hello! just a quick update in here (:

i've been really seeking God these days. trying my best to always place Him above all else. maybe its because of the exams fear too that i find myself praying more than five times a day. before, during my papers, while studying for them and during my own qt.. but what really blew me away are the encounters with Him.

now i really know firsthand of what it means by "just one touch and i'll never be the same". not that ive never experienced God before in my life. its just that, this season has really been a dry one. and i complain, whine, get upset and cry Alot. i kept reminding myself that God loves me as much as he loves those around me, kept assuring myself that God hasnt forgotten about me. but the next moment i find myself questioning God again. why me? why must i wait and wait and always wait? why cldnt i have gone to sot last yr, or even uni? am i not good enough, do you not love me enough? why must i have another breakthrough again, the past few ones weren't enough? sometimes i just move on. sometimes, just a little trigger was enough to make me doubt all over again.

But i grew so tired of complaining and thinking. and i made a decision to really trust God again. and i mean like, trusting whole-heartedly. true, it does make me feel vulnerable at times- prayers like "take all of me", "this is my life, use it as you please". sometimes i feel so scared making such prayers. but i think its the sincerity of making such prayers that really touches God's heart. i learn to lean Alot more on Him. I've been really seeking God these days, in my room when im alone. and i feel really happy to say that God does see the sacrifices we make. my sacrifice of faith. to dare to trust again. the recent encounters have really blown me away. Besides those dreams, the little incidents that really assured me that my God, my King is in control of everything and i dont have to be afraid. along the way, i also learnt to be really honest with God. i learnt that its okay to cry or be angry about things in front of Him. simply because He understands. He allows me to be in this situation and surely, its only human to feel this way. but after all the cryings and complains, i want to able to say that im becoming stronger each day. and that my capacity is expanding along the way.

the year is coming to an end. i know that He allows me to take this slightly longer path just so that i will come to learn to really lean on Him totally. even if it is only towards the end of the year that i learnt and changed. i think, different ppl have different areas of weaknesses in their lives. mine's insecurity. know that, God loves you too much to leave you the same.
like Job, i want to be able to say that those past trials are considered nothing. bring on the new ones so i can be changed again.
i dont think i can ever describe accurately my encounters with God- whats more with my poor english =/ but i hope i managed to translate some kind of encouragement through my sharing (:

above it all, i dont want to be complacent too. praying for a pure heart that will Always stay loyal and true.



feeling really sleeeppyy. feel like taking a nap before studying!
but ive wasted too much time already ):
i think i'll take a shower and drink some milo to stay awake. (since coffee doesnt work on me) haha, my exams end on friday!!!
HEH HEH HEH, i cant wait! (:


some dreams are worth waiting for.