am i squeezing you too tight?

hello world! (:
JESUS CHRIST is AMAZINGly BEE-YOO-TI-FUL (:
BEAUTIFUL!

i feel like one Big Heavy Burden has just been lifted off my chest.
it feels so much easier to breathe now.
thankyou Jesus,
Thank You so much (:

and,
this week has been great.
though it wasnt perfect and halfway through i really felt like just giving up
and wash my hands off everything.
but,
Fasting really works.
and, Daddy really sees and hears what we're doing here on earth.
it really reminds me of what Elisha said
that "when someone's crying out so badly or so desperate here on earth, God Cannot just sit back and watch without doing anything."
i expected some light to shine through by the end of this week,
but i didnt dare to expect this much.
Thank You JESUS (:

now i have a surge of new-born faith to carry me through the upcoming week again.


today's service was Great.
carrying the the feeling of expectancy before service made me all so nervous
inside out.
there was not much of deliverance in the end.
But,
the atmosphere was still all Good.
i was tearing at the first worship song.
and by the time Pst Mike told everyone to quietly reflect ourselves,
all the tears started to flow out.
bitterness, anger, desperation, frustration, Disappointment, Fear and so much more.
much as i tried to stifle those sobs,
they just kept coming.
and right there in my seat, i felt like Daddy was holding my hand and lifting up all my troubles for me.
its not that i havent cried within these past two weeks
and its not like i didnt try picking myself up after things happened.
but today was really different.
and as Pst Mike was ministering
and as i saw myself showing and welcoming God into my house- which represented my whole life,
i saw my house filled with Happy rooms on different levels.
as Jesus stepped into my house, i gladly showed him around these Beautifully lit rooms.
but there were empty and dark rooms as well.
and as Daddy wanted to walk through those doors,
i saw myself standing in front of the doorstep with arms opened wide, refusing to budge and allow Him to step in.
it was all too ugly.
it was all so dark and empty.
Jesus shouldnt be seeing all these.
but the more i refused, the more He wanted to come in.
and right at that moment, i really understood how much He love me,
how much He wanted me to know that.
today,
i wept silently like a child.
like a little child burying his head into his father's arms,
i felt so safe.

im feeling much better(:
though not everything's resolved,
we all come out of things stronger dont we?

for the will to carry on.
--

came home today after spending some time waiting around with lana and the other two tans.
i followed my mood today and took a long walk around sembawang,
exploring the new cc and parks with holy spirit and myself.
came back home and ran a good 2KM.
now im settled down in front of my comp.
supposedly to write SGC and other work stuff.
but msn is distracting me. haha

OH, i spent yesterday clearing half of my room:

this is the amount of lecture book notes we have to absorb into our brains
and Soak them up!
MY GOSHH.
i practically stood in front of these books and GAPE in silence since theres no one i can scream to ytd.
HAHA.
--

found this in my phone.


hello pork (:



this love.