!
was doing my questions and then i realised i FORGOT how to press those buttons to make my calculations.
things like Hypothesis.
my format was all written out already, but i just Forgot what to press on the calculator.
Aye, oh well, they are overr.

bumped into PL-lites at j8 today.
met tofu and we went for dinner.

i bumped into this particular friend today.
and perhaps, maybe its just like what tofu said. "everyone is growing up."
but i just didnt expect her to be the one.
it got me into a lot of thinking after that incident.
what is love?

i think we are all growing Up.


LOVE is beautiful, its unconditional.

dear God,
PLEASE SAVE ME FROM HISTORY.
)':

You're the only one who can undo what i've become.

where morning dawns and evening fades, You call forth songs of joy. (Psalm 65:8)

i MISSED out PM today.
))':
i heard that it was so Cool.
and i felt so dumb after tearing in front of soon li and leong.
but i was that close,
ignoring the small voice on the inside of me. and headed to study instead.
today, i really Understood importance of constantly doing the little faithful things.
you could be so Close to experiencing sth in the supernatural,
but just when the breakthrough comes, you head in the wrong direction.
but now that its over, its Okayy.
i'll have my very own great time with HS in my room today(:
i want to experience it Everyday.

service was quite good.
it was really nice down there at the floor area.
soon li was trembling.
it felt so Nice seeing people around me laying down their pride,
crying and worshipping God.
though time spent with lana during lunch today was short,
i Enjoyed it alot (:
I MISS YOU, though i see you almost everyday in school.








CHERYL! you owe me pictureS the next time i see you You STEAMED PORK.
(:
--

TOFU came over to sembawang yesterday.
i felt so LOVED after yesterday and reading her blog.
(:
i THANK GOD for youu (:
and Yes, THANK YOU to you too.
for always taking care of me.
SLEEPOVERS at both your place and mine after my eams!
:D





the little pretty boy we saw in the library:
HAHA. okay, a very random picture. but i thought it looks Cool.

stupid friend of 12th years.
i've seen all your mischievous deeds since young man!
--

OHH.
i cant wait for the next blood donation drive.
wanna be a BLOOD DONOR.
(:

on this altar i Stand, with my hands lifted high.

The Dry Bones Live.
Ezekiel 37:1-13
vs1-the hand of the Lord came upon me and brought me out in the Spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley; and it was full of bones.
vs2-then He caused me to pass by them all around, and behold; there were very many in the open valley; and indeed they were very dry.
vs3-and He said to me, "son of man, can these bones live?" so i answered, "O Lord God, you know."
vs 4- again He said to me, "Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, 'O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord!"
vs 5-'Thus says the Lord God to these bones: surely i will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live.
vs 6-"i will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall live. then you know that i am the Lord."
vs7-so i prophesied as i was commanded; and as i prophesied, there was a noise, and suddenly a rattling; and the bones came together, bone to bone.
... ...

i like these verses Alot.
if even, the Dry bones can live and breathe again,
what more can me spirit who delights in Daddy.
dear God, i dont want to be Complacent with what ive already seen or experienced or felt.
theres so much more, so much More.





oh MAN,
its close to 5:00pm and i havent done a Single thing since 11am.
was supposed to head to the airport with gradys today.
but we were both so Lazy to travel that we cancelled it,
laughing at each other's situation over the phone.
she Rushed hme, all the way to yishun to just to bathe and pack her books.
while i brought all my towel and clothes to bathe in sch for Nth.
my Goshh, felt like some SUA GUs.
i dislike weekends. its so Packed everywhere.
macs' packed, library's packed.
theres no place to STUDY.
which leaves me to Home, where all the slacking and eating takes place.
mann, the weather has been so HOT lately,
thank DADDY for RAIN! more rain pleasee.
(:
alrightts, i should Stop complaining.
at least no one's home now, which means silence.
and my brother's not home, i can use his ROOM!
i LOVE my brudda's room,
Shouldnt have volunteered giving him that room when we were younger.
i Wish i can turn back time.
-

woke up feeling nausea and giddy yesterday morn.
i think i've been Too distracted lately.
because i left home without my __! (for personal privacy)
and i only realised it after walking out of the house for 15 mins.
HAHA, i told gradys and soon. MANN, so embarrassing la Please.
something's wrong with me lately.
down at the library, trying to Flood my brain with econs
when i saw something which i shouldnt have seen.
YUCKK.
it Grossed me.
--

BA GUA has been flooding me with phone calls lately.
:D
i cant wait for JUNE,
i cant wait for JUNE!
-

imperfection is what that makes us perfect.

Studystudystudy.
with GRADYS today (:
the library's a really nice place to be in,
especially when i just discovered a couple of Lit books on poems today.
my tofu has a new name!
BA GUA.
:D
she wanted to come down and visit me in the library today.
THANK YOU (:
i know your thoughts!
cant wait to see you Tmr (:
-
i miss my classmates.
i miss people like claudy and char and patson.
well, at least they are studying too.
-
THANK YOU
SOON LI YUN(:
for praying for us and taking over all our bs and all.
it must have been tiring for you too.
i wanna give you my Full support when you're having exams too!
HMM.
gradys and i ate so much today,
i felt like a Pig.
i need Time to jog and run!
OH, there was a scene at the library today.
some man was chasing after a thief down the escalators in the library.
and he got caught, the police came.
rather Exciting. Haha
alrighto.
CELL tmr,
gonna exchange guitars with LEONG.
HOHOHO(:

dont turn around.

tonight i've fallen and i cant get up.
i need your loving hands to come and pick me up.
and every night i miss you, i can just look up.
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight.
--

MUSIC

last night, 1 plus am and i couldnt sleep.
plugged into the praise songs in my mp3,
it felt good though it was dark.
(:

econs was like Crapp today.
i had so much time to stone in front of my paper.
GP was not too bad,
i hope i at least fare well for it.

my plans for the next few days are up already.
after the exams
i want to head to the gym andd
Kick-boxing.
JUNE is waiting for me,
i can hear it calling out my name already.

for now,
its LIT, maths, history and more econss

the words dont fit.

days grow longer and nights grow shorter.

slept at 3am last night.
but the time wasnt spent on my books.

unconditional love.

trying hard to be a friend but you make it so difficult.

i dreamnt of TOFU last night
(:
and with cell, we were all in church worshipping
when the pastor suddenly reached out his hands and said "touchh"
instantly, we fell back on our chairs, slained.
it was so Amazing in my dream.

i want to be a worship leader. i want to lead people into the presence of God.

ive been studying with nic lately(:
people always succeed in their attempts to burn midnight oil.
honestly, i dont know how they do it.
i guess im just not a night person.
which is, rather bad.
cause' i waste my day away ):
i hope i survive this round of mid-years,
at least enough to make it through alive.

STEAMED PORK, im so glad you're smiling now
you look so Much prettier smiling(:

challenging my spirit,
to go deeper even though it means the probability of lesser guidance along the way.

i Love DADDY for He is.
and not just what he brings or what he gives.

BYE.-

cold and out of breath.

esplanade.
is really a beautiful place.
while making my way there,
i found myself slowly stepping deeper and deeper into the world of arts.

met hansheng and we studied (:
cell was good.
i wanted so much to just sit there and worship longer,
just spending time waiting.

nothing comes from nothing,
go to, he's a Wise fool.

sometimes i feel so foolish and dumb.
but i realised that its in this unclear state of mind that i start to grow,
and start to see clarity.

i'll show you the best of it.

its crazy how we lost ourselves tonight.
--

daily long bus rides
left me in deep thoughts.
look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

there are so much things which i want to do after my A's
i have them all listed down already.
i gave school a miss yesterday and isolated myself in the library from the time it opened till it closed.
but receiving so many calls and messages cured all my boredom.
from hs to nic to liyun to claudy to wilfred to jon to leo to lana to sandy to joby to potty.
woahh they made me MISS SCHOOL so much.
and for a moment i wished i wasnt all alone in that Freezing cold library.
my mind has been a little distracted of late.
i wish i started work a little earlier.
but thats what everyone always say.
i wish that i can live my life with no regrets.
so from now onwards,
i shall just make the best of whatever i can.
(:

dear soon,
please Hurry get well sooon.

and
i Miss JOBY.
--

studied in the library with nic today(:
STOP EATING!
we both have a goal rmb!

i like talking about spiritual stuff or just daydreaming about my own visions.
someday, they'll all come to pass(:
i need bravery.
i need courage to dare to dream Bigger.

JESSE MCCARTNEY is so CUTE!
:D

my world goes round and round and round.

ups and downs,
smiles and frowns.

bright cold silver moon, tonight alone in my room.
--

i LOVE acoustic songs.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, dear mum.
i cant remember the last time we hugged
and even simple things like calling you mum seem like a challenge to me.
but i love you so much.

-

camped at macs today to study
but i couldnt get my mind to concentrate on the right things.
i like talking to nic(:
quite a bit has happened i guess.
and probably things just didnt occur at the right time.
but more than anything,
thank you for staying by me and always trying to help in some ways.
(:
friends Are important to me,
so we will definitely stay as good buddies if we remain this way.

i talked to Daddy last night,
there wasnt really anyone appropriate whom i could turn to.
so i wrote everything down instead
and it felt so much better there after.
for a moment, i was angry for being used.
as a stumbling block to others, and then as a stepping stone.
i felt so used.
but after reflecting, i realised that theres always a deeper purpose and reason for things that occurred.
thank you Daddy.

thank you Jesus,
for a new found hope.
Nothing is impossible!
i cant wait to see the change in him again.
(:



hearts joined as one.

sometime ago, i finally understood what my name meant.
F for faith.
"faithful fiona" was what leila would always say.
in her little cards or notes which she gave to us every now and then.
but together with faith,
comes along Fear.
Faith and Fear are really two extreme ends.
and at any point of time, you can only be at one side.
there are,
Many things that i really want to do in my life.
for example, just sitting down and Study.
but ive been running away and refusing to sit at my study table.
true, it is so Scary to know that you've so much to catch up.
its Even scarier to feel that you dont even know where to start from.
and everytime i pluck up my courage to do simple things,
i know that i must gather up my spirit.
because sometimes,
"the greater the faith, the greater the disappointment" at the ultimate outcome too.
sometimes i feel so far from Daddy that i dont even know if im going in the right direction.
but only to realise that it was I who didnt search hard enough.


Jesus, you are my BEST FRIEND.

-"she's fallen from grace."

human beings have so many different emotions.
that sometimes, its confuses me much.
-


you know, someday when im big enough to shine.
maybe a worship leader, or a mission trip leader, or a pastor. maybe.

this song, was the first worship song whose' lyrics caught my attention.
and with Althee, we both figured out the tune.

into the Holy of holies.

i've seen so much more than you know.
-

friendster has so many Weirdos.

my friend's having major bgr problems right now.
the feeling of betrayal Sucks.
i guess thats the painful part of love.

the guys in my class are so FUNNY n CUTE.
i Like sitting at the back row in class,
watching ppl like patson and joel entertains me and makes me Laugh
:D

i miss kick-boxing yo.

im captivated by Your love in me.

at times like these,
especially when i browse through the pictures which i have in my comp,
i cant help but stop and spend a few seconds longer, staring at certain pics.
they Really remind me of how much fun we had.
we were much younger, foolisher then.
more Happy too.
i wonder, how many of them feel the same way as i do when they see these pictures.
the last time i last saw or spoke to Pangsai was a Gazillion Years ago.
and SOON LI, though i always dont show it..
i LOVE you TONS and TONS.
okayy, i feel so EMO now.
but a part of my heart smiles because
we had it once.
and memories keep those moments Alive.






--

i used to be really afraid of loneliness.
but this feeling is GREAT (:
sometimes, personal time is really essential for- yourself.
choosing to draw away from alot of other stuff really gave me the time to think and reflect.
studied in the library today
it was Freezing Cold.
i almost became an Ice Block.
Studying is my New Hobby(:
the thought of studying excites me and makes me wanna keep going.
i am not being sarcastic.

ive got a DATE for SATURDAY!
*WINKS* :D

im captivated by this "captivated" song
you're the reason why i sing.
-

lunched with cell after service today!
i Love my CELL MATES(:
and i think Neal and Moen are so cute haha
little mischievous boys who really remind me of my own childhood.

service really Impacted me today.
and for all the people whom ive 'spiritually adopted in the past,
im determined to not let it go so easily again,
but to try even harder instead.
if not for yourself, then for those around you.

HILLSONGS UNITED is coming to SINGAPORE!
i wanna GO.
but my mum says no.
AHH
but its HILLSONGS.
i'll find a way to get myself there (:

i started using the book which tofu gave to me today.
its PRETTY.
(:


the heavens sing Your praises from above.

and it would be nice to know that your hands are always there for me to hold onto.
--

i always end up hurting the close ones,
and helping those who dont even care for second thoughts.

and everytime i realise how much hurt ive inflicted,
its always too late.
but please know that,
i do LOVE you alot.
its the sum of our arguments and laughters
i do Treasure you Alot.
-

its beautiful to have so many Awesome friends.
but sometimes,
it feels Nice to be alone too.
--

spent almost half the day at the dentist's today.
gave me an x-ray
and an Injection which hurt oh so BADLY 2 hours later.
gum felt so sore
the thought of not eating properly made me Depressed.
pain was Killing, i was tearing.
but the dentist was so nice and friendly,
i couldnt help but laugh at her jokes.
a few hours later and couple of panadol saved my life today.
cramps left me curling in bed with a few sleepless nights.
WHAT is happening Mann.
dear God, im a strong girl, please keep me healthy!
i wanna Fight again!

met potty to study a little.
and and,
i found cure for my dear fossil already!
gonna bring it down to that shop to fix it the next time i have the time.

im too lazy to rant on anymore.

thankyou, for being my friend.