You're the only one who can undo what i've become.

where morning dawns and evening fades, You call forth songs of joy. (Psalm 65:8)

i MISSED out PM today.
))':
i heard that it was so Cool.
and i felt so dumb after tearing in front of soon li and leong.
but i was that close,
ignoring the small voice on the inside of me. and headed to study instead.
today, i really Understood importance of constantly doing the little faithful things.
you could be so Close to experiencing sth in the supernatural,
but just when the breakthrough comes, you head in the wrong direction.
but now that its over, its Okayy.
i'll have my very own great time with HS in my room today(:
i want to experience it Everyday.

service was quite good.
it was really nice down there at the floor area.
soon li was trembling.
it felt so Nice seeing people around me laying down their pride,
crying and worshipping God.
though time spent with lana during lunch today was short,
i Enjoyed it alot (:
I MISS YOU, though i see you almost everyday in school.








CHERYL! you owe me pictureS the next time i see you You STEAMED PORK.
(:
--

TOFU came over to sembawang yesterday.
i felt so LOVED after yesterday and reading her blog.
(:
i THANK GOD for youu (:
and Yes, THANK YOU to you too.
for always taking care of me.
SLEEPOVERS at both your place and mine after my eams!
:D





the little pretty boy we saw in the library:
HAHA. okay, a very random picture. but i thought it looks Cool.

stupid friend of 12th years.
i've seen all your mischievous deeds since young man!
--

OHH.
i cant wait for the next blood donation drive.
wanna be a BLOOD DONOR.
(:

on this altar i Stand, with my hands lifted high.

The Dry Bones Live.
Ezekiel 37:1-13
vs1-the hand of the Lord came upon me and brought me out in the Spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley; and it was full of bones.
vs2-then He caused me to pass by them all around, and behold; there were very many in the open valley; and indeed they were very dry.
vs3-and He said to me, "son of man, can these bones live?" so i answered, "O Lord God, you know."
vs 4- again He said to me, "Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, 'O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord!"
vs 5-'Thus says the Lord God to these bones: surely i will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live.
vs 6-"i will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall live. then you know that i am the Lord."
vs7-so i prophesied as i was commanded; and as i prophesied, there was a noise, and suddenly a rattling; and the bones came together, bone to bone.
... ...

i like these verses Alot.
if even, the Dry bones can live and breathe again,
what more can me spirit who delights in Daddy.
dear God, i dont want to be Complacent with what ive already seen or experienced or felt.
theres so much more, so much More.





oh MAN,
its close to 5:00pm and i havent done a Single thing since 11am.
was supposed to head to the airport with gradys today.
but we were both so Lazy to travel that we cancelled it,
laughing at each other's situation over the phone.
she Rushed hme, all the way to yishun to just to bathe and pack her books.
while i brought all my towel and clothes to bathe in sch for Nth.
my Goshh, felt like some SUA GUs.
i dislike weekends. its so Packed everywhere.
macs' packed, library's packed.
theres no place to STUDY.
which leaves me to Home, where all the slacking and eating takes place.
mann, the weather has been so HOT lately,
thank DADDY for RAIN! more rain pleasee.
(:
alrightts, i should Stop complaining.
at least no one's home now, which means silence.
and my brother's not home, i can use his ROOM!
i LOVE my brudda's room,
Shouldnt have volunteered giving him that room when we were younger.
i Wish i can turn back time.
-

woke up feeling nausea and giddy yesterday morn.
i think i've been Too distracted lately.
because i left home without my __! (for personal privacy)
and i only realised it after walking out of the house for 15 mins.
HAHA, i told gradys and soon. MANN, so embarrassing la Please.
something's wrong with me lately.
down at the library, trying to Flood my brain with econs
when i saw something which i shouldnt have seen.
YUCKK.
it Grossed me.
--

BA GUA has been flooding me with phone calls lately.
:D
i cant wait for JUNE,
i cant wait for JUNE!
-

imperfection is what that makes us perfect.

Studystudystudy.
with GRADYS today (:
the library's a really nice place to be in,
especially when i just discovered a couple of Lit books on poems today.
my tofu has a new name!
BA GUA.
:D
she wanted to come down and visit me in the library today.
THANK YOU (:
i know your thoughts!
cant wait to see you Tmr (:
-
i miss my classmates.
i miss people like claudy and char and patson.
well, at least they are studying too.
-
THANK YOU
SOON LI YUN(:
for praying for us and taking over all our bs and all.
it must have been tiring for you too.
i wanna give you my Full support when you're having exams too!
HMM.
gradys and i ate so much today,
i felt like a Pig.
i need Time to jog and run!
OH, there was a scene at the library today.
some man was chasing after a thief down the escalators in the library.
and he got caught, the police came.
rather Exciting. Haha
alrighto.
CELL tmr,
gonna exchange guitars with LEONG.
HOHOHO(:

dont turn around.

tonight i've fallen and i cant get up.
i need your loving hands to come and pick me up.
and every night i miss you, i can just look up.
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight.
--

MUSIC

last night, 1 plus am and i couldnt sleep.
plugged into the praise songs in my mp3,
it felt good though it was dark.
(:

econs was like Crapp today.
i had so much time to stone in front of my paper.
GP was not too bad,
i hope i at least fare well for it.

my plans for the next few days are up already.
after the exams
i want to head to the gym andd
Kick-boxing.
JUNE is waiting for me,
i can hear it calling out my name already.

for now,
its LIT, maths, history and more econss

the words dont fit.

days grow longer and nights grow shorter.

slept at 3am last night.
but the time wasnt spent on my books.

unconditional love.

trying hard to be a friend but you make it so difficult.

i dreamnt of TOFU last night
(:
and with cell, we were all in church worshipping
when the pastor suddenly reached out his hands and said "touchh"
instantly, we fell back on our chairs, slained.
it was so Amazing in my dream.

i want to be a worship leader. i want to lead people into the presence of God.

ive been studying with nic lately(:
people always succeed in their attempts to burn midnight oil.
honestly, i dont know how they do it.
i guess im just not a night person.
which is, rather bad.
cause' i waste my day away ):
i hope i survive this round of mid-years,
at least enough to make it through alive.

STEAMED PORK, im so glad you're smiling now
you look so Much prettier smiling(:

challenging my spirit,
to go deeper even though it means the probability of lesser guidance along the way.

i Love DADDY for He is.
and not just what he brings or what he gives.

BYE.-

cold and out of breath.

esplanade.
is really a beautiful place.
while making my way there,
i found myself slowly stepping deeper and deeper into the world of arts.

met hansheng and we studied (:
cell was good.
i wanted so much to just sit there and worship longer,
just spending time waiting.

nothing comes from nothing,
go to, he's a Wise fool.

sometimes i feel so foolish and dumb.
but i realised that its in this unclear state of mind that i start to grow,
and start to see clarity.

i'll show you the best of it.

its crazy how we lost ourselves tonight.
--

daily long bus rides
left me in deep thoughts.
look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

there are so much things which i want to do after my A's
i have them all listed down already.
i gave school a miss yesterday and isolated myself in the library from the time it opened till it closed.
but receiving so many calls and messages cured all my boredom.
from hs to nic to liyun to claudy to wilfred to jon to leo to lana to sandy to joby to potty.
woahh they made me MISS SCHOOL so much.
and for a moment i wished i wasnt all alone in that Freezing cold library.
my mind has been a little distracted of late.
i wish i started work a little earlier.
but thats what everyone always say.
i wish that i can live my life with no regrets.
so from now onwards,
i shall just make the best of whatever i can.
(:

dear soon,
please Hurry get well sooon.

and
i Miss JOBY.
--

studied in the library with nic today(:
STOP EATING!
we both have a goal rmb!

i like talking about spiritual stuff or just daydreaming about my own visions.
someday, they'll all come to pass(:
i need bravery.
i need courage to dare to dream Bigger.

JESSE MCCARTNEY is so CUTE!
:D

my world goes round and round and round.

ups and downs,
smiles and frowns.

bright cold silver moon, tonight alone in my room.
--

i LOVE acoustic songs.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, dear mum.
i cant remember the last time we hugged
and even simple things like calling you mum seem like a challenge to me.
but i love you so much.

-

camped at macs today to study
but i couldnt get my mind to concentrate on the right things.
i like talking to nic(:
quite a bit has happened i guess.
and probably things just didnt occur at the right time.
but more than anything,
thank you for staying by me and always trying to help in some ways.
(:
friends Are important to me,
so we will definitely stay as good buddies if we remain this way.

i talked to Daddy last night,
there wasnt really anyone appropriate whom i could turn to.
so i wrote everything down instead
and it felt so much better there after.
for a moment, i was angry for being used.
as a stumbling block to others, and then as a stepping stone.
i felt so used.
but after reflecting, i realised that theres always a deeper purpose and reason for things that occurred.
thank you Daddy.

thank you Jesus,
for a new found hope.
Nothing is impossible!
i cant wait to see the change in him again.
(:



hearts joined as one.

sometime ago, i finally understood what my name meant.
F for faith.
"faithful fiona" was what leila would always say.
in her little cards or notes which she gave to us every now and then.
but together with faith,
comes along Fear.
Faith and Fear are really two extreme ends.
and at any point of time, you can only be at one side.
there are,
Many things that i really want to do in my life.
for example, just sitting down and Study.
but ive been running away and refusing to sit at my study table.
true, it is so Scary to know that you've so much to catch up.
its Even scarier to feel that you dont even know where to start from.
and everytime i pluck up my courage to do simple things,
i know that i must gather up my spirit.
because sometimes,
"the greater the faith, the greater the disappointment" at the ultimate outcome too.
sometimes i feel so far from Daddy that i dont even know if im going in the right direction.
but only to realise that it was I who didnt search hard enough.


Jesus, you are my BEST FRIEND.

-"she's fallen from grace."

human beings have so many different emotions.
that sometimes, its confuses me much.
-


you know, someday when im big enough to shine.
maybe a worship leader, or a mission trip leader, or a pastor. maybe.

this song, was the first worship song whose' lyrics caught my attention.
and with Althee, we both figured out the tune.

into the Holy of holies.

i've seen so much more than you know.
-

friendster has so many Weirdos.

my friend's having major bgr problems right now.
the feeling of betrayal Sucks.
i guess thats the painful part of love.

the guys in my class are so FUNNY n CUTE.
i Like sitting at the back row in class,
watching ppl like patson and joel entertains me and makes me Laugh
:D

i miss kick-boxing yo.

im captivated by Your love in me.

at times like these,
especially when i browse through the pictures which i have in my comp,
i cant help but stop and spend a few seconds longer, staring at certain pics.
they Really remind me of how much fun we had.
we were much younger, foolisher then.
more Happy too.
i wonder, how many of them feel the same way as i do when they see these pictures.
the last time i last saw or spoke to Pangsai was a Gazillion Years ago.
and SOON LI, though i always dont show it..
i LOVE you TONS and TONS.
okayy, i feel so EMO now.
but a part of my heart smiles because
we had it once.
and memories keep those moments Alive.






--

i used to be really afraid of loneliness.
but this feeling is GREAT (:
sometimes, personal time is really essential for- yourself.
choosing to draw away from alot of other stuff really gave me the time to think and reflect.
studied in the library today
it was Freezing Cold.
i almost became an Ice Block.
Studying is my New Hobby(:
the thought of studying excites me and makes me wanna keep going.
i am not being sarcastic.

ive got a DATE for SATURDAY!
*WINKS* :D

im captivated by this "captivated" song
you're the reason why i sing.
-

lunched with cell after service today!
i Love my CELL MATES(:
and i think Neal and Moen are so cute haha
little mischievous boys who really remind me of my own childhood.

service really Impacted me today.
and for all the people whom ive 'spiritually adopted in the past,
im determined to not let it go so easily again,
but to try even harder instead.
if not for yourself, then for those around you.

HILLSONGS UNITED is coming to SINGAPORE!
i wanna GO.
but my mum says no.
AHH
but its HILLSONGS.
i'll find a way to get myself there (:

i started using the book which tofu gave to me today.
its PRETTY.
(:


the heavens sing Your praises from above.

and it would be nice to know that your hands are always there for me to hold onto.
--

i always end up hurting the close ones,
and helping those who dont even care for second thoughts.

and everytime i realise how much hurt ive inflicted,
its always too late.
but please know that,
i do LOVE you alot.
its the sum of our arguments and laughters
i do Treasure you Alot.
-

its beautiful to have so many Awesome friends.
but sometimes,
it feels Nice to be alone too.
--

spent almost half the day at the dentist's today.
gave me an x-ray
and an Injection which hurt oh so BADLY 2 hours later.
gum felt so sore
the thought of not eating properly made me Depressed.
pain was Killing, i was tearing.
but the dentist was so nice and friendly,
i couldnt help but laugh at her jokes.
a few hours later and couple of panadol saved my life today.
cramps left me curling in bed with a few sleepless nights.
WHAT is happening Mann.
dear God, im a strong girl, please keep me healthy!
i wanna Fight again!

met potty to study a little.
and and,
i found cure for my dear fossil already!
gonna bring it down to that shop to fix it the next time i have the time.

im too lazy to rant on anymore.

thankyou, for being my friend.

the greatest distance isnt from the north to the south,
nor from the east to the west.
the greatest distance is from your head to your heart.
--

i had a great variety of dreams last night,
and with my painful cramps,
they made me wake up countless of times in the middle of the night,
only to find that they were all unreal.

i had a conversation with JUE last night(:
it feels good talking to my old sec 4 friend!
Mmm bible study ytd was good.
im looking forward to our CELL CHALET :D :D :D



gonna devote my time to my books today,
Jesus please help me to study!

perfect love.

this game will never end.

basketball aside, but i still Love it.
hello KICK-BOXING! :D
ate alot today.
i wanna Slim down!
drained
but am studying.
will be studying.

i guess sometimes i chased my friends away unknowingly.

it just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.

You broke the night like the sun
And healed my heart with Your great love
Any trouble I couldn't bear
You lifted me upon Your shoulders

Love that's stronger
Love that covers sin
And takes the weight of the world

I love You
All of my hope is in You
Jesus Christ take my life
Take all of me

You stand on mountain tops with me
With You i walk through the valleys
You gave Your only Son for me
Your grace is all I rely on

I love You so, and I give up my heart to say
I need You so, my everything

--
training on saturday.
my team's banned on winning tmr's match
and so am i.
we said a "WE WILL WIN TP" x100 times already.
haha okay, i was just kidding.
--

today's service was Great.
i Love being in the house of God.

studying with blackspot
brought a Big Smile up my face (:
and the girl sitting directly opposite kept smiling at me,
for whatever reason i do not know.
but, it felt so nice to be receiving smiles.


thankyou blackspot(:


this is my bs student, SANDY WONG (:


look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

around and around
and around
and around we go.

its just the two of us,
Jesus and I.
i want to hold his hand and look into the face of eternity.
this, is what i need to remind me of my future,
to remind me of my purpose in life and what i am living for.
people always ask, "what am i living for?", "whats my motivational drive?"
but i've already found my answer in christ.
i am a child,
i want to be a child- being filled with child-like faith
and when i close my eyes, i can see Daddy so vividly,
standing so close, there He is, smiling at me and holding my hands,
telling me that
its okay.
He's so proud of me, the way i try, the way i am.
--

i remember my secondary school days,
when ALTHEE and i would just sit and share about our spiritual lives in class.
even with RACHEL too,
i miss hearing her ranting for hours about her church and us having our very own prayer meetings.
i even miss that guitar which stands at the back of our class, right behind mine and ALTHEE's seat.
and everytime there was a break or spare time,
someone would grab the guitar and begin to strum it,
even though the whole class were not Christians,
i could still feel it so strongly, it was such a pleasant and Beautiful atmosphere to be in.
the Many times we had our very own cell prayer meetings in my class,
that period of time when i caught a vision of God and the times when cried together in the presence,
its something that i will Never Ever forget.

i chanced upon ALTHEE's blog
and i felt so touched.
its so Beautiful to know that she's doing so Well in Daddy, even better than before.
i really Thank God for these angels who appear in my life.
those who really understand me and Leave and impact at the same time,
they are so Rare and Difficult to find.
she makes me think of blackspot too.
but its okay that we hardly have the time to meet up now,
because i have the assurance that when we meet in heaven, it will be for eternity.
--

thursday night,
we watched HAMLET at raffles hotel.
marcus was a gentleman-ho! lending me his coat when the room was freezing cold.
but HAMLET was a tragedy and almost everyone died in the end.
it left me depressed for a few minutes,
but my supper cheered me up again.
CHICKEN BURGER :D
haha we were Starving.

thankyou for understanding me.
now i feel like a bird in a cage set free.

friday,
match with AJC made my heart thumped so Much.
i was praying for Daddy to give me strength, strength and more strength.
prayer really Works, Abba Father does listen to them.
though on court for less than 5 minutes-i know, it sounds really pathetic.
but i felt like a Star yesterday.
towards the end, we scored so many(:
and i had my First free-throw on court in my Life.
i really thought i didnt contribute much as my team gathered and rejoice tgt over our victory,
but everyone came up and patted my back, telling me how well i had performed.
and seeing everyone's Wide smiles and laughter,
it made me so HAPPY on the inside.
i wanna Thank GOD,
for being my Strength on court.
for helping me shoot those balls and being the warrior in me.
and of course, we are a TEAM (:
we achieved that together.
just one more, and we will make it to the next round.
i believe that Nothing is Impossible!

i bumped into JUE yesterday at the basketball centre.
i MISS her so Much ):
we practically ran and HUG (:
it felt so good to be seeing each other again.
-

today is Potty's birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLOTTE!! :D
oh oh! i saw number 20 on the bus ytd!
haha
you've been more than a friend to me,
you've been Amazing (:
-

i have a Beautiful boyfriend,
all Macho-up and Handsomely Cute.
his name is
JESUS CHRIST.
thats right, and im in Love with Him.

i wanna say, "thank you" for the rain.

go easy on my conscience.

hello world,
R exploded at me on court today.
not because i wasnt performing well, but something else.
leaving early on wednesdays and fridays for bs and cell landed me somewhere today.
but i know that wanting to play and having other commitments at the same time requires sacrifice.
yet on the other hand,
i Fully understood how she must have felt as a coach
and i dont blame her at all.
its Devastating and frustrating when things dont go the way as expected
and people just dont understand.
but i know things will be Alright (:
Daddy told me it will be.

i'll be visiting the dentist on quite a regular basis i guess.
dentist spoke something about my nerves being affected,
which explains those headaches.

anyhoww,
watching HAMLET tmr (:
i Love Shakespeare!


you're the answer to my prayer.

i was so worn out by the past few days
that i fell right asleep after my bath last night.
leaving me with PILES of hmework undone.
thank GOD, theres a reason for me to visit the Dentist today.
i ran More than 17 rounds yesterday, its exhausting.
but if we were to count,
i know that we've only got 3 more trainings left
and then, what happens?
i dont want to think about it.

i refuse to think about Alot of things.
as for now, i guess being ignorant and oblivious is a better choice.
but you're breathing down my neck, i need my own space.

ive been having lots of dreams lately.

last night i had a superb long chat with hansheng over the phone.
and throughout the years, i must really say a
Big Fat THANK YOU
for really being the one sustaining this friendship and always waiting for me.
and more than feeling honoured,
im Greatful (:
i believe you'll be Successful one day too(:

and im really greatful to POTTY too,
for being someone whom i can talk to just about anything.
i dont know how to express it,
but i know that she knows it too.
thankyou POTTY! (:
--

i LOVE my spiritual family.
the ones in cell are the ones whom have been with me for years.
though im always unable join you guys,
know that just seeing you guys around in school brings a Big Smile up my face.
:D


ive been waiting for a while around the corner now.

this is rather anti-climax.
but thanks to van and neal LA,
theyve got this song stuck in my head now.
haha, its really cool.
i wanna learn hip-hop someday!




hold me down, sweet love.

i wish you would know that things havent changed one bit.

THANK YOU everyone for making my day today/yesterday and for the past few days.
(:
much, Deeply, Appreciated (:

receiving Tons of messages made me feel so LOVED.
i was really really surprised at newyork newyork,
with all those enthusiastic staff working there singing so loudly
plus the company of cell and claudy,potty,shir's handmade CAKE.
thankyou LEO and WILFRED for the BAG too,
looking at my new basketball makes me smile
and not forgetting all the other presents and well wishes too,
i feel like a little girl!
:D
thank you LANA, LIYUN, NIC and everyone else who planned
and
thank you Abba Father,
for creating me (:

saturday,
i had the privilege of so many people's company.
swam in the afternoon with TOFU (:
but it was so Stressful with that Pervertic lifeguard staring and staring.
if not for that stupid Tofu, i wouldnt even change into my swimsuit la PLEASE.
i met up with MAGGIE a few days back too
and she is still the same, much Loved!
-

so much has happened for the past few days.
i went home after SR olympics with my first Two medals!
of course, it was with the help of other teammates too.

my TOOTH has been aching,
sending bolts of headaches up my right brain.
i need to visit the dentist real soon.
--

service this morning made me think alot.
"MY spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak".
sometimes, i find myself being so self-centered and greedy,
it leaves me ashamed.
everytime pastor talks about impartation or receiving the anointing of God,
everyone steps forward and raise their hands, including me.
i mean, who doesnt want it?
you know, its so easy for man to want and ask and receive
BUT
how many have actually stayed and waited for the presence of God to come down?
how many have actually worked for it?
i want to be like king david, like moses, who obeyed and waited so patiently.
i want to be like jonathan, who didnt mind not being king simply because that wasnt his calling.

"Lord i believe, help my unbelief"

please help me to STRETCH and Maximise myself,
i wanna SHINE!




life goes on.

so pack your bags and leave home,
you dont have to come home tonight.

TOOTHACHE.
STOMACHACHE.

im addicted to BASKETBALL.

there are so Many letters which i want to write to certain people
but i havent really gotten a time to do so.
i MISS my GIRLFRIENDS.


we've got so much that we cant lose.

its getting closer now.



saturday's victory felt so Amazing (:
service this morning was Great too.
i want to Love and cherish the moments i have alone at night,
in my room, with no one else but
Jesus Christ.

i hope LANA's feeling much better now.

came home and had a short chat with stinky online just now.
now im all INSPIRED UP.
theres ALOT to do, and i Dont know where to start.
honestly, i am Scared.
but 78 points shall be my GOAL for As.

BYE.



"love of beauty is taste, the creation of beauty is art."

the hearts are all over tonight.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
DAPHNE and DIANE
(:

celebration on thurs brought old scenes up in my head.
the times when we had such a crowded and noisy cell.
and it gave me a chance to chat with people like stinky again.

everyday,
i find myself with more reasons to fast and pray.

i just want to get over with this J2 year thing and have my normal life back.
but then again,
this isnt the way i want to live life,
it defeats the meaning of it.
i knew that ct meant well when she came up to speak to me.
but its so difficult to work when everyones breathing down my neck.
i feel so Suppressed. its getting harder and harder to breathe.
they were so blant and law-biding with me,
i lost my grip and snapped back.
but apologizing in the later evening gave me a new chance to prove myself again.

training was crazy.
i tried to stop her from kneeling
but it didnt help.
it was devasting.
if theres anything that i can do,
i would love to play this nationals well.
please, i just need a few more opportunities.
--

singing in the karaoke room after cell was so Fun (:
i wished lana and DDs were around too.

you know,
if i had all the time in the world,
i would love to be down at the pool swimming with you too.
but we both know that this isnt the case.
i miss you alot, theres so much i need to tell you.

its a mutual thing.

we dont have to say the words.

i am Tired.
there is just so much going on around me,
i can almost go BONGUS.
please stop saying that im busy,
i know that i am.
but i want to make time for different people too.
call me greedy, but i dont really wish to compromise in that area.

bible study today was so GREAT,
i learnt so much.
-

people make my day
but at the same time,
they are also the reason why im going Bongus.

all these feelings and emotions and thoughts and reactions,
friend or foe,
buddy or lovers
DADDY, please save ME


it rekindles hope, im starting to see LIGHT.

i like won bin!
ah Soon knows that ive been faithful to him since pri six
HE, plus his Hair, so Cute
:D
--

its a fine day today,
but my tummy's been playing tricks on me.
and it feels as if someone's knocking my head with a Huge hammer.
ive been dreaming of lots of things in my sleep recently.
pretty amusing.
since skipping school buys me lots of time today,
im gonna get down to work and be productive.
(:

[/edit]
they think that by doing all these they are helping me.
but instead, it makes me feel like backing off even further.
dont try to buy me with your words and i dont need any counselling.
in fact, im the one who's been lending a listening ear.
it just goes to show how much you know and how much is assumed.
so maybe you should just stop before you even try to assist the situation
cause its Not helping. and it wouldnt even work, trust me.
what can i do? everything that i say will be secondhand anyway.
its simply because you adults say one thing and mean the other.
dont get me wrong,
i dont harbour any hatred.
i just Dislike it when people intrude and then assume they can step into my world that easily.
--


i Love literature,
cause unlike anything else,
it colours my world.


"in the depths of winter, i finally learned there was in me an invincible summer"
-Albert Camus

cause' im the one that loves you lately.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAMELA!
i Love you, MAGGIEE
:D

"pillowman" was Interesting!
though the Dark and negative content was really Disturbing initially,
i got used to it after awhile.
i Like watching plays! :D
looking forward to watching HAMLET!

check out my latest FATTY food:
CHEESE.
someone should go try eating bread with peanut butter and then smacking one square piece of cheese.
its MMM (:
my breakfast for the past few days
HAHA
--

OHH, thanks to LANA TAN (:
this song is..
AWESOME.
i LOVE the prescence of GOD
(:




SATURDAYS have become Very Precious days.
looking forward to my next SATURDAY!

they tell a different story.

what hurts the most, is being close.

STOMACH ACHE ):
i had a great long talk with Tofu last night
and though we kept dozing off so many times in between,
i Love talking to her (:


i attempted history today,
doing trigger notes and all.
shall do More tonight!

byee (:

we've got this great thing

should i stumble again, im caught in Your grace.

this song means Alot to me.
i remember the first time when i first heard it,
it became my bedtime song and i fell in love with it.
the lyrics, they comfort me.
and a couple of days ago on wednesday,
i felt so Drained and on the verge of losing myself.
but then after my jog of Ten whole rounds at 6:30am with the team,
i switched on my phone and saw jon's msg which reminded me of this song.
and then i saw the next door young man's msg too.
as if it werent enough,
char came up to me randomly and showed me this verse:

"He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength"
- Is 40:29

it left edged deeply in a corner of my heart for the rest of the week.
it Amazes me how coincidental things can be
and how much Daddy loves me.
no matter what, no matter what.
sometimes i feel so WEAK.
many people come and tell me that im so Strong.
but at times when i fail to do so,
i feel so Exposed and Vulnerable.
and this attached attention that comes along too,
it makes me feel raw.
this is so Not ME.
but of course, i know that its alright to feel the ups and downs once in awhile.
please stop asking me "if im okay"
i am Perfectly Alright.
why HO, i do feel cared for (:
its alright, Dont worry about me.
im a big girl now.
--

let justice and faith, become my embrace.

"meet the parents" was today
it was Bad, and ive got to see B first thing on monday morning.
BUT,
oh Wells, lets Not talk about this anymore.
-

friendlys are on mon and wed
its nice to be praised on court by R,
but it feels even better to be down, running after the ball.

i almost Died from frustration during gp lecture this week.
cause stupid Beng locked my table with his Soccer legs for HALF of the lecture,
i was forced to use my POOR lap instead
he is such a Sadist!
and after finding out that so many people had the Misconception of me and Beng..
i almost Died again.
HAHA.
he is my Enemy-come Friend la PLEASE!

"pillow man" is this coming sunday,
im looking forward to the PLAY and our CLASS DINNER
:D

--

after so Long,
i finally spoke to pam and tofu just now.
which also partially explains why im feeling Higher already.
seeing their Fat faces tmr, plus CELL
(:


HAPPY BIRTHDAY LESMANA (:
andd
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE to..
PAM :D

ALRIGHTS,
"always look on the bright side of life"

please give Me some personal space,
im Claustrophobic.
i need to BREATHE.

i dont need to friend the whole world do i?

just take what you need and be on your way,
stop crying over it.
--

hey there dairy!
pe network started this morning,
and i still Cant believe we signed up for DANCE of all items Haha.
it was my idea on mistake, BUT i thought we were signing up for the olympics thing which's supposed to last for Only a day.
and everyone else just followed without bothering to explain
THANKS ah!
we ended feeling awkward in the dance studio.
HAHA. i can Never be one of those dancers man.
but thank GOD its not ballet that we are learning,
hip hop! just some minor steps here and there,
the studio makes me think of Kick-Boxing(:

poor claudy injured her two knees
she was having so much difficulty walking around today.
i think you're Strong darl! (:
and THANKS so much for helping me with my history file today.
i felt like a kid being cared for haha.
you Sure do act like a Mum at times, though Childish too.
-

friendly's on wed and thurs!
i am so excited about this TEAM(:
and the more i play, the more i discover.
passion, gets you Far, further than the others.
had a good talk with my junior on the way hme today!

dear God, i Miss you alot.
though you arent far but i know i can always become closer too.
i want to be Bigger, Better, Stronger, Firmer.
leaning on no one but standing on my own and of course,
You are my pillar of Strength.
(:

-

sometimes, i feel so watched in school.
its getting harder and harder to Breathe.

BENG has been looking down lately.
i wish im a little braver and smarter to know what to do.

bs with SANDY tmr after school (:
friendly with NJC on wed!
friendly with NYJC on thurs!
meet the parents' on friday -OH BOY.

angel's note made my day yesterday,
i went :DD
oh YEAA, tofu got into RP.
im so Happy for her (:
Swimming, Swimming TGT !


super punk rock boy!

i feel You tugging at me,
a voice that whispers inside of me.
--

fossil, FOSSIL ):
it breaks my heart to see those beautiful Leather watches in shops.
yes i am Jealous and i am Angry,
at that Irritating person who probably cheated me of my cash.
BUT
i am So gonna SAVE up myself and get a replacement.
just you wait and See!

eevel came for service today (:
and BOY, he sure can eat Alto for breakfast.
cell went for movie after service.
we caught "vantage point".
i MISS fellowshipping with CELL alot,
and i miss talking to ppl like soon, nic and jicai too.
im SORRY for being so hesitant today,
but im glad i still went for it (:
though it means having to do lots tonight.
little kiddos like cheryl and liwen make me smile haha
though they will really Pull you around non-stop.
reminds me much of SANDY when she was much younger.
:D
oh yea, i made a pact with that woman to have bs regularly every tues
i Love my bible student who hungers and thirst!(:
i Love action-packed shows,
so Exciting haha.

WELL WELL,
my coming week is gonna be so PACKED.
i Hate it when people say that im so Busy.
but i know that i am, despite not wanting to either.
but im really trying
to make time for me and for you and for GOD.
im proud to say tt i burnt mignight oil till 4:30 am last night!
Aights, we'll do it again today.
and though,
the idea of falling sick is really Appealing,
Daddy has really been taking care of me.
im not boasting, but my body just Cant fall sick easily for some reason,
esp despite eating so much wrong and cold food
andd all those flu and cough Bugs around.

tmr's MONDAY,
i'll fight a good battle and then on saturday i'll be able to share my good testimony
of how i survived through this coming Really Busy Week.
(:

1st APRIL is COMINGG
means, start of new monthly phone plan!
haha i know its Dumb having to control my msges and all,
but BUT
am Not gonna OverExplode my phonebill anymore.
i cant afford to.

breathe life into these bones of mine.

HELLO WORLD!
it feels good to be back in here.
hello blogspot,
i Miss YOUUUUUU

i accompanied layho for service today.
it felt so GREAT going back to jurong's church.
i like that warm and familiar feeling.
the CUTE usher ushered us all the way to the front seats.
he looked so familiar, i think we were in the same bs class.
haha okayy, he's not the main point here.
the thing is, we were sitting right at the Front.
it was our first time and i got all so Excited over it.
cause you see, usually only pastors and cell leaders get to sit there.
and it was so near the stage, closer to the anointing(:
but BOY,
we forgot all about the camera and video.
so halfway through praise and worship,
i saw my own face being screened on that Large screen when the camera rolled
and my Shocked plus DUMB expression was shown.
so Embarrassing!
but sitting in front was a great experience
haha layho felt the same way too.
sermon was Good (:
i felt so blessed by it today.
she's coming back for cell and service,
i am so HAPPY!
:D
--


i have Alot of work to do.
but im still looking forward to SCHOOOLLL.
OHH, Eevel's coming tmr!(:


listening to my own heartbeat

MOVED.

www.imthe-heroine.livejournal.com

i know that ive been busy.
tell me now, what am i supposed to do.
and who am i supposed to please.

being BUSY SUCKS.
i wish you knew how much i care.


please understand me.

it isnt "what am i here for"
but instead,

"Who, am i here for."

--

today i reflected on myself and my life.
until i can manage waking up on time,
staying awake through all my lectures,
doing tutorials Myself,
coping basketball,
cell and service,
being a good daughter
and a good friend,
then i guess, i can think of expanding my capacity even more.

i was telling and asking Abba Father today.
when can i start serving in my ministry?
why is it that theres still no news for so long?
when is it gonna be my turn?
and then i realised,
i cant even manage all that ive got now.
and to be honest,
when i see friends around me falling ill,
i find myself looking forward to the day when its my turn.
but that day never comes.
perhaps i should stop having thoughts of running away or hiding off somewhere for awhile.
i would really Love to take a break.
but i would want to take a break With Abba Father,
not From Him.


forgive all these talks,
i need a place to rant a little in.


i MISS RACHEL HO so muchh,
i dreamnt of her whole church gang last night.
and i MISS ALTHEE so muchh,
that reading her blog is the only way i can catchup with her life.
i MISS JOBY so much,
but we're both too busy to meet up.
TELEPATHYYYY.
):
well, i THANK GOD for people whom i can see everyday.

JESUS CHRIST,
you're my HERO!
please come and Perk up my emotions and fill whatever emptiness there is.
come and be All the Good that i'm not, and take away All the Bad that i am.
and dear God,
i need more of patience for this coming week.
more of tolerance,
more of Love,
and faith and more of strength.
in short,
i just basically need to be more of You.

Thank You.


and so, my heart sings.

he was sitting there on the cold hard ground,
collecting social graces.

i've found the path which i want to take.
to major in social sciences and be a psychiatrist
or a psychologist, going into prisons and homes to aid people,
spreading the LOVE!
OR, major in literature and see where i can go from there.
(:


THANKYOU so much, for sticking around me.
for putting up with my smiles and frowns
or
just being a normal friend who doesnt change despite the situation.
--

yesterday after cell,
i learnt that if i really want to see it coming to past,
i'll have to bear the full responsibility of it.
so bring it on,
this EASTER is gonna be a Different one.
-
and soon, i know you care
(:
i Love you Alot, Alot.


"and all things, whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."
-Matt 21:22

i, want to be a Prayer Warrior.



someone's watching over me.

they tried to pull me away.


my Biggest faults are
Stubbornness and Pride.

as a matter of fact,
maybe sometimes i really do have to stop and pause
to listen.
--


my knight in shinning armour

once again i pour out my life.




i just read sandy's blog and it made me Smile!
these are really, the kindof things which keep me going.
"it's a new start.
and they'll be jealous of ur smile(: "
she said that too,
and i think, its really meaningful (:
--

everyday, school has been like a mini challenge to me.
but after one week,
i feel like i've accomplished something.
and i really do like that feeling.

perhaps its really biting in.
and that explains why ive been determined to stay Strong no matter what.
just this week alone,
people around me have been crying, crumbling, feeling stressed.
ive seen E,X,C cry.
and receiving a 1Am phonecall from P only to hear her crying non-stop made me feel so horrible on the inside.
theres really, nothing much that i can do but to direct them to the same helpline i turn to,
Abba Father.

imagine having to face and hear negative statements everyday.
lines after lines of words that are Not edifying at all.
i know its all meant to be a joke.
but maybe sometimes, it just gets carried a bit too far off?
and theres a reason why they say
theres a limit to everything.
for the exact same reason which make C teared that day.
i feel so ARGhH.
i feel like punching someone upside down.

i'm a human,
i do feel something too.
and i managed to control everything and lift them all to abba father today.
releasing made me feel so much better(:

forgiveness is unconditional.

--

of course
School was PLEASANT too
(:

studied with stinky and sooon ytd.
and stinky will always be my good friend despite being so smelly.
(:
am so glad to be roaming the streets with AH SOON ytd,
i miss YOUR company alot
though i see you ever so often-ly.
we,
bought MY BAG :D

Beng has been giving me the cold shoulder lately
i dont know why
but it makes me feel so uneasy on the inside
it makes me so not at-ease without all those "insults" and "scoldings"

i hope things will be better soon.
--

i've never really took sermons and sunday messages seriously before.
but now,
i see that its starting to influence my own life.

change is needed for growth.
love, is essential.

and i dont believe that
love cant melt any cold heart.


give me some time to prove to you that my God is Real.

shout it out with a voice of triumph


"therefore we do not lose heart. for even though the outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is renewed day by day"
- 2 Cor 4:16

this verse was one of the few revelations i had
and
its been running through my head for the past few days.

it means that though the body will grow tired
and be weaken,
the spirit's Different.
it can be standing strong cause this strength which i'm leaning on,
its not mine but God's.
and since my God is so Big and Strong and Almighty,
this pillar of strength which i'm leaning on will not tumble or fall or come crashing down.
--

i have so many things to say,
i vomitted them all out to Abba Father.
people just never seem to be there all the time do they?
but then again, even if they do
i dont think i had want any either.
the way ive pushed so many away,
its not that they're not good enough,
i just feel much safer and less vulnerable with my Abba Father.


RIGHTS,
friday!
WEEKENDS are coming again, HO.


seeing with your heart

do you think that i would cry on the phone?

i've learnt to be stronger now.

--

THANK YOU GOD
once again,
for the GOOD, the BAD
the SWEET, the SOUR, the SALTY and the BITTER
for the TEARS and LAUGHTERS
for REST and for WORK
as well as for PATIENCE and LOVE
all experienced in my busy school hours.

maybe sometimes, just sometimes,
i need a little more privacy
so i can trash more things out and share more personal stuff.

anyHOW,
biblestudy tmr, i Cant Wait
(:

andd gonna, gonna
hit the track and run those lanes for the next three days again.
lets go, LEGS.
we can Do it!


running after You.

much has been happening
i'm so Happy that its friday!
(:
finally a short break and a chance to catch up.


what the world needs now is love

you are the one

the weekends are coming,
the muscles in my legs are aching.
homework's piling,
and emotions are rising.

my SPORTS SHOES have fallen apart
):
i Need shoes.
my White jersey has gone missing
)':
i Miss it Alot.

i've never been this awake before during tutorials
and of course,
old habits die hard
and theres still so much to improve on
but what i really need now is the strength
and your understanding.
--

was late today and i gave history tutorial a miss.
sat at some ulu staircase talking with sooon for the whole of first period.
i really miss those days.
those days, those days.. soon enough we're gonna be 21 and ready to marry and have our own Baby!
hahaha.

caught up with Huds today!
and i Cant wait to see joby's face in the next few days.
(:
-

much has been going on recently.
all these things that are happening,
they make me feel flattered and honoured,
but i guess i have no need of these kindof distractions for now.

ALRIGHTS!
history quiz and tutorial are waiting for me
and so are two maths exam papers
Plus econs.
which reminds me when i was rushing hme wrk the other day,
leo went,
"see la! PLAY PLAY PLAY."
and Stupid BENG went,
"see la! PRAY PRAY PRAY."

he meant it in a joking way and it made me laugh haha.
OKAY,
i shall be a GOOD testimony.

am missing CHURCH
and seeing ppl like my cell and those marists ppl
cant wait for SUNDAY!


falling into the arms of grace,
into the arms of Security.

i cant stop falling in love with You

its amazing how i've been living this week through.
to be honest,
training has zapped almost all the energy that ive got.
with the SIX plus plus km i ran on monday alone,
and reaching home on late nights
together with piling homework and tests,
they're draining me out.
BUT
i still wanna thank my Great BIG GOD!
for keeping me awake in most of the lectures
today, i broke my own record! reaching school at 7:15AM
i Knoww, it isnt that early,
but HEYY i broke my own record Haha.

before this whole new school term started,
i told myself
no Matter what, i'm gonna expand my own capacity. and No matter how tiring its gonna get, i will survive with God's help.
its not just a religion alone,
its a personal relationship that i have.
cause' this is how i grow.
how does the tough get going if the going doesnt get tough?
--

tonight, i'm a little disappointed and shaken.

but seeing keeps me believing
and
believing keeps me going.

i dont believe there'll be no breakthrough in you.
just wait and see.


the higher the calling, the tougher it is to breakthrough.

we cannot tell the sun to keep shinning,
nor can we tell the rain to stop falling.

i think, i want to find a new home
one with more privacy.
sometimes along the way,
all those giving becomes tiring.
not just giving physically, but mentally, and emotionally as well.
i need an Input and an output.
ABBA FATHER,
please give me the strength to stay as the pillar
which never breaks.

PAM and me are both crazy about bball now (:
i LOVE you MAGGIE,
thanks for, Everryything (:
and for always listening.



this is my life,
and i wanna live my life to the fullest.

and theres so much to say to you, its empowering me.
the music's blasting, those lines,
they remind us of what we used to be.

after a tiring day out in school,
seeing familiar faces,
trying my best not to miss and think of people like
huda, lim woan, tabby, clauds..-
after putting up with the mischievous acts of others,
pulling my hair, shooting friendly sarcasms, shoving me around, jeering jokingly
concerning things like my very own religion.-
after thinking much for the day
and mixing with new friendly pleasant people,-
after evening training which left me gasping for air at the end of it,
but was edifying cause i was praised today,-

i just feel like saying a little prayer
and then crawling into bed with my aching legs,
not needing to move one Inch
and allowing my eyes to take a break.

BUT
its only the first day of school.
why am i feeling so tired?

Female warriors arent worn-out that easily,
so i shant be!


what can i do to make you care?