persecution always comes at the right timing. but i will not succumb to it.
was just getting my mum's signature for the sot form and she went on and on abt not joining if i failed to get any subsidies. i'll be shouldering all my phone bills and allowances by the end of this year as well. sighh, cant wait to change my phone plan and hopefully get a good phone. cant wait to get a job with a good pay as well!

im such a crybaby. anger, grief and stress make me tear up easily. i know its a form of releasement but sometimes i really wish they'll go away. today, i pinched my nose and forced the tears away. hectic week, im so glad its over. happy that the people had fun too (:
at times i just really feel like throwing in the towel and giving it all up. but Passion is rising up everytime you fall. keep reminding myself that this is the area which i need to grow in!

most probably donating blood tmr and heading to watch an science exhibition on bodies at the science centre. i wish $$$ falls from the sky.

anyway, good nights(:

long day ytd. queensway pm, visited the P6 kids and then had my first tuition.
super naughty and dirty-minded P6s!! asked me dirty jokes, commented that my front was small and they made desean and i chase them ard in the playground. so glad that my tuition kid is one quiet girl. but very mischievous too, wanted to off the toilet lights when i pee. Horrible leh!!

quiet day today, i finally got to sleep in. prayed on the phone with a friend last night. today's gonna be a good day (:

been carrying the vision of another. it kept me thinking of my own vision too. wanna run this race of mine and fulfill it well, only to hear
"well done my good and faithful servant"
(:


and nothing compares.

in my brokeness, i am complete.

feeling really directionless and lack of inspiration.
"A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps" -Prov 16:9
oh God, i need a vision!! and i need Passion!
so that even stumbling and fallings will not obstruct my way.

reading memoirs of a Geisha, its a really nice book. feeling upset by the persona's sufferings ):
cant wait for the huge pimple on my nose to shrink and go away. i am never ever going to allow my itchy fingers to squeeze the pimples again.
filling in sot registration form makes me really Excited. cant wait for my parents to return and sign the form. i dont know how, but God will provide. 2010 will be the best year yet for me. yess, i Believe!

i will move on no matter what.

so tired and worn out. but i will Persevere and keep on believing!

i never want to collect a bucket full of water again. because i would be so dry if the water evaporates.

and then, while i was bathing just now, i had another 'revelation. the evaporated water can be condensed back again. so its never too late to continue running my race. im gonna collect a bucket full of water and let it flow, flow, flowww.

encouraged (:

having Compassion without Passion will be redundant.
my brother says a person with Compassion yet without Passion is a moron..an oxymoron.
how to have more passion?


before my king of Kings.

ARGHH.
feeling so Irritated. how God, please help me.
i keep telling myself to not loose my cool, i know i can handle this.

nothing is impossible.

decided to just rest at home today just watching tv, surfing the net and reading my book. feels rather nice to spend some time alone. missing my parents though, hope they're having lots of fun holidaying and eating chinese delicacies (: i want to go on a holiday too. so badly, to bangkok to shop like crazyy!

i did the sweeping and operated the washing machine, hanged the clothes..wah, ive never really realised how much my mother has been doing for the family until now. ive been eating maggie mee for 3 days in a row!! i wont die right? haha supposed to jog today but im just too lazy to move. tmr I WILL. feeling a little aimless because ive yet to find a job ): wanna earn $$$ $$$$

itchy sunburns..really uneven tan line on my body. and my butt muscles are still aching from last week's badminton with the guys. Haha im so unfit!

feeling hungryyy

having my doubts..

but reminded that, God loves me for who i am and not for what i can do for Him.
and then im reassured again.
slowlyy, but surely.

hello! just a quick update in here (:

i've been really seeking God these days. trying my best to always place Him above all else. maybe its because of the exams fear too that i find myself praying more than five times a day. before, during my papers, while studying for them and during my own qt.. but what really blew me away are the encounters with Him.

now i really know firsthand of what it means by "just one touch and i'll never be the same". not that ive never experienced God before in my life. its just that, this season has really been a dry one. and i complain, whine, get upset and cry Alot. i kept reminding myself that God loves me as much as he loves those around me, kept assuring myself that God hasnt forgotten about me. but the next moment i find myself questioning God again. why me? why must i wait and wait and always wait? why cldnt i have gone to sot last yr, or even uni? am i not good enough, do you not love me enough? why must i have another breakthrough again, the past few ones weren't enough? sometimes i just move on. sometimes, just a little trigger was enough to make me doubt all over again.

But i grew so tired of complaining and thinking. and i made a decision to really trust God again. and i mean like, trusting whole-heartedly. true, it does make me feel vulnerable at times- prayers like "take all of me", "this is my life, use it as you please". sometimes i feel so scared making such prayers. but i think its the sincerity of making such prayers that really touches God's heart. i learn to lean Alot more on Him. I've been really seeking God these days, in my room when im alone. and i feel really happy to say that God does see the sacrifices we make. my sacrifice of faith. to dare to trust again. the recent encounters have really blown me away. Besides those dreams, the little incidents that really assured me that my God, my King is in control of everything and i dont have to be afraid. along the way, i also learnt to be really honest with God. i learnt that its okay to cry or be angry about things in front of Him. simply because He understands. He allows me to be in this situation and surely, its only human to feel this way. but after all the cryings and complains, i want to able to say that im becoming stronger each day. and that my capacity is expanding along the way.

the year is coming to an end. i know that He allows me to take this slightly longer path just so that i will come to learn to really lean on Him totally. even if it is only towards the end of the year that i learnt and changed. i think, different ppl have different areas of weaknesses in their lives. mine's insecurity. know that, God loves you too much to leave you the same.
like Job, i want to be able to say that those past trials are considered nothing. bring on the new ones so i can be changed again.
i dont think i can ever describe accurately my encounters with God- whats more with my poor english =/ but i hope i managed to translate some kind of encouragement through my sharing (:

above it all, i dont want to be complacent too. praying for a pure heart that will Always stay loyal and true.



feeling really sleeeppyy. feel like taking a nap before studying!
but ive wasted too much time already ):
i think i'll take a shower and drink some milo to stay awake. (since coffee doesnt work on me) haha, my exams end on friday!!!
HEH HEH HEH, i cant wait! (:


some dreams are worth waiting for.

you know that something is wrong when you're studying and yet busy untagging pictures in facebook and thinking of what to wear tmr.
oh no!! i better start focusing.
so sad that i missed out on halloween, looks like Lots of fun ):
feel like i havent caught up with the cell in ages.

anywayyss, just a few more weeks till everything ends.
alrighty, off to studdyyy!

I, just want to be true to Daddy and myself about my own feelings. learning and trying my very best to be satisfied with whatever i have. no more bitterness or complains or even comparing myself with others about our haves and have nots. reminding myself that whatever i have now is the amount of grace He has over my life. telling myself each day to keep having faith despite the thoughts in my head. im not outspoken, gifted or a good leader in anyway. i just have my willingness to offer in any case. take me, mould me, use me, walk beside me. feeling like a young child throwing tantrums during my lower times. But i know that He can take my honesty. someone once told me that if i want to take a break, i should take it with God. and not from God.

where are you Daddy? i miss youu.
let's go on a holiday.

boon lay today for history tuition, lunch with mum and spent the rest of my day at starbucks studying. was feeling tired. kept nodding my head as i dozed off on my seat, So Embarrassing! everytime i go there, i see an RJ (the same one) girl studying. plus another 2 more regulars whom i always bump into whenever i visit that starbucks. woww, they must be going there everyday. imagine the amount of money spent on coffee??! imagine how hard they are studying for 'A's! freakky. today, i joined them. heh heh. a little distracting though cause' i find myself observing ppl like you know, people-watch. pretty interesting how humans behave(;

facebook is so distracting! its 12:54am, feeling so tired again. wondering if i shld just give my lit assignment a miss this week.. gonna be a novena starbucks at 8:30am tmr to study before tuition and pm. i need sleep!

i got a little cranky few days back. crazy emotions. i think its the stress kicking in. feeling loved and cared for by those around lately (: feels weirdd to be receiving in such various ways. makes me feel like giving something back in return. haha


"it doesn't matter how slow you go as long as you dont give up."

surprised at myself for liking singers like demi lovato and miley cryus. i was so Determined to not like any of these typical songs haha so dumb right i know.

just finished writing a lit essay on a poem which is Superb Tough. feeling satisfied about it now (: today was an unfulfilling day, slept in a little to catch up on sleep and spent the rest of the day zonning out. i really need to sleep early so that my body clock doesnt go cranky again.

been having Really Retarded dreams the past few days. nightmares of evil spirits haunting in my sleep. its so Crazy, sometimes i feel like i havent even slept. because of the trauma and fear ): they say its because we think alot in the day thats why dreams occur? hopefully i dream of something sweet and lovely for a change tonight.

anyway, i got carried away on youtube just now. the video below is very sad and rather gross actually. really makes me thankful for who i am and what i have.

and another story, of the "Elephant man".

"the Joy of the Lord is my strength"

breathe in breathe out.
"what doesn't kill you will make you stronger".

i feel you tugging at me, a voice that whispers inside of me.

sighh! was just browsing through old photos and i think i really put on weight! recalled my first yr in J1 when i could still fit into my small skinny jeans. now its just lying around in my cupboard because i cant fit in man! ): thinking back, those were the times when we had Crazy basketball trainings. we used to run At LEAST 10 rounds around the track before drills and basketball trainings. and when its nearing the competition, we trained THRICE a week! Wah, that must be lots of calories burnt. and i rmb that crazy BEEP TEST. keeping up with the timing which the radio set for us and running in front of so many other basketball n soccer guys. now, even running 2.4km makes me feel all worn out! =/

i have so many things that i wanna do. ive ALL of them planned already (: first of all, GET FIT, STAY FIT. BE SLIM! haha next, i really wanna get a good guitar preferably frm MAESTRO and a nice, hard, solid guitarbag. haha. was running to get into the train the other day and the door closed. it left a slight dent on my current old one. )': and when i get my new guitar, wanna learn how to play favourite songs like 'breakaway', 'no boundaries', 'this is me', 'you belong with me' and many Many more(:

but for noww, STUDYY.

some issues bugging me recently.. i think i need to solve my existing problems before i can move on. its like, if i just ignore and cover it up then just one day when the worm comes, all the bottled up stuff will emerge again right?

moving on..
(:

was over at charm's place today, working on nationalism and chatted quite a bit (:
sharilyn just sent over lots of lit notes, i think she's so Sweet!
my next few days' are Crankyy. having tuitions almost every other day!
feeling that, i need to build healthy relationships. my assurance n value doesnt come from people around me but from God above. ive been reminding myself that recently. shared discipleship on sun morn n was inspired by my own sharing! felt that Daddy was assuring me some things. Anointing attracts people. i wanna be more honest to myself n those around me. wanna be who i am and not what others want me to be. felt Daddy telling me that i dont have to worry, because his anointing will do the works for me. i just need to find Joy in what i do and be happy, everything else will fall into place eventually.
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." -Matt 6:33

many unsaid desires in my heart. dear God, only you know my needs.
dear heart, dont make haste. Pray trust wait.


i know when it comes it wldnt be too late.

ION with maggie today (:
i miss her so much! bought a shirt which i like alot. superb Broke to the maxx now.
cell and then study session, fed lots of mosquitoes today! ):
Excited for tmr's discipleship session now, feeling for the msg(: HEH HEH

im too lazy to blog. GOOD NIGHTSSSS (:

i used to have someone always proudly declaring to me that i was her bestest friend, though i've never assured her that she held the same position in my heart. there were so many close ones, i cant tell who's the best. to me, best means always being there without fail and sharing all my happy and sad. because that specific person is different from the rest, i set very high expectations of that someone. its like that little action she does can make me alot more happier or sad just because she is my Best friend, the one whom i care most about. i dont want to unconciously set all these standards in my heart and wound up disappointed. that is why ive since stop the idea of having a Bestfriend. a circle of close friends would be good enough.
we are Worlds apart. i just cant find the right way to express it. different environment different beliefs different interests even. honestly, ive thought about letting go manymany times. but giving up isnt and will not be an option for me. wish i can forgive and overlook like i used to. wish i was more understanding and assuring too.

i studied at the library's cafe today, bought hot chocolate n a muffin. guess the lady at the counter was really bored, she kept looking over to see what i was doing even though i was just studying. yes i sat at the table near the cashier, should have chosen a better spot. midday, bumped into yoke kuan n weatherly, they were having bs! time is running out, i tried to study today but my short attention span really isnt helping. only completed maths n the basics of nationalism AGAIN. keep going back to the start of the book because my memory keeps failing me and ive to read, understand n memorise all over again. ): left the library and i was really intending to head hme. but i noticed the newly opened COTTON ON in the shopping mall. haha God must have heard my desires. because i was really thinkin abt heading to woodlands just to look at Cotton on for clothes. -this is called desperate shopping when you've got no time Okayy. and woah, the shop just appeared in front of me. it was never there before. i know it because i go to the shopping centre often. it must have opened a couple of days ago! so anyway, tried lots of stuff but many werent that appealing. bought a couple of pieces home. feeling a tad happier, now (:
should i visit the lib again or just stay home?

my plans to exercise and loose the flabs keep failing because im just too lazy to vist the gym. gym's much more effective because i always end up walking when i jog at the park. aiya, thousand and one excuses building inside my head. what if its crowded and full of guys? need to bring towel, sports shoes, bathing lotion and all, superb troublesome. but i know i cant keep procrastinating if not i'll really turn into a FAT POTATO!

sighh, God please help me solve my friendship, family issues and deal with my worries appropriately. aiyo, such basic things in life.. i really need to have better control and live life to the Fullest.
Hungryy. craving for long john's grilled chicken wrap.

"but we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed- " - 2 Cor 4:7-9

"just keep swimming, just keep swimming" - Dory in Finding Nemo.

just keep going.

ignore the video. LOVE the music! (: p.s, guy is handsome!

what if God allows me to go through all these just so that i can impact someone else's life for a short moment of time? then it would be very foolish of me to keep dwelling on the fact that im taking a longer route and miss that opportunity.

like pst kong's daily devotion blogpost on Amazing Love(:

THE SANDS ARE RUNNING OUT. (new phrase which i learnt today)
i better make full use of whatever time left.
this year's full of many changes. Really wishing that i can do my best and say the right words of comfort to a dear friend. wanna fight the good fight of faith together.
AH, i keep zonning into the post-exam mode, thinking of shopping, wrking and all the korean shows which i can watch already. need to FOCUS.

feeling ))))):
SIGH. at times like this i got to keep reminding myself that its not man's approval which im looking for but my Heavenly Father's.

sometimes a little resistance is good. kites fly against the wind, not with it.

JUST TWO MORE MONTHS.
and im only at my first hist book, out of Six?!

many breakthroughs recently. i learnt not to judge and limit others as well as myself. and one thing for sure, i can Never outgive God. thankyou so much (: it overwhelms me.
lots of things to balance right now. sometimes i feel that i can only Dream. because of the time constrain and my other priorities. but a better look at the bigger picture caused me to see that nothing's holding me back except myself. i guess its the fear to commit and the fear to sacrifice again. thats the way it is. i need to score and excel this time, cant afford to make the same mistake twice. no, dont wanna think of the bad consequences. it makes me depresseddd.


OKAY STAND STRONG AND FIGHT. WHAT AM I WAITING FOR???

too worldly for me, this friendship, should i break it or try to make it?

Service today was Greatt. Love cellgroup and service esp my Awesome pastor (:
Very Proud and Happy for Leila mama too! if not for her i wldnt even be where i am today. so happy and honoured to be in her ministry-which i know will continue to grow and explode in numbers (:
really want to get baptised but my dad says no. hopefully he changes his mind. if not, i'll always try again the next round.

anyway,
The girl's name Analeigh \a-nalei-gh, an(a)-leigh\ is a variant of Ana (Hebrew), and the meaning of Analeigh is "favored grace".
sounds nice? heh heh heh.
(:

was studying the other day when this song came on.
i almost forgot how beautiful it sounded. does anyone has it?? (:
Depressedd. was talking to someone today, i understand what it means about no one being able to fully comprehend. there is always this void no matter how i express.
Many times, people are slow to listen and quick to speak. thats also the reason why (personally) i wanna lend a listening ear to people out there in the future. thankyou those who tried encouraging me, Appreciated. aiyo, really stressed up. i've been dreaming about GP examinations, ghosts, people after my life and other weird stuff. had my first history tuition today and his comment really affected me. i really dont want to have an E grade again, whats the point of retaking again then? ya i know i shldnt dwell on it. sometimes i work so haywirely under stress. i can take mins and hours to plan my days ahead everyday, telling myself i shld finish so and so by which day. but at the end of it, i wound up being more stressed because i cant keep up with my own schedule. Rubbishh. feeling like a Nincompoop. (this word really does exist)

on a flip side, havent been going out and spending recently. so.. i managed to save almst 30 bucks this week (:

I SERIOUSLY NEED MORE TIME.
sometimes i just feel like ive no life ): especially when ppl start asking, "so what did you do today?" what elsee.
been trying to squeeze many different things into my days. thinking of putting a halt to certain things but at the same time not wanting to limit my own capacity. what do i do? where do i go from here?
wish i slacked lesser and spent my time wisely.
wish i can do without sleep and coffee has effects on me.


Jesse Mccartney is CUTE.

terrible terrible nightmare last night, dreamnt of close ones all after each others' lives and there was this part when i was being captured and locked up underground with someone controlling my thoughts, mood, actions..basically my life! it felt so much like THE SIMS just that i wasnt the game master. Hate such dreams man, they send creepy crawlies up my backk. ):
studied with soon liyun n cheryl at starbucks today before evening pm and than chats by the river. 'been at various starbucks recently, i think i contribute qutie a sum to their profits! so much fats n sugar floating in my tummy.

WANNA SHOP SO BADLY. seeing so much stuff online but all the clothes are starting to look similar. seriously cant wait to go shopping with eunice on friday! (: its much better to touch and feel clothes and buy On the spot. meeting pam like Finally on thurs night.

my last day of work is tmr-tuesday, WOOHOO ((: tuition on wed and studying in the day on thurs and friday. so Much to do this week. so many bdays and other stuff to plan. WAH. ive decided to be away from the cyberworld, besides checking my mailbox.

hope this week gets productive.

Hello wello! (influenced by nic)
swimming wasnt very successful. Great hot sun but we were so lazy, just splashed in the pool for an hour only. would you believe it if i said i only swam ONE LAP? haha ARGhhh, feel like swimming again but p just came, bad timing ): need to invest in a pair of good goggles too, the one which i bought is of such lousy quality! thats the result of being a cheapo and trying to save money.

celebrated my grandpa's birthday today, feeling so Full from dinner. All the kids(us) shared a table n we ordered anything we wanted since the adults are paying (; took neoprints with my cousins for the first time too. Very interesting, watching the guys moan and groan and then giggle n laugh when the cam starts snapping. okay maybe not giggle.

Chuch anni is tmr. feeling so Excited about it (:

many thoughts, sometimes the negative comes in the way and i start questioning my own ability and if im ready. honestly, there are many things that im still not sure about. i need to be bolder! and Stronger.

http://community.livejournal.com/sgflea/67559707.html#cutid1

online shopping is Crazyy. making me want to spend my moneyy! really liking the gem disc stretch bracelet. that accessory shop at citylink sells its with blue gems! but at 14bucks. feeling like getting it.

gonna start saving my cash up though. wanna buy new mp3. my current one is cranky. Wah i think im so greedy, being so needy.

it Rhymes!

reminds me of the lit tuition we had we ms thiang last wk. really enjoying lit and the many topics of discussions. if im blessed with writing skills..would really love to write a book someday (:

eunice's birthday party:

not my will but Yours (:

just a few of those pictures(:

spent most of my day underground having tuition ystd. ive been thinking, know that to so many people around me im just busy studying for A's everydayy. recently, ive this thing about skipping outings and other gatherings so that ive ample time to study. but what if at the end of it i dont make it again? what if despite all the 'studying and tuition i still cant make the mark? think ive been too stressed lately ):

arh, dont really want to think about it anymore.

going swimming today before settling in the library. hope we receive an enough dosage of the sun, slightly burnt wld be nice(:

saturday night, class outing at minds cafe was Retarded. im in lovee with the apple crumble there (: stephh did an operation and she lost over 10KG my goodness! i was shocked when i saw her, she seems so frail to me now. was thinking abt how its like to actually fall sick and land up in a hospital bed and then i wake up to see friends n family ard me with baskets of flowers of fruits(hopefully)..sounds quite Fun actually Haha. they, or rather we camwhored like crazy, waiting for the pics to be uploaded (:

gonna really cut down on my social life already. i Must be more Disciplineddd. seeing soon ah li so serious and focus makes me wanna be more strict with myself too. i am So Gonna make sure i land in a decent university with a good course. WATCH ME MAN.

both of my guitar's out of tunedd. we sang praise without guitar during cell on sat, need to get them fixed fast. on a flip side, i decided to invest in a chiese CD from church today, gonna listen and sing and learn those songs during my own QT, quite excited about it(: i Love my mehmehs, sometimes i wish i have so much more time than what ive got to be able to go the extra more through my actions. it seems like ive so much time in my hands because theres no school, but not really actuallyyy. i Am and Will be a full nerd from now onwards. gonna find a way to balance things up and juggle everything.

just finished typing parts of my lit essay to send to Ms Thiang. wanted to go the extra mile and do the whole essay..Wah im seriously dozing off already. think i'll just stop at 3 paragraphs =/

oh yes,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE WONG ((((((:


oh, reason not the need.

was down with fever and super Bad headache for the first few days of the week. woke up so many times in the middle of the night which left me tired and sleeping for the rest of the days. made a couple of visits to the doc's too and i realised that Lots of ppl are sick! terrible, i dislike being sick, makes me feel so handicapped.

just got back from dinner and a long discussion with some ppl from cell. a mixture of feelings (:
i have just so much to improve on. before i even take another step in shepharding my own ppl. need to react rightly in different situations too. when it comes to serving, my own feelings are secondary and thats really what loving ppl is about. ive got to much to learn n improve on.

So much to do for the next couple of days! how now brown cowwwwwww? ):

-prepare discipleship msg

-practise guitar for cell

-birthday card/present

-STUDY coldwar, global economy etc etc etc.

-class outing tmr aft cell

a pure heart, thats what i long for.

like switchfoot's songs.
--

i need to be wiser and have better reactions.

the world is moving on so fast that sometimes i have such difficulty catching up. but i tell myself, its not abt how fast or how soon but being where i am at the right place at the right time. its not the quantity, but quality..

this is your life, are you who you want to be?

friday night, my mum just baked cupcakes mmmm(:
feeling really cared for. i came home to find my mum steaming crab! because i was just expressing my craving for CRABS a few days ago.
very yummy but bad for my tummy.
i am missing nic and angeline for the weekend already. plus lana tan who's busy with her camp. hope they have great Awesome times though.

had lit tuition early in the morn today and charmaine n i decided to camp at starbucks for the day. nice place to study before evening when everyone else starts coming in. sharmaine n godfrey came over to study for awhile in the afternoon (: gave picnic a miss today n decided to be a lil more devoted to my books. seriouslyy, i need to start burning midnight oil and stop falling asleep everytime i try to study at night. if not my history will really be history. goodness, whilst studying coldwar i find myself getting more n more pro-marxist. feeling quite frustrated for the russians at times. =/ sickk.

have my eyes on manymany accessories and wants! ive concluded that online shopping is really dangerous. I Am Seriously Gonna Cut Down now. ms blur queen got her eyes on an accessorize wallet..dont be saddd, who knows, it'll be halfed price very soon! thanks for that card n encouragement(: and, i really see you in a different light today. big heart (:

1:14Am, oh ya. not finished with my discipleship msg for sunday yet.
next week. i really am gonna move my lazy bum and start exercising.
mm, still thinking abt that leather wrist band which we saw today. so many things i wanna.. need $$$!! speaking of which, i want my 40bucks backk.
how nice if cash were to rain down from the sky.

been ranting on and on non-stop. okay, time to log off. tadas.

secrets are meant to be kept. if not why are they called secrets?

its been AGES since i last joined them for outings like dinners and lunches. now that i do think about it, i feel quite bad for always not turning up on basketball gatherings. sigh, i got to manage my time more properly. what to do? going through a technicolour phase what. got to master the art of balancing!

typed a whole chunk, but backspaced everything in the end.

when ppl say they want to care, how genuine is it,

how long are they willing to actually stay and wait and care?

"human beings are selfish. they need their needs to be met and most of the time, at the end of the day despite what they say, its still 'me, myself and i'."

on a sidenote, i managed to survive SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS of tuition today with char and yuanyuan. An hour and a half of literature and the rest of the day spent in our underground tuition centre stuffing ourselves with tidbits and econs.

bs with Godfrey n Sharmaine before dinner with the rest tmr.

but before everything else im gonna spend some time alone studying and mostly, to re-charge(:

good nights.

caught the movie "Obsessed" today! the show featuring Beyonce. was really good (: wah, that guy's body is SUPER BUFFED. i dont know how to describe it man. lots of upcoming movie clips that i wanna catch.
Donated blood for the second time a couple of days ago. having tiny dizzy spells these few days whenever i get off the chair or bed. doctor says that i have low blood pressure. gotta exercise more to keep fit!
kept dozing off in GP tuition today. oh boy, today's not a productive day at all. ah soon says that prelims are 50 plus days away and charmaine counted the number of days left to A's.. only abt 188 =/
goodness, think i need to be much more disciplined n hardworking.

'been reading my twilight books again the past couple of days. i think its Amazing how some authors really can write. find my own heart thumping nervously at all the exciting parts and those romantic moments just make my heart melt. Stepahnie Meyer is really Goodd. wah i dont know which will be the next book i should read now.
was dozing off during long hours of econs today. bumped into so many people at the tuition centre which made me realise that lots of ppl from SR are retaking. mm Ms blur sotong queen is gonna give me wake up call tmr morn. i better get off the comp soon.

i am going JOGGING tmr!!
my first cardio exercise in 4 weeks plus.
haha yes, ive been that unfit. shows how busy and lazy ive been.


going through a.. technicolor phase.

taylor lautner is much better looking!

--

Breathe.

for all the times ive lent a listening ear,

i just need a shoulder to lean on when my stormy seasons come. i can take the pain.. but i need to let loose, let loose. wish i listen less and take more and then find myself hating what i wished for.

breathe.

"Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm;
for love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as the grave;
it's flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame."
-Song of Solomon 8:6

myGoodnessGracious me! woke up late today and i was supposed to book seats. rushed to church and was sharing with ah soon and jicai abt my 'nightmare last night. i, dreamnt of GORILLAS. my gosh, dreamnt that i was a gorilla and there was this other pokemon who plucked my hair to eat and it evolved and after becoming so Huge, it came after me in my dream. my Goodness, Superb Scary.

anyways, am so looking forward to having bs with Godfrey (:
i MISS LEILA MAMA. feeling so honoured that im the first person she actually called from UK!
which reminds me of the great time we had KTV-ing together before she left.

headed down for an event after service and a few of us went dwn to a flea mkt.
Superb packed and hot and stuffy but can really get good deals there if we DIG.
i regret buying a couple of them though. but am so Looking forward to the next flea market with my beloved shopping buddies! (:

this week, i wanna learn from Jacob.

what matters most is being at the right place at the right time.

my conclusion of the day:
People need the Lord. Even though they hardly ever show it, even though they are always constantly searching for something else to fill that empty hole within. At the end of the day, people still need the Lord.

and that includes me.

watched bits of Finding Nemo on channel 5 today and i actually teared!

Manymany random thoughts in my head today.
dear Daddy, come and make my life so much more interesting than this.
(:
breathe life into these bones of mine.

i am feeling very Blessed to the max for Loving leaders over me. closer ones like leila and nic and the even bigger leaders like pst Kong in church. (: so much words to say, but words cant express how inspired i am to be a very good leader myself when my season comes.

feeling Super Zombifieddd due to a lack of sleep the past few days. am so drained that i fell asleep while typing on the keyboard halfway.. but this wk has been a pretty fruitful week. feeling closer to some ppl after sharing "close conversations"(: and, Daddy has been answering my prayers on having greater compassion and more Love towards others. On a personal level, i really want to be able to say with All my heart that i agape God and not just phileo Him. im not there yet, but i want to be and i will be (:
thinking of the discipleship msg to share tmr, hope it turns out great!

okay the Z-monster keeps attacking me, AH!
hopefully i can last long enough to do some studying tonight or tmr.

till then.
:0)


deeper in love with You.

havent really blogged in awhile that ive lost the gist on how to blog posts! boy oh boy.
mm think my econs tuition is a really cool place to study in. underground bomb shelter with Lots of snacks (: haha am really glad that i signed up for it.
saw a bag that i really liked at bugis street but its totally sold out now ):
MM, my whole world seems to revolve around studying recently. besides the usual meet ups with friends and hanging outs i dont know what else to talk about anymore. Studying has become my priority.

think im really Slow. but loving this song(:
they lyrics are very apt.



Seconds hours so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever
If you feel you’ve lost your way
What if my chances are already gone
Started believing that I could be wrong
But you gave me one good reason
To fight and never walk away

so here I am — still holding on!
Every step you climb another mountain
Every breath its harder to believe
You’ll make it through the pain
Weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing just
When you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you’ve almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries

I fought to the limit to
Stand on the edge
What if today is as good as it gets
Don’t know where’s the future’s heading
But nothing's gonna bring me down

Jumped every bridge
I've run every line
I risked being safe i always knew why
I always knew why

You can go higher
You can go deeper
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath you
Break every rule coz there’s nothing between you
and your dreams

weather the hurricans.

after every winter season comes Summer. right?

lots of things going on the past few weeks! attempted going back to the studying mode today but i was too worn out, kept dozing off in front fo my notes in the lib. shall try again tmr (:
been praying for more wisdom and love. also the desire for a particular calling.
on a side note, ive been eating Too Much! SOUP SPOON's Soup is really YUMMY (: quoted from leila, "im exploding with fatness!!"
):

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an up-hill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
*I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on
Cause...


really Loving how this song speaks.
was feeling Extremely excited and positive about things until someone's different attitude and thoughts got to me. ah, Cannot like that! i must learn to be less affected by other people's passiveness, to be able to listen yet not affected. wanna contain this excitement and keep it living within.

it's in the journey.

WAH. thanks to bryan and cheryl's conversation i am Super nervous for tmr's youth band audition.

i better go practise now!

Dear God please take these feelings away. help me to feel the right things and think the right way.

Esplanade library has become my second home. Studying is my new hobby.

Getting into this routine ..

and surprisingly, i feel more confident and am beginning to enjoy it.

TMR,

i am finally gonna hit the malls!

It's okay to tap on God's grace. But its not okay to exploit God's grace.

gosh, my Eye-Bags!

i caught the flu bug! ): and syptoms of cough are following.
youth worship band audition the upcoming week, really hope that i have some voice to sing and sing..well! am quite sure of my own standards.. we'll see how it goes(:

just sorted out my GP notes today. i have Super Duper thick files waiting for me in the cupboard to study. gonna do my studying with lana tan's Dear friend- sharmaine from tmr onwards. looking forward to it because she really Motivates me to study. i feel like i have this Huge gigantic mountain to climb. signed up for GP and LIT tuition already, left econs and historyyy. sometimes i still go to sleep and wake up the very next day, wishing that my appeal would be successful. hahaha, i guess thats how life is. the past will always be around to haunt us. at least, i know that im not alone. have a Good studying partner now (:

on a side note, a part of me really needs to stop running away. i rmb pst saying before:

"if you want a vacation, dont take one away from God. take it with God."

a short vacation with Daddy is what i really need.

had a very special and exciting encounter today, i hope this thing is here to stay (:

its Sunday, had a very long but fulfilling day (:

woke up a little earlier to have bs with bryan before svc. service was just Great today. im so glad that i didnt just head back to my seat straight after a failed attempt of being prayed for. Serene grabbed my hand while i was backing away from the stage and she offered to pray for me. There was no wailing or struggling but i felt much better after crying out my bitterness n unforgiveness. today i learnt that amounting bitterness can come to a point where it actually hinders one's relationship with God. im so Determined not to ever let such silly nilly things affect me anymore. feeling greatful to serene for just allowing me to cry and cry today (:
today, i let go of all my past bitterness and unforgiveness both towards Daddy and myself.
--

was just reading my cousin's blog. He's a cellgroup leader from another church:

"Once again, ive reached a part in life that i almost give up. If you read the bible, you wld probably be familiar with this guy called Job, he is a man that God finds him righteous. Satan tested him 3 times? and he did not fail the test despite the loss of his everything. My point is not that i am like him or what. I am no where near that man. The point is that whether will i be like him during the period of testing. I thought i could, most certain i could. Then came the test. This test puts my pride, my money and my time on risk. First thing i did, i questioned God.. .. .. but i constantly reminded myself to praise God and give thanks for what i receive. i sat there and thought to myself how can i give thanks for this, i asked God is this what he intended? May your way be done and not mine. At that point, i wanted to cry.. .."

such raw feelings and it exactly expresses the way i feel at times.
i feel that, the Faith that we have in our difficult circumstances is the most Precious form of Faith. (: am glad that i just so happened to blog-hop to his page. Really encouraged by Job's perseverance and sheer faith. sometimes its so difficult to understand, but surely God's ways are higher than ours! haha pardon me, ive been talking to myself lately.
--

played 3 long worship songs today for SPIZZA event. i am having five really hard finger tips now ): feeling EXCITED for our upcoming chalet and t-shirts (:
am really beginning (and also learning) to LOVE my own people more and more everyday. chatting with vera and sharmaine online now. Vera suddenly asks for biblestudy and requested for hmewrk! am gonna test her on the book of Esther this wednesday when we have bs(:
want to be a good leader and support to the little guys in cell but i dont really know how to. need to pray for wisdom!

Lots of people around me, talking about relationships recently. it made me realised that.. how come i dont seem to think of such stuff anymore?! HMMM maybe its because i have other priorities in life right now. i hope im normal (:

Alrightos, my GET-FIT and STUDY HARD plan starts tmr.
very interesting and packed week ahead.
Excited (:


You're the love of my life.

"hey, thanks for the talk last night. Feels so different after talking to you.. in a good way. hahaha.. it's really a gift.. You sound so happy on the phone.. hahaha.. joy is contagious too."

one of the things that keep me going..
sat at my house void deck just to lend a listening ear to a friend last night. i cant do much and i dont have many talents. but this is the only thing i know that i can do best.

feeling a little encouraged too. Thank youuu
(:

" If there is anything that a man can do well, I say let him do it. Give him a chance."
-Abraham Lincoln.

goodness, this song's stuck in my head! at least its no longer "thats not my name! thats not my name!"

ohmygosh, im influenced by kate perry/lady gaga/pink

super catchy Mannn.

i had a dream last night and in it, we were all back to school again. how i miss those times when we sat side by side in class, trying our best to solve mathematical sums. and Someone was there beside the whiteboard, actually guiding and teaching us how to do it. most of all, there was the company. people whom i could study and laugh with both at the same time. it doesnt matter anymore who calls me by that stupid nickname or who's the next irritating person to hit my head and wake me up. started my maths ystd and it really is tougher than how it looks. i forgot everything! i always tell myself that though its a high mountain, i can and i will climb it. but those little thoughts of failure always come back once in awhile to haunt me. i still hope that somehow my appeal can get through or perhaps a miracle will happen and i'll land in NUS? haha..
studied a little ystd with lana tan, Thanks for accompanying me(:
realy glad to be going for the meeting with lots of them last night.

many little events making me feel bitter on the inside, wish i could be better understood at home and have my own ways.

on a lighter note, im at episode 24 of Boys over flowers! yay so Fast (: perhaps getting over it is better too. less fantasizing and welcome back to reality man!

was singing 'love story' at 3plus am while walking to rachel's house and xinrui sent this through fb! very Nice piece (:

i attempted studying history today over at esplanade after service. but insufficient sleep made it so difficult to absorb anything.ended up reading new york issues of SEVENTEEN instead. it so makes me wanna go Shopping noww. so many things that i wanna get! cant wait for my next pay check.

met pam at 6 plus. goodness, we shared a 46 dollars meal at kenny rogers today. their macoroni cheese and pork ribs are Very Goood. :0) gave her her bday present which i wanted to pass her a million years ago. turns out that maggie bought a shirt and bikini for me. my Goshh, the bikini was on sale for only 3 dollars. she grabbed two sets man! haha aunty power.

i like music. really enjoyed worshipping today. feel like signing up for guitar classes so i can improve my skills but im not sure if i can balance so many things. forseeing a very packed week ahead.. i hope to expand my own capacity and lean more so on Daddy's understanding this week. and still, im awaiting for a miracle. (:


to err is human. to forgive, divine.

its been awhile since i last updated. feeling really groggy from insufficient sleep for the past few days. met up with my secondary clique on friday night :0) we ate swensens and decided to catch Angels and Demons at midnight. my gosh, we had 4 hours to kill so we just slacked at cafe cartel after that eating half-priced cakes and free bread. Haha. the show was alrighhtt but i was expecting better. walked all the way to rachel's place at 3 plus am, cooked maggie mee for the THREE Lazy bums, played tithi! ( however you spell that =/ ) and then xinrui and audrey left at 5:30 AM. played the guitar and learnt from rachel's bro while she slept all the way, left at 7 plus. i slept 3 hours and rushed out for jurong svc then cellgroup today.
Feeling really Tired!
"Boys over Flowers" is really nice to watch!! i think the violin guy is super Duper sweet.
my oh my, its 1:20 AM. got to wake up early to book seats tmr. i hope my eye-bags dont show!

meeting maggie mee the curly pok hair woman tmr, Excited. (:

had a very Awesome biblestudy at riverwalk, practised discernments today. Felt super surprised and embarrassed both at the same time to open my eyes and see the Teacher standing in front of me!

i guess this is my route, i need to study hard all over again.
oh God, how?
):

one of those nights when im slightly discouraged by past failures. and then geared up and encouraged again because i know that my Daddy works wonders.

06 Dont Forget.wma - Demi Lovato


feeling Duperb encouraged after hanging out with blackspot(: ystd's biblestudy at riverwalk was so different! our lesson ended much ealier than usual and my teacher decided to do some 'hands on' practical. we spend time just worshipping and waiting on the Lord which really reminded me of my first love. and, to love Daddy for just who He is and not for what He can do. my teacher later went on to lay hands on us. im, so Excited for my next BS CLASS! wow, Pst phil has a blog too. check out www.philpringle.wordpress.com

studying ystd was a like doing warm-ups before a 20 km race. wow i really need to get into the mode of studying and discipline myself Everyday! explored the wonders of make-up with nic's make-up set. Fibers really make my eyelashes look so much Longer!

alrightos, i shall sutdy today before visitation
:0)

i LOVE the tune of this song.

Hello World (:
its been ages since i last updated. everything's pretty much going fine. ive really been enjoying my holidays by slacking and going out. its Nice meeting up with people like rachel ho and blackspot ((: wanna thank my close buddies for listening to my constant whinnings and questions. feeling really happy for eunice and sarah the mushroom for their acceptance by unis! ive pretty much decided to retake my A levels. manymany doubts and thoughts going in my head by i can really do it if im totally hardworking this time round. i figured that its okay. im not in a hurry to get into a uni anyway. what matters most is that i take the right path, at least one that i know where i am heading to.
im going back to my place of failure but with a different attitude this time.
finally caught 17 AGAIN today with blackspot, i wanna watch Taken!! haha i know im slow. hmm, GAP called me down today, asking me to start work tmr. but i guess im gonna concentrate on my studying!
alrighty, my sorting out of lecture books and notes starts tmr! and then the search of good tuitions.
studying at esplanade and nic's gonna join me later on. Nice ambience with company. havent caught up with my Boss for ages and centuries. im gonna get into the studying routine now!
(:

Dear God, my future's in Your hands.

Skipalong - Lenka
so tired of feeling blue, such a heavy weight on you.
so shake it off and make your way to somewhere different,
to somewhere different.

i feel.. so many various things right now that i dont even know where to start when i want to pen them all down.
standing and believing firmly in my own actions because what ive done was the right thing to do. trying real hard to ignore what other people think or say or maybe even the new impressions formed of me. letting those opinions not get to me. and whilst i listen to the ministries or worries about other people, i try my best to keep my cool, suck it in and just listen. wondering how it feels like to really pour out everything to someone close and let her pamper me as i crumble and have my bawling moments. Missing my dear buddy so much who is so busy with school. Thank God theres still lana around.
ive come to realised that actions mean alot to me. and though my current journey may be a little rocky, im also learning and understanding myself more each day. it is also a journey of self-discovery. its a good thing because there is just so much more to learn. being a helper or having very advanced bs lessons doesnt mean that im good enough. if i were to ever have my own cg.. there is really so much more ive to do now. having a good burden for my own ministry and connectgroup. i guess theres a reason why these are my people and why those arent my people. why my people react this way and not the other way. sometimes i really dislike certain thoughts in my head. and at times i can feel the 'taker' in me giving myself reasons to feel the otherwise. but i know this life is a walk of patience, faith and Love. and i keep telling myself its okay, i have the love from above which will be sufficient enough to fill my whole heart. of course there are extreme times when i asked myself if ive been too giving or 'soft' on a friend, to keep doing the TLC way even though i myself can get so frustrated at times. but then i think of Jesus and i guess He would do the same way too. Love is caring for others at the expense of yourself. this i need to remember always. being humble and not to be trampled upon is something i need to master. i think every once in awhile, its good to show appreciation to those who have done a lot for you and not take them for granted too.
Wah, a million and one thoughts in my head, i just ranted them out in one chunk above.

feeling veryvery greatful to have Eunice who is always okay and fine with my thoughts and decisions. one sentence which she said to be the other day, "fiona, if you become cellgroup leader i be your helper and help you okay". simple statement but it felt really warm deep within to know that ive someone supporting me. i literally felt like crying on the spot. haha, not that i'll become a leader overnight but Thankyou Euniceee. i Wish for you to have your own dreams and visions too, thats a definite. (:
running my own race of faith. honestly, i dont really know how. but if others can do it, im sure it cant be impossible.

The Show - Lenka


i'm just a little caught in the middle,
life is a maze and love is a riddle.


met up with a few close buds this week. very inspired by my visitation leader. though she doesnt talk or joke much. but deep inside i can see a very warm and giving person from the way she interacts and takes such joy in wrapping goodies for the kids. it really reminds me that having Passion in what we do is veryvery important. having a calling or finding your purpose in life is good. but having Passion is even better because only when i truly enjoy what im doing will i not feel tired or even unappreciated.
was feeling really disturbed and used initially but i guess these kind of incidents would be inevitable. its okay, im really Glad that along the way ive people who reasserted my identity and worth and self-esteem. i need to be more sure and confident of who i am and what i do. felt so hurt and manipulated but its Okay now. sticks and stones may break my bones but words cant bring me down. go fiona! :0)

just a day ago i applied to work in Ben n Jerry's. had no idea that they only hire pretty girls (just like NUM hires only goodlooking and muscular guys) unitl angeline n jicai told me! my goshh, HAHA oh wells if they dont hire me its alright. i'll just go looking for another one (:

ThankYou guys for everything (:
i appreciate it when people put in effort to do special things. words are good. but action speaks louder than words (:
had a very Great dinner with my childrenchurch leader tgt with her bf recently. SUPERB LAME n RETARDED but i think they make a very good couple!
im gonna experiment with my new guitar tmr. THANK YOU (:

feeling so zonked out that ive even dozed off a couple of times in frnt of the keyboard!
good nights.