31st Aug'06

those were the moments, when things seemed smooth sailing
i've seen enough this week, both happy and sad
a few tears from someone who is part of my life
and i didnt rrly noe how to react.
i noe that, partially its because of me
everyone needs assurance and need to be told that they're impt
you're still as impt as before
am i?
you noe, i've been wondering if i am for so long

--

teachers' day went pretty well
and one of the performances cracked me up real badly (:
it was superb funny

my brother's leaving for italy today
he's gonna be gone for abt 2 wks long while i'll be hme studying
that lucky kid
its going to be rather lonely and barren at hme
how i wish i cld fly off with him

--

if i could make things better, i would
but for now, i dont know how to
used to speak abt reaching out and all those stuff
but then smth got me realising that we have to be strong first
i dont think i'm in the position
more or less, i've tried
i hope i can still be found
the light's getting dimmer
i wish that for once, He would find me
and me, i'll just sit in the corner and wait, hoping that i'm worthy enough for Him to come and assure me

"if you're walking with God, somehow, you'll be favourable in the eyes of others."
it was very true
am i still that favourable?



right here in this place, i just want to see your face

29th Aug'06

i dont really get it either.
i cant seem to understand what you want me to understand what you've been understanding all along.
this kindof sucks ):
i think i just felt tired for a moment.
-
hopefully things will be better after awhile


the teachers' day item got a lil screwd.
first we got in and then there was this re-audition.
and we arent in. and they said we cld put up with this lil item.
so we 'composed' this Beautiful song.
and now, it cannot be presented.
what crap?! ):
the song's beautiful! and the lyrics are so meaningful
i think the arrangement got so wronged, seriously.
only two sec four classes got in.
rahh, they shld just give priority to sec fours
and we all agree!


HRM. today's tuesday, tmr's thurs! class photo taking (:
i'm gona bring my Camera tmr !
i realised i have so few pictures of us in sch
and tmr's our Last proper lessons tgt as a class
after tmr, its prelims and den its revision in the hall
and i only realised it Today.
i didnt noe it had all be so soon
--

i looked thru my personal schedule today and i realised i'm a busy woman!
studied with rachel n sandy wong ytd!
and almst everyday's filled with either sch sutff or studies
theres hardly anytime left to play or hang out anymore.
i've been thinking of joby n junling alot lately.
i havent seen them since May
and i really miss them so much. i hope she rrly understands
this world's a demanding one
how am i to fulfil and satisfy everyone's needs, including mine?
"i'm dying with love present on this earth. and dying without it at the same time"
true huh? and we all say that love is beautiful.
its a tricky issue


funny how its seems lyk non christian friends appear to be more sensitive and understanding towards ur struggles.
it surprised me today.
normal people wldnt noe whats going on.
they probably wldnt even sense that smth Is wrong
i guess thats why God place these ppl ard me
for extra comfort (:
i told her that my soul's tired, if she noes what it meant.

--

i suppose JC life's gona be very different?
the blues just keep coming non-stop lately.
how wld we be by then?
will the way we sit, talk, act change?
the way you Burp after eating, changing in class, being rough n babaric.
its all so uncivilised. but i'm gona miss being uncivilised :D
cause' it had been so fun and interesting and carefree.
Hrm
NO. i dun wnat a class filled with ppl frm the opposite sex.
haha its gona be so different ):
being a sexist is cool.
i wanna be a sexist lar.
we were talking abt it today haha.
jue and althea! (:
guess wat?! both of them were mistook as guys in public before!
funny huh.
well, if you're wondering, i too had the same encounter
that was back then when i had Superb Short hair.
and the auntie practically said to my mum in frnt of me,
"woahh not bad, you have two boys!" -in chinese and i was with my bro
my mum practically pulled a black face at me the whole day, lecturing non-stop
haha
i think its so hilarious esp encounters with the toilet.
awhile ago, i was in china with my bung friend.
she Had to go to the toilet urgently but when we appraoch the toilet,
the toilet auntie appeared and she refused to let my friend in?!
she was lyk,
"dun bluff me. i noe you're a boy, go to the gents!"
my friend was practically jumping ard, she was so urgent Haha
superb funny :D i had to smuggle her into the toilet in the end, when the toilet auntie wasnt aware.

i'm looking forward to tmr,
for some reason, i dunno why.
but i wanna snap picutures with jue, mk, althea, Sarah, Rachel! shrooms..and the list goes on.





its still the same, you see,..it will never change

28th Aug'06

this is not goodbye, this is starting over
if you wanna know, i dont wanna let go
say it isnt so
(:

27th Aug'06

today's sermon was..woah.
ppl ard me were so giggly! and i cldnt help but laugh along too
haha, thats because in girls sch..you noe what kindof stages thsoe kindof jokes will develope into. it was kindof hilarious.

last night, i had a dumb dream.
i dreamnt tt i was in some coffeshop with a dinosaur.
and i was the only human it spoke to.
we practically chatted over coffee and food.
--

its EL prelims tmr.
and i feel kindof sick, honestly
the fear has more or less disrupted my mood for studying.
-
i sure hope that things are getting better on the other side
i think if we take away the slimming pills and tablets which are affecting some ppl ard me,
and take away the self-consciousness too.
together with homosexuality, things will be a little better?
why that girl?





hrmm, i dun intend to affect anyone with what i'm feeling
but i think we're rrly all drifting apart.
cant you see, that everyone has their own world
i suppose its just the exam symptoms i'm getting.
everything will be fine yea.
it will bee.



am i the only one in church today, feeling so small

26th Aug'06

i guess theres rrly lots of stuff which you cant tell ppl about
certain issues, its just the thing about
you noe you cant tell or share ur burden cause if you rrly do,
who noes what they might be thinking
they might just get get all worried for nth, and keep and extra look out on you
or just lecture and point to you solutions
or maybe they wont even understand
yea, we are do Need directions but wat are listening ears for?
many promise to be there and listen.
many say that they'll understand
but when it things really happen,
i realised that theres really only a few whom i can turn to
and i'm really greatful that
i'm not just the one giving n giving n giving all the time
i'm just greatful that the one from above is gracious enough to show me that this world is beautiful.
it takes to hands to clap



at least i know that there are angels

25th Aug'06

hey world, ARH!
i can Feel all my pimples popping!
haha seriously. i think its due to the stress that we've all been facing lately.
i rmb, we used to say n complain all in the name of Fun.
"argh, i'm so stress. i can feel all my pimples popping lar!"
thats wat we used to say in class
and Now.
how wld i noe it wld all come true huh?!
but its rather hilarious seeing a couple of them going thru the same thing as me
HaHa

after visiting spectacle shops,
i realised that finding a Suitable one isnt tt easy afterall
where did all those which i used to think was nice go to?
-
its phototaking on monday!
i just want to bask happily with everyone's company when we can
before the exams fever gets real bad
and before all the graduation and stuff
they're real bad stuff ):
i came across someone's site the other day
i guess we shld all jus treasure all tt we have and not complain
but look at the good side of it all instead!
cause its really really Beautiful
right? (:

no wonder ppl always say that we're very sheltered in the walls of PL
i was talking to rach the other day abt bullies n fights, that kindof stuff
and oh my gosh. i didnt noe they did such things in other sch
in mix schools, those guys tie up this other small petite guy and place him literally at the ceiling.
you noe, in class those kindof ceilings which you can lift up the square boards.
they actually stood on the chair and left tt poor guy there for a while.
it was so hilarious. but it was so Mean!
my bro told me abt all the fightings in his sch too. his juniors n seniors.
i guess PL isnt rrly that bad afterall.
no offence, but i really really do love my sch (: more than the other girls sch in this world
i think we're still the best i can ever have.
just look at all the pranks n commotion you get in other schools.
i guess the 'worst' we ever got was when the whole sec four level got pranked.
we went to class in the morning and guess wat was on the white board?!
"the girl with the highest belt gets a prize during assembly"
and some classes have things lyk
"its the principle's 70th birthday today, please bring these balloons down for assembly"
of course, the culprit was not caught.
but it was so funny!
yes, there might have been theft cases, and..lesbianism.
funny issues lyk girls with short hair having forced to wear wigs.
but still, its Good overall.
i can just go on and on and on abt the great times we had/have
its always been lyk this whenever we rake up the past
and i Love this place hell lot. ((:

lessons have been alright lately.
and chinese is a lil more interesting nowadays
cause' i'm sitting with jue and althee! (:
we belong to the same species!
i was attracted to this comic bk which rach borrowed frm amira today.
yea, okaay, its about love. but wats so abnormal abt that!?
and so, i was sitting beside jue during mt, reading tt book.
i was at the climax part of the story when she suddenly bang the table.
i was shocked and i stared at her, puzzled.
and you noe wat she did!??! she took that book frm my hands and went, "do ur work lar!"
and she gave me tt 'nani nani poo poo' expression
she was half smiling okay! she knew tt she had disturbed me
haha it was funnyy
but but but i rrly felt lyk punching tt stupid woman!
she took that bk frm me for almst the whole of mt lar!
and they were saying lyk i'm some pervert.
fact is..i'm NOT! i Dont read PORN!
i'm not sick in the head! haha
it was funnny (: i knew they were just kidding
but when i showed them the sweet parts of the comic,
their expressions cracked me up real badly.

heyy sandy,
i know you'll read this.
okay lar, i shall just be thickskin lyk you
and tell you that..i Love you too (:
and i really care for you alrightt.
its rrly great to see you smiling No matter wat comes your way!



-
Father,
i know it has rrly rrly been awhile
yet it seemed lyk centuries
You still have a place in my heart.
always have been and will still be
i want to return to that sit which i used to sit faithfully in.
and dwell in Your presence, the way i used to be.



knocking on heaven's door

22nd Aug'06

SANDY WONG!?
i'm nice (: it doesnt rrly matter haha i wont let such stuff bother me
but Anyhow, i'm Still gona change my password!
haha to ensure you dun impose as me! :D
-laughs

prelims' practical is over!
it didnt went all well though
for the First time i cld spot the cations and anions but i mixed everything up at the ans part and it all went wrong
okay, enough of that
after practical everyone was going on and on abt it non stop
it figures tt it'll all be better if we dun talk abt it.
arh! EL prelims is on this monday and i just discovered it a couple of days ago
that fast huh!?
i think i'm rrly ageing
haha
-
i dropped my hairband into the toilet bowl ytd
i had no choice but to say 'byebye' to it
i guess its a blessing in disguise cause many said pins are Nicer (:

after so longg,
i finally got the book 'the boy called it' in my hands
that true story is heart Wrenching ):
i'm not even half done with it
but i feel so blessed while reading it
that little boy went thru so much torture n abuse lar
its so Sad
his mama forced his face into the diapers with defecation and she made him place his hands into fire.
now now, isnt it heart-breaking?
and thats only the minority of it
reading that book makes me feel like crying
No wonder joby said she teared while reading it.
i rrly felt like i'm sucha fortunate kid, when compared to him in that book
cause, despite the violence that i faced. and all the other things tt pollute my ears at home.
i noe these cant be compared to others out there.
i know that many are suffering and are even worse than me.
so why, exactly was i complaining. and why, exactly did i felt so insecure and scared and insignificant?
that reason, i dont know.
but i know He cares for me.
and i feel Blessed indeed (: i know that He lets everything happen for a reason.
and,..i just want to turst in you.

i was just wondering, just how many out there are suffering in sucha manner?
Many, i suppose.
this world is such a sad place to be in ):
i wanna be Angelina Jolie.
i wanna be Mother Teressa.
haha i noe it sounds rrly funny and weird.

anyhow
i heard a nice song this morning from blackspot's ipod
and it kindof swept me off my feet
i forgot to ask for the name of the songg
-

Father, i really think you're amazing.
thankyou so much, for all that you've done in my life.




nobody told me it would feel so good

HELLO!! i'm SANDY!

well. i'm bored. so i decided to hack into fiona's acc. i didn't hack la by right, i just came in, because i came in (:
i wonder whats her reaction when she sees this. just hope that she wont scream n yell at me and "wo he ni jue jiao!" meaning, cut the relationship or sth la. fiona's chinese aint tat good so it wont happen. hahahah =P


LOOK AT FIONA's HEAD!!! ITS LIKE POPPING OUT OF NO WHERE!? hahah. she got watermelon head =P


she thinks that she looked weird. she always does. hahah! =X

LAST BUT NOT LEAST......


fiona quek loves me alot alot alot! don't you agree?!

hahahah!

shes the best! (:

20th Aug'06

once again, i'm feeling so BLESSED
(:
i rmb awhile ago, i felt lyk i rrly needed angels from above
and the most High did hear my cry indeed
and now, i dun have just one, i have a Few (:
i Really do feel so Blessed.
thank you so much!
and to sarah lee, i wanna be your cheer leader in your own spiritual journey too
-


today's sermon impacted me deeply.
as i scroll down my list of friends, i realised that some fit into stage number one
some dun seem lyk they wld last
i was trying to fit everyone i know into the diff categories
its true indeed that while good friends you have many, true friends you have few
i guess its rrly the quality that counts, and not the quantity
-
but i believe that everything happens for a reason
surely, these ppl we meet in life, they appear for a reason
and if that reason is just to be a hi and bye friend
it wld be sucha waste.

anyhow, its a brand new day tmr
(:
and i noe it'll be great



and i am left in awe of You

19th Aug'06

hey world,
last night, i dreamnt of Food!
-we three, soon li, me and jean were at this free flow buffet.
the whole place was filed with glorious bakery buns
we were Superb excited,wating for our turn
but When it was our turn, we had to pay for the buffet
we were the only ones who had to pay.
arh, wat crap haha. you can imagine three unglam women complaining in my dream.
-and ms gan was there too, for some reason.
seeing her in my dreams rrly spooks me out.
it happened a couple of times alr
i dream of her that night and the next morning, i'm late for sch.
is this some form of foreshadowing or wat
its so Eerriee


i havent been studying much lately, ever since the common tests
theres only 23 more days to prelims. ):
it seems lyk those retarded moments in my p5 n p6 life were only last yr,
and those carefree and happy moments in my sec 2 life were only last week
sec 3 seems lyk ytd
time passes so fast that i feel lyk i'm ageing.
i was reading a senior's blog just the other day
life indeed as been great for her, but she was ranting on abt her past.
her happy moments in PL.
i wonder if it'll be the same for me when i leave the walls of PL
no wait, it'll definitely be lyk this.
this has gone a lil far,
but i dun want to leave PL ):
after spending 10 yrs in this sch, i think it'll be lyk a hole in my heart, having to leave this place.
-
just the other day we were talking abt how nice wld it be if we all retained.
first, you have more time to study
second, you spend more time in PL
third, you have a better knowledge on how to spend ur time wisely
fourth, its a later goodbye to everybody
loook, theres more pros than cons.
i didnt write down the cons cause i tink that its just..
oh well, so it figures that i Choose to look at it in a good way.
but then again, how many ppl in their right mind wld want to retain?
very few indeed.


i realised that everyone has been making trips to the library alone to study.
i've tried a couple of times, but its so lonely!
i guess, we cant help it.
its all because of the distance.
maybe thats why everyone has no choice but to just place ur butt in one nearby library n Mug a few hrs straight.
i think by now, loneliness is a smaller issue.
-
"eyes, they tell alot" -ME
"shape, they form a person"-RACHEL

haha she meant body figure.
as in, what kindof body figure is appealing.
Haha, its kindof funny when you have this kindof talks in sch.
ytd, during recess this was wat was going on.

"whats attractive is their hair!"-MK, JUE
"and their smell"-Jac

and the talk on BO starts..
haha its rather funny. i realised that diff ppl notice diff things abt Other people.
like to me, the first thing that stands out is the eyes.
to rachel, its the body figure Haha
and shrooms, its the lips.
my gosh, i think mk, jue n jac plus me, we're the more decent ppl.
who on earth will notice the lips first!?
its just kindof weird..No?!


i did this little thing for fun, and i saw the results:

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

someone tell me wat does this means!?
i think it kindof links to my current life HAha





it was a dream come true for a short period of time

do you noe that you're actually very very impt to me?
sometimes as the days go by and as we live similar lives, but lives of our own, i realised that i let the day past without even talking enough to you.
its true that we're 'close', considering the places we go, the directions to which we dedicate our time and life to together.
but, but but its just not the same. its not the same.
it isnt any simlilar to what we were before we both grew so much. we used to play even more, and we used to share even more.
perhaps we've been so close. that we thought exchanging time for each other in exchange of other ppl wldnt matter much.
but i find myself missing you nowadays. i really miss the good old days when you didnt have to care so much for other ppl. when i didnt have to care so much for others too.
when we werent abt reaching out, or being more open.
i really miss the days when its just you and me, and others (: of course you've ur own grp of friends and mine too.
i think its jealousy. its looks lyk an ugly word. and i dun want to be jealous. but do you noe smth, feeling it actually makes me realise the impt of you.
why else wld one feel that way?
it doesnt mean that i hate whoever comes your way, or wanting you to place us first.
no, not at all. it just means that i hope to share the fun n laughter too. it makes me happy to see you happy. but it really makes me sad to see that the friendship that we share is slowly dying away.
i dun want you to get it all wrong. i know that many times you've doubted this friendship of ours.
pondering if this is actually worthy? was it the fact that we were so close, that i took you for granted at times? was it the fact that you doubted too, that you didnt want to be hurt and so you let loose a little?
i realised that i never actually told you how much you mean to me.
because it makes me feel so weird! i used to think, what if you dun treasure me the way i treasure you?
but no, i've come to discover that really, what matters most is who you are to me. it doesnt matter how you feel. thats what unconditional is about, aint it?
i dun want to fret over, us always being on the same level of things and who's gona be better.
true is, i never felt that way. but i fear that you wld. its such a sensitive topic, that i try hard to avoid it. i dun want this kindof things to come our way.
it doesnt rrly matter. if its your calling, why not? it wld be amazing just for you being who you are and me for what i am, and not having thoughts that we wld be on different levels one day.
it really doesnt matter to me.
our circumstances allow us to be close. but how close is close? i think i'll miss you Hell lots when things are different.
that day will come. when we each go our separate ways. and i dun think it'll be long.
i want to cherish and love you for who you are. the way you've always been to me!
i tink you'll feel so orbiang lar, but stilll, these are some things which i've wanting to tell you, but never got to.
i really do Love you. i really really do (:
and i feel like hugging you, dear friend.
you really mean alot to me.

17th Aug'06

the feeling of being sick is Horrible ):
just ytd, i was wondering how it feels.
and today, its My turn.
being a woman is Horrible. horrible, horrible.
and i think i'll fail today's A maths test.
i cldnt do them, and i didnt feel lyk doing them.
my stomach was hurting lyk crazy, i think i scared jue cause it was so painful tt i started tearing.
i cant do anything today.
i cant eat ):
it makes me wanna vomit.
but praise God! its 10:17am and i'm at hme, no sch for me (:
rachel ho didnt appear again, i think she's still sick.
the whole world's sick.
wat is happening!??



its been a few days too long

15th Aug'06

hey world! today's quite a beautiful day (:
though i didnt get to see wats written on the name tag clearly this morning.
and though we had a physics test today.
its over and its smth worth rejoicing over!
Rachel ho didnt come to sch today ):
i was so worried for that stupid woman lar,
she made me so worried.
by not picking up her hp, hse phone for the whole afternoon
and James didnt ans his phone either.
it appears that she's sick.
its so unlikely for her to be sick. i guess its a horrible feeling, get Well soon buddy
it'll be diff without you in sch!

we were having a conversation in sch today,
agreeing on who looks more to the chinese or western side.
so, Ms sarah lee looks more to the western side and shrooms who wants to look lyk a western is more to the chinese side.
and when it came to my turn,..
i was flashing everyone a Wide smile, waiting for their answer when sarah lee went,"you look more to the malay side"
i was lyk wat!?
so out of point leh! and do i really look lyk i belong to that group?


i was talking to gradys today.
and she's really,really,really very nice and gentle
so much that i feel rather man talking to her
haha, i'm serious
why are some ppl born out to be so sweet and some so..unladylike?
beats me

anyhow, i forgot wat i wanna blog haha!
dinner's ready (:
seeya!






i heard a voice inside my heart

14th Aug'06

i feel like i just drank a bottle of Sweet honey water.
i feel so Sweet (:
Eee i didnt noe so much ppl wld actually care abt me.
i'm So BLESSED indeed
thank you Father, thank you so much!
:D

14th Aug'06

i skipped school today.
arh, i know lots of ppl Will react and some will start 'lecturing' me after knowing my reason.
i have personal reasons. haha
i havent touch my physics yet and the test's tmr lar ):
and if case you dunno, i have a Phobia of physics, theres so much to study.
and mrs tay's face always makes me feel so guilty cause i've never passed nicely for my physics ever since last yr.
i dun want to let her dwn again, by failing this time.
someone once told me that diff ppl react differently to stress.
some work even harder and go all the way, some run away.
for now, i'm working hard, and running away a lil i guess.

but do you noe smth?!
the feeling of guilt is so heavy. and..rather intense for me.
i kept waking last night n the thought has been flashing in my head since this morning.
is it me or is it other issues? yes, it rrly makes me feel so guilty, but i rrly need the time
plus, so many other ppl's doing it now a days.
skipping sch to buy time.
i dun think i'll ever do this again though, the feeling's horrible.
clara must be sitting alone during A maths today, without any partner.
i can almst imagine her saying,"i'm gona kill fiona Quek!"
and rachel must be hanging with shrooms all day.
rachel saying,"i shld have pon sch with her lar! that slacker!"
shrooms saying,"i'm gonna scold her!"
mk understanding why i skip sch cause She herself Skipped before.
jue,"that fionaa arh.." and she'll shake her head a lil, but understanding my reason.
althea! arh, i wldnt dare to tell her my reason for not going to sch, cause i'll feel lyk i let her down in some way.
haha, it rrly do sounds lyk i've committed a big crime huh?
actually, i think i miss them more den i suppose they wld think of me.
funny how much sch has affected my life, esp the ppl in there.
though we arent that kindof close close who'll actually hang out 24/7, i guess its the link in the heart whereby, you just dun have to meet up and be close all the time. its an acknowledgement in the heart.
annnnd, theres laksa in sch today! haha, i noe lar, it sounds so dumbb.
But, its been smth that i've started to like recently. yucckk, they dun sell it on other days.

you noe, how nice wld it be if we all have a chance to make wishes.
this way, the world will be such a happier place.
i want to do smth great and meaningful after finishing my big O's.
i dunno how, i dunno what, but it'd be so amazing to fill the holes in ppl's lives. and, everyone's gonna be happy!
if i have the ability to do so..i would,
elana-remove all your doubts and fears that you have. and really, let you be happy on the inside, the exact same way you appear to be on the outside.
liyun-help you in ur spiritual life and boost it all the way up. cause i believe you really can do great things!
sandy-remove watever thing thats has been restricting n obstructing n bothering you for so long. i just hope for you to be yourself and do what you want! trust urself, n dun let others control you
weide-heal your sickness and seriously, Feed you with lots of food lar. you need more Food haha
hansheng-remove ur doubts and troubles in life and see you Happy!
rachel-take away ur slacker attitude and be behind you, supporting what you do in ur church (:
shrooms-help you in ur spiritual life and tell you tt you're really awesome!

lets face the facts, the world is sucha broken down world lar.


HAHA, rachel just called me. that woman skipped sch too!
oh wells, what can i say?





having a piece of you is amazing

12th Aug'06

i have one Big question,
someone please tell me wat is PUK number?
something is seriously wrong with my phone ):
i dropped it on sat and the cover kindof split into two and now its not working.
i went to meddle with my sim card on another phone and now the sim card's lock.
and all the card asks is for me to enter the 'PUK number', enter the 'PUK number'
lyk i noe wat that is!?
well, i would Love to enter that number.
my parents arent gona get me a new phone lar
so i guess, its a cut off frm the world now.


yuccck, i realise i got so many things need/want to get
but i just dun have the cash


oh wells, lets just count our blessings,
maybe its one less distraction so i can concentrate on my studies.
yea, Praise God.
i believe theres a reason for everything!
cause i choose to believe!



you're the song that lives in me

12th Aug'06

hey world,
it was the release of O' level Chinese results ytd.
you shld have just see wat was happening in sch manz.
the whole world practically went nuts.
the moment tt announcement was made, everyone started screaming and jumping lyk some Morons. haha
it was funny actually, just watching that scene alone.
is it the same in all the other schools or is it just ours?
either way, it still appeared hilarious, though i was petrified on the inside.
it wasnt tt bad, those screamings n jumpings make me feel even worse lar! it made me more scared.
and the weather just changed all of a sudden.
i was wondering if it was a msg frm God or smth.
the moment tt announcement was made, there was thunder and rain started pouring.
my gosh, it sounds so dramatic yet true.
wat an atmosphere to go with.

maybe its a girl issue.
before i knew it, so many ppl ard me were crying
i didnt rrly noe how to react when i saw mine.
i noe i dont deserve to cry. and i wont let myself cry over smth lyk results.
it seems rather dumb actually.
because, all those sleeping n slacking in class, i have only myself to blame. and i cant say tt i've put in my ultra best, as compared to some who mugged lyk crazy.

it all went alright until elana came into my class and she gave me a hug.
she was laughing, but i cld still see the bitterness behind her eyes.
and thats when those tears came.
i know, its so dumb lar. here i am telling others to be strong, and everything.
and there i am, myself, doubting God over n over again.
i'm not saying that He shld reward me with smth Big.
but when i look at the ppl ard me,
some dun even deserve wat they get, why are they getting all these?
why does it seem lyk Nth pays off for me?
and does God noe our bitterness indeed?
elana struggles so much, i noe she doubts herself so often.
even when her art is Superb, even when things seem to be smooth.
i realise that strong ppl always meet with the obstacles, and weak ppl usually get better and better.
and den the weak becomes strong.
and the strong becomes weak. and the strong always seem to be going thru smth big. and big and big and big. sometimes i just wish i'm just an ordinary kid. doing ordinary stuff. doing ordinary things. and let others encourage me. Let others care for me. let others pull me through.
let others worry for me, let others think n pray for me.
den maybe, i'd be all so strong n well now.

i'm not blaming the one above. i Know that God lets all things happen for a reason n everything.
and i Know that He cares. its not lyk i dunno all these.
these, all things i've always been telling ppl ard me.
but i guess, i need some time to let it seep into my brain.
and into my soul too.
you've seen how i fallen since the mid-years n nth actually seems to be getting better.
Where and How am i gonna get stronger?
i want to be stronger and i hope to be.
but circumstances tell me its gona be difficult.
when i went back to class, someone wrote the verse abt God making us the head n not the tail.
indeed, i noe the one above Loves me alot. its not lyk i've never seen anything Great done by Him.
but, why am i in this class when i dun even deserve to be in here?
to put me in the best and let me be the last? to be the fool out of the best?
it feels lyk Crap.
show me smth, just show me smth.
i noe i qns a Lot. but, i can honestly say that they dun deserve it. not more than i do. and just look at some, just look at them. they place studies before You. they dont know wats their Real priority in life. and yet everything seems to be going so smooth?
my life seems so be a contrast with theirs.
somebody just tell me if i'm going after the right thing.

we had O' level EL oral after sch.
the bitterness was slowly fading, i hope i do well for that oral.
i really hope i do.

i met an angel in school today.
i never knew her as someone so Nice and Sweet.
we were walking out of sch when i saw my chinese teacher.
i practically ran towards her, shouting her name.
and she turned and said smth lyk this in chinese," hui lin, ni shi zhe me le?" (my results)
and i was lyk, "wo bu zhi dao, wo bu zhi dao. wo ying gai cong kao mah?"
and she went, "Yao. ying hui wo zhi dao ni xing de. zhui sao A2, ni zhi shi lan duo er yi"
and before i knew it, she was holding my hands n looking into my eyes! telling me, that she'll encourage me and help me.
my gosh, my heart melted on the inside. that was seriously the best thing i've ever heard ytd.
she just seemed so motherly all of a sudeen, i almost Hugged her on the spot.
i had to stop myself from doing so.
i was lyk asking her,"ru guo wo zuo zuo wen, ni ke yi bang wo gai mah?"
and she went,"dang ran, zhi yao ni jiao, wo yi ding hui gai de. wo hui gu li ni de"
i was so touched. this rrly reminded me of my late compo the other time.
i was lyk one Month late, yet she didnt scold or anything.
all she said was, "wo deng ni de zuo wen, zhi yao ni jiao, wo ying ding hui gai"
Why is she so NICE!? she makes me wanto Hug her and cry,"lao shi!! zhi you ni liao jie wo!"
Before i leave the walls of PL and graduate, i'll defienitly take Pictures of her n me. and maybe Laminate them n place them Big Big on my room wall.
she's really amazing.
all those ppl walked first without waiting for me when my lao shi and i were talking!
and they didnt rrly buy it when i told her she's so amazing.
she really iss. oh man, someone tell me why is she so NICEE!?
i pray that she'll be happy always! (: she touched my heart ytd.


i supposed, it isnt the end yet. it isnt time to give up or anything.
especially not when others have Hopes n confidence in you.




you were a fantasy which i dream wld become true. was i one too?

10th Aug'06

today was (:
i met rach, James and Amos in the morning.
i was Supposed to study with rachel. we had lyk four chapters of chem to crammed into our brains, plus lit essays.
who noes, they came along too. haha
but it wasnt so bad.
we hung ard in the arcade n travelled all the way to esplanade's library.
for wat particular reason, i know not.
someone please tell me why were we so dumb?
it was no diff lar, it was as crowded.
but i guess we study better under pressure.
i sat there for hours straight. and after the whole thing, i really jumped for joy manz.
though i'm not done with another chpt or so, it was such an accomplishment.
three heavy chapters okay!
to us it was lar.
i came hme rushing lyk some mad woman.
theres so much to do ):
theres lit eassays to type out, and another Two huge chpts of chem to go.
and somehow, all the ppl i want to talk to or have been longing to talk to always happen to chat with me at my busiest moment.
makes me feel so sad, and guilty and argh,
unpleasant feeling.



i can Really really feel the stress all coming up.
there IS/ARE O's LEVEL ENGLISH ORAL tmr.
there's Chem test tmr.
there's lit test tmr.
i can just drop dead and die lar.
i never thought that blogging abt studies wld be interesting.
but, its seriously snatching the joy frm me.

Praise God! cause still, there's always a silver lining in a cloud.
you just have to look closer.
someone told me that we dun have to study the last chpt for tmr!
thats one huge chpt gone.
EEE praise GOD! i'm smiling lyk crazy now. cause its just so amazing lar.
((: wooohoo, i Knew it! i knew that God is good!
i cant afford to fail. i'm so sorry, but if i do, i wld be letting Ms ferngy down, my parents down, God down, myself down.
i've seen everyone's disappointed faces already.
its so torturing to see them.


my mp3 is exchanged with James' one for a WEEK (:
thats so amazing. cause it has Beautiful songs in it.
(:


tmr's friday, i'm think i'll love it still.




i realised that if i dream hard enough, it'll come true

9th Aug'06

which is worse?
doing averagely well in ur studies all along and suddenly, wham. big blow to ur results. you start to fail everything all of a sudden.
or
being in a Good class and not doing extremely well, yet enough to pull thru. when suddenly, wham. big blow too, everything's failing.

i suppose both's equally bad.



will you deny me now?
after those talks and sharing. its so weird, sometimes i wish i noe only a little.
i should have just stuck to my own circle of friends and not really bother to go a little further.


my heart breaks a little for the things of this earth.
stupid studies have got us depressed n upset over nth actually.
it only demoralises us.
it wasnt as sweet as it was before.
stupid stupid stupid.
excuse me, but ):
why must there be friends who are so hard to comprehend.
why must there be temptations everywhere.
why must there be love.
why must there be conflicts.
why must satan do all this?

whats life without a lil ups and downs?
really, i guess it wld be meaningless.


but if i have a chance to go on a runaway trip,
i guess i wld take only a few with me.
the rest, i dont want to think abt it anymore.
at least not for now lar, its stupidly consuming all my time and giving me redundant troubles.
i have my own to deal with too





daddy promised to sing me a lullaby

7th Aug'06

monday. and wat to say, ytd was Mostly, awesome (:
looking on the bright side of things, it was Nice.

met with audrey ytd morning and i almst Hugged her!
cause smth in her just makes me happy and break into a smile.
that woman is naturally cool and pretty lar, serious.
you just have to take a closer look at her.
you'll understand only later. i've known with her since pri one, i've discovered smth!
haha, and everytime tt teenage actor, shawn lee is mentioned, audrey flashes thru my mind.
no?
its lyk this to me haha.
it was so darn crowded after the whole thing.
thank God for an empty enough bus to board on,
after we walked to the previous bus stop.

we went to Mos for Food.
can you believe it, that was my only decent meal for ytd.
haha i cldnt believe it, and this morning, i was starving.
i had One bowl of laksa for recess. and almst a second one after sch, if jue didnt stop me.
they shld just give a bigger serving.
haha! and most of the ppl i noe in PL will go, Amen haha
anyhow, we were playing this number game at Mos.
and it made me laugh (:
but seriously, lemon plus french fry plus tomato sauce plus milk plus ice plus tea plus tissue paper isnt tt gross rite?
its only the finger touching tt substance! i'm sure theres Much more to fun.
haha perhaps i'm saying this cause i didnt lose.

FOP was really great.
i like Don Moen. he has a really clear voice and its amazing.
i didnt noe i had one of his CDs at hme, until ytd when we started singing his songs.
and to think tt CD actually belonged to my dad. and tt CD is so old lar.
no offence, but i thought tt guy in the CD died alr! to think i saw him ytd.
Nick vijichic was there too. (however you spell that name)
i was suprised. cause he's just this guy who has to limbs. no hands, no legs.
and i rmb, during one of our sch chapel, they actually talked abt him, being such a great testimony.
yes, he Is indeed a Great testimony. and smth abt his optimism touched me deeply.
i never thought i wld actually see or hear abt him again.
but there he was in the midst of the crowd, worshipping too.
its simple coincidences lyk this which tell me that i'm in the right place, and at the right time.
and most imptly, doing the right thing.
i almst made my way hme ytd, before the whole thing started.
but score one.
i didnt. and score two. i controlled my temper! (:
seriously, Soon li, arent you proud of me!? i didnt have a single moodswing last night alright.
it wasnt easy. i know it sounds so easy But it wasnt. before you left, it was horrible.
and after you left, it was as horrible.
and i was feeling horrible and rotten. i felt lyk a rotten banana, all squashed n lousy and gross.
and score three. sandy (: you pulled thru with ur emotions too.
haha
it sounds dumb lar. but i noe you hung on to the strong side on the inside. i saw it. i looked into ur heart!
haha nah, i'm not God. well, i felt you clinging on to the strong side.

i think i'm so blessed.
looking back, sometimes i qns why did God made me grow up in a methodist church when he wants to place me where i am now.
what were those 12 years for? some of my childhood friends frm there, whom i never rrly got to see again. but i felt Him last night speaking to me.
indeed, things do happen for a reason.
i guess thru these lil stuff, i've become more exposed.
to the methodist, to the charismatic. to diff areas, and being able to relate easily to diff ppl.
cause i realised that when it comes to things lyk speaking in tongues, the other side qns and dun rrly understand wats going on.
and den when it comes to singing those methodist songs, many frm the other side know nth abt it. or dunno abt those kindof songs, not used to the way the traditional church goes. the practices.
and ytd, God answered one of my questions i've been bombarding Him with.
its so amazing.
i really want to make it a pt not to complain watever comes my way.
cause theres a reason for everything, and God's our maker afterall.
and the more we Dont have to fear.
its enough knowing that He noes our sorrows, theres no need to harp over it.


little bryan is such a cheeky fellow.
haha. that guy thinks i'm 14. and he thought i was the same age as him at first.
p5!? hello, are you kidding me!? do i actually look tt young n immature.
and he Contaminated my New lollipop with his saliva-filled lollipop.
but i found a partner who has the same hand size as me (:
till we meet again buddy.

i was happy when i made my way to sch today.
finally! Althea kindof noes what those songs sound lyk.
i've been trying so hard to bring across those songs to her.
but apprently, i cant sing for nuts. and everytime i try, it goes way out of tune.
and i never get to teach you any song while you Always teach me new ones.
ppl lyk chris, claudia, jac know what i am singing in class now!
praise God, i'm not a loner anymore (:
Claudia is so..pro! oh manz, i really salute you (:
do you noe wat she was going to do ytd?
she was going to sit at indoor stadium alone for FOP.
i mean, she was all so prepared to go there alone, simply because no one was going with her.
imgaine being alone in a place full of unknown ppl.
i wldnt have tt guts to.
i salute you (: all that guts for the glory of God!










baby, its going to be different. its going to be only you and me