12th July'06

i cant live a day without you.

and so the music plays in the brightly lited ballroom.
as she stepped in and looked around.
unable to believe what she was seeing.
it was all so Beautiful. too beautiful in fact.
lovely.
and when she finally took it all in,
she realised why its all so amazing.
because there was no more pain.
no more worries, no more sorrows.
just as simple as that.


its a scene frm Beauty n the Beast!
i wanna watch that fairy tale Now!
haha but sadly, i dun have the CD ):
i feel so deprived of So many things now tt i place studies as one of my most impt priorities.
oh my mama.
this is sucha sad life.
even the slightest thing at hme seems so interesting now.
things i havent been touching, i've developed a liking to them.
like the piano.
the guitar, tv, comp, Food, even UNO card games n board games.
my gosh, i seem to have some attractive force to all of them everytime i bury myself with books at hme.
we've come to the stage when everyone's counting dwn the number of days we have left before prelims. before O's.
they even write it on the board!?

well, stress Is good.
it gets you on track.


i've gotten hooked to a book recently.
you seee, i'm Even reading now lar.
its the latest latest version of 'fearless'
and the main character is so Damn Cool.
she can fight. she doesnt have the fear gene. she's got the character. she's cool. and she doesnt put in hell lots of effort just to look pretty.
in short, she's Amazing! (:
i think if theres ever this kindof creation on earth,
it wld be the best ever.

as the days passed, i start to narrow down things in my life.
some of which, i finally gathered myself to let go.
some others i'm still hanging onto So very tightly.
really. i realised as you get older, it becomes clearer on whats impt to you n wats not.
i hope nth gets damaged as we carry on with the last bit of the journey.
it'll be depressing.
so what is love?
or more than that, what is True love?
as usual, its one of my self qsning qsn. just lyk the way ppl always ponder on things.
i've been seeing ppl ard me.
some in love, some maybe Not really into it.
but somehow its almst the same.
cause it always draws back to the same current situation.
its one-sided. either that or the other party is ignorant to all that's going on.
but whyy. this is so sad.
true love is when parties feel the same with each other aint it?
but why does it always seem lyk one party has to start liking first.
and then after a longg period of time.
after all the suffering tt person goes through, smth beautiful happens.
maybe its this tt makes it even sweeter.
but still, it'll be totally Amazing if both were to feel the same abt each other just abt the same time, with the right circumstances.
maybe thats why ppl always say that nothing is perfect in this world.

what is love?
i used to think that i had the key to that answer long time ago.
but now that i look back.
it was just one of my own fantasies.
love is sacrificial.
no matter what happens. despite all thats has happened. whether what he did was good or bad he still seems perfect in ur eyes.
or so, its seems lyk this to me.
and i guess it also causes you to do Many dumb n foolish things you never thought you wld do.
things lyk finding excuses just to talk to him.
or get near to him.
or maybe even running away, just when you finally get ur chance to.
no?!
love is when that person appears in ur mind ever so often without you even realising it.
and somehow things that you do in the day, it kindof connects back to tt person.
no matter ridiculous it seems.

theres so much more to this on what human look to love as.
but sometimes i ask myself.
really, whats the point of loving someone when he isnt God's ideal one for you.
as in, what if you realise one day that smth great you treasure isnt part of ur calling, isnt part of your future.
then it had be depressing. demoralizing and heart breaking.
maybe thats why, its better to seek God first no matter what.
afterall, He's in the centre of my life.
He's my first priority my life. and all that i do, i just want to please Him.
so, isnt it better to please my saviour more than anything else?



your love made me see beyond everything