two nights ago, i tried my best to study in the night
but i ended up tearing because my eyes were really tired.
Coffee Doesnt work on me.
HOW?

studied with blackspot and gradys ytd.
it wasnt really productive because i was too tired.
somebody, please Help me.

im gonna head down to the lib at woodlands again with blackspot.
i MUST get something done.

'been having really Weird dreams again.
seeing random faces in my dreams
makes me miss Lots of people.


these hide-and-seek games are becoming boring.
but what happens if the seeker stops seeking just when the hider decides not to hide anymore?

so close.

just a moment ago, i visited tofu's blog and i almost teared.
funny how time flies and we look back at it every now and then
smiling, laughing, teasing.
(:
it feels good to be appreciated.
but i think it feels even better to know that im loved.
cant wait for tmr after school (:

studying with blackspot on thurs and
gradys on friday.

had a talk with the subject head yesterday for the Third time this year.
or is it this term?

the Vast amount of work to complete scared me so much,
gave school a little miss today.

i was up early in the morning to the polyclinic at marsling.
it opens at 8am but i stepped in at 8am SHARP and the polyclinic was already packed with people.
MANN. the queue was so Duper long.
i sat there and stoned like Crazy.
after an hour or so, i started feeling like a fool so i decided to head down to the library instead of wasting more time.
anyhow, they took my blood pressure twice.
and the nurse was partially surprised to find that ive got low blood.
AH. i didnt know that either.
or maybe i just wasnt breathing properly at that time.
shouldnt be a serious issue i suppose.
got my MC at hougang in the evening instead.
but that MC costs like 15 bucks?! OH MY GOSH!
)':
OKAY nevermindd.
im gonna be a millionaire eventually anyway.
easy easy money, i shall not be Angry.
it was difficult explaining to the people who cared why i wasnt in school.
i Dislike skipping school, the feeling of not seeing certain people and stuff.
its become a habit by now and in fact, it feels Nice seeing familiar and some particular ppl around in school.
gives me motivation (:
but the workload scares me off at the same time.
i know i cant do this too much.
i still want to be a good kid.
had a Great time and talk with sly today (:
reading magazines, studying and chatting.
like you said, its always nice and i treasure those times too.







im so Greatful for all the Girlfriends that i have.
Thank You Daddy (:
MISS, nic !

ive been having really WEIRD Dreams recently.
with random faces from school popping up in my mind in the nights.
they seem so REAL,
sometimes i find wake up with a racing heartbeat,
only to realise it was all just a dream.

tough times dont last, tough people do.

i dont care if it sounds boring to any other.

oh precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow.
nothing, but the blood of Jesus.

this song has been playing in my head for the whole day.
i think its a really beautiful song.
(:
school was fine today.
had prayer meeting in the morning.
classes.
PE lesson was like a mini catfight with all the girls chasing after two small balls.
i MISS Basketball Greatly, and im gonna Miss PE too from now onwards.
was fun (:
studied after school
and i, finally have those guitar chords for the below song, its Beautiful (:
Thank You so Much.




wanna sing that for cellgroup (:

you know, it feels really Nice to know that im not the only one running this vision.
Thank You for standing in the gap with me.
(:

on my way home today,
i saw this Pure Lesbian couple.
meaning to say that they are both rather girlie.
holding hands and kissing.
MANN.
i was trying my very best not to stare.
--

isnt it Amazing how Jesus use different people to make up different sections of your day?
i was pretty amazed today.
(:


white as snow and, pure as Gold.

morning (:
MS G's on newspaper, SUNDAY TIMES today,
under the "sunday people" section.
im so HAPPY that she won the "i Love my English teacher" thing,
for all her sacrifices and passion,
no one else deserves it more than her.
(:

iwill run was yesterday,
i'm Sun-Burnt. Again
ran a total of 14 km and i almost Died!
haha of course i did walked too.
was looking out for mai and claudy but the place was jam-packed and its was so Difficult to stop in the midst.
wanna thank DINA! for running with me.
she's so FAR-NI(fuunny) lar please !
people like her really make me want to go back to basketball and come back next year.
okay nevermindd, shall not think about the coming back next year issue.
anyhow, my legs were Aching for the rest of the entire day.
felt like my leg muscles expanded. oh NO, thats bad. feel so CHUNKY.
):
hahaha

bathed and went for FOP.
looking at those ushers and security really made me think of my own ministry.
WHY CANT women join security?
i think its Superb Cool.
i guess its really going to be a Long journey. and Lots of time too
for me to just learn and master all the different hand signs and then doing them fast enough
and of course being able to interact with the hearing-disabled too.
But, ive decided to be routed in this different ministry,
Believe that i can do something really Great in it! (:
Parachute band was so noisy,
but maybe thats because im still foreign to their songs.
LOVE Hillsongs(:
after listening to all the different bands over the years,
they are great. but i think hillsongs' still the best.
(:
"Desert Song" is Really meaningful.

i know im filled to be emptied again.
this seed which i received, i will sow.

am so Blessed by yesterday's message (:

my brother went fop last night with his church mates too.
the previous years, i go alone.
with my own church people.
a few years later, he's rooted in his own church.
now i no longer go for such events at home.
and it feels comforting to know that someone else in this family is running on a similar vision with me.
its consoling to know that im not alone.
and its nice to see that God really answers prayers.
give me a few more years,
my family's going to be a Much Loving and warm one.
i want to go home everyday with a big smile on my face.

whats these "your future" talk lately.
hahaha
with this uncertainty of Who will be your boyfriend in future and Who you'll end up with.
i think its really God's glory thats flowing out of us individual and nothing else.
which makes people attracted to us (:
but as for the "who's my future" thing,
guess its really for Daddy to know and us to find out in time to come.

ALRIGHTS,
study study study.












Jesus, you are the BEST.

"what i do for myself dies with me, what i do for others is my legacy."







met up with tofu this week (:
IMY.

'been studying with gradys at bishan coffee bean for a couple of days now.
and ive become a faithful listener of
class 95 FM in the night,
98.7 in the day.
HAHA
(:

sometimes, serving can require alot of time. and it gets tiring.
come and fill my tank, fill my TANK.

you shall be the heaven in my heart.

got PRANKED by patson today.
made me FREAKED out so Badly man!!
HAHA but i have to admit that he was good!

EIGHTEEN DAYS left.
eighteen days to make an Impact!

by FAITH,
im gonna come back to SR next year to collect the
"most improved student award"
overall-academically and improvement wise (no more latecomings!) and All.
just wait and see.
:D


noticed you noticing me.

on my Superb long journey home today,
i spent my time listening to music and stoning.
was thinking about some worldly stuff
and the way different people lead their lives.
there are certain things over which i place limits for myself
to have fun yet not go too far at times.
i believe we can still have clean fun
and much More laughters even.
daydreaming got the better of me today.

got off the train and visited this christian bookshop near my house.
i Enjoy stepping into these places.
with worship songs playing, it was so soothing.
feels like im stepping into the house of God once again
and the house of God, was welcoming me openly.
the lady behind the bookshelf gave me one big Warm smile today.

guess it was enough to assure me that i was leading my life properly.
No, we dont need any clubbing or smoking or drinking to lead happy lives do we?

Love, that silent peace.
a thousand days cannot compare to one day in your courts.

met angel after school today.
and im really glad we're planning this pm together!
(:
hahaha
i enjoy the talks i had with nic and angel today.
and
i need to birth forth alot of things, not by my own strength nor might
but through prayer.
LETS GO!

meeting tofu tmr
and we're gonna jog round bishan stadium and the nearby park.
cant wait to see her fat face!
Woops :D



im yours and you are MINE.
You are the reason why i live.
(:

tell me where our time went,
and if it was time well spent.

service was great today.
with those two worship songs, i think its more than mere coincidence.
and, im so Excited about the coming up prayer meeting.
its really an Honor to serve.
i want to do that for the rest of my life.

was playing the guitar and visualising about Lots of stuff just now,
dreaming Big!
when angel called and i shared with her.
HAHA, rather embarrassing.
but it had be so Cool if all those come to pass over time.
for now, its a Secret(:

studied at the airport with cell aft service.
i Love my cell (:
am looking forward to FOP too.

some things i'll never know,
and i had to let them go.

school starts tomorrow again,
what with all the workload to catch up and all.
concurrently, i need More fuel to burn through the night.

cant wait for thurs dinner with tofu (:
i need/want a backpack.
hello, Time and $$, i need you again!

was just sitting down in front of my brother just now.
and BOY, i think its really true how my mum always complains that we have mixed-up identities.
ME:
-play the guitar
-cca: basketball

my BROTHER:
-play the piano
-cca: choir

with other comparisons like food intake etc,
i think i probably eat more than him la.
and im so much more guyish than him la Please.
they all claim that im not girly enough
MAN.
i wish i can toughen and macho him up,
and pump muscles into him! like biceps and abs :D

--


hello guitar,
its you and me and Jesus christ tonight. (:

more than love, more than love.
with nothing holding me back.


am not saying that im not in the wrong in anyway or anything else.
im just Tired of watching people giving in to others in one way or another.
i just felt like, things should happen naturally shouldnt they?
i mean like, if you love and care for someone, certain actions would naturally set in because of your concern and all.
maybe im just more free-spirited, needing more freedom.
and no, im not pointing fingers at anyone or complaining.
im just sharing how i feel because this is my blog, my space.
thats the problem with having open blogs,
people tend to read too much into things.
but the more they pry in, the more i back away.
i think, it also requires a certain amount of trust before you start sharing your issues with someone.
the sincerity in wanting to be trusted too.
ive been hearing and taking in alot from the different areas again.
they voice out much, but hear little.
i think, i really need a new home to rant in.
monday's gonna be a better day.
im sorry, hope you're feeling better.

and and,
AH.
i have so much to say to different people.
heyy,
take heart.
you've got to let go of your past failures and dare to Believe that there are really people who care for you in this world.
i hope i get to see you tmr, i need to pass something to you.
--

i need a greater capacity to Love.

Friday,
prayer meeting in the morn before school.
lessons come, lessons go.
cell was great.
i felt my own capacity expanding while serving so much this week.
sharing offering message and playing the guitar.
as i played, i watched how my cellmates worshipped,
i, want to be a worhip leader someday.
i dont know when, but i want to lead people to the Love of christ.
(:
playing for so long at one go left me with a Numbed palm and Sored fingertips.
but i was satisfied with myself for stretchingg.
its an honour to, serve.
friday afternoon, i saw a friend looking down.
wanted to badly to go up and just lend a listening ear,
but i didnt, it was so tough.
i really hope my prayers will extend over and spirit to spirit..
okay yea,
surely, i know will be able to sense it (:





its not a very positive song.
but i like the tune and unique lyrics.
--

studied with blackspot in the library today.
our mp3 died on us,
felt so helpless without music today.
studying is my new hobby.
i miss you blackspot.
though i just saw you today
(:


i've got a timetable to draw out for mrs sim to see.
studying History is just like climbing the Whole great wall of china.

Nic, please get well soon!


a baby's breath.

in love, you need to trust.

ive been having really weird dreams again.
random faces whom ive seen around in school appearing in my dreams.
haha it feels weird yet interesting at the same time.

red skin has started to peel!
):
):
i Wished i bothered to apply some sun Block lotion.
even the dentist whom i visited today went,
"girl ah, you tell me why your face look like lobster?!"
and the assistant went,
"Aiyo! why your face whole thing sun burnt one??!" , with her both eyes opened wide open.
im Embarrassed.
haha anyhow,
my teeth's Fine! or so, thats what they said.
no more visits to the dental from now onwards (:

dinner with joby tmr
(:


as high as the heavens.

Bummer.
gave econs evening class a miss today and told myself i'll come home and study because i havent got the content in.
MAN. i do Know that i dont have much time left.
the temptation to skip school was so great this morning
but im so glad that i went afterall.
shall Not make skipping school a habit,
its not a very good testimony.

my skin is Burning, i feel like im on Fire!
my arms, they Hurt.
seriously, cant wait for this shade of deep red to go off man.
i want my normal colour back!
and, i wanna Jog(:
but currently, it hurts to do some form of exercise.
haha okayy, i feel handicapped.
Cant wait for the iwill and nike run (:
--




"there was nothing attractive about Him. nothing that caused us to take a second look.
one look at Him and, people turned away.we looked down at him and thought He was scum.
but the fact is, it was our pains that He carried. our disfigurements. all the things wrong with us.
we thought that he brought it on Himself and for all his failures, God was punishing Him.
but it was our sins that did that to him. that ripped and tore and crushed him.
He took the punishment and that made us whole.
and by His strips, we are Healed."

i must Not limit myself, must never.

was reading nic's book just now.
am greatly challenged to be a true Woman in christ!
haha well now, that means more feminity and less masculinity.

HMMM
guitar-ing and a little of tv
and then STUDY okay.
Promise!


more than Love.

you lead me into your courts
surround me with your love
i walk with you
i do not fear

in this place
dreams are made
in this place
where you are

carry me here
in your arms of love
draw me close to you
i wanna be where you are

you carry me
you are my strength
i've learned to trust in you
and once again
im reaching out
--

i walk with You. i do Not fear.

what does it mean to have peace?
having inner peace that keeps you feeling calm on the inside even though everything else that revolves around you go from good to bad, from bad to good all the time.
its only you're heart's secured.
when you're self-assurance is affirmed
and when you know exactly whats your pillar of strength.


hello world,
i am BURNT.
after sitting in the sun for approximately 9 hours today, playing basketball.
went to school for basketball alumni today.
though i refused with all my might to go from the beginning
it was really Fun.
i Miss Basketball Alot.
i miss that familiar rush of adrenaline.
wanna join CANOE or Basketball in university (:
so i sat in the sun today too, whilst being the timer for other games.
it left both regina and i Baked.
hahaha i was laughing at her non-stop at her Reddish Lobster face la Please.
but it was so ironic because we were equally burnt.
i felt like a piece of chicken wing, sitting on the Barbecue Pit!
anyhow,
we Almost became the champion today, 'cept for one game which we lost.
(:

saturday,
went to study a little with daph before going for service together.
Thank You Jesus for working amazingly.
OH. i found a secret studying place.
Nice enough for me since i get so distracted at home.
its a Secret, SSH (:
gonna head back there next saturday, well maybe.

i wanna get Hillsongs latest new album "This is our God"
hello $$, where are YOUU.


even when a thousand fall, i'll still stand here with You.

“No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to hurt people. You’re going to get hurt”

saw this on anna's blog.
i realised that i always end up feeling drained emotionally after hearing many out for one whole day.
one after another, they come.
but NO, it isnt a chore to me. and i really want to be there.
i need to Expand my own capacity.
and, i didnt forget. you didnt seem to rmb about it either, i thought, i was the only willing party.
im Sorry, i failed to be that understanding person.
much as i tried, i know i cant be perfect too.
i know that once in awhile, everyone will feel the downs.
but being in this positions sucks.
looking back a little,
i really dislike the position of having a few ppl to look out or takecare of my emotions
it makes me out of the position in other situations where the people around me are upset instead.
i, want to expand my own capacity.
theres no need to cry. or why do we always fall so easily?
Daddy's right here with me.
so i should be leading every battle on the frontline instead,
fighting upfront Brave and Strong.

hold me now and never ever let me go.

i just read Ms G's blog.
i LOVE my literature teacher Alot.
i wish i have the guts to go up to her and give her a big hug to express my gratitude and tell her how much her life has been an inspiration to mine.
and the many other lit students out there in many different ways.
but im Stiff.
most of the time, i dont express my emotions inside out.
i tend to hide them instead.
and seeing Ms G around in school, all i can do is flash that stupid Sheepish shy "hello" smile.
i Admire how she can be so happy everyday despite her circumstance.
i Respect her for her bravery and her courage to reamin Postive.
i Love the fact that she didnt care if others accepted her or not, her accepting herself was what that mattered most.
i think, she's an Angel.
thank you so much, for appearing in my life (:

i, want to tell you that i Believe in you.
please start believing in yourself.
a little is Not enough.
what is your status? really, you're a Prince in God's kingdom.
of ROYALl Blood.
in the great Grand Kindom.
and in Daddy's eyes, you are Perfect inside out.
it really doesnt matter if you're different.
if you're a flawed piece of work, then all the fault would lie in the creator wouldnt it?
maybe its easy for me to speak because im not the one going through this.
but, i do believe in you.
you got to start loving yourself as much as Daddy does.
love, His workmanship- YOU.
i think you're Beautiful (:

we had prayer meeting ytd.
start, adopting people into your lives.
i feel so Burden.
but this burden, is a good burden.
so many people, so many lives.
its one of the reasons why i shouldnt stop praying.
how can i speak without showing, without doing something?
i dont want to be passive and just sit back doing nothing.
thats foolery, thats hyprocrisy.
i decided not to be lenient with myself anymore,
this strictness. i really need to get moving and stop harping on the situation.

--

saw a big group of guys outside school ytd with i was out heading to the mama shop with ah soon.
apparently, they were preparing for a gang fight.
so EXCITING.
haha okay Not.
but ive never witnessed a fight before.
and though it was scary, it was as Exciting too.
but of All people, stupid beng just had to appear there.
i wish i could do something to drag him back into school and make him sit down in front of his books.
but i didnt have that ability.
its weird how people think these issues are cool.
its even weirder how that "brotherhood" term works where gang fights are involved.
i felt like a detective, hiding behind cars and peeping at the group of guys.
but ah soon just had to stand behind me and keeping nagging on and on.
but dont you see that its exciting?! i mean, you dont get to witness this kindof stuff everyday.
she had to leave for band. and she wasnt the least bit interested.
AH. ):
but i dont think any major fight broke out in the end.
Thank GOD.
well, i hope not. i hope beng doesnt get into trouble.

Angel came over to our school before pm ytd.
i like this beautiful homely feeling.
where all of us gather in school, just to study together or talk.
this few months that we're left with to spend together,
i really want to treasure them.
i think Daddy has really placed me in a loving family,
PL and SR,
thank you Jesus, so Much. for taking care of me (:
i miss PL. but i shall concentrate more on enjoying the time i have left in sr instead of missing the past.
haha
and NIC,
thank you for everything too, your presence and desire to care.
--

oh YES, okay, back to the books.
OH MAN.
)':

i have, set my goals.
HMM
maths-C
GP-D
Literature-C
History-D
Econs-E

thats how many points??
haha i havent counted because i forgot how the couting system goes about.
okay, i hope they arent too high nor too low.
lesmana! theres my goals.
:D
alrightey,
my books are calling out to me.
I LOVE THEM!


your love tells me that, "everything's going to be just fine."

today was one Bad day.
but we lived through it anyway.

you got to check THIS out:
http://nikeplus.nike.com/nikeplus/humanrace/index.jsp
its Superb Cool!
NIKE HUMAN RACE 10KM.
just yesterday while i was traveling home on the train,
i saw this group of canoeist holding a brochure of it.
was imagining friends and i taking part in these kindof marathons.
and today, mai suggested that we sign up as a class!
:D HOHO im so Excited!
ive been surfing nike.com.sg for the past half hour or so.
talk about the rush of adrenaline.
haha now i really feel like changing into sports gear and go for a night run.
but i just Bathed!
):

and i consumed aLOT of calories today.

THANKS for all who cared today.
i appreciated it.
im strong (:

You're my pillar of strength.

i want the world to know that,
your love endures forever.

Here i stand in your presence longing for your touch.
a thousand days Cannont compare to one day in your courts.
Hold me now and never ever let me go.
my Jesus,
beautiful saviour.

this song really touched me alot.
thank you, potty (:
i guess you'll never know it.
but early monday morning,
i was really bringing a broken heart with me to school.
so much has happened. but i dont know how or when to release them out anyway.
and there wasnt any best person whom i could turn to.
though i know that there were ppl who were willing to. it still didnt helped.
the very and only one person whom i wanted to turn to,
i was ironically running away from him as well.

but Jesus, i love you This MUCH.
and i really want to offer my life up to you.
i place my life, on this altar of sacrifice.
"many are called but few are chosen."
what an honor to be the chosen ones.
its Amazing, how sitting at the second cafe with this song playing in my ears brought down the presence.
right there, i found myself close to tears.
thank you for the assurance (:

so anyhow,
this is my latest new addiction.
i wanna check out the guitar scores (:

early wednesday morning,
leila came over for prayerwalk in school today.
it was Great. i like filling this school with Many prayers (:
studied in school a little and then ministry.
MAN, learning hand signs isnt as easy as i thought it will be.
so Much hme wrk to do as well.
i was really pondering hard whether to put it on hold for awhile because of A's.
but, i really want to serve and make a difference.
need to pray about it now.
lets, STRETCH our capacity!

okayy, im motivated by lesmana today.
to at least set my goals for the prelims.
right, i'll give myself one night to think about it.
and then, HISTORY, ECONS, MATHS, GP, LITERATURE
shall occupy a BIG component of my thoughts from now onwards.

Jesus, lover of my soul.

the world goes round, spinning fast.
everything's a Blur.
they think pain will resolve everything.
they think threats will make one disciplined.

school was not too bad today.
ran Alot for PE.
with a 2.4km and another 3 clicks round the school.
i almost Died from exhaustion.
MAN, i really need to train my mental strength.
haha really, thank God for cheryl who kept pushing me on
and who just listened me whine in agony while running.
HAHA.
it was so embarrassing, only she heard my pathetic helpless cries.
Whew!

studied after school with soon and lana today.
(:
was thinking about my cg and all on my way back home.
i know that we can definitely go higher and deeper to become greater.
but we've to be the first to move too.
feeling burdened yet inspired now.

i wish i can tell them how wrong they are.
i wish things can be pushed that far.

if someone were to just come up to me at the right Time.
and speak the right Words into my life.
i think i'll really be greatly encouraged.
spirit of discernment, i really need you right now.

im placing a little more smiles,
a little more positivity.
i hope this heart wont be hardened up.


dear Jesus, you promised to be my knight in shinning amour.
i really need you right now.

10 things you wish to say to anonymous people.


1. im really waiting for God's love to touch your heart just like He touched mine.
2. its so difficult to love you. i wish i can be less prideful on my part. but at the same time, i wish you would bother to make an effort too. i wish you would stop scolding those vulgarities.
3. being your friend isnt easy, but i hope your impression of things will change before we graduate.
4. please know that, your self-worth is much higher than you ever deemed yourself to be.
5. you've been an inspiration to me. thank you so much (: for just being yourself
6. i want to know you more, but i just dont know how to. thank you for always being so strong.
7. ive been praying and waiting for you to step out in faith.
8. i dont understand why you get jealous so easily over the minor little stuff. you're too sensitive.
9. i think you're so weird. and the things that you do are just to be the hero of the situation. i hope im wrong though.
10. your presence around school makes me want to seek God more and have a little more of Patience and Love.

thats about it.
you can make a guess who's to what.
but i wont say (:

service today.
im so Inspired by the Dr Alex Abraham's many Extraordinary encounters in his life.
if he can, im sure i can experience it too.
met daphne after that
and she's inspired by his testimonies as well now.
haha
im Happy for daph.
it feels good to know that she's growing stronger,
slowly but surely.

mm
school starts tmr.
MAN, i wish i have something exciting to blog about.
like going to the zoo or SENTOSA.
but, oh well.
soon, soon.




Jesus is Love.

why, hello.
i think i really need to sit down and just spend some time alone with myself.
and also set aside some time for Daddy.
in addition to that, a little more time to just reflect on my own issues and connections with other people.
and then recollecting my thoughts.
such time, shouldnt be sacrificed for other issues.
i like spending some time alone to Think.
i need this energy, to get me charged-up again.

yesterday's deliverance was great.
it was an eye-opener for me.
today's cell was Great too.
i felt so happy playing the guitar
and more confident too, with leong beside playing along and guiding me.
Thank You! (:

my phone hasnt been with me since 11plus onwards in the night for the past few days already.
i Exploded the bill again.
i think, its really strict in here.
and all these miscommunication and failures to understand each other,
sometimes makes it so Hard for me to breathe.
but its okay for now.
because ive been a little Numb lately.
so it doesnt really affect me anymore.
its a good thing i suppose.


URM.
the days have come and gone.
but i dont exactly seem to remember much of the details recently.
maybe its peace on the inside.
or maybe its,
haha seriously i have no idea for now.
i feel a little disconnected with my thoughts lately.
Haha
maybe one shouldnt think so much.


but im not so good with words.

wanted to check out those self-read poems of Sylvia Plath from Ms G's blog.
but all the poems sound so Disturbing and the pictures shown on youtube made them even Darker and Amgibuous.
at an hour like this, its pretty spooky.
so i immediately logged off and, worship songs are playing on my playlist.
ahh, holiness is good
i feel more Secured now (:
haha

gave everything a miss today.
with a Very Slight fever and cough.
MAN, i cant believe i wasted 3hours plus a few mins just waiting at the polyclinic today.
i got so restless while waiting, i almost walked out.
but i thought of the mc which i needed to produce and all.
so, i ended up stoning ):
and copying some history work.
i must have looked pretty hardworking, writing away in the clinic with so many patients around me.
for extra entertainment, there was this really Cute little malay boy around 2,3 years of age.
i think he was restless too and kept fidgeting on his mother's lap, walking around.
anyhow, thats not the main point.
he was so CUTE!
cause i was just sitting beside him and every few seconds or so,
he would tap me and wait for me to look at him and then he would flash me a smile.
so Adorable :D HAHA
cause' he's BOGAY. and i can see his little missing teeth when he smiled.
so i guess waiting at the polyclinic today wasnt so boring afterall.

ECONS and HISTORY are two big mountains that i need to climb and conquer.
being lectured the past few days.
and it really got me thinking.

ah whatever.

its no longer i but christ.
shall blog tmr,
something more important is calling out to me.

please use me.

it's like a game of hide-and-seek.
or should i say,
i feel like im sitting in on a merry-go-round ride.

why, hello world.
did CIP in the morning and went over to leo's place to study thereafter.
we got so distracted later on,
ended up playing SNAP and other Lame games.
haha, but i had a good laugh today.
those two Irritating people Embarrassed the crap out of me by giving me weird looks and stares,
just because i found that plain mee sua nice enough to be eaten.
and i came home with a scrapped elbow
but apparently, None of them cares.
they were too busy laughing away.
haha
but im really thankful for our small little clique (:

sent sarah off at the airport today.
i, really want to go on a holiday right now.

--

school is only starting tomorrow
and my plans for the rest of the week have already been drawn.
my schedule is so Packed.
time seems to fly really Fast. it doesnt even bother to slow down a little to wait for things to change.
let alone us.
team's gonna run the iwill trail on wednesday,
i wonder if we'll be running 10 clicks at one shot.
im bringing mixed feelings along.
but deep inside, we all know that we miss those trainings too.
--

i need cold, hard CASH! $$$$$$$
i want to get my poor FOSSIL a pretty face soon.
its been so many months already but i cant seem to find the time and extra cash to fork out.
a brand new pair of sports shoes.
leather, BAG.
and my pair of circle earrings. i lost one of them YTD.
):

Strength.
i know that actions speak louder than words.
but its so difficult for me to move.


Jesus you make me smile.

am i squeezing you too tight?

hello world! (:
JESUS CHRIST is AMAZINGly BEE-YOO-TI-FUL (:
BEAUTIFUL!

i feel like one Big Heavy Burden has just been lifted off my chest.
it feels so much easier to breathe now.
thankyou Jesus,
Thank You so much (:

and,
this week has been great.
though it wasnt perfect and halfway through i really felt like just giving up
and wash my hands off everything.
but,
Fasting really works.
and, Daddy really sees and hears what we're doing here on earth.
it really reminds me of what Elisha said
that "when someone's crying out so badly or so desperate here on earth, God Cannot just sit back and watch without doing anything."
i expected some light to shine through by the end of this week,
but i didnt dare to expect this much.
Thank You JESUS (:

now i have a surge of new-born faith to carry me through the upcoming week again.


today's service was Great.
carrying the the feeling of expectancy before service made me all so nervous
inside out.
there was not much of deliverance in the end.
But,
the atmosphere was still all Good.
i was tearing at the first worship song.
and by the time Pst Mike told everyone to quietly reflect ourselves,
all the tears started to flow out.
bitterness, anger, desperation, frustration, Disappointment, Fear and so much more.
much as i tried to stifle those sobs,
they just kept coming.
and right there in my seat, i felt like Daddy was holding my hand and lifting up all my troubles for me.
its not that i havent cried within these past two weeks
and its not like i didnt try picking myself up after things happened.
but today was really different.
and as Pst Mike was ministering
and as i saw myself showing and welcoming God into my house- which represented my whole life,
i saw my house filled with Happy rooms on different levels.
as Jesus stepped into my house, i gladly showed him around these Beautifully lit rooms.
but there were empty and dark rooms as well.
and as Daddy wanted to walk through those doors,
i saw myself standing in front of the doorstep with arms opened wide, refusing to budge and allow Him to step in.
it was all too ugly.
it was all so dark and empty.
Jesus shouldnt be seeing all these.
but the more i refused, the more He wanted to come in.
and right at that moment, i really understood how much He love me,
how much He wanted me to know that.
today,
i wept silently like a child.
like a little child burying his head into his father's arms,
i felt so safe.

im feeling much better(:
though not everything's resolved,
we all come out of things stronger dont we?

for the will to carry on.
--

came home today after spending some time waiting around with lana and the other two tans.
i followed my mood today and took a long walk around sembawang,
exploring the new cc and parks with holy spirit and myself.
came back home and ran a good 2KM.
now im settled down in front of my comp.
supposedly to write SGC and other work stuff.
but msn is distracting me. haha

OH, i spent yesterday clearing half of my room:

this is the amount of lecture book notes we have to absorb into our brains
and Soak them up!
MY GOSHH.
i practically stood in front of these books and GAPE in silence since theres no one i can scream to ytd.
HAHA.
--

found this in my phone.


hello pork (:



this love.

ive been having Weird dreams again.

if theres something more,
please give me a sign.
big enough for me to move on.

it started out as a feeling.
which then grew into a hope.

"the call" by regina spektor is running through my head.

just because everything's changing,
doesnt mean its never been this way before.
--

this weekend,
my saturday is one big empty slot
(:

couldnt make it for shirlene's birthday lunch because of bs with daphne.
but it was postponed till tmr.
cancelled plans to head to town with eevel.
as well as studying with gradys today.
MANN.
i hope im making the right choice today.
i just want to,
isolate myself from everything and really sit down and concentrate on my own to study.
but at the same time,
theres also a possibility that i'll end up slacking my whole day alone.
some days turn out productive
while some days dont.
AND.
this feeling of nostalgia whenever i coop myself up alone to study comes in.
thoughts of having fun and catching up..
haha, okayy im so contradicting.
oh WELL.
isolation is good good good.
and so the psycho-ing begins.

i shall catch up with eevel Really soon some other day
when i manage to have some control over my books.
oh, and yes.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRLENE (:

--

'been doing CIP in the library for two days already.
its pretty fun actually
though it gets boring at times.
and seeing familiar faces giving me this absurd expression like,
"what in the world are you doing behind the counter?!"
Haha.
but i've learnt how to process books! and wrap them up with care as well.
being a librarian is pretty interesting.
(:
im, gonna miss our current librarian when she leaves.

these two weeks,
true to be told its tiring.
and i keep trying to remind myself that "its okay".
this chanting has been going on a Zillion times in my head already.
i know that i know that Jesus is still here no matter what.
but sometimes in the midst of the day,
the actions that reveal imperfections of mankind keep showing.
its Alright thoughh,
i really want am going to take one step at a time.
fasting this week hasnt been easy, but i know that im heading somewhere.
slowly but surely,
its gonna be easy to ignore these hurt the inflict unknowingly.
i too, need to be more magnanimous.
not just to forgive those around me, but myself too.
and, i need more openness as well.
to be honest with myself.

Alrighto,
today is just me, my guitar and dear books.
(:
maybe im meeting gradys later.
either way,
dear God, please make today productive.

gonna check out the cc near my hse later.
praying for a small but beautiful and nice gym to be spotted there!

i wish though,
that im a little less sensitive about things.
and able to let go as easily as others around me.

there's no need to say goodbye.

this one's from PORK.
(:


ist out the top 5 birthday present that you wish for:

1. LOVE, both receiving and giving.
2. Courage.
3. faith
4. understanding
5. strength

#1 The person who last tagged you is:
- CHERYL

#2 Your relationship with him/her is:
- cell mate, church mate, fellow PORK mate (:

#3 Your 5 impressions of him/her:
- strong, willing to serve God, smart, but mischeivous and sometimes stubborn too.
HAHA woopps (:

#4 The most memorable thing he/she has done for you:
- that little cute card which she placed in my bag secretly last week(:

#5 The most memorable word he/she has said to you:
- "you are a very warm girl" OKAYY, i feel SHY.

#6 If he/she becomes your lover, you will:
- ER, not possible. but i'll love her as my sister in christ always (:

#7 If he/she was your lover, a few things he/she has to improve on will be:
- ERM, be bold enough to make a difference in our cicumstances!

#8 If he/she becomes your enemy, you will:
- it'll never happen.haha

#9 If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
- wont ever happen (:

#10 The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
- secret!

#11 Your overall impression of her is:
- same as question 3 whaat!

#12 How do you think about how people around you will feel about you:
- i dont know, more positive than negative ones i hope.

#13 The character you love about yourself are:
- i guess, listening more than talking.

#14 On the contrary, things that you hate about yourself are:
- to sum it all up, passiveness.

#15 The most ideal person you want to be is:
- a little of angelina jolie:adopting kids and so cool and filled with that independent spirit at the same time.
mother teressa(:
HMM

#16 For people that care about and like you, say something to them:
- thank you, for just staying by my side.i apprciate it Alot.

#17 Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you

HMM, i have no idea. maybe lana, claudy, liyun, nic, pam, char? haha whoever who wants to do it willingly la (:
--

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.

i feel like a little kid learning my ABCs all over again.
but in a nice way(:

for the will to carry on.

but you just dont understand.
--

i think i might be in search of a new home once again.
fasted for the second time this week.
finally, it doesnt seem as tough anymore(:
i'll give it another shot tmr since most of my time will be spent in the library clearing CIP hours.
and hopefully for the rest of the week.
we'll see how far it brings me.

my work has been piling up like Crazy.
i dont exactly know where to start, really.
isolation is really good.
but its Not easyy.

ohh yea, ELANA completed CL today! :D
im so happy and Encouraged just by listening to her personal growth.
Amazing (:
and
a little short chat with potty brought a big smile up my face today.
thank you potty.
(:
of coursee, not forgetting pork's little card which i received on sunday.
hello PORK, i think you're so Cutee la Please!
:D


it scares me how ironic things can be.
how bitterness has the ability of accumulating itself up
into a round massive Blob.
how anger builds within.
but we get angry because deep down on the inside we do care for the person.
thats why we even bothered getting angry.
the thought of making pretense, putting on masks and saying words of nothingness
is such a turn off.
i wouldnt even adopt that kind of principle into my life.
its Ugly.
i thought we understood each other much deeper than this.
ugly.
i wish i was telepathic.


i closed my eyes and saw beauty.

the universe will sing.

buried myself in bed last night.
but under the covers i knew i couldnt hide.
much as i was trying to run away,
i wanted that very same person to make my day.
and beautiful is our God,
the universe will sing..
Hallelujah, to you my King.

my heart cannot stop singing tonight.

once again,
i didnt failed trying to find a perfect friend.
i succeeded in proving to myself Again. that
"even though men might fail me, Jesus will never."

--

left the house in the morning for school today.
but half way through my tummy rumbled and fumbled
and it felt all so weird and squirshy on the inside.
so i had no choice but to Bomb in pain at some ulu pandan mrt station.
couldnt make it on time for school, gave it a miss.
camped at macs for awhile
and MAN, their coffee is so Foamy.
okayy, leo says that coffee's supposed to be like that.
but it tasted to horrible.
Haha, i drank abt 1/4 of it only to realised that we're supposed to pour in our own sugar and cream and everything.
anyhoww,
went to get an MC.
and it was so packed down there,
im so gald that i dont skip school everyday.

i miss the people in school today.

i was doing some self-reflection today.
and though its hard to admit,
i must say that im a rather prideful person.
too much pride,
sometimes i need to let go a little and be less headstrong.

was reading on SAMSON today.
it made me reflect quite a bit too.

anyhow,
i received two random messages today which really made my day.
THANK YOU (:

you know my darkest secrets.

ran a good 3.5km a couple of days ago.
currently on a hunt for a nice GYM(:
spent saturday morning in school doing some EL paper
came home feeling Tired.
and my Superb long nap took the afternoon away.

i wishh,
i can DRAW.
and sketch emotions into Life.


anything but ordinary.

"you're good enough just being who you are, and doing what you do."

if i could soar higher,
please take me further.

sometimes i feel so exploited.
or maybe even like a punching bag for others.
but over the years ive realised that i dont hate being in this position actually.
its okay that i become a stepping stone for others at times.
just that once in awhile people will crave for some gratitude.
at least,
enough to know that you're not taken for granted.
its just one of these low-energy, no-battery phase that im going through now.
i felt so foolish.
but its OKAY.
im all back to normal already i guess.
"men may fail you, disappoint you, hurt you. but God will never."


"all these things which you do to others my brethen, you have done it to me."
its Okay.
because afterall, its God's love that im spreading.
no wonder its such a difficult task.
i came across the lyrics of the above song today.
it was so Timely.
just look at these lyrics,
they really reminded me of What i am here for.
and who am i here for.

Thank You

I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me
We walked upon the streets of gold
Beside the crystal sea
We heard these angels singing
Then someone called your name
You turned and saw this young man
And he was smiling as he came
And he said friend you may not know me now
And then he said, but wait
You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight
And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start
And one day when you said that prayer
I asked Jesus in my heart

CHORUS
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave

Then another man stood before you
And said remember the time
A missionary came to your church
And his pictures made you cry
You didn’t have much money
But you gave it anyway
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that’s why I’m here today

CHORUS (repeat)

One by one they came
Far as your eyes could see
Each life somehow touched
By your generosity
Little things that you had done
Sacrifices you made
They were unnoticed on the earth
In heaven now proclaimed

And I know that up in heaven
You’re not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord
He said, my child look around you
For great is your reward

CHORUS (repeat)

I am so glad you gave.

its OKAY,
i know that Daddy sees it all and appreciate whatever im doing.
someday, He'll thank me personally.
and that is Enough.

Thank you, for using me.
--


have been losing sleep for the past few days
my eyes are gonna POP!
i feel a little like a walking zombie.
overslept and missed my stop while going to school in the morning
and lost my way at some main road at city hall ytd.
but PTL! im safe and sound (:

attending the first session of "hearing impact" was really interesting.
turned out that i was the youngest
and i was hoping for a lonely girl so that i could make friends with her.
Haha. but they were all middle-aged.
so, oh well.
but we learned to understand the deaf better.
its really Amazing how these people can live their lives off so confidently.
some even much better than us.
it really reminded me of this assurance of our own identity daddy has given to us.
im a PRINCESS, living in God's kingdom(:
someday,
i'll be hand-signing praise and worship songs during service!

HMM
time-check: 12:27AM

got to do history trigger notes.
SIXTEEN more sundays to A'levels.
OH MANNNN.

picture speaks a thousand words.

interpret it yourself.

You're the love of my life.


i Wish.
that forgiving comes naturally.
i wish i am magnanimous.
i wish that im smarter too.

i wish this feeling is not here to stay.
--

school was Great today(:
had unexpected conversations with pam and gradys
which really made me want to sit down
and be able to pass all my subjects for once.
AND, they made me miss PL days too.

urmm.
im craving for chocolates
i need a
WHITE KIT KAT CHUNKY
nowww.
):

hearts joined as one.

PAM (:
today, i feel so tired and drained.
like what claudy said,
theres really such a term as
compassion burnout.

maybe i just need some time to rest and
Re-charge.


love is unconditional.

just hung up the phone with cheryl
i was singing "JESUS" repeatedly on the phone to her as she played on the guitar.
pork can play! (:
just practice changing that F#m chord faster,
other than that i think you're quite good (:
haha

today's an Amazing day.
had bible study with Daphne in the morn and then we headed for heartbreakers.
seeing Daphne responding today really touched me deeply.

i was reminded of God's promise today.

on my way,
i received a call from Talking Hands.
Finally! that phone call left me feeling Ecstatic on my train ride home.
i cant wait to be having my own ministry,
and serving(:


alrights,
history is calling out to me.
i better go.

I asked Jesus "Lord, how much do you love me?"
Jesus spread His arms, and died.

Nic stayover last night (:
we had a Greaat time chatting and sharing and Praying together.
it took me a while to actually realise the significance of
being the Chosen Ones.
it feels like i had a whole new revelation again yesterday.
and as i was talking to nic ytd,
i began to realise that we are really called for "such a time as this".
in PL, it was amazing how the 3 of us got together and we grew.
now that we're older,
i can see how Daddy's plans slowly start to unfold.
its amazing how we landed in the same junior college somehow.
so many lives, different directions but we arrive in a similar situation.
and i rmb the dream i saw before knowing our sch posting results.
surely, it cannot be pure coincidence?
its too Perfect to be coincidence already.
i feel so strongly in my heart now,
that im Determined to do Something right here in this school.
since im already here, and Daddy placed us here,
might as well make an impact, leave a legacy.
i dont want to to just graduate and leave SR behind as a place filled with no glory,
like as if we havent done something in this school.

Dream BIG!
i cant wait for SOT(:
cant wait to be working and attending Bible School at the same time.
life's gonna be oh-so Interesting (:

YES, lana's blog made me realise how much time we have left actually.
i really need to start making full use of every little bit of my time.

chatting with claudy on my way home today made me realise how much i Miss the Company in school.
you really do brighten peoples' lives Darl (:
--

went for prayer meeting this morning
and then Prayer walk at cheryl's school!
came home feeling Tired.
have been losing sleep for the past few days so i came home and laid in bed for FIVE whole hours.
its 9 plus in the night now.
MANN, gonna get down to work.
HISTORY.
):
ECONS.. )':

you're my peace.

this ELEVENTH year,
im so thankful for who you are.
MISSES.
(:

a phone call from PAM really made my day today.
(:
i MISS her tonnes and tonnes.
and it felt so good to be hearing her voice
which reminds me of RACHEL too.

ELANA tan made my day today.
"i shall never let adversity get me down except on my knees."
thanks for that Verse (:
i felt so Happy to be receiving it from you!

mm studied today at lana's club.
im so Inspired after hearing about the brothers' overnight prayer meeting!
it brings back memories of how we used to have our very Own too.
shall arrange out very own one soon
(:
i CANT WAIT.
anyhow, jicai was sleeping so soundly while we studied today.
i Want to go for tmr's PMMMM.

was reading the bible this morning,
and i felt that its really meaningful.

JUDGES 7:3-8
vs 3- "now therefore, proclaim in the hearing of the people, saying,
'whoever is fearful and afraid, let him turn and depart at once from
Mount Gilead'." and twenty-two thousand of the people returned and
ten thousand remained.
vs 7- .. "by the three hundred men who lapped i will save you, and deliver the
Midianites into your hand. let all the other people go..

what happened here was that God was leading Gideon to fight a battle
and Gideon had lots of men with him.
but out of this huge number of men, God was choosing the
Right kind of people to go into the battle and claim victory.
Daddy, was choosing the people whom He thought was appropriate in this battle.
He didnt just allow anyone and everyone to go into the battle.

this really impacted me.
just like the verse which goes:
"for many are called, but few are chosen" - Matt 22:14

its true that Daddy gives everyone talents and spiritual gifts and all.
everyone has it in them
but very few are chosen because of how they react to things.
its their faithfulness in the little things that matters,
and their perseverance that makes a difference.
i, really do one to be one of the few who are chosen.

vs 16- the people here went into the battle Not with swords and amours
but with trumpets and pitchers and torches.
who, in the world would go into a battle fighting with only these equipments for defense and offence?!
i mean, Seriously. i would think that they are nuts to do that.
but its really the FAITH that we see here.
the people just went in a peaceful state of mind,
without even worrying but entrusting God totally.
and those trumpets that they carry,
were to make a joyful noise unto the Lord!
i, really want to be like that the next time i find myself in a battle.

i want to impact myself, and my opponents.
as well as those who are watching this battle that im fighting.


You are Beautiful to me. (:

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
-PS 73:26


leadership conference was so Amazing yesterday.
i feel so Blessed by the word! (:
and so was bible study with Leila,
i felt so thankful that i had it yesterday.

the devil is one smart chap.
he sure knows when to come and when not to.
of course, it wasnt easy for me at all.
having to receive Numerous calls from home,
even as i was listening to the sermon last night.
but im not here to complain or describe how tough my going has been since the early years.
im just here to testify of Daddy's really unconditional love.

it Always has to happen.
everytime i make a personal decision to hang in there for my breakthrough,
or everytime i renew my faithfulness in God,
there wld definitely be chaos at home.
small trifle issues like not closing the main door would spark into huge conflicts.
but its okay,
now that im used to it and know what to predict.
i felt a kindof peace lingering in my heart last night as i rushed out of church and journeyed home alone.
i knew what to expect at home, but its Okay.
because Daddy's with me and true, the devil can be really strong.
but Good triumphs over evil eventually anyway.

"everytime you manage to come out from a trail, there would be a certain anointing."

because there is a breakthrough somewhere.
and i really do want this anointing.
its amazing how my bus took no delay to come and the speed it was travelling at,
those werent the norm.
but i know that Daddy's helping me.
it Wasnt easy not talking back or fighting back my tears or just controlling my emotions.
but i managed to do it last night
and my brother was the first person whom i shared all these with last night at home.
im just thankful for all the little things God has seen me through.
i know, i can never come this far without Him.
--

chatted with nic last night,
busy trying to convince her to BATHE.
that auntie was so dirty and lazy la!
haha.
and then i spoke to steamed pork for an hour plus
(:
headed to bed only at 4plus in the morning.

MANN, i wanna join you guys for PM this morning!
but its okayy, sure attempt for the next two days (:

ohh,
yesterday, i was rushing up the flight of stairs from B4 to level one in church.
there was only this guy and me in the whole flight of underground staircase.
so when we finally reached level one,
he opened the door and left.
while i, on my way up i saw my reflection and went to tidy my hair and everything.
how was i to know that the guy was waiting for me all along?!
he was standing there, holding the door for me
and i didnt even realised it,
while Zi-Lianing in front of that reflection, in front of him as he waited.
so Embarrassing!
i was too embarrassed to face him after saying a thank you.
Haha.

OUCHH.
stomach ache ):
alrighty,
got to BOMB!