19th June'06

12:00am sharp (:
i like this kind of 'late' feeling.
it makes me feel lyk partying.

this morning went rather fine.
all until i received a call frm my mum.
smth rather chaotic happened at hme.
my dad found my receipt for building fund n tithe.
and all the crap comes pouring out.
i was petrified.
and i was controlling my tears.
when i cldnt take it.
hey jicai, i just want to say.
thanks for wat you did today.
its made me feel better (:


i'm okay.
like i said,
i wont let things pull me dwn anymore.
prayed n prayed and things werent tt bad when i went over to grand dad's place.
At least there wasnt any violence.
i cld feel the both of us trying hard to be patient.
there was so much i want to say you dad.
just too much.
if only i have the guts to get them out of my mouth.



just ytd i nearly blurted out the idea of getting baptized to them.
i wanted to, by this year.
but i didnt.
maybe its God, knowing it isnt time yet.
cause today, after all the commotion.
he just shouted out of the blue.
tt i wasnt supposed to get baptized in that church.
Never. ever.
it wldnt even happen in my dreams.
tts wat he said.
man.
i heart sank all the way to the bottom.

but i figured it out and it aint bothering me now.
like i said again,
frm today onwards
everything tt happens Is a Blessing.
Will be a blessing.
i will Make it Turn into a blessing.
if not, this whole will only be filled with sorrows n emptiness.
that, is so meaningless.




there we go again, we seem to go in circles every now and then.