after one whole day of commotion,
my head starts to spin
i feel really dizzy and i was(Am still) a lil sick since morning
with a little of cough n block nose
there was just so much to take in today

if you're wondering,
i didnt do that well.
it wasnt up to my expectation nor was it smth which i have been hoping for.
strangely, i wasnt surprised though.
my dream came TRUE.
man, i really duno how to put how i'm feeling to words
but i guess i just cldnt accept it.
i mean, its freaky you know.
having dreams and den once in awhile having these weird feelings that they wld come true.
and They really DO come true.
its not a bad thing, i know its the Holy Spirit at work.
and the past few times it happened, it Amazed it so greatly.
so i really asked God to use me again, in some way or another. just similar to the times when He wld simply speak to me through my dreams.
but
How wld i know that it had smth to do with my results.
and how wld i know that it had be so soon?!
i was scared, i didnt know what to do man.
i mean, i cldnt bring myself to accept the fact.
the fact that my results tallied with what i dreamnt.
for days i've been telling Him,
"this is not what i want, please give me smth better. just give it to me"
and i've been trying to hope tt somehow i had dream a better dream to cover up the bad one.
well, i Know that God has a purpose for everything to happen and since He even told me beforehand, there surely has to be a Big reason for me not getting into the jc i wanted.
right?

forget it if all of the above doesnt makes sense.
it doesnt matter anyway.

anyhow.
it was Superb scary today i tell you.
i cld even feel the tension before getting my results.
and when i got my paper, i refused to tear it open
Jean sihui n soon li were ard me, telling me to open open open
all the struggling got my result slip so cumpled now.
i've thought long enough
and
i kindof accepted what has been done.
i really should trust God more shldnt i?

words are really just mere words when compared to actions

i realised that theres still a long route to growing n learning
and boy,
do i have to be Strong.


tell me that its gona get better

SEVEN more days to valentine's
i guess this year's gona be one of the most boring year to celebrate it
for one thing,
no more cookies or presents or sweets frm all my Girlfriends
we're out of PL alr
and we dun meet up so oft anymore
arh!
last yr was fantastic man
just seeing little presents pilling up on ur table sends the joyous feeling
i'm Determined to not spend a lonely valentine's!
--

OH yea
TWO more days to the results day
i've dreamnt once tt i had 30 points
den i dreamnt my Physics mcq was 13/44, sec B n C full marks but prac was real bad and i failed overall.
and Then the recent dream was about getting 16 points
i want to have pleasant dream about my results before getting them
maybe 13 r 14?!
at Least i can get into AC in my dreams
it kindof makes me feel better you noe
you get wat i mean??

boy, i think before that we're gona go somewhere n have fun before facing reality
i Cant wait to see all my PL friends again
but the atmosphere is just so Wrong Wrong Wrong.
i am Scared.
--

went for a swim today with eLana n joyce
and den for prayer meeting

the JOY of the Lord shall be my STRENGTH

not gona allow other sorrows or sadness to pull me down
i know i'm in the right track n thats good enough


i have work today.
TADA (:





when i grow up i wana protect the ones i love

hello world,
i am Superb filled
new year cookies make me very very full
see lar, all the exercise for nth
i think i might find time for much exercise soon

so
i went for JAMs church with sandy ytd
and the ppl there are very hyper
in fact, they're very friendly too
i think its kindof expected that i'd be touched or smth
and i really was
it really encourages me to see these ppl so happy
and, a part of me envied them for not having to worry abt anything at all
-
i compared JAMs n CHILDREN church
and after thinking alot alot
i'm gona join JAMs (:
you can see that they need ppl there too
i wanna be the one who gives that extra love to especially extraordinary ppl
--

dear God
i dun wanna quite my job
help me to convince my parents please?
i wanna do well for O's
help me to be able to smile when i see my results please?


and God,
help me to Love you more
i do but i tend to ignore it sometimes
i wanna be More than this



love is unresonable

yo world,
i played badminton with lana n soon li ytd
andd HO
my Kick-boxing class is starting in April!
:D
YEA it had be perfect it were to start earlier though

--

will be trying out JAM's church today with sandy
i wonder wat it'll be like
well, not that i've never had any interaction with this grp of ppl before
but to stay in a ministry lyk this for ..years?
i hope that amt of patience n love
which those ppl in Jam's church have
-

man
you know, what can i do?
i'm not blaming anyone for telling me their sorrows or problems
and no, i'm talking abt this Particular person
its, a few ppl ard me
i cant help but feel lost.
and i question myself,
what can i do to help?
truth is, i cant do anything much
except to lend a listening ear.
and perhaps jus keep praying n hoping
up to this point, how am i supposed to know the direction when everyone else is lost too?
i need to be told what to do as well.
perhaps the storm's gona clear soon
i feel Sorry that i cant do much to aid anything.
but i hope this pair of ears help alot.
and for whats to happen, we'll pray n wait n see


i'm the girl who's kicking the coke machine

this is how the story goes

i've been working alot lately
mon to wed frm 11am to 11pm in the night
i'm reporting at 12 today!
its tiring but still fun

my secret (;

oh yea, YUAN MING is working in kenny rogers'
which, is right beside my workplace!
haha and we didnt even noe till Yeterday
throughout the whole day we kept writing notes to each other to entertain ourselves

i wana keep this job,
for Fun and other reasons (:

--

so, just about ten more days
and back to sch
i Miss going to sch like crazy

i want so many things on this earth
sch, work, church, family, friends
Give it all to me
i'll do my very best to juggle them

swimming?
Lets go SWIMMING!




cant live if living is without you

HEY world (:
i've been Really Really Missing alot of ppl lately
i look forward to the collection of O's cause it means seeing everyone again
but just moments ago i was talking to this friend of mine
who sat for O's before and retook it again
So Scary
she pratically described the whole scenario to me
i shall devote the rest of the nxt two weeks just playing happily and enjoying my work
before what is to come. which,
may change my destiny
sounds so serious huh,
well, it IS that serious
--

and
just to let some ppl know,
my spirits are all charged up and good alr
the optimism is back
i dunno how but Ohwell, it doesnt really matter
does it?

i need to get a Swimming Costume!
and
its been such a Longg while since i last touched my guitar
i used to treasure this 160 bucks instrument alot
i shall play it one of next few days
and hopefully, will be good!



this song is Nice (:

The Used - All That Ive Got




means the world to me

i'm burnt but i had fun
Swimming is my new interest
(:
but i'm still looking out for kick-boxing




i am not that i play

she drove forward onto the ground, flipped over,
then clamped her legs around one of the attacker's ankles
and knocked him to the floor with one quick wrench.

hey world,
i am alive and i'm still kicking
(:

work has become part of my life
and i'm making more new friends as the days go by
i've had a number of dreams related to my workplace n all
they felt so good



there were more men heading towards her this time,
she could see their switchblades glimming in the shadows of the night
and amongnst the darkness, it was difficult to ignore the wide grins they had on their faces


really, i've been dreaming of lots of things lately
the release of O' levels, back to my secondary school life and much more
the dream on my 30 points of the O's freaked me out real badly
i wonder where i'll be a few weeks later
and i wonder where the people around me will land too



she crouched again, sideswiped a leg and delivered hard punches to the stomach of the nearest thug
her head snapped back as someone attacked
bolts of pain rushed in as she was thrown off balance

but through it all,
God has been and Still is my source of strength
though i admit that the assurance's not as strong as before,
it still exists
through the people around me, though not many,
i'm inspired and encouraged to just keep fighting on
i've seen a few who're so on fire Despite everything and anything
and i'm so glad that i've got friends like this
that i've got Friends around me whom i can always depend on for assurance


where were all of them?
she thought of her companions and the idea of them turning their backs on her flashed through her mind
without warning, a wave of nausea swipe in and she felt her stomach curled
such thoughts were too disturbing
surely, she wasnt going to fight this battle alone,
was she?


maybe in different areas,
we will be fighting our own different battles in or individual worlds
but as long as i know that i'm not the only one left standing here alone
i guess,
it will keep me going




its still smiling at us

i'm sorry that i failed so many times
but i really cant do this all alone
i have so much mixed feelings on the inside now


God, i need an angel here on earth

i think, you're fine. you really blow my mind.

yesterday, i met Joby at j8
i was a couple of mins late and was panicking alr
its funny how you want to be on time when meeting some ppl
and how you want to be As as possible cause they're Always late
-some faces flashed through my mind as i typed the above sentence
haha
i say, Punctuality is the second best policy, after Honesty.

Joby wanted to buy a round cake for Jl
freaked me out real badly.
i thought she meant those Big Round ones, 3 ppl eat it all up?! and plus, i was the one who's gona pay HaHa
fair enough lar, she paid for the present so i pay the other half.
so we got the cake.
and we walked in the rain to Jl's hse
as usual, we wrecked her hse, looking for food
this time it's Marshmallows!
HAPPY SEVENTEEN, JUNLING (:
and smiles to our..ELEVEN years of friendship.
this is the eleventh year man, how cool is Cool?
this is what i call super Cool (;

we didnt do much in her hse
just slouching ard and i left early for work.

most people tell me they lose weight after getting a job
aha, i dont think so
theres so much sushi left when the shop closes
and as i work more often, i get bolder and lossen up
Talk more, laugh more, eat more (:
Very very yummy
theres an eye-candy at my workplace
aha, come and see!

-

so i decided to stay hme today after days of spending most of the time out of home
but its really boring with nothing to do at all
i've been watching you tube since this morning.
my eyes are gona POP soon.

two days ago, while i was havng my Two and a Half Hours break,
Audrey ang called to chat! (:
so right timing(: i almst died of boredom and Was looking for someone to entertain me
anyhow, she told me Lots about ACJC
and i've decided to join
HOCKEY ! thats if i get into AC
i cant wait for school to start officially
i feel out of place, hanging ard and not going to school.


cant wait to go to Lana's place tmr(:
and hopefully we'll bake cookies?

life doesnt seem to be as interesting lately
WHY??!
is it because everyone's either in school or at work?
i feel like theres so much catching up to do
shrooms, jue, Pam, audrey anggg, even soon li and lana
everyone's so busy with their own stuff

Man, i better find Fun tmr
if not i'll feel so weird and deprived
of laughters




but it was a white lie. does it still count?

Happy Birthday to..
ANGELINE and JOLENE ((:


friday,
i met Joby after work for a special reason
i think tt thing which we got for jl suits her Alot!
we spent the time away just sitting in MPH and reading
and joby ong sent me half way home haha
"thats what you do for a friend" that statement you made was really Sweet
(:

saturday,
went back to PL for CCA fair
guess wat happened on my way there?
i travelled All the way to school, only to find that i was at the wrong location.
i was at the old building when the school had alr shifted back to lorong ah soo this year!
that was so DUMB man.and a few days ago, i took the wrong train hme after work.
can you beat that?
so after a long time spent on travelling, i finally reached my new school
its Super Big
and i think its so unfair ):
i want to Study in This New school.
theres the auditorium, so much space and what,the basketball court's so cool!
argh
i Love PL alot alot alot.


so we went ard looking for jolene's present after that
soon li, li wen, elana, joyce n Me
aye, we talked alot about cell stuff in macs.
theres lots of things running through our minds now.

they all went to KENNY ROGERS for dinner while i was working!
and KENNY ROGERS is beside genki sushi
and they sat beside the glass window
they had a rather clear view of Me
and i had a rather clear view of what they were EATING.
and one, two, three, four, five of them were smiling at me non-stop though the glass windows, making funny faces
haha it made my work alot More FUN (:
thanks for spicing things up man!
i had a very very tough time controlling my laughter you know!
i've got those written tissue paper with me(:
-
i've started taking orders!
and i made so many mistakes.
the cook was so angry that he shouted, "wah lan, ni bu yao luan luan zuo la"
embarrassed the crap out of me
i poured a can of drink wrongly too.
and cause of that..i got to drink it cause the customer rejcted it.
AHA
blessing in disguise.
there was this other dish with a metal plate and fire below, the fire kept burning n burning so i blew to extinguish it when i cleared the plates.guess what?!
the fire grew bigger n it burnt the paper on the plate.
the SMOKE spreaded n covered 1/3 of the restaurant. customers were staring MAN
it was so scary! thank God someone helped bring it to the basin for me
i think i caused alot of chaos to happen but i'm still learning. its really really fun haha
working is so interesting!
and i say it again,
i like my job (:

--

sunday
today, God showed me a little smth
with referenceto the bible. i've yet to track down that particular chapter
but God, thank you for that little encouagement.
it was all i needed to keep me going. on and on.



i dont feel like talking anymore.
ANYHOW,
i just realised that i'm turning SEVENTEEN this year
its like the PEAK of the growing up stage
shall we do smth really different this year?



so he laments on his guitar

sometimes i run, sometimes i hide

hey world,
work has been tiring and Fun at the same time
i did lotsof washing on my first day
so much tt i was scared of it
and i even broke a big white plate haha
but it was starting to get fun last night
though i didnt know anyting much,
i stood ard cleaning containers, clear tables, spoke to customers?
some of them were Really really nice
and i Appreciate them alot Man
some were...Argh.
from now onwards when i eat in any restauruant,
i'm gona Smile at every waitress n staff
haha now i know how it feels.
the kitchen was really oily and slippery,
Mr JJ was showing me ard when i lost my balance,
he reached out to grab hold of me but i stopped sliding before i bumped into him
and we ended up Slapping a High-five in the kitchen
Haha it was really funny. but i had a Tough time controlling my laughter n embarrassment.
i served a number of wrong dishes ytd but i'm gona do better this time!
i DIDNT do any washing last night! aha :D
there was this other new guy who did it instead
he practically washed the entire night.
and i felt so bad for him, cause i know how it feels, whats more, it was washing the Dinner plates
there so many lar
so i offered to take over
he Looked like he was about to Die.
oh ya, Wasabi makes you cry. esp when its placed too near your eyes
i was crying like crazy when i washed the plates n packed the wasabi
HMM, it really is getting interesting
i hope to take orders soon!
--

it feels Very weird to not be in school as the world around me is schooling
just a few moments ago,
MI called to say that they've alr started deducting my school fees
my mum was furious man.
what makes you think that i dont want to go school?
you know, i do question too whether i am making the right decisions.
it might help if there were encouragements along the way

elana brought her homemade currypuffs for me to try ytd
it was rather nice (: and Thanks!

since i've started work, i havent been managing things that well
things to do with cell stuff, family and friends
its difficult to meet people's needs and my own all at the same time
but I'll really try my best.
i hope i dont let anyone down along the way anymore.


sometimes i hide

and the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning
but tell me, what happens when it stops?

the only one female singer which i have Liked and still do is
Britney spears
haha yea. that 'screwed up' woman who's so desperate for love with a messed up life
but i think she Really Is very pretty without that thick make up of hers
and her songs, tell of the loneliness in her life
i guess we cant blame her for wat she is
if we must blame,
blame in on the imperfect world.

-

year 2007 is here now
time passes really really fast
while the rest of the world is spending their time back in school
i wouldnt be, tgt with some ppl
hopefully this year, i would be making the right decisions and ranking my priorities correctly this time
spiritually, i dream of alot of things for this year
hopefully, by this year i would be serving in a ministry thats meant for me
and by the end of this year,
I would be the one walking down into the baptism pool, smiling as my friends n Family cheer me on at the side
i wish that i would be the one going into the water, instead of standing at the sides and dreaming for my time to come
dare to Dream Big, and it'll come to pass
come on, i'm ready for all's to come.
i'll be Strong this time.
--

along the way, i grabbed soon li and we thought through,
i Believe theres more to come for Our cell, N293
i dont believe that it'll just fade away like that
cause if my God knows that this whole thing's bound to be a failure,
He wldnt have created it in the first place
i dont believe that we cant do big things that are greater than us
and i dont believe that we can only sit n watch as the other cellgroups grow
as the other cellgroups laugh and become very bonded
i dont believe that we are meant to be small and thats it, fullstop.

it doesnt feel bad when i stumbled along the way and have become someone elses' stepping stone
i do grow in the midst of it all too
thank you for all the challenges and love which i felt along the way

of course there were many questions spinning in my head.
i'm not any superwoman

but i do remember of wonderful times
some of which are totally amazing
like the way God showed me his awesomeness through my dreams as i slept
He showed me what my friends were going through
and lo and behold, they were all true
i missed that moment of aweness
it was short but enough to blow me off my feet and stand Amazed by everything
others around me were amused too
but those dreams never came again.
they came for a short while and then stop and maybe come a little and then stop again
i guess i was too complacent.
last night, i dreamnt of something Very very real and i guess its an answer to the questions spinning in my head

God will make a way, when there seems to be no way


alright, enough of all these new year talk.
i Cant wait to work with Elana tan
i know that its gona be FUN!




i wanna be like Mother Teressa!(:

31st Dec'06

yo world,
where should i start from?
i have kindof alot to say tonight.

the quality hours of 29th Dec was spent with my sec two old buddies
Aud,Hazel,Xinrui,Rach and me
after bargaining and making such a fool of ourselves,
we rented the bikes at a very good price!
6 bucks for 4 hours, can you beat that?
and it came with free bottles of mineral drinks
the uncle was really nice and he even told us to take more water
HaHa
and i Caught them laughing at our auntyness okay!
i have to admit, we really sounded like experts in the market
but it was so funny!
aye, xinruiii you give ppl such a warm sense of security MAN(:
we cycled out of east coast and though we didnt noe the way,
just followed along with rui leading the way
and i Felt so CHEATED by hazel lim
that woman who claims she cant ride a bike for nuts
i totally believed and for Years i've been riding you ard east coast lar!
since sec one and all our class/clique outings?!
who knows she managed so fine on the bike that day when we made her to
have more confidence in yourself, you did so finee
haha now i dont have to ride you around anymore.
it was Beautiful
just riding with an all too familiar company by ur side,
enjoying the gentle breeze
and as you lift up your head, its the sun peeking out of the clouds
leaves swaying above your head as birds flew in the sky
yea, that was what i saw.
yes, now talking abt food. THEY eat so much.
every mama shop we past, someone just Had to purchase smth frm there
and we ate macs too.
so did i on the 30th and today
i am So Sick of macs haha
--

30th! and that was ytd,
went out with 6Gentleness'02 to east coast park(:
i must hav been the happiest person on earth this week
within a few days, i managed to catch up with so many ppl in my life
its pretty cool and ..nice!
we hung ard macs for Hours just sitting n chatting about our dear pri six life
aye, there was ang zi, zhiwei, jean, sihui, liyun, elana, joanna, tse mei!
so many ppl, i felt kindof happy and for some reason, i feel really special spending TEN whole years of my life in a purely all girls school
anyhow, guess wat we did to spend our time?
Arcade! haha
we played Para para, it was so funny watching elana play!
and that comp fighting game with soon li was so Hilarious
made me scream n laughed like a retard :D
oh yea. we even bummed into a 'false prophet' as we walked on the paths
i guess you can call him that
he was wearing all white and proclaiming himself to be Jesus, talking abt the judgement day
it was curiosity,
we all followed and questioned him Alot
i was fearful at first. who knows, there might be some kind of demon or smth?
but his eyes werent scary at all. it was Funny instead.
i had quite a fun time asking him questions
but tt incident left me alot to think about.
about the judgement day appraoching, and as more n more ppl claim to be Jesus in the near future
BUT one thing i know for sure,
my God wldnt do anything to harm me
-

so i spent two days in a row dwn at east coast park.
after playing with my pri six classmates,
i went to meet joby n junling for our Long Awaited stayover MAN
we just needed time to be alone
she, her and me
i waited super duper long for the bus.
one hour fifteen mins, only to realise tt the bus doesnt come on saturdays
how dumb was that?!
Anyhow, it was crowded dwn at junling's place
with her uncles n aunties playing majong
there was a warm feeling though and it felt like a Real home.
we watched "she's the man" so cool lar.
maybe i'll disguise myself as a guy someday and probably fall in love with some big n macho guy with killer looks and we'd share great chemistry
aha, i'm just kidding!
yes, i ate alot of fruits, all dipped in chocolate.
we chatted n played till around 4 plus
when i weighed myself on the weighing scale only to find that..
i LOST weight! ahaha! made me so super duper happy
and i was hungry alr, so we shared a huge bowl of cup noodles n choc
and we went to sleep straight after that
i think, i 've gained some weight back on alr
haha, Anyhow, i lost weight you know! how amazing is that?!
-

my life seems kindof perfect aint it?
well, everyone has problems
and i am no exception
to tell the truth, i was kindof affected and irritated real badly
over something so heavy. its been pulling down all my emotions.
and all i ever wanted to say in here was nth happy.
but God loves me enough to come in and rescue, ME just in time
YES.
i'm talking about today's service.
the sermon touched me very deeply and right now, i'm back on track again
Thank You so much God.
and now, i'm here to share and tell of God's amazing love.

i was tired but i knew i shld jus stay on. thats wat i did. and when things only got worst, i realised tt the firmer i stood hanging on, the tougher the going got. it was crazy i tell you. some stuff were stuck so heavily to my on my chest. i had thoughts of giving up. just taking a break and thats it. period. leave the job to someone else. leave everything to someone else. but today's message spoke right through my heart.
now that i know, at times, i just have to live on my own faith n carve out my own destiny myself.
and stop relying on God so much. stop being a baby, waiting to be protected all the time.
true, i've always imagined mysef hiding under the wings of my saviour.
and He wld shield me frm the harmful stuff.
but really, what good does it make?
its only Then when i really grow and learn.
"still" was so amazing today. its my favourite song and will still be in the future.
today really drew my strength and hope back in.
i guess men can really let you down. but God's words Never will.
at the end of it all, i still find myself drawing strength frm the lovely one above.
not any other.
after running in circles everywhere, i'm still back at square one.
realising that i can only feel secured when i Fall into the arms of my saviour as i fail.
and not any other.


now i do know the answer.
God sees it all, my friend. God sees it all

28th Dec'06

buddies from now

hello world,
i woke this morning early to work at Cisco building
its supposedly weide's job
but i replaced him for today cause he cldnt make it
and since i needed the cash,
might as well
-
i was rather Tensed up
its my first job you seee
and when i stepped into the building,there were so many security guards!
i prayed quite abit as i walked in and they were all similar prayers
well, God heard them all
when i stepped into the room, guess who i saw?
Jessamine! and her 3 friends
haha, so much for being scared
her friends were really nice ppl and they thought i was sec One or Two
Maybe i really do look young.
we carried boxes and packed face products throughout
HMM
working is quite fun actually
haha i like to work
after work, i was supposed to meet Mr weide
but somehow i lost my way and it started pouring like crazy
we settled in a coffeshop for dessert
instead of Aljunied Macs
mr turban wanted to show me ard Aljunied macs,
maybe i shld show him ard sembawang Macs one day too
and den the canal near my hse to look at luo han fish!
--

'graduation' by vitamin C is playing
i know, its a very old song
and ever since that very day when i was pri Six
e'er since then, when i hear this song, everything changes
i've said it a Gazillion times
but i still cant help and say,
I MISS, you noe,..PL, MY SCHOOL so badly
you can dun read it if you dun want to, cause i think i've talked abt this a million n one times alr

i Miss having lessons with jue,cmk,rachel and Sarah for just her presence in my class though we seldom talk in class
i Miss falling asleep during lessons n den waking up to find soon li or elana walking pass, throwing erasers at me
i Miss playing basketball after school n playing soccer with tt ball when no one's looking
i Miss playin the guitar in class
i Miss althea, drawing on my hands n legs n colouring my nails with her beautiful Art pictures of donkeys, cows and silly faces
i Miss being late for assemblies n having to run up the slope to sch, having to stand in frnt of the whole sch with Rachel n Diane
i Miss hanging ard at the playground with blackspot n Diane when the rest of the whole sch was having assembly cause we were afraid to face punishment
i Miss smuggling food into my Mouth during lessons, in frnt of the prefects
i Miss Recess time in sch, drinking milo with pearl
i Miss science experiments when rach n i wld be busy copying wat sarah do and sometimes all three of us get everything wrong
i Miss being a good girl and just listening in class
i Miss just sitting at the corridor with a friend or two, sharing our problems
i Miss shouting n screaming as we run around the corridors
i Miss Wearing my school uniform

--

nowadays,
it seems like peope around me are getting more n more involved with
this thing called LOVE
i must admit, its an amazing feeling

but for some,
lets not look for love

let love look for you instead

26th Dec'06

Merry Christmas
was wat i wanted to say ytd

i'm one day late, but at least i didnt spend a lonely christmas this yr
i was all packed n ready to spend the night out alr
thank you so much, soon li
the last place i wanted to be ytd was hme
and you helped me alot
i was really upset abt you not being able to spend the night along with us
and i really noe exactly how you feel
and elana wasnt ard too
but we can aways have another one
theres still so Many more years to come
yea?
looking back at last yr,
it was smth quite unique n memorable indeed
as the world ard us was counting dwn on christmas eve,
soon li n i were at a bustop, eatin cup noodles at 12 am sharp
tt very thing, i still can rmb (:
-

this year, we bummed over at evan's hse
angel, sandy, me for some reasons the rest cldnt come
aye, we talked alot and had fun (:
i'm surprised tt sandy managed to stay awake till 4 plus haha
--

the end of the year is well approaching
recent heart to heart chats with certain ppl have left me Alot to think about
its really funny how different ppl look at situations differently
and all these diff perspectives have left me, very very confused
sometimes i dun even noe wats real n wats not
i guess at the end of it all, who remains standing are still the same old ppl smiling at you
ppl who you can always turn to no matter wat
maybe its the heart at work. but i think very few ppl can be added on to this list
its a wonder how words can leave ppl happy yet lost at the same time,
not knowing wat to do
there're some decisions which i made this yr
some of which i spent alot of thinking on and of course, feel sad over them too
but standing at the finishing line,
i guess thats wat life's abt
some things we just have to let go and let God
i'm innocent
--


i'm the only living person on this earth who hasnt started work yet
MAN when am i going to start?!
someone please tell me?!
i am all too prepared alr
if they dun need ppl, please just tell mee
then maybe i can move on n search for another one
i dont like this feeling of being left to wait n worry
-

as the last few days of this yr pass by
theres so many things tt i want to do n get
God,
if others can have them, i, your princess can have them too right??
-i pod
-black leather sneakers frm converse
-bag
-flip wallet frm QUIKSILVER or RIPCURL (:
-slippers
-watch
i think i need these stuff more den i want them
i believe in miracles! do you?


yea. this's frm rachel teng's blog. rachel teng (:

Think of 15 short bits of interesting stuff about yourself and they gotta be true.Come up with 5 FALSE statements regarding yourself, but for fun's sake keep them in the threshold of possibility.Jumble all of them up and list them in any order. Post in your blog and let people guess which are fake. Get 5 others to do the same.Here we Go!

#1 i love drinking fruit juices
#2 where i want to go now is switzerland
#3 when i'm down i dun feel like sharing it with anyone
#4 i like rice
#5 i prefer long hair to short hair
#6 i've always wanted to learn the piano
#7 i used to be not straight
#8 i want braces
#9 i want to adopt kids in the future
#10 i love nuts
#11 guns are cooler den high heels
#12 i believe in love at first sight
#13 i cant spend one whole day just sitting in frnt of the comp
#14 i'm attracted to jig saw puzzles
#15 i've thought of wearing a tux for prom
#16 sweets mean more den chocs to me
#17 for some reason,the past always seems happier den the prsent
#18 living in a big hse is so cool
#19 i like cows
#20 i enjoy dancing in the rain n getting dirty while having fun

5 lucky people to do this:
1) sandy
2) evan
3) hansheng
4) sheree
5) althea
these 5people have to guess which 5 are wrong. others please feel free to do so too
haha, now is You guys' turn





let my saviour pull you through

HELLO. I LOVE SANDY LOTS (:

24th Dec'06

its christmas eve today
the world's having tonight, its gona have fun tonight

after a heavy day ytd, i dragged my heavy feet back hme late in the night.hoping for some smiles and joy.what have i done to deserve this?
there was no violence but words do Kill if you realise.and they pierced right thru my heart
it seems lyk the harder i try, the stronger the devil grows
why are so many things against me?i really do try very hard. who believes?
who sees it all? really, tell me
-

talking abt the happy stuff,
i woke at 7 ytd morning and met PAMela (:
we saw pierre png acting on the way and she was totally amused by the crew thing
it was so early in the morning tt None of the shops were open
so we just sat down n talked alot
after wlking back n forth to the cinemas for about 4 times
it finally opened
and i duno wat was wrong with me
but i watched Two movies ytd
very nice indeed, and very money consuming
i am Really Broke now
i spent my time dwn at the cinemas watching Eragon with pam
hey you, thanks for everything n anything
you're one of God's greatest gift to me
--
met elana tan n her big grp of friends n family
i was so confused at first
but they're Really Nice ppl. and interesting too
and yes, i had fun in the midst of it all(:
theres her friends, nancy, li zhen, alvin, melissa, eileen, nazel and her cousins cassie, vann, sam
oh yes and aunty too
did i leave anyone out??
we watched Night at the museum tgt, it was so funny!
NICE, go catch tt if you havent watched it

merry christmas eve,
i'm off for service




You said that You'll protect me

22nd Dec'06

i went caroling today
and Boy, it was Super FUN (:
i was so scared at first cause i've never been to any practice
plus tt 'white christmas' song which we hav to sing
i never heard it before in my life
its rrly fun singing and smiling around
most importantly, Spreading the Love and Joy
it touched me deeply how a few simple songs can actually tell stories of love
and when a few of them cried,
it made me want to cry too
i felt so warm n happy inside.
isnt it so Amazing? (:
i want to do Somemore Caroling!
we had a free lunch in the hospital today
and its My first time eating Turkey (:
tasted lyk chicken anyway
haha
-
after tt, the soon sisters n i roamed ard Bugis
for wat reason, we arent sure either haha
we cldnt find my bombshell.
argh, i dun lyk hunting for bombshells
somehow the shopping centres seem to play 'white christmas' in unison today
i like that song(:
tonight,
i shall stay hme for dinner after so long
plus the nxt few days, i'm sure i'll be hme late
the soon sisters n elana are Slogging n preparing for the christmas party
i'm looking forward to seeing spongebob!
haha sorry for not being able to help today
--

elana's been telling me lots of stories abt work
i think its gona be Super tough
with all the washing and cleaning, maybe 5 bucks isnt tt worth it
but i'm ready to work for the money
i Cant wait to join Elana tan for work

oh yea, PAMELA is back frm Japan ((:
aye. its been a week lar my Dear Friend
you hav no idea how much i miss you
and your phone calls in the aiport made me smile alot
remember our Date. Remember!
i'm all yours after christmas n you're all mine!

-

and so, christmas is coming
i guess its still not too late to
Get up n try to reach out again
this time, i hope its something different

i'm off



many things are left better when unsaid

19th Dec'06

yo world,
i was almst the happiest person on earth
and i still am
cause i've got a job ((:
and its with elana tan ((:
it doesnt matter if i'm the one starting early or late
cause elana, i rrly understand and i really dun blame you at all
-
i tried really hard okay
i want the whole world to noe THAT
this morning, in order to please my mum
i did Ironing and took an extra effort in tidying my bed
you see you see
and God answered my prayers
He's been really really good to me
i managed to pass the stages of assuring my mum n dad almst effortlessly
ThankYou so much
this job means a Whole lot to me you know
really, dun underestimate the power of praying
i used to, but not anymore
--

my uniform is Huge
i tried it the moment i came hme and wow
the whole hse laughed haha n elana looked so funny too
lets laugh tgt man, so much for laughing at other ppl
now i'll be the entertainment of others
haha


40 more mins to my brother's birthday
i might as well do smth real nice
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO
and your present is in my bag
happy searching!




let me teach you how to smile

17th Dec'06

please Just take me away to somewhere Perfect
am i a good sister?
i think i try hard enough
but at the end of it all
it seems like i'm the victim of Everyting and Anything
and cant you see that this is really Very Irritating
RAHHHHHHH
i hope i let out enough for me not to explode inside

but thanks anyway
liyun and weide thanks for caring
it meant alot
i'm not dead yet. so dont worry

16th Dec'06

yo world.
now that i'm finally back, it seems lyk all tt i've been waiting to shout out (because of my happiness) have disappeared.
ever since this morning, time seems to be ticking by so slowly
but in a very pleasant way
this is very unlike the many days i've spent in china

well, its not tt the past few weeks have been torture
Except for the fact tt i had Diarrhoea for 4 days
it was Terrible ):
i dunno wat i ate but i bombed lyk 7 times within 5 hours
it was a living hell man, roaming in the cold with a painful stomach
and except for the fact tt i've to struggle with that fear every night in the hotel room
my bro's scared you see. if i'm scared too, who's gona be the braver one?
OH YAR all the bus journeys were so longg too
i've been through 4/5/6 hours in the bus/train/ship
with all those Excess time i have
i spent it all on daydreaming and imagining
just picturing cell(: schoolmates and Everything
really everything
i've even decided in my heart lyk, "when i come back frm china, this is where we're gona play n have fun"
and everything, and now that i'm back, it seems lyk i cant rmb anything anymore
HAHA
hmm, just noe tt i really missed everyone terribly the past 16 days
and Thanks for missing me too
haha i mean, i know that i've a place in your hearts
its makes me really happy and greatful (:

i think i complain too much
in china
i saw Snow falling from the sky (:
i've seen it several times on the ground but never frm the sky
thank you God, for your beautiful creation
i've seen scenaries after scenaries and they're all really Amazing
-
and Thank You dad, for bringing me along on this trip
though i'll never say this to you personally
the train/plane/that 5-star ship thing which we spent 4 days in
i Believe it must have cost a BOMB to bring someone lyk me to china
its not just the money alone
i'm sorry too for my lousy mood which you put up with most of the time
-
in China.
i saw many Beggars too
here comes the painful part
that feeling really stings. Especially when they are only 5 to 6 years old
Man. we Must really form our own mission team when we grow up
soon li, pamela, elana, sarah, hehh den we'll go to Zimbabwe, thailand, africa, cambodia and so many more other places
i want to save the world

--

so holiday's over,
its Really seriously time to look for a job
CHIRSTMAS is coming (:
i have great plans on having Big FUN



the world is having fun tonight

30th Nov'06

hello world,
i had a tough time falling asleep last night
and this morning i woke super early
i have a hunch that i'll zonk out in the plane later
to be honest, i feel quite guilty over the sending off thing
though i duno who's coming
it may be small but Thank You so much
(:
today's the day of PROM!
i wonder how'll everyone look
SOON LI-i am waay behind you and am supporting you okay (:
ELANA-fiona says that you're pretty and fiona doesnt lie (:
last night, i received msges frm different ppl
i'm gona miss so many ppl
perhaps its good entertainment on the plane
PAM-you've got a friend in me. i Like the way our friendship works, though i dun see you a hundred n million years, i know that you'll still be the same. ur msg brought a Big Fat smile on my face last night(:
SANDY-you've a place in my heart and i understand. dun feel bad abt today if you're not ard or wat. and i'm seeing sandy wong alive yea? *Big HUG*
HANSHENG-hello(: please take good care of yourself and i'll be back soon!

bringing all the memories along with me

29th Nov'06

it was all so perfect until you stepped in and ruined it All
sometimes the person 'closest' to you can be the biggest danger
i dun understand how or Why all you ever manage to scooped out of your mouth is a disgusting form of Insulting language
ARGH you really Drive me Crazy lar.
this is not what i want to blog in here.
but here i am Trying so hard to love. and am alr starting to so much
and there you are. this is really Insane. you're making my emotions go haywire
tell me, just Tell ME. this is so shit.
and it makes me drag tmr even more.
when all i want to do is to have fun and rrly enjoy n appreciate all ur sacrifices.
i'm really really SORRY.
but aiya. what can i do?
-

yo World!
ytd was really Awesome
i spent time with part of my cell just playing basketball in the morning
liwen, sandy, hansheng, bryan, elana and yi yang too!
i hope i didnt miss anyone out?
it was really fun
for the past few days we've been playing bball and i hope to join Everyone when i'm back!
hopefully everyone wont be too good for me den Haha
and i am still Very Amazed by Tan Hansheng who scored a shot half-court!
oh my gosh. i really wonder how you did that?!
maybe its a lucky shot, but stilll, it was so Woah
haha

after bball, went over to junling's hse
junling n joby, aha my two good friends whom i met since..pri one in a day care dwn at amk
i thought i won the battle when they finally agreed to cancel plans for watching a scary movie
but No. they switched plans to swimming at Junling's condo
everyone noes that i'm a duck which cannot swim
i fought and i protected myself as much as i could
but i still failed haha
and they dun even care what i was wearing in the pool lar.
they just pushed me in
my Friends are Evil people
but it was fun though
cause sad to say, these two ladies are so pleasant despite the way they treated me
i duno why
-


TODAY.
i went out with shrooms and after so long,
we finally found my pants!
i have two really Comfy pants now haha
i noe its quite pathetic but Nevermind (:
den soon li n hansheng came along
and we signed up for so many jobs
theres bound to be one tt accepts us
i cant wait to Work (:
it sounds so cool n fun

ALRIGHT, actually what i really feel lyk doing now
is to say a few words to a few ppl
i think i'm gona miss this place real badly
i havent rrly allowed myself to face with my feelings abt going to china
its not a bad place though i'm gona miss all the fun n exciting thing
and although i rrly Hate to be put out of my comfort zone,
this is still, not a torture trip for me anyway.
i'll try my best to love this thing
come on, it aint that bad
-

i cant type anymore cause my mama's nagging
but before i go,
SOON LI WEN, HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY (:
and HO JUNLE TOO
okay, i'm off
bye everyone!
please dun forget me

now i know whats important to me

26th Nov'06

the music's playing, the atmosphere's changing
after today, i'm challenged to do smth abt my own prayer life
i wasnt in the mood for basketball
neither was i in the mood to be at my grandpa's place
i'm sorry. i didnt mean to lie
but i just changed my mind after tt
and i turned pamela dwn on our deal of roaming ard the airport today
sorry. and what you did was really comforting.
thank you so much.
nothing's wrong
but i guess i just wanted to be alone
its the feeling of feeling so empty and yet you dunno the reason behind it
but as i was sitting at the empty mrt station
i felt God telling me, "this is how backsliders feel. this is how those ppl who draw themselves away frm church feel"
maybe thru the past few days, i've learnt to be able to understand why others are less committed to church
its such a tough fight actually
but i'm glad that Jesus's the centre of my life
-

on the brighter side,
my 'uncle' came ytd and he gave my bro PS2
aha, which means i get to play too (:
forget abt xbox, this is As Fun
and i'm secretly laughing cause theres no one to fight for the comp with me now
oh yea, i was online the other day
and bryan sent me this

he did it himself you noe.
big CLAP (:

anyhow, i'm off

no weapon form against me shall prosper

25th Nov'06

hey WORLD.
ytd, i roamed the streets with jue and althea to search for gowns.
frm expo to bugis to somerset to orachard,
my legs were killing me
i Thought searching for gowns wld be so much fun and excitement
but ho, No haha
it was quite a troublesome issue
but ALTHEE looked so nice in the gown (:
you've got the figure n height man, just need to be more girly tts all
i think prom's gona be filled with so much fun
i feel so excited for everyone!


just look at this, 90 Degrees up! haha okay lar, i too, do that




JUE (:
-


i AM going for service tonight (:
and i'm gona enjoy my next few days here before i fly off
i'm gona miss EVERYONE
):




deep, blue sky

23rd Nov'06

-went to apply for a job this morning
-east coast with a grp of ppl
-bladded
-sat at yck mrt station and talked with jue for so long today

everything seems to be going on rather fine
but i think i'm a lil confused
and worried of wats to come
they say that sometimes one's mood changes as the night approaches
maybe its true




a leaning shoulder

21st Nov'06

give me a high-five
how does it feel to like to be..fiona?
it was so horrible in sch today
oh Man. i really dunno where i'll land next year
i just noe that i feel so sorry, towards my form teacher
so suprising huh, but i guessed wat he said to me rrly made me feel so..weird on the inside
for a moment, i felt lyk a Bad testimony
-

after THAT, i went to vivo with audrey and hazel (:
smth kindof screwd up cause our 'clique' outing was reduced to three ppl haha
AnyHow, we stopped at pastamania for a meal.
and Now i am Broke alr.
i really wish tt my dad wldnt arrange for a holiday. cause all the worries are piling in. for one reason, i noe i wont get any allowance for Two Whole weeks. and for another, i cant get a job. and to add on, i'm gonna miss church n cell. which Means, i'll have to survive spiritually well on my own. which is kindof tough nowadays. realy.
but den again, i think i complain too much.
i know daddy cares for ME and US.
thats why we're going for sucha Long holiday. thats why he chose not to have a car and save up. and thats why you dun want mummy to work. all the sacrifices you made, i've seen it.
but i just Really Dont Know how to show my appreciation.
and to tell the truth, the building fund really makes me very very guilty.
cause you guys give me money to eat and have fun. but tts not wat i'm doing.
i'm actually doing smth tts against your will.
i feel so guilty and at times, terrible.
yet at the same time, i know that i can trust in God too.
i'm a Dilemma.
i just pray tt i can get a job after my hols Real soon.
and den maybe, i'll work Every Single day for a long period of time.
--

i got kindof carried away somewhere at the top.
so anyhow, we went to vivo.
and just lyk wat everyone said, its really Huge there
theres so much to see.
we stopped ourselves from playing at the playground cause of our sch Uniform
aha, there were so many children around
and i bumped into so many ppl today.
rachel lim, angeline aw and her clique, janice, michelle, amos, pris
wow, thats alot of ppl for one day
after exploring almst everywhere, i think
we went to orchard for a short while
it was so empty there
haha maybe vivo attracted to much ppl
we saw so many gowns today.
Hmm, gona go with jue and althea to see gowns on fri
i Hope we get smth out of it.
haha cause we're all so..not girl enough.
need to drag an Expert queen along
i Want to go for PROM
but nevermindd, two years dwn the road i will (:
--

tmr is wednesday. gona meet jue to cut our hair.
i wonder how is Miss Sarah Lee doing somewhere out there.. haha i forgot where she's off too.
HK and..somewhere Nice
aha
i saw xbox 360 at toys'r'us today
if only my bro gets one for his birthday
den, i can play with him
i need a new wallet, bag, jeans, belt
i wish, i wish for so many things
am i materialistic?
i hope not
-

you noe, when you hear a song long enough,
it starts playing thru ur head again and again
and what i really feel on the inside now is
angels taught me how to smile
thankyou God for everything.
for anything and everything




down at a corner, someone's praying

17th Nov'06

"this is the air, that is the glorious sun!" -shakespeare

IT IS OVER
:D
all over! over! over!
i can hardly believe it
though the day didnt ended well ytd
it ended all with a huge bang frm Chemistry
which i Put most of wat i am Into
and the paper was rrly tough, i think i screwd it up real badly
but after everything, despite that heaviness thats still lingering ard the corner,
the Smile just cldnt stop surfacing
:D
i cant believe that we're all free
-

looking back, it was just weeks or maybe even less den two weeks that i got so close to my books
espcially Literature
so many quotes which i've never bothered to memorized are now stuck in my head
"present mirth hath present laughter, whats to come is still unsure"
"if ever thou shalt love, in the sweet pangs of it', remember me"
and so much more!
i never thought i wld miss this Subject
and studying practically Became a bonding session for Me and all of us
gradually, our studying grp Grp Bigger
frm althea n me, to plus Gradys, sheress, rachel, christabel, and even Soon li, AnnAnn
wow, and its amazing how God did it all
there was so much fun in the midst of it
that now looking back,
i feel SO Nostalgic
arhh
i rmb theres once when i rang Althee and asked her wat she was doing
she went: looking at the class picture
and i laughed at her for being so emo
but after putting dwn the phone,
i went to look at it
so many pretty faces, where to go in life?
God has brought us tgt, i cant help but feel so Loved
by so many ppl around me
i'm so Blessed
so so Blessed that i didnt even noe it
--

we had steamboat ytd
and we ate so many half-cooked chicken!
haha but it was quite Fun (:
aye! i cant wait for the 'who-gets-a-boyfriend-first' deal
cause it'd be interesting tt we all Eat tgt smth Delicious again
haha
--

a few days ago, i received a msg frm someone so near yet so far
layho
yes, remember layho?
i cant help but few smth pleasant yet a lil bitter at the same time
i sincerely pray that God's love will reach All the way out and fall upon her once again
the journey restarts!
and since its after the exams, i think i'm gona commit my time to diff ppl and my diff responsibilities
and make sure it goes well
theres smth abt church that always reflects in my mind
that, in church, you dun have to worry abt graduation or saying goodbye, cause we'll be 'close' 'forever'
i guess that Really really explains why all the PLs are so close
but when we all leave, we the sec fours
wats to become of it?
Prayer, i reallyReally wana see a Big Huge revival sweeping through my sch
--

things that i wanna do! :
-start on kat's bible study (its been delayed for lyk one year plus. my fault)
-overnight cycling at east Coast!
-spend long-lost time with Joby and Junling
-work
-join Childrens' Church
-continue bible study
-wild wild wet!
aiya, so much! i cant possibly write all dwn
(X
i feel lyk a dove thats released after so long





heaven is such a beautiful place

11th Nov'06

hey World
almost half the battle is gone!
while i see some around me depressed over screwd-up papers
there're also those who are Happy almst every single day
i guess i'm kindof trapped in between
-
but THANKYOU GOD,
for all that YOU have done in my life
thankyou for always letting me realise the solutions to some questions during the exams, even thought its lyk the last five to ten minutes
and Thankyou for sustaining all of us too (:
because of this exam, i Learnt how to lean more on You and not Myself
some tell me tt their secret to scoring well is that,
they pray more den they study
not literally, but the intensity is Much greater den studying
i've not fully arrive to that extend
but i know oh God that YOU're with me
it has been tough,
but frm this, i drew a greater experience out of it
(:

--

friendships that are built on solid rocks,
i know they'll stand
even Ten years frm now,
we'll still be the SAME (:
--

Whats' Left:
mon-literature
tues-A maths P1
wed-physics
thurs-chem, A maths P2

No more!




"Alas, our fraility is the cause, not we, For such as we are made, if such we be"

1st Oct'06

i Promise with all my heart tt i Wont get a Boyfriend until after JC2
haha
and because of that, i wont be the one treating everyone to this chinese restaurant, "ding tai feng"
someone else will have to do it!
i cant wait to EAT there (:

26th Oct'06

hey world,
i've been heading to the airport to study lately
haha i noe its rrly far and it seems kindof insane to travel all the way there
but its rrly nice there (:
the atmosphere is Beautiful and so is the smell of pastries
HAHA
i like (:
plus the company
Pam and Sheena, one my P5 n 6 Bestie (:
and the other, coconut who makes me laugh a retard (:
and since i'm not the only who travels All the way just to study there, why not?
-
after Weeks of studying at the same place,
i concluded tt A level students are Superb hardworking
everytime i'm there, i see the same old ppl
and they are so hard Core!
its lyk they appear whether rain or shine, without fail
the only thing tt actually changes is their clothes
-
its been rrly fun Observing ppl
and theres this particular guy with rrly Beautiful eyes and fine eyebrows
hmm
so pretty. if only more ppl have these define features
but den again, i guess tts wat makes him stand out
haha

--

i want it so badly that i think i can almst taste freedom already
they gave us our class photos tgt
and oh boy, all the emotions just start to pour in
as we pass ard our photographs to our fellow PL lites to sign on them
arh
all the studying time cld very well be in exchanged of time thats filled with laughter n fun, with so many ppl
i made a pact with shrooms tgt, signing off with the touch of our little finger
arh
i guess i and we just have to except the fact tt Some ppl appear and Go
some ppl appear and they are here to stay
some appear, and no matter how hard you want to keep them,
they just leave
the third is the saddest of all lar
but i think tts life
and isnt a bed of roses aint it?
--

oh yea, physics prac was rather bad
i thought i pulled it off as an average
but after all the compraing, oh welll
i hope chem will be good
Please Please PLEASE
were locked up in class for almst FOUR whole hours today,
just doing nth
but only waiting as the others sit for their prac papers
and there was Free MACS!
ahaha, tts the only advantage
cause the sch was celebrating on our autonomous status
still, the burger had no cheese n the apple pie was so soggy lar
Milo was Perfect (:
simply because it was packet-ed
aha
--

i think i'm off to study soon
and after everything, we'll see smiles on everyone's pretty faces
just you wait and see





and now i'm here to stay, cause love can be so boring

13th Oct'06

love taught me not to hate
it taught me to accept and smile
love showed me what it means to be a true friend
it empowered jealousy and self-centeredness
love directed the path
and made me feel Loved,
in return
--

everything recently is realy going pretty fine,
but it just seems lyk theres this empty hollow feeling
thats lingering on the inside
i thought i was the only who is insane
but surprisingly, Mk told me she felt the same
maybe its just Us
but life's a beau-thats what everyone says
for every lil thing tts happening
i find myself questioning more n more
"why is it always like this? its always an anti-climax"
not that i'm depressed or really upset over smth
but its just everything that goes round
for a moment i thought i was the only idoit, being toyed around with so many diff issues
and then i thought again, and realised that i wasnt the only one

-



and when we finally get together, it will be for eternity

9th Oct'06

i just realised tt its October already
thats, thats So fast!
just 3 more weeks to the Big O's
i believe tt God can make a miracle happen within 3 weeks
right?! all things are possible (:

--

yo world,
i've been studying quite a bit recently
saturday, i went to the airport with PAMELA soh (:
the girl with curly curly hair when she was p5 n 6
the girl who was my Bestie (:
ah huh, she's rrly one of the few whom i really really Loved/love!
we reached there in the morning
and ho, it was Very productive indeed
--
you noe, we were thinking tt if one day, we were to leave hse and have no where to go
not to ur friend's place cause theres too much trouble
we can always head to the airport!
free aircon, free place to sleep
haha! and its so 'classy' there too
love the airport (:
-

i saw Charmaine frm cell studying there too
and Den Cheryl Mar and Jue (:
they came over to eat and den rachel joined in the studying as well
after draining our braincells, i accompanied rachel to buy her bag
wats with all the shops?! none of them sold the bag tt she wanted
it was so disappointing! we went frm changi to bugis, frm bugis to cityhall
and being two ppl with no-directions, we wasted lots of time
thanks to Sandy Wong haha who directed us to the mrt through the phone
i saw Eevel and bugis
frm far, it was the first thing tt caught my eye
cause his hair was lyk, woah. Spiked up, Mohawk!
and i went, "oh my gosh, i see eevel"
and rachel went, "oh my gosh, we see eevel"
haha, anyhow, its all in the past
doesnt affect me anymore (:
--

ytd, i went to studying with Pam and Sheena at the same old place
we stuffed ourselves with $1 worth of pie
haha! all PL girls all the same okayy
sheena makes me laugh lyk crazy
i brought this old picture with pam and her pom pom hair
it was so funny and it cracked us up real badly
i wished i can load it in here, but i dunno how
haha! too badd, pluss i looked lyk an idoit inside too
haha

oh yea, and i had a rrly Weird dream the other day (:
only Soon li noes haha

i Love my cell and i rrly Thank God for it Very very much
N293

--
BIBLE. i need one real badly, where is the money?!

just the other day, someone told me about someone's life and all
and i wonder if things will ever work out?
infatuation is such a scary thing
and everyone has fallen into its trap
including me
but i'm out of it soon





sometimes i see sunset in your eyes

4th Oc'06

okay, so maybe it wasnt all tt bad
the vice principal saw one group of ppl with me included
and it isnt down at her office
haha she's rrly nice actually
i almst wished tt she gave us each a hug
she looked so Hugable!
and i've heard many times of her being rrly nice and..motherly
and all those words of encourage said, i noe are meant to push us even more
surprisingly, they rrly work
and it really Is comforting, to know tt so mnay ppl still trusts and believing in you

after sch, i went to meet wang lao shi
and she was really sweet
arh, why is everyone so nice?!
esp at this period of time, it makes dun want to disappoint the ppl ard me
though she had a rrly Bad sore throat, she still insisted on tutoring me
i cld tell she was struggling, though she tried rrly hard to hide it
and i still can easily recall all the words of encouragement some said tt rrly touch my heart
jue-"you can do it one. you were just lazy, just look at all ur past results"
sheree-telling me how she rrly studied and she actually Loaned me a bag of Mt books and E maths papers so i can improve
or maybe its because i rrly can do it?
and ppl dun just say it for the sake of saying so
thank you so so much
i am surrounded by angels in this life of my
(:

and the number of demons just seem to reduce everyday

dont' ever give up cause' its not the end
--

oh yea,
i wana talk about our overnight study!
haha though it was Days ago
angel, soon li, elana and me stayed over at elana's club
poor liwen went through Alot before having the permission to stay over
but she's so cute!
just the way she insist on having things her own way makes her adorable (:
i think, our overnight study was more of a failure
haha but it was Very fun (:
we played a little at the pool playground
if i had more clothes at tt time, i wld Definitely play in it!
it was pretty cool yet, scary
lyk around 4 am? there was absolute no one around except the security and us and.. tt guy frm RJC who studied in the same room
haha
and Elana showed me how squirdword looked like
angeline Aw was the ultimate Pig! (:
after playing n eating, she finally settled dwn to study and she's the first to doze off
how funny was it

haha

i wan to stay over again!
but i guess better to do it after our O's (:
--

i've been having quite a bit of my P5 n 6 bestie lately
haha
those were the good old childish times when we "friend here and there"
i'm gona study with my P5 n 6 bestie on sunday! (:


--

and once again, the big o topic of JC life is constantly brought up in sch,
and all ard me
i believe that guys and girls can be really close friends
and i think its so cool
and i know tt people change overtime
that, i've learn to accept it too





when we're tired, we sit back and think about all the fun that we've had

3rd Oct'06

i seriously feel lyk retaining for one year
and get everything right
the vice principal wants to see me down at her office tmr
tgt with some other ppl


standing at the rooftop
everyone scream your heart out
this is what we've got now
scream your heart out!

28th Sep'06

God opened my eyes today, within my heart
actually it was ytd, but most of me chose to ignore it
and as i was sitting in the hall, down at my own corner, doing some maths, He came ino my heart once again
true, so many times, we're disppointed with so many things in life
so much that we dont know whether to trust or doubt anymore
ppl always tell me, trust trust, trust
yea, i know i know i know
but its because i take the step of faith to really let go and believe in Him,
thats why when things arent pleasant this time, i Reallyreally do qns
i trusted and this is it?
thats all i get after trying and believing and mybe even praying and testifying and everything?
i have to admit that so many thoughts ran thru my mind when i see my results
its not just the results alone, but the process of it
and the ppl ard me, my own life. i really do wonder if i'm a fool at times
why is it that ppl whom i know of choose to put studies before God, they neglect the great one frm above
and yet at the end of it all, God allowed them to do well n succeed
yea, i know this is temporal happiness.
but still, i wld love to have this kindof happiness as well
why does it seem lyk the 'bad' ppl get all the good stuff all the time
and why is it that its so easy to encourage ppl, to spur them on
yet when i myself am down, it seems lyk nth much can actually help
it seems lyk its easy to help others to look on the bright side
but when it comes to myself its all so tough
well, actually i know the answer of it all
okay, maybe not
but i know that God really does love me and He really Does care for me
the rush of qns just come all the time.
why is it that everytime i fall, i promised not to ever qns and ask God again
yet i cant seem to do it?
just why leh, why ME

and back to where i was, sitting in the hall..
the one from above just went something lyk this,
"what about the good times? do you only remember the bad ones?"
and i thought a little,
indeed God Is very faithful to me
like the time he touched my heart as i stood in the train, heading for service
and like the many times when i was fearful and cried out to Him,
He didnt just threw me aside, instead, He embraced me and made everything go fine
just everything, indeed
and my Maths. i had an A1 for it
i was so blinded by the ugly side of everything that i failed to see the bright side of life
it really Is a miracle to be getting a One for maths, i thought i screwd it up
if this is not enough,
He answered a couple of my personal prayers and things changed
a particular friendship seems lyk its so pleasant and possible now
and just everything is beautiful indeed
my God helped me to forget the unwanted stuff
and He replaced redundant hopes n desires with much more Beautiful ones
--

so amazing huh?
(: Yea

and through it all, i choose to believe once again
and fight
cause everybody's fighting with me!
and i'm not the only one


theres this song which goes,

when you feel like no one understands,
someone loves you,
even when you dont think so
dont you know?
you've got me and Jesus.
by your side,
through the fight,
you will never be alone,
on your own,
you've got me and Jesus.


to some special people out there, i toldcha i wanna be ur cheerleader!
and you said you wanna be mine too
(:
i guess, we still have each other and most importantly,
Jesus
so the chapter ends for now,
and the studying begins once again
just wait and see






you're the author of creation

27th Sep'06

i think we all need to come before God
just something, somehow to make things better
the toughest moment is when you're down and everyone ard you is too
thats the hardest moment to find the right words to say to try to feel the right way
and the most horrible feeling is when you realy Did study and no one believes you
seriously, okay maybe i didnt study or slogged lyk crazy
but i placed double efforts on IT. and i placed my hopes on it
and the outcome is worst den before. its just so so ugly to take in
ppl tell me to believe. but its basically because i believed thats why its so sad now!
who Will believe that i study. i bet she thinks tt i dun give a damn. but i tried so hard lar
God, God, God i know you still love me
i love you too

25th Sep'06

ELANA tan! (:
thankyou for that beautiful Pink rose
you rrly got it for me!

that was so Sweet of You! (:
thanks Crush!
--

my results arent pleasant at all
and we've all been talking abt our results, JC life, studies and everything thats related in to that topic that i'm starting to get tired of that subject
i've got one for my maths
but other den that, all's so crapped
all the studying of chemistry produced a D7 in the end
i dunno why!
neither do i know wat actually went wrong
many qns and thoughts were running thru my head
sometimes i rrly wonder, whats good and wats not?

and one thing which i found out today was that
crying is a Good form of releasing ur inner feelings
No wonder everyone crys
no wonder

i guess the most difficult thing now
is to gather up all our inner feelings and get all charged up
as i looked into so many ppl's eyes today
i really wonder, how are we gona do this?
how are we gona pull through this together, all fine?
elana, angeline, rachel, liyun, shrooms, jue, gradys and sososo many more
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):
okay, thats enough
no point dwelling on those unplesant stuff yea?

for now, we just have to keep going on and on and on





will you answer all my doubts for me

24th Sep'06

hey world, today started off really great (:
i was in the train, on my way to church
and i was listening to christian songs, playing on my mp3
before i knew it, i was soaking in God's presence
the feeling was so Strong all of a sudden that i started tearing
i was controlling them as much as i could cause there was just so many ppl ard me

and i heard the one frm above speaking right into my heart, at tt moment
it went smth lyk this,
"hey my child, here we go again. here i am speaking to you once again, just lyk the last time i spoke to you. whats all these about? come on, its not lyk you dunno that I will never fail you.
its not lyk you dunno I can wash your sins, have you forgotten tt I'm your merciful Abba Father? whatever happened to 'standing strong' no matter what happens? whatever happen to the amount of trust you used to have in me? oh why dun you just trust in me that I can make you perfect. in my eyes, you're beautiful. Very beautiful indeed. if you will only believe "
-
and then i saw smth as my eyes remained shut
i saw myself kneeling before the Lord, but my head was bowed low
i felt uncleaned within. unworthy to face my saviour, the one who died on the cross for me, the one who loved me for who i am
but He stretched out His loving hands towards my face and lifted my face as i stayed, kneeling before Him
and in His eyes, i was perfect.
right at that moment, i was flawless and most of all, Beautiful.
there wasnt a single blemish on my face, neither was there anymore unpleasant feeling in my heart
the heaviness disappeared and
everything was just plain perfect and pleasant


Man. it was really amazing.
just the day before, sarah told me abt her encounter with her handphone and stuff
and i was thinking,
if i really needed stuff and i cant afford it, why not just pray and ask God for it
and leave it to Him to provide?
its gona be a challenge to do so, and lets see how's the mighty one gona work when He decides to move (:
--

theres so many things tt i wanna get
i want a new Bible!
i want to start afresh, and anew

i started cleaning my whole room ytd, and am still half done
haha
wow, i didnt know i owned about 4 written diaries before
but they all fill less than half a book
no wonder, it never works out haha
and i saw so many alr-forgotten neoprints
they bring back all those happy memories which make me miss those times so much
arh! growing is a happy and sad process

--

we're gona collect the rest of our results tmr
its quite expected wat the outcome will be, what the scene will be lyk
for now, lets just not think about it
and have a happy night tonight!
(:





"by the roses of spring, by maidhood, honour, truth and everything; i love thee"!

24th Sep '06









just a few words,
Thank God for these Amazing People (:

23rd Sep'06

hey world,
ytd they gave out the results of EL prelims
it was so not good
the atmosphere and all was so unpleasant
ppl were crying, sad, complaining
it seemed lyk the only pleasant thing to take in were smiles n laughters
i wonder wats it gona be lyk on the actual day of O' level results
i had a C5 for english
hrm we need a miracle down here

ytd at east coast with cell was rather fun
but too bad we only bummed into amelia n gradys at the end of everything
it wasnt easy finding them at first cause we're all moving ard
part of me wanted to stay and join them
cause everyone's been having so much problems lately,
the main reason for going was to Play n Enjoy and forget everything else
but cell group is cell group and tt company is great too (:
i feel lyk going to East coast with grad and maybe a few othrs again, and we'll play till everything's forgotten

--

i have a friend whom i love Alot
but lately, i feel lyk i'm loving her less n less everyday
its brianwashing you see
i still love you alot, and i reallyreally do
just tt sometimes, i duno wat i shld do
hrm, you still love me do you?
i pray tt God will keep this friendship going
it means alot to me

--

studying will ressume on sunday!
we have..abt 4 weeks left, its time to fight the battle and win the race


because of the one above,
everything will be filled with love

i know that everything will be beautiful once again soon
(:





everybody scream your heart out

20th Sep'06

hey world, i spent approximately 12 hours of my day down at Audrey's hse today
tgt with hazel
we watched old shows lyk 'Lion King' and "i not stupid 2'
piano n guitar were inlcuded too (:
haha and aud's bro was seeking attention, somehow he reminded me of my own brother
after lazing ard lyk some useless bums in the living room,
we went up to her room and we played..Soccer!
haha but with a smaller ball
and somehow everyone ended up screaming, petrified when we talked abt cabbies n women in Red, with Long hair
haha
(: thats a smile for the two of you


--

of course, if you ask me, theres bound to be some unpleasant stuff as well
why not?
just abt a few hrs ago, i bummed into an old friend
soemone whom i chose to ignore the issue abt and place it on one side of my head
someone who was close to me, for a period of time
someone whom was of a diff kindof company, a diff kindof influence
she practically belonged to a whole diff world
its amazing how we clicked
i am aware of how things hav come to this stage
she didnt even speak to me, she just smiled
but when i rang her up just now, she sounded all too eager to hang up on me
i suppose she's still angry
i must admit that i've neglected her in some areas
priorities in my life have made me unavailable at times
things lyk my own sch life, studies, sch mates, family, church
esp church, maybe its the fact tt she abhors it tt made her put all the blame on my church
and i made the stupidest mistake of all
to forget totally abt her birthday
that made her feel so off in my life amongst my busy schedule and i guess it blew it off
its clear for me to see that she hasnt gotten over it
but its been a few mths alr
how was i to be able to cope with so many issues
it wasnt easy esp when i cldnt see her conveniently
not in church, not in sch, not anywhere near my hse
not even in my dreams, all that exist is the memories we share 6 years ago, down at a daycare centre
i wonder how she's feeling. to put it on an ugly term, betrayed?
maybe she cant rrly trust me to be there for her n share her sorrows, double her joy anymore
while i managed to be the cheer leader of many ppl ard me,
my promises of being there for her at times, failed
but at times, its really tiring to be the cheer leader all the time
it had feel nice that once in a while, someone Will be there cheering for me as i run my own race in life
someone strong whom i can fall against and i can lean on
it feels lyk i've totally lost my grip on smth big.
-

mayb its cause of this issue tt i'm starting to feel tt i'm allowing another diff friendship to fall
cause this time round, when a crisis striked,
i played a lil role in the crisis and i wasnt able to sustain the role, of being the strong and stable one, leading to the open path
its the kindof fear you get esp when in a relationship, you feel lyk you're mostly the one giving
it makes you worry lyk crap and think lyk crazy if everything's gona fall apart or not when you feel tired urself
because the main factor of everything being in place is gone
sometimes it just feels lyk crap, and it reallyreally does
no one wanted it to end up lyk this, who would?
all i need is God to be in my life all the time to be the one behind everything, that way everything will go just perfectly fine
God has been faithfully in my life all this while,
but have i been faithful to Him too?
its so hard to confidently say yes that, i can only hope tt i'm better off
its the feeling of being tired, yet not wanting to let go. wanting to give a lil bit more and at the same time, wanting to noe tt sometimes you rrly helped and are treasured. and wanting to noe that you're more den just a service which provides.
-

and another thing, which i rrly dun feel lyk talking about
sometimes i really do wonder, how is it that amazing ppl managed to mean wat they say all the time?
what is it tt keeps their faith going on and on non-stop
sure, i've told God before, "if its your will, it will come to pass. and i place my turst in you, i only want to follow your ways. i dun want to give in to my own wills and allow hurt to come in"
but just how much do i mean what i say?
its when the real thing hits that makes you realise how hard it actually is.
i really Long to be lyk them too.
see those, strong n faithful stable ones, who arent swayed easily? who doesnt want to be lyk them?
i Long to be just half as good as them
--

but then again,
"all things work for good to those who love Him"
and i really do believe in it
to say that you have no worries wld be lying
i suppose, its only normal for me to vent some of my feelings every once in awhile
i'm only human
and all will be fine, cause i still believe in Miracles
let the good cover up the bad,
and let the bad dissolve in the good, shall we?

--

looking at the brighter side of life
the exams have come to an end!
its gona be a week of enjoyment (;
thank you father for every single blessing there is in my life
its when things are not going well that makes every little blessing shine even brighter






Heaven knows that i need You here with me

19th Sep'06

hey HANSHENG, happy birthday to you (:
i pray that God's blessings will be flowing abundantly in your life!
happy sweet Sixteen (:

--

i'm left with Only Chinese paper 2 tmr
praise God for that (:
i've estimated my L1R5 and i'm most likely gona get ard 18
i hope it wont be any higher
and oh Please, if its possible let it be lower than 16 pleasee?
arh, lets not talk abt studies shall we?


i went to watch 'little man' today!
we Jean, sihui n soon li (:
it wasnt tt nice actually but its hilarious enough to keep the laughter coming
the whole cinema was rather empty but it was all good
esp because of the company!
the good old pri 5 n 6 days still have a Huge place in my heart
and it will always be the same.
before the movie we went to pastamania
and gosh, the food there was argh
okay, its not their fault, its our fault for making the wrong decision
the smell of milk powder made me us feel lyk vomitting haha
definitely not appealing
anyhow, the library at bishan is quite nice (:

--

for the joy of the Lord is our strength
i wish i can say this freely and easily without having myself to confess it
but life's not a bed of roses isnt it?
and even if it is, roses do have thorns
well, thats thinking logically
and maybe perhaps its a form of brainwashing oneself too
but i'm okay (:

i'm not too sure myself
why is it that i'm affected when i chose not to dig it deep in the first place
but anyhow,
whats a little thing of the heart and a little of the emotions?
it will all be over soon i hope





only you can fill me now

17th Sep'06

sings, "..i just called..to say..i Love you! "

(:
i just happy, just happy for some reason i dunno why
ever since friday, its been 'holiday'!
and i havent touched anything since
we estimated wat we wld get for prelims today
19 arh, i Hope i'll get below tt
after prelims, i'll work double hard
i promise!
i promised so many ppl, i'm gona keep my word (:

---

elana gave me smth ytd! thankyou so much (:
love you love you, love you too!
and sandy wong gave me smth today!
love you love you, love you too!
haha
saying Love you to my female friends is Easy!
cause its comfortable saying it, and most of all, you guys are just plain,
lovable (:

and anna,
i jus wana tell you that you're rrly one awesome person
i never told you this, but i think you're amazing
cause you're only a yr older most of us and you hav ur own studies n problems too
but you never fail to appear so strong and..stable!
and you're always hanging on o matter wat happens
i think God is so good to us because of someone lyk you
thank you so (:

--

okay, heres some stuff that happened recently,
1. i've been watching 'full house' lately, yes i'm a little slow but its rrly Nice!
if you havent watch it, Please dont watch it haha. its addictive. its Bad.
i cant seem to tear my eyes away frm it until i finish the whole thing
2. i drank 2 glasses of fruit juice and i think the fruits were rrly powerful, cause
because of those two glasses, i had diarrhoea last night
3. pianoo! elana is pro at piano (: i salute you. i wana learn too!
4. i cant wait for wednesday (:



i'm one happy person
but i miss a female friend who seems to have disappeared somehow
you're not the same anymore
i wonder if its because i was a lil too harsh the other time?
but someone's got to tell you wats right n wats not
and someone's got to give you a sign to tell you wake up to reality
its hilarious the way i worry n fret over our friendship
maybe i'm too sensitive at times
but, Rah. dun you at least care?!
maybe you're just busy now,
i hope so, i hope it'll be back to normal soon


anyhow, i'm still happy.
its just a small portion of it all
(:
thankyou ppl for making me feel so loved.
and i just wanna say too,
SHROOMs-though you wont see this, cause i refused to give you my url, haha thankyou for being so patient with me! and teaching me, drilling me with all the study facts. discipling me non-stop. and thankyou for giving me a chance..to be used by God (:
SOON LI-you're one of the best of the best. was the best and is still the best. is guess things may revolve and things may change. but at the end of it all, its still the same! you're my burping competitor and it'll be the same now and forever (: love you! i wonder if i can still piggy back you? haha





all's good and well.
Lord i love you so much, love you so much