I let myself be sincere.                                                                            Lanned with the boys ytd then came home to  study for today's test in sot. But i fell asleep  while studying and gave sot a miss today.  (not bad, considering tt its only my 2nd time missing sch)    Everything around me is moving at such a fast paced.  I seriously need to slow down and take a breather.  Sometimes i find myself coming hme and just sitting on  the couch for a couple of hours staring into space, thinking  abt nothing. Its my way of recharging a bit along the way.    Just received my acceptance letter from SIM UB which  commences the very next day after i graduate from sot.  I think i will do great if theres a few days of rest before  sch starts! Feeling excited abt starting uni but already knowing  tt i'll miss sot sch life.                                                                  So much stuff to do!! Need to sort out my uni admission stuff  and get ready for orientation.everytime i open some sim ub  brochure i get reminded of the crazy school fees. Am So going  to work and study hard to do well! Thinking abt giving up one of  my tuitions bcause uni is starting. But i dk which one :/  Got to get a laptop before school starts, prepare for missiontrip  on thursday, prepare for tmr's pm with W543(: , finish studying  for the tests which i missed today, do my biblereadings for this  mth which i havent even started, read up the 5 books and do  reviews by this month. Ohmygosh i am really going Crazeyy!!!    This is really the peak period of sot and also, My Life. So many things  happening at one short, i really need to improve my skills at multi-  tasking. I think its really by Supernatural strength that im still going well  and good. Of course i can never ever do it by my own strength. Like when  i lost my phone 3 days ago, God really took care of my physical needs.  My mum wld has never been so cool abt me losing my stuff and i got a  good hp in return. Mann, this is Really my God at work(: plus the fact tt my  dad approved of my missiontrip which is almost impossible. So many times  ive asked him abt m'sia trips with my friends and he rejected them all.  Plus plus, W543 my group of young king davids which has been growing  and doing well(: we started off with a base of abt 13 for svc every week  and 2 weeks ltr we are alrdy hitting 16 till now. Thank God for such awesome  members and helpers esp like Eunice. (if you're reading this) Thankyou so  much for all your efforts and being so shepherding. You are the best helper  anyone cld ever have, i wld never prefer ayone else(: Also, thank God for  such amazing pple who have been generously blessing me these days bcause  of my financial constraints. Pple like slee, my team mate and nic who offered  for my missiontrip, even zs leilaa. All the little treats and help reallyreally  touched me. Im gonna try my best to pay off Everything myself as much as i  can. I think, even thoughim not prospering now, im never in lack for long,  God has always been sustaining me through. I feel so Touchedd(:  thankyou everybody.                                                                Okay, with all these said.. Its time for me to brace up and continue  moving forward Boldly. It really feels good to be striking off things  on your goalcard list. Sot, missiontrip, my cell. Though i didnt get into  nus, believing tt i'll start and end off well in sim UB! And the next one  to be striked off on my goalcard list will be water baptism Amen!   Okie dokes, off for two tuitions now. Pm with cell tmr then overight pm  at jw.                                         Brace up fiona, brace up!!

i lost my hp today )):
was raining very heavily so i cabbed a short distanced to my tuition kid's place. cab driver went the wrong way and he had to U-turn all the way back. and as i was rushing out, i dropped and left my hp in the cab. by the time i realised my hp was missing and rushed back, the cab was alrdy long gone.
AHHH, I CANT BELIEVE MYSELF )':
this is like the 4th or 5th time that i lost my hp and wallets alrdy.
i am such a Klutz!!!!! ):
-smacks head with my palm

):

at times like this, i feel like
im not good enough.
this is too difficult, maybe im just not good at it.

but no, i still wont give up trying.

cant believe that i just spent almost 4 hrs just sitting in starbucks listening. was supposed to study with my sot team mates but we ended up drifting away. life can be really complicated. even when we're all in church, bitterness, conflicts, misunderstandings.. its so impt to always have the right motivations in life. im so glad that my group of young king davids are not like that. life should be that easy, serve God with the right intentions. no pretence, jealousy or backstabbings. always having a pure heart.

on a happier note, sot with Pst Mike Connell this week was just Awesome. i'll never forget how he came over to give me a hug and demonstrated the Father's love so strongly to me. (:

TIREDD. ):
just finished all my assignments that are due tmr. i hope i'll do well.
3 hours of sleep tonight, feeling horrible with my flu and cough. part of me wants to take an MC real badly but tmr is Mike Connell, dont want to miss it.
having two tuitions tmr aft school )):
i need energy!!

trying to finish up my first book review out of the 4/5 reviews (im not even sure how many it is) that are due on monday 2pm. but i keep dozing off at my keyboard. i think i must be looking so retarded now!!! ahh, must be the flu panadol's side effects of drowsiness and also accumulated late nights

):

it feels Terrible to have flu and cough. feels like im crying and i Cant taste my food. mann, how am i going to serve in choir for next week like this?

):

i need to recover Fast!!

slept over at Marina sands resort with the pl girls last night(: was really looking forward to it. but everyone was tired so we ended up just watching tv and sleeping. with a few of us squeezing on the bed.. and some of them slept on the blanket which explains why i was left exposed under the strong air-con and why im sneezing now!!

cell was good today. im so Happy and Thankful for nic's presence. would have felt really different without her. im so glad to have a great leader and friend(:

Happy that mr leo nardo is back in town too!!!

still very awed by the fact that he just received christ abt a month back! so very unexpected of him. and he just got water baptised!(: i know, mine will be soon tooooo. i cant wait.

W543, my young King Davids! (:

just boarded the train at bishan and heading to sembawang for tuition. just finished one tuition class w my p3 kid today and had bs with chinyee. feeling productive(: but the headache's back, and feeling very tired. ahh, the limitations of the physical body. sometimes i just really want to lie in bed and not move an inch. but i know the hardwork will pay off. i think, this period of transition is crucial and faithfulness will produce fruitfulness Amen.

headache be gone in Jesus' name!,

im so tired! in fact im almost dozing off while typing this already. but i decided to really sit down and blog well, update abt what has been happening! ive been so lazy to do so ever since i got my data plan.

N441B had our first cg today after multiplication!(: felt that it was good! haha and happy that we're all wearing my handmade friendship band. heh heh heh, im gonna make one for myself tonight too so we can all wear it tgt as a cell(:

been travelling super duper a lot recently. today i took a one and a half hrs bus ride just to get from sengkang to clementi. goshh, i really hope this wont be the case every week.

preaching tests have come and gone. had an awesome chat with the ladies in my team and great food in a great hse! only two months left. time really does pass very fast, i must treasure what i have now. even if the going gets tougher and tougher, as all the tests and assignments pill up!

on a random note, i really Do need to brush up on my guitar skills. played for lei during sarah's cg ytd and i made a few blunders here and there. results of not practising at all for months. so many things that i wanna do. wanna improve my guitar-ing, lose weight!, prepare for uni which starts in Aug. this year is really a year of transition. and like i said at the start of the year, it Will be my best year yet(:

ohgoshhh, i just dozed off while blogging! hahaha, time to sleeeep.

goodnight,

thinking of N441B, my young King Davids!(:

i felt so tired just now while trying to draft out my final sermon for the week. and now that its finally done the tiredness just seemed to have gone away! but im still gonna lie down on my bed to sleep. been a pretty hectic week. my eyebags are so big that they can carry watermelons please! after sunday, all i want to do is lie down on my beauty bed and rest for a longggggg period of time before i resurrect and finish assignments with the one week i have left before its due. BEE-SY!! ): i really need to expand my capacity!! but its a good thing, i know im stretching and growing (: realised that i havent exactly been complaining. though i may have felt super duper tired and thoughts of escaping by feigning sick along the way im really glad that i didnt. ive been seeing pple around me taking MCs and hearing lots of whinnings and complains along the way. of course i do too, but i realised its much lesser than before now (: stretching your capactiy is good huh, its growing!

anyways, excited for cg this week! (:
hope i finish making _________ by sat!!

it's the start of something new(:

dear God, please help me to be the Best i can be.

i surrender to your love

i got distracted while doing the ppt slides and ended up fb-ing. now i feel so much like a stalker bcause i hopped from one page to another looking through so many pictures!
anywayzx, its been such a Busy and Hectic week!!!!!!
thank goodness this week's tests are over. and i still have to climb the mountains of 5 sermons, bible readings, 3 more books and summaries.
feeling really very excited about multiplying. I Love my future cg-to-be (: each and everyone of them in their own ways.

ohgoshh its 12:54AM!? ahh, i still need to go through my tuition kid's exam paper before sleeping. what am i doing lehh, i need to stop facebooking!

"For you have made him a little lower than the angels, and You have crowned him with glory and honor." -Psalms 8:5

ThankYou God, for everything.
im on my way to sot now but i just feel like sitting dwn and crying bcause im so overwhelmed.
my cup is filled and it runneths over.
ThankYou God(:

SOT today and had two biblestudies. spent my day meeting new friend and irregulars, chatting and fellowshipping with them. came home and spent time w family over dinner and i just finished appealing for both nus and ntu.

its 1:40AM, feeling dead tiredddd. ive two tuitions tmr ohgosh save me )))): i would very much prefer a free day to catch up on sleep and do my readings tmr.
winning souls is really hard labour but it brings me joy to see than we're all slowly becoming closer and watching more souls get added. i would say, it is all worth it (:

alrighty im gonna sleep, God please maximise my sleeping time. no nightmares tonight please, PEACE of God (:

shopped with mum today and bought a few tops(: woww, so happy that Great Singapore Sales is here!!
i went to SIM to apply today. made me miss school life a whole lot. miss my secondary and jc friends too. i seriously cant wait to start school!!!!! love my daddy and mummy for asking me to apply into SIM UB. its such a big sum of money that im alrdy feeling the stress even before i start studying. but i promise that i'll put in the Best that i can and probably even get the scholarship(: score well and get in nus for my masters. who says i can never study in there? if not now then the future(: anywaysss. i still have a few more days to submit my appeals to the local uni. feeling uncertain abt what to write. i'll use the next few days to ponder over it (:

AC has come and gone, very glad that i caught the fire in the midst of the crowd and so many events. JUNE is gonna be one very extremely busy yet powerful month. can you feel it? i can feel it cominggg!!! Xiong man. but in the midst of it all, God let me be faithful to pray, fast and seek you and not let this month pass me by. yes, i know This will be the month of breakthroughs!

talk about being Bold and daring to dream again. tell me about it..
oh God, set me on fire once again.

dear God,
is it too late for a miracle?

"A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones."
-Proverbs 17:22

At times like this, i need to constantly remind and tell myself that the Joy the Lord is and shall be my strength. all else doesnt matter. doesnt matter anymore.

ive been reading up on the various courses in ntu, sim.. and the more i read the more i want to study psy. whether is it visiting prisons or working in hospitals, just somewhere where i can interact and impact society. it will be Awesome if i can just land safely into one local uni. only believee.

very nervous/excited/happy about multiplication. not that i dont have the reassurances. i just need to embrace myself and march forward bravely. i may not be the best or the most talented in many areas but if theres one thing that i can be, like me be the one to say that i'll try my best and sacrifice what i have. i truly believe that God sees and rewards faithfulness. and like what pastor bobby said, i wanna be a Bu Dao Weng. who jumps back up whenever something hits it. and carrying that same big smile on its face comewhatmay.

Okayy, exciting AC is in two days! got to brace myself up and receive all that i can till my cup runneths over!
GO FIONA!
i will open up and Recieve!!

feeling so much more organized after printing the checklist of the mountain of books which ive to conquer for sot. (this is seriously crazy!!) preaching test is in about a month's time which wld most prob coincide with the time we multiply. this is really one busy month, sometimes i find it so hard to keep up and catch up on sleeepp! i find it hard to flow with hs when im tired n weary. plus, i dont want to have another auntie offering me her seat!
but above it all, God is good((:
been checking up on private unis recently.
Faith is expecting the best and preparing for the worst. im still believing for nus AMEN!
feeling much more organized after doing my research and staying home just to show my presence to my parents. even if it means having to sacrifice some fellowship time with boss and the cell ): but i think its good to spend time at home as well.

almost 1am. need to sleep!!

God works in mysetrious ways.

ytd i was just having bs with sharmaine when the woman beside us asked which church we were from. turned out that she was from chc too and she's been looking for a cellgrp for her student! and so.. to cut the long story short, her student came down to cathay that day n we sat down to chat and she's joining us for svc tmr! it all happened so fast that i found it hard to believe. and it was only on my way back that it dawned on me how much God loves and cares for my ministry. funny how He can supernaturally bring the numbers in for me. i feel.. reassured. and also, how much He loves that girl, knowing that she was seeking for Him, He went to sought her first. my Daddy's Amazing (:

last night i dreamnt of demons possessing humans. ): been having these quite frequently and sometimes i feel as though i havent been resting as much as i shld have bcause of disturbed sleep. Horriblee. plus the tuition lessons etc, i keep dozing off in school this week. my leader says i keep "nodding in agreement" during class! feeling so Embarrassed :/ but im Okay(: i guess thats the way satan attacks me and my rest. haha my spirit man's larger than this!

Snowcity was really fun today! freezing cold and fun slopes(: i reallyreally want to save up to buy a camera so my future cg and i can take super duper uber many shots together(: and i wanna save up for an ipod classic too. for musics, sermons and videos. $$!!!
headache please go awayyy.

In the storms and raging currents, i know You are there.

)':
i just need to grab hold of your hand.

Dreams

these are the desires in my heart God, only you know them.
these are the Dreams that i have.
i really want to live my dreams.

God, give me a broken heart. not my will but yours. i need some direction.

Believe

was just blog hopping when i came across Edmund Tay's blog with this post:
http://www.edunloaded.com/parenting/goodnight-baby/
so sweet (:
hahaha very random i know but im so curious and excited abt what will happen 10 years from now when ive my own family and children.

live life well with love.

met up with Nic for awhile today and went to ikea. vera, charlene and xuanwei were studying there! looking forward to friday's dinner (:

i, was really disheartened last night. so many times in my life have i encountered barriers which caused me to take detours instead of the perfect route i had in mind. from po, retaking A-levels, not entering into sot last yr, waiting for water baptism and now uni application.. you know that feeling of not knowing which and what obstacle will appear next? But, in my God i trust. and will trust no matter what. because looking back, i wouldnt be what i am today if not for the route ive taken. there are some lives which i wld never have impacted if i had my ideal route instead. and so with all that i have and my mustard-sized faith, God i want to say "not my will but yours be done". i place my future, dreams and hopes into your hands.
today we learnt in school..
i dont just want to have faith in God, i want to have the faith of God.

i Believe, please help my unbelief.

AHHH!!! ))):

its okay Fiona, its okay.

goodnights, tmr will be a better day.

notice you noticing me.

Happy, excited and also nervous. about many different things.
sot, school fees, finances, uni results, baptism, ministry, relationships.
but whatever it is, dear heart i will not make haste.
i will be patient and wait and learn along the way.

i rather move on to the next level ready and strong than to hurry and falter much along the way.

IP MAN was really good! (:

marital bliss

just got back from Brian and Jaclyn's ROM. feeling so sweet and happy for them! so looking forward to Johann and Pst Eileen's wedding too. think being a Wedding Planning is sch an exciting career!

i Love my team(: really thank God for such a nice team with wonderful people despite our different backgrounds and age groups. God's plans are truly higher than ours. hahaha i admit that my first impression of my team wasnt a pleasant one but im very happy that we're getting along well now. wanna treasure every moment i have in sot!
studying on the gifts of the Holy Spirit now. my team mates are all so powerful in their own ways. 3 pastors, 2 cell leaders, many matured christians. sometimes i really feel like a tiny worm! but its good because i can learn. oh God, i need to be more broken before you. teach me to be more humble.

wanna watch IP MAN 2!
oh ya. think i better start hunting for some anti-wrinkle eye cream. all the choir makeup makes my eyes stingy and sometimes i feel so Cui!
need a Sabbath day to just sit back and think and do nothing, just Relax.

submission of April's biblereading is tomorroww. OhmyTian, i have so much to read on tonight. chionggg!
oh mann, some of my friends have received rejection letters alrdy ):
hit 700 today, 300 more confessions to go!

having a very bad headache. feels like someone is hitting a gong inside my head ): ahh!!!!! maybe its the hairdye today.
love my hair colour now! even though it isnt that obvious, hehh im glad that i tried it out. and of course, with claudy's help (: fun experience.

very inspired by sharmaine and vera (: i need to always always always remind myself that there is a good side in each and every one of my members(i know it and ive seen it before) and always focus on their good side even when things really arent good. need to keep telling myself that they have been good before and they can be good! haha if you know what i mean. very happy that they gathered to have their own pm together along the week even though the group pm which i wanted hasnt been carried out yet. i miss hazelinee quek, feel like i havent spoken to her in ten thousand years. okay i need to press in more.

scattered thoughts. you need to focus fiona!!
stop thinking so much about other issues.
oh yess, today i confessed 200 times that i would get into NUS (FASS). Dr Cho confessed 1000 times please, im so far back gonna keep it going. i will still believe.

ahhh, head very pain.
please ask the person in my head to stop hitting the gong!!
):

the day we had fire drill during SOT.

thank God its finally friday!
had the earliest cellgroup ive ever had and it was really fun to the max. dream cellgroup indeed! so glad that the evaluation for games, offering, sermon and guitar are all over. they say we wld have to preach 4 sermons in a month's time, plus the mountain of books ive yet to touch. Goshh, i need to start camping at coffeebean to catchup on my readings one day.
very excited for thursday night, ive never been to an R.O.M before. and very happy to have wonderful team mates. just 4 more mths left, i wanna treasure all the time i have (:

met up with claudy today and we got the diy dye hair thingy hahaha tmr is experimentation day. i seriously hope the colour will come out fine, its my first attempt and definitely dont want it to be the last! bumped into charms, cant wait to eat at miss clarity's next week (:

so many people have received news from the local unis.
):
i will start and continue to confess.
Nothing is impossible!!

im so tired.
all i need now is SLEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!

i dont think its true eh.
wahh becuase if it is. a gazillion number of people who have wanted to see me for the past few years. this explains how weird my dreams are. i always dream of random people i wonder whyy.

Update.

its been awhile since i last updated.

and so, my birthday came and went. feeling very old now ): esp when the SA boys keep calling me aunty. im only a young adult! no, wait, im Not even a young adult yet please!

was really surprised and touched by those who celebrated for me (: and a few personal notes and gifts that were really unexpected too.

really had fun with maggie on my bday eve! hahaha she made me laughed so hard till my saliva came dripping out! hahaha Very Gross i know but she's super kuku please!! damn funny!! now im just waiting for the pics to be loaded!

Except that there was one particular person close to my heart.. whom i think forgot about my bday. but its okay. ive learnt to forgive and forget. no more having to meet whatever silent expectations i have of close friends. i'll still love her despite all that.

been a longg and tiring week. with pm in the mornings and tuitions in the evenings.

i cant really recall significant events already.looking forward to going back to school tmr. I WILL NOT SLEEP IN CLASS.cant waste my $$ and the 6 mths of experience!!

its almost the end of april and still no news from NUS(FASS).

how now brown cow? ):
BELIEVEEEEEEEE.and STILL BELIEVEEEE.
many little issues bugging me.
but it doesnt matter if im a 2 or 3.
doesnt matter who says or what they say.
as long as my God understands and knows me.

i want to be Unconquerable.

Good Listener

A good listener is one who listens and doesnt judge.

cant believe i came out with this smart phrase today.
just feeling very hurt lor ):
shared my feelings bcause we were close. and if you know me well enough, it takes me awhile before i start warming up and opening to others. i am afterall, human. people do get sad and offended at times right. we all fall down and need outlets to vent and rant before we can finally pick ourselves up again. so why this judgement? you rant, i listened. i ranted and you formed opinions. if i knew it a long time ago, i wldnt have done likewise. headache.

"A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you." -Psalm 91:7
i really like this verse alot.

HAPPY. God wants us to be happy.
Pastor said today that if you're not happy in what you're serving, change.
if you're not happy in your cell, change.
if you're not happy doing what you are doing, change.
above all the serving and acheiving our dreams,
God wants us to be happy.
Happy,
i will be happy and stay happy.

looking forward to sunday night with maggie (:

Discipline

head underwater, breathing gets harder even i know it.
this is how i feel at times.

i need to be more disciplined.
i need to be more disciplined.
i need to be more disciplined.

in my thoughts. remember the breakthroughs, the promises, My Vision. and focus on it.


"Just as iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another man's countenance."
i finally know what it must have been like for my leaders initially. so many times i feel like the opposite.. but just like a good shephard cares and tends for his sheep.. i want to be a good shephard. each and every single one of them is imporatant. let my heart be big enough to love and contain these people.

feeling burdened. i dont need to feel very appreciated on my bday, little acts of response will really make my day. i dont need extraordinarily good helpers, i just need willing ones.

not feeling very excited this year. maybe the feeling hasnt gotten to me yet?
Overnight pm last night, came back and slept all the way from 10am to 6pm then went for tuition. there goes my plans for springcleaning my room, ive still yet to find that bugger mosquito! two days off from sot before it commences on friday, finally a break(: many things on my to-do-list which i havent fulfilled.
Got a new antibiotic from the dentist today but it still doesnt seem to be working. my right tooth hurts everytime i bite ): i hope its nothing to do with the roots.

Alrighty, rest well think less. live longer (:
Joy of the Lord shall be my strength!

Nostalgia

i was just looking through fb and came across many ex-classmates' profile.
people whom i used to be close to. expecially those of the same faith. i rmb the times when we used to share about each others' lives and dreams Alot. so happy to see so many of them living out those visions now. some achieved, some still achieving. these are people who reallyreally Impacted my life.

people like Althea, the one who taught me my very first strum on the guitar. who had Lots of patience with my complains and poor learning skills. i rmb us having a spare guitar at the back of the class and how we wld always pick it up to play in between periods when we had free time. so happy that she is now serving God in the mission field, helping out with the churches in m'sia. she didnt apply for uni, just went where God led her too. theres so much i can learn from her faith. how she was able to go eventually with peace and a sound mind. i miss altheaaaa, cant her for her to come back to s'pore!

and then theres Blackspot too, Jeanette justin! my going to school and home buddy plus all the studying sessions. and above it all, all the spiritual sharings we had. and when i failed my A-levels, she was the one who really got me back again. so many times i scrambled to my feet, fall down and try to stand up again in front of her. but im really thankful for the undying faith in me that was alwaysalways there.

and of course, not forgetting rachel ho too. so many people..
looking back, i think i was really Blessed to have so many people along side with me. its like different people having that same fire burning on the inside. though we seldom talk nowdays and we're all each busy in our own ministries, i know that we are running our races alongside each other. Oh Mannn, i really miss those good old dayss!

things are different now. now that im more mature in some sense.. it can get really lonely at times. but when i start thinking of all these dear ones and when i look at what all the other leaders are doing, it doesnt seem that lonely anymore.
i know and i know that i know. im a Conqueror in christ. when i go up to heaven, i'll be living in my beautiful home and drive my cool beatle (:

feeling a little nostalgic, missing my old friends!

and i am left here still standing in awe.

wow i am really Amazed at how God works. through the manymany unexpected ways.
indeed, i need to stop doubting and limiting God.

very happy and flattered and amazed by the revelations ive been getting through dreams again. happy that this gift is not dead but still alive. thankyou God.

its been a busy week. i keep oversleeping and end up cabbing. need to stop this bad routine! seriouslyy ): SOT assignments are piling up. oh dear and i havent really started on any books yet. i really need to get things started. anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAZELINE (((:

new week ahead! determined to make it a good one. excited about praise and excited about my pm. this week, i will Smile everyday as much as i can. and do what i can to be a better person and leader. thats the best way i can bless my sheep.
i wanna face everything with a kindof clamness and peace on the inside of me. because i know that the Lord will provide.

need some peace.

busy dayss. so many sheep and goats. im not an experienced shephard yet. sometimes i feel so lost God. please touch the hearts that i cannot touch.

need a shoulder to lean on.
and tell me that its all going to be okay.

my phone is cranky!! ):
gonna get it fixed tmr.

focusing on my own individual race. i know i will finish it well (:

Delay is not denial.

today i learnt that when Daddy delays your plan, it doesnt mean that He has denied them. dont ever doubt God's happiness for you life.

and thats exactly what i need to constantly remind myself of everyday. havent been meeting up with my friends recently, wanna do some catching up this week.. and easter is around the corner too!

oh Daddy, im so tired.

please multiply my sleep and give me the strength.

thankyou, Amen.

oh God, more of you and less of me.

SOT is good (: i really need to slap myself wide awake, still drifting inbetween consious and unconsciousness. even though i see other people dozing off at times too.. this shouldnt be the case!! im working and paying for it, really got to make it worth it! anywaysss, i REALLY NEED a RETAIL THERAPY ): i wanna shop carefreelyyyyy!

sometimes in my heart i feel a thousand and one emotions that i know i must constantly crucify.
why like that? why they dont respect me? when is the breakthrough coming? i cant do this alone?!!
but most of the times i just ignore these thoughts. because i know i need to stay focus. if Daddy can do it, i know i can love these people too. just keep giving and giving and sowing into their lives. sometimes i just feel so tired, i take a break to stop and rest. but i know i musnt stop for long. someday.. they will love me back.
i cant wait for that day.
(:

AHH DEAR GOD,
I REALLY WANT TO GET INTO NUS.
PLEASE?

Hello (:
SOT has been good. really happy to be living one of my goals for 2010! this 6 mths, i am going to toally enjoy it, work hard and grow from it. and look back with smiles (: not easy though, been dozing off a little here and there in between, think i ate at least a hundred mints alrdy! need to re-adjust my body clockk.

very busy week! but for the upcoming one, ive a few goals:
-finish applying for uni
-buy sports shoes, hopefully!
-find a new tuition assignment
-adjust body clock
-visit the gym!


im Loving my sheep(:
inspired my them. sometimes they are my biggest frustrations. but also for most of the time, they are one of my biggest motivation (:

"This is the day which the Lord has made; i shall rejoice and be glad in it."
-Psalms 118:24


even if my heart breaks and cries, i will still sow these seeds of love. because in due season i will reap.

i am tired out to the Max. slept at 4 plus last night oh mann my body clock is rather haywire.
tuitioned at sengkang today after sportsday. super tiredd. svc tmr then nus open hse and tuition again. monday's sot orientation day plus meeting at night.
i need to catch some serious sleepp!
my interview is tmr. oh God, please help me!
Tiredddd.

been so busy this week travelling from places to places, i can feel the hole in pocket growing bigger n bigger already! and what a blur blockk, i counted wrongly on the amount of prizes i need to get. now ive to travel to ikea again ): seriously feeling very tried from doing so much without pple's help. sometimes i feel like superman. i just want to have my own time to worship and really wait on God as well.
But i will not give up. they say that when you find yourself complaining, its when its time to increase ur capacity.
well let it be to me.

thankyou for always believing in me even when no one else did.
thankyou for always having faith in me even i doubted my own abilities.
and thankyou for always doing the work for me even when i dont deserve it.
sometimes i just sit and stare blankly at things, thinking that i will not breakthrough this week. but you always do the works for me and show me that it is so easy. that there is in fact nothing to be scared of, nothing to contemplate or even worry about. as long as im willing, all else will fall into place. because you're Jehovah Jireh, God you're my provider.
so why then am i still hesitating? a moment im in and the next im out. and then im in again. i am such a timid, foolish girl.
i need to start leaving fear and living faith.

Dear God,
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

feeling so nervouss. its the feeling which ive been trying to escape and avoid for months and tomorrow is finally the day. its scary how time flies, now is already march?!
dear God, please help my unbelief. i want to leave it all in your hands tomorrow.

sometimes i just wish that the earth beneath me will open up and consume me so that i can hide in there for awhile until im ready to come out again.

so many reasons why im not good enough.
sighhhh.

anyway, you know those songs that they always play in the bars or shopping malls. Sean kingston's songs are stuck in my head mann.




Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep gone
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday
It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay

Remember the first time we met
You was at the mall with your friends
I was scared to approach ya
But then you came closer
Hopin' you would give me a chance
Who would have ever knew
That we would ever be more than friends
We're real worldwide, breakin all the rules
She like a song played again and again
That girl, like somethin off a poster
That girl, is a dime they say
That girl, is a gun to my holster
She's runnin through my mind all day, ay

Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' likeNa na na na everyday
It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay

See you been all around the globe
Not once did you leave my mind
We talk on the phone, from night til the morn
Girl you really change my lifeDoin things
I never do
I'm in the kitchen cookin things she likes
We're real worldwide, breakin all the rules
Someday I wanna make you my wife
That girl, like somethin off a poster
That girl, is a dime they say
That girl, is the gun to my holster
She's runnin through my mind all day, ay

I can be your melody
A girl that could write you a symphony
The one that could fill your fantasies
So come baby girl let's sing with me
Ay, I can be your melody
A girl that could write you a symphony
The one that could fill your fantasies
So come baby girl let's sing with me

Ay, na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Shawty got me singin
Na na na na na na naNa na na na na na na
Now she got me singin

Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday
It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay

"..for he who touches you touches the apple of His eye.."
(:

hello blog,
i feel so Retarded today. boarded the wrong bus on my way to tuition today. i started off at yishun bus interchange and 15 mins later im back at the same place. PLUS, just half an hour ago i slept and missed my bustop on the way home, ended up taking a long walk. TSK sometimes i get so irritated with myself for being such a blur-block. need to be more street smart!!

just came back from elana's play. she was the lead actress, feeling so proud of my bff!! ((: sooon's bday just past and its kenneth's bday today. so many birthdays (:
OH YA, talking about presents which links to money..
last night i got 'thrown' out of a cab bcause i was so broke ): could only pay by nets but i hoped onto one which did not accept it. i told the driver i only had 10 bucks to spare but he kept on driving and then stopped abruptly. think he was deliberating whether to be nice or not. but it wasnt a very good effort bcause he left me somewhere desolated! dark pavement and lots of trees. and when i finally got a cab, the driver made lots of wrong turns. the fare was 33BUCKS!! )): thank God he felt bad and gave me 10dollars discount. it was an hour later by the time i got home.

so in conclusion, with all these public transport problems,
IM SO GOING TO MARRY A RICH GUY WITH A CAR NEXT TIME.

"Therefore, behold, i will allure her,
will bring her into the wilderness,
and speak comfort to her.
I will give her vineyards from there
and the Valley of Anchor as a door of hope;
she shall sing there,
as in the days of her youth,
as in the day when she came up.."
- Hosea 2:14-15

sometimes i feel like jonah, the guy with the whale incident. always running everywhere in all directions except the only one which he knew he should take. and the irony of it all was that he ended up taking the path which God directed him to, wasting years of his youth for nothing. im glad that im not at that kind of stage but i need to stop running. ahhh! need to just stand still and bravely face the walls in front of me. -why are there so many walls?- and take a step of faith to give a shout of praise. and then all the walls will start crumbling down.. and down and down.

HAPPY VDAY AND CHINESE NEW YEAR! (:

haha i know im a little slow.
new year was rather boring on some days but im glad i still went for visitations. yea man, the ang pow collection can aid in my sot and building fund(: played rounds and rounds of tithi (how to spell?!) on the second day with my cousins. nothings else to dooo. caught Valentine's Day with nic too(: realised that we caught a movie last year on the second day of new yr as well. maybe we shld make it our annual routine. anywayss, the movie was pretty good but the two taylors' role in the movie were so extraa. jacob's still hot though(:

steamboat at nic's and stayed over at lana's house. chatted all the way till 4plus Am before we fell asleep. having itchy rashes! ): think it must have been the vodka. magarita doesnt leave this kindof effect. think i might be allergic to vodkaaa ):
got two new tuition kids! started one ytd and starting the other in an hour's time. yayy im gonna bai nian to the parents, hopefully will get ang pow in return :D


dont wanna be a weak fighter anymore.

when you are slim and you have loads of cash in your hands for shopping, i think that must be one of the best feelings one can ever have!!!!


waiting seems to take forever but i will be patient.

sec one tuition kid kept farting today. he's getting on my nerves!! everytime i asked him to do an english assignment he will sneak peaks at me and give this *raise one eyebrow chi go pek look. i dont know if he does it purely to irritate me or .. aiyo!! ):

anyways, i just made an Amazing discovery. my favourite pop star is indeed HOT stuff. so spiritual and cool man! (: check it out: http://www.alivenotdead.com/vannesswu
go read his blog entries and you'll be amazed!!
see, told you VANNESS WU is awesome.
hahaha sorry, but i just cant help it.


im trying to overcome myself everyday. greatest obstacle is myself.

gave 10 bucks to a man selling tissue. it felt awesome (:
trip to the dentist was such a torture today. 2 jabs on the gum and i can hardly eat anything now. AHH! wanna enjoy my new year feasting ): so many jars of cookies and sweets at hme just staring back at me.
was helping maggie with her video shoot a few days ago. felt so awkward posing and being her model. haha but it was fun.

dental again tmr. SAVE ME ):

dear God, how?
)':
you have so much more faith in me than i have in myself.
can i really do it?



)':

i am jobless again! ):
due to the change in expectations which are much more demanding and unreasonable now. decided to take a leave before they exploit us. but now ive to go on tuition jobs hunt again. well at least i dont have to make a gazillion phonecalls ever again.

went to vera's today. had an awesome time with her and sharmaine! visited their sch ytd too. love the feeling of having everyone there. and the thought of revival just makes me excited on the inside. wow we are really growing. mixed emotions. worries and anxieties but God is good (:

just realised that "the legion" has already been showing for awhile. so many nice movies coming up too. wahh i wanna watch! Miss maggie alot. wish she doesnt have to go overseas ): but if she does, i really want to climb into her bag and follow along.
feeling really exhuasted physically n mentally. so tireddd, time for bed!

sweet dreams (:

love whats on pst Kong's daily devotion today.
feeling physically exhausted. long days.. really feel like just lying under my covers and sleeping in!
but i know it will pay off. cant wait for so many things to change now. most of all, i really cant wait to start school.

if only i could fast forward time and get a sneak preview.

i dislike going to the dentist.
hurts like crazy ):

BREATHE

having a kind of peace in my heart.

P.S, really love her voice. so happy that she won! (:

a better day today(: theres always Ups and Downs everyday. really got to discover how to recharge and just pull myself together every now and then. like what ive been telling my ppl recently, "when the going gets tough, the tough(me) gets going"

wahh my phone bill for this mth's gonna explode like a huge atomic bomb again, judging from the rate im msging. this is Badd. thank God its the last mth and then i can finally change my plan!! shld i get a BB?

fetish for carbo(esp bread) is backk. this is so bad ):
a very busy week ahead. time to sleep and prepare my engine.

feeling inadequate.
in so many ways. sometimes i knock and try my best to push through these walls but they never seem to weaken in any way. but one thing's for sure, that i know i cant just stand there and look at my walls again. even if it means to just sing praise. i got to do something everytime they rise up against me like goliath, and then i feel so tiny.. but yet strong on the inside. in so many ways, sometimes a little appreciation would be good to get me on my feet again. but my value shall not be defined in this manner, even though i cant feel it, i will Know it. battling with my thoughts. and in so many ways, people dont understand. thats why Daddy, Daddy you are my best friend.

i need you.

Just gonna give my best and keep on loving and hopefully someday they will love me back. and follow me.
a million and one thoughts in my head..
its a quiet night tonight.

i found a VANESS WU look alike! he's name is LEE WEI.
handsomeeeeeeeee (:
okay, ignore the woman on the left. hahaha

gymmed and swam ytd! my shoulder muscles are aching and my stomach hurts everytime i laugh. must be the machine which i did ytd. ):

anywayss, i had bs with vera today. i really wish she wldnt have to study overseas in the coming years. her excitement is so contagious and makes me so Excited!! weejun is coming tmr. yay im so Pumped up for revival (: i love my mehmehs alot. these are really what that gets me going when the going is tough. i think like what nic say, the greatest gift that i can ever give my sheep is to be happy and smile. trying my very best to always be happy in front of them even though the going might be tough at times.

had a Weird dream last night. i was lana's new roomie and moving into her hostel. we were painting our room bright yellow and we shared a king-sized bed. haha how interesting. the other part i shall not disclose. but it was so real.. funny how big an impact dreams can have on you. got me thinking for the rest of the day.

not exactly the most interesting job. so tough to hit the quota! ): and not in the mood for socializing with fellow colleagues. just felt like being quiet and alone during lunch break after promoting credit cards for hoursssss. well at least BFF is working with me (:

good time spent with nicholas and vera today. i wanna play lan with them someday! vera is so lame and unglam. hahaha

really need to take some time to build up my prayer life. feel that i havent been praying enough recently.

this pic, very ugly meh? I LIKEEE leh ):

having similar recurring dreams recently.
last night i dreamnt that the NUS building toppled and crashed before i could even enroll into the school to study. and a few nights ago i dreamnt that i was looking through the newspaper, a whole list of private unis to apply for.
HUH, what does this mean? i really hope its just my inner fears reflected in the night.
NOOOOO, i wanna get into NUS so badly. IT WILL HAPPEN.

went jogging at serangoon stadium today with claudy. feeling very tired but i just cant get to sleep. a million and one thoughts in my head today.
anywayys, gymming and swimming with sooon tmr. heh healthy lifestyle, lose weight, be toned! (:

super fun to sing to! (:

i used to worry that there wouldnt be anyone for me to lead when im ready. but now that the people are here, im worried that im not good enough for them.
so many mehmehs, im trying my very best to get a good hold of them and lead them into the right path. some of them are like goats, heading off into different directions. but i will use my rod to guide them!
oh God, please give me the strength. and the wisdom and the love to carry on. and on and on and on.

oh yes, i found a job (:
the past few days have been busy. i think i spend like a BOMB on transport fees, eating up my pocket. ): finally have some time tmr before meeting ppl in the evening. i shall gym away some calories. and also fix my guitar strings on sat, finally.

when the harvest comes, it does not wait.

feeling like a ping pong ball..
ignoring these feelings and trying to get over it!
how God, how? ): they make me wonder when my turn will come. but i dont want to rush things. i will not make haste. i will be patient and wait. and focus on the things which time has installed for me.

and one day, my turn will come.

"though the vision tarry, wait for it."

was feeling up, down, haywire but im okay now(:
the reason why i love youths so much is because of their passion.
youths+passion = unstoppable.
and passion is contagious.

remembering the vision which i saw during the helpers' pm night. really unbelievable that sometimes even i stop to ask myself, "what if it doesnt come to pass. am i creating everything up then?" but i know i got to stop having such doubts and start confessing it out loud. i want it so badly.

ytd was Thanksgiving cell (: really extremely greatful for Leila and Nic in my life. very heartfelt moments ytd, so touching.

Liwen's tamogochi is gonna be with me for a week. so hard to take care! now they are not happy at all but they are in sleep mode eh. i cant play games with them!
really hope i can get a job by this week..

good nights (:

just had bs with Aiko at tiong bahru. very far!!
and on the train i was busy marking my student's hmewrk. she did 3/4 of the whole book within 3 days. her mother's so strict, i think she just wrote any answers down so she could complete it on time. so many wrong answers! i think holding a red pen and marking books on the train captures a lot of attention because there was this auntie beside me who kept looking over. i didnt notice her at first but when i stopped to rest and turn my head, her face was like only inches away trying to look at the assessment book. and then she began chatting to me abt the students nowadays being so poor thing having lots of stress. she alighted and in my heart i was thinking "phew, now i can rest."
but the next person to take her seat beside me was a young ang moh guy and he went, "what was that you were marking just now?" i was so tired and surprised that i just went "huh?" and he began to chit chat again. He's pretty good looking! but his accent me dont understand! Haha luckily i was gonna alight the next stop if not i really wldnt know what to say.

interesting day..
just bathed. gonna head out for tuition and then join the others for angeline's birthday celebration then sleepover at lana's.

i wanna go shopping!!

deep in my heart i just know.

2am and i cant get to sleep. hope i dont wake up at noon again and procrastinate my jogging plans. aiyo i need to stop thinking and just go to bed!

woke up with another weird dream last night. but the feelings were so raw i thought it was reality. feeling more recharged after sleeping for 10 hours. counted down at elana's place the night before. the guys were really high esp jc and kenneth, was laughing at their absurdity! i only went to bed ard 7am and woke around 9am. so tired that i was dozing off during tuition! thank goodness my kid didnt realise because she was busy trying to solve the maths that i gave. haha!
i seriously cant wait to be schooling. i know it sounds so absurd but i really miss school life. the vibrancy, the friends and even the stress. haha, too long a holiday thats whyyy.

minds' cafe today though not many ppl are coming-all busy rushing through their last min hmewrk. going for svc with chin yee today(: mummy suggested shopping on monday. i hope the sales wld not have ended by then.

sometimes i feel really taken granted for. esp after lending a listening ear for so long and availing myself when im needed. but i do try my best to ignore those feelings. happy to see them happy(:

this year, i made resolutions and also wrote down a long list of things which i want to do/experience in this one year in my diary. and this year, i want to rise everytime i fall again. but i dont think i'll fall much this time because im stronger now (:

took a break today sleeping in, giving tuition and jogging (:

think i know tt surely im in the right place doing the right things now. because ytd's prayer touched my heart so deep, i found myself crying while saying my prayer. want to be the one Bringing in the revival (queensway) and Part of a revival (NUS!).

anywayss, i had a Super retarded dream last nights. different parts abt many people but the funniest of all was when i placed spoonfuls of mashed potato on angeline's hair. weird man!


my promise land.

went to body worlds exhibition and the science centre with kao n kenneth today. was really reluctant at first, i just wanted to stay in and lie on my bed. but it was an eye-opener! saw many interesting stuff too. cant rmb the last time i've been to the science centre, miss those times when we had all sorts of funny school excursions! astons after that and headed to lana's new apartment for awhile. very nice place! i wished i could rent a room and we could stay tgt (: almst spent the night over but tmr's gonna be a longgg day so better not. ):

the end is Better than the beginning.
yea man, gonna end this year well. go fiona!!

feeling so tired and worn out like a Zombie.
all i want to do is crawl into bed and hug my bolster to sleep.
goodnights.


dreams are meant to inspire, sustain and motivate.
i wanna be a Dreamer.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! ((:

many series of events, i dont know which one to start from. sleepover at elana's last night, im already wishing that we can spend more time tgt again. missing soon liyun too ): i keep having thoughts of a short trip to somewhere recently. huhhh can we go to bangkok please!?

went to pick up some elderlys today. had a tough time trying to locate the bus with perspiration and all but its just so hardwarming when you see all of them entering into church with smiles, wearing christmas hats and taking joy in the simplest things (: they're really simple-minded people who are easily-contended. very touched and heart felt (:

received a christmas card from someone very unexpected today. surprised and happy both at the same time! what can i say, God is Amazing.
just had a phone chat with angeline. im feeling so Excited! "feel the power" is my favourite phrase.
2010 is really going to the Best Year Yet. ive already proclaimed it in the beginning and will continue to do so!

for now, im just gonna catch up on my beauty sleep. slept at 4:30am last night! madnesss, my body's going on strike already. good dreams (:

shopping with mummy is the Best!! (:

I AM SO ANGRY I CAN EAT A COW NOW.
):

wish i dont have a soft spot for such issues. so i can just wash my hands and walk away! but i cant just ignore, its in me to probe a bit more here and there when its not even my business. now i have more stuff to think about eh!

dinner at astons with leila, sarah and sooon was good (: already, i feel like eating there again. saw a really nice black denim jacket and i very nearly bought it. think its the 3rd time im saying it already, but im really broke for now. ): dont think i can change my hp plan anytime soon either, mum's been going on and on and on and on..for centuries. there goes my hopes of a better plan and a blackberry.
stop pushing me to find a job. i am Not a cash cow. i want to get a job too pleasee. sometimes i wish $$$$ falls from the sky so we dont have to quarrel over such issues..

"the Lord preserves the faithful, and fully repays the proud person.
Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord."
- Ps 31:23-24

i shall make no comments nor judge. just, Ignore. just do what i can and serve and be happy. Joy of the Lord is my strength (:

was feeling rather down, heavy heart. so i went for a late night walk after giving tuition, bought some sweet stuff to eat and walked ard in circles round my housing estate. haha comfort food=sweet stuff. feeling better after my walk with Daddy. i like night walks (:

met up with claudy today! the forever21 at somerset is BIG man. but super crowded as well. craving for the 1buck peppermint ice cream which uncles sell at the roadside. heh heh, my friend says it tastes like colgate. no eh, Very Nice (:

funny how time flies and things change but some stuff just remain the same. had that bitter soury feeling of nostalgia, yet at the same time very happy because..i guess whats precious to the heart will always be precious. just like how someone special to you will always maintain that position no matter what. mixed feelings but most of all, (:

heavy heart over other issues.
i just want to have a simple life, serve God and be happy. yet also, carry a light burden which motivates me towards my dream in life.

anywayy.
heading to the gym tmr with claudy then shopping! but ive not much $$ currently. or rather, i have but am saving. looking at blogshops, im so tempted to just click and buy things. if i dont click, other ppl will buy them eh ): Itchy fingers, HOW??!


more than enough, you are.

i was in the train today listening to my mp3 when my phone started ringing. and the ring tone was loud, playing Barney's song. super embarrassing!

really like pst kong's latest blogpost(: paying attention to the teeny little details recently, always reminding myself that one who is faithful in the little will be entrusted with much.

met up with sharmaine, eujin and jayi for lunch today. baked rice at pizza hut was Awesomee. a good replacement for lagsane. its the Best but too much calories for me! considering on getting a blackberry. the plans and promotion are so tempting! is 1GB usage of internet a month very little??? some advice pleasee.

finally cleared some misunderstandings. feeling really touched by the care and concern and i hope my words werent too harsh. it always feels nice to be cared for. wonder when the right one will come along. (: HAHA funny.


mean the world to somebody.

persecution always comes at the right timing. but i will not succumb to it.
was just getting my mum's signature for the sot form and she went on and on abt not joining if i failed to get any subsidies. i'll be shouldering all my phone bills and allowances by the end of this year as well. sighh, cant wait to change my phone plan and hopefully get a good phone. cant wait to get a job with a good pay as well!

im such a crybaby. anger, grief and stress make me tear up easily. i know its a form of releasement but sometimes i really wish they'll go away. today, i pinched my nose and forced the tears away. hectic week, im so glad its over. happy that the people had fun too (:
at times i just really feel like throwing in the towel and giving it all up. but Passion is rising up everytime you fall. keep reminding myself that this is the area which i need to grow in!

most probably donating blood tmr and heading to watch an science exhibition on bodies at the science centre. i wish $$$ falls from the sky.

anyway, good nights(:

long day ytd. queensway pm, visited the P6 kids and then had my first tuition.
super naughty and dirty-minded P6s!! asked me dirty jokes, commented that my front was small and they made desean and i chase them ard in the playground. so glad that my tuition kid is one quiet girl. but very mischievous too, wanted to off the toilet lights when i pee. Horrible leh!!

quiet day today, i finally got to sleep in. prayed on the phone with a friend last night. today's gonna be a good day (:

been carrying the vision of another. it kept me thinking of my own vision too. wanna run this race of mine and fulfill it well, only to hear
"well done my good and faithful servant"
(:


and nothing compares.

in my brokeness, i am complete.

feeling really directionless and lack of inspiration.
"A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps" -Prov 16:9
oh God, i need a vision!! and i need Passion!
so that even stumbling and fallings will not obstruct my way.

reading memoirs of a Geisha, its a really nice book. feeling upset by the persona's sufferings ):
cant wait for the huge pimple on my nose to shrink and go away. i am never ever going to allow my itchy fingers to squeeze the pimples again.
filling in sot registration form makes me really Excited. cant wait for my parents to return and sign the form. i dont know how, but God will provide. 2010 will be the best year yet for me. yess, i Believe!

i will move on no matter what.

so tired and worn out. but i will Persevere and keep on believing!

i never want to collect a bucket full of water again. because i would be so dry if the water evaporates.

and then, while i was bathing just now, i had another 'revelation. the evaporated water can be condensed back again. so its never too late to continue running my race. im gonna collect a bucket full of water and let it flow, flow, flowww.

encouraged (:

having Compassion without Passion will be redundant.
my brother says a person with Compassion yet without Passion is a moron..an oxymoron.
how to have more passion?


before my king of Kings.

ARGHH.
feeling so Irritated. how God, please help me.
i keep telling myself to not loose my cool, i know i can handle this.

nothing is impossible.