after one whole day of commotion,
my head starts to spin
i feel really dizzy and i was(Am still) a lil sick since morning
with a little of cough n block nose
there was just so much to take in today

if you're wondering,
i didnt do that well.
it wasnt up to my expectation nor was it smth which i have been hoping for.
strangely, i wasnt surprised though.
my dream came TRUE.
man, i really duno how to put how i'm feeling to words
but i guess i just cldnt accept it.
i mean, its freaky you know.
having dreams and den once in awhile having these weird feelings that they wld come true.
and They really DO come true.
its not a bad thing, i know its the Holy Spirit at work.
and the past few times it happened, it Amazed it so greatly.
so i really asked God to use me again, in some way or another. just similar to the times when He wld simply speak to me through my dreams.
but
How wld i know that it had smth to do with my results.
and how wld i know that it had be so soon?!
i was scared, i didnt know what to do man.
i mean, i cldnt bring myself to accept the fact.
the fact that my results tallied with what i dreamnt.
for days i've been telling Him,
"this is not what i want, please give me smth better. just give it to me"
and i've been trying to hope tt somehow i had dream a better dream to cover up the bad one.
well, i Know that God has a purpose for everything to happen and since He even told me beforehand, there surely has to be a Big reason for me not getting into the jc i wanted.
right?

forget it if all of the above doesnt makes sense.
it doesnt matter anyway.

anyhow.
it was Superb scary today i tell you.
i cld even feel the tension before getting my results.
and when i got my paper, i refused to tear it open
Jean sihui n soon li were ard me, telling me to open open open
all the struggling got my result slip so cumpled now.
i've thought long enough
and
i kindof accepted what has been done.
i really should trust God more shldnt i?

words are really just mere words when compared to actions

i realised that theres still a long route to growing n learning
and boy,
do i have to be Strong.


tell me that its gona get better