Skipalong - Lenka
so tired of feeling blue, such a heavy weight on you.
so shake it off and make your way to somewhere different,
to somewhere different.

i feel.. so many various things right now that i dont even know where to start when i want to pen them all down.
standing and believing firmly in my own actions because what ive done was the right thing to do. trying real hard to ignore what other people think or say or maybe even the new impressions formed of me. letting those opinions not get to me. and whilst i listen to the ministries or worries about other people, i try my best to keep my cool, suck it in and just listen. wondering how it feels like to really pour out everything to someone close and let her pamper me as i crumble and have my bawling moments. Missing my dear buddy so much who is so busy with school. Thank God theres still lana around.
ive come to realised that actions mean alot to me. and though my current journey may be a little rocky, im also learning and understanding myself more each day. it is also a journey of self-discovery. its a good thing because there is just so much more to learn. being a helper or having very advanced bs lessons doesnt mean that im good enough. if i were to ever have my own cg.. there is really so much more ive to do now. having a good burden for my own ministry and connectgroup. i guess theres a reason why these are my people and why those arent my people. why my people react this way and not the other way. sometimes i really dislike certain thoughts in my head. and at times i can feel the 'taker' in me giving myself reasons to feel the otherwise. but i know this life is a walk of patience, faith and Love. and i keep telling myself its okay, i have the love from above which will be sufficient enough to fill my whole heart. of course there are extreme times when i asked myself if ive been too giving or 'soft' on a friend, to keep doing the TLC way even though i myself can get so frustrated at times. but then i think of Jesus and i guess He would do the same way too. Love is caring for others at the expense of yourself. this i need to remember always. being humble and not to be trampled upon is something i need to master. i think every once in awhile, its good to show appreciation to those who have done a lot for you and not take them for granted too.
Wah, a million and one thoughts in my head, i just ranted them out in one chunk above.

feeling veryvery greatful to have Eunice who is always okay and fine with my thoughts and decisions. one sentence which she said to be the other day, "fiona, if you become cellgroup leader i be your helper and help you okay". simple statement but it felt really warm deep within to know that ive someone supporting me. i literally felt like crying on the spot. haha, not that i'll become a leader overnight but Thankyou Euniceee. i Wish for you to have your own dreams and visions too, thats a definite. (:
running my own race of faith. honestly, i dont really know how. but if others can do it, im sure it cant be impossible.