There She Goes - Sixpence none the richer


before you start loving yourself..
love those who created you, who gave you joy and laughters, bitter and sorrowness.

im left with just NTU's application to fill in befoe i mail my own documents over and fly to Macau.
i Cant wait for Macau!
honestly, ive been wanting to go to Japan really badly (to eat their sashimi and bento!)
but at least i get to travel again (: looking forward to the short trip.
i pray with all my heart that someone calls me up for an interview in one of the local Us and those calls will not be when im out of singapore.
all i can do now is to close my eyes and really hope hard. please, help me to get in.

went to some mexican cafe for supper today. (i forgot their name. 'cafe iguana' i think?)
food was good, me like their sauces!
thanks Nic for taking the time out (:

'been watching 'one litre of tears' over again the past two days.
WAH, i really crave for their food =/
but more than that, the show made me appreciate my life and those around me all over again. as well as my health.
i am gonna jog TMR!
like finally after rotting for 3 weeks plus without any form of exercise.



there she goes, there she goes again.

Other Side of the World - KT Tunstall

soft, fast, soft, fast.

the heart speaks for itself.

my heart,

sometimes even i cant tell

if its fine or growing unwell.

soft, fast, soft, fast.

how long does each emotion last?

i feel its beats within

increasing rapidly to the loud grooves of music.

i feel it living.

i feel its unrythmic thumping

according to each different situation.

i feel it living.

it breathes, it lives.

it guides, it gives.

and when its tired it stops,

to take a leave.

i finally caught SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE today with tofu.
*Big Thumbs Up. me love such shows :0)
feel like catching 'let the right one in' now!

claudy just told me that she thinks SIM's application closes this saturday. dont know if its true anot.
looking through the various courses...
feeling so STRESSED UP.
)':
i wish i have a clue on where i'll land. at least i can be more mentally prepared.
oh DEAR GOD, should i put literature or sociology as my first choice?

bid farewell to Mr LEO NARDO on monday evening.

after getting all my presents and camping at macs for half an hour just to rush those cards, i reached the airport late. was too distracted by what i was doing that i forgot the time, was late by an Hour. mygosh, Thank God he hasnt even reached the airport then. turned out that claudy's gift and mine were almost identical! Haha i wonder what his reaction will be when he sees two photoframes with the exact same picture.

wanted to eat dinner with claudy n aqidah but had to rush over to lai lai's for work. fell asleep in the train on the way and i missed my stop at cityhall, it went all the way to tiong bahru. ): ): i Need to be More Alert! the last time i fell asleep on the bus it almost left me stuck alone at the terminal. by the time i reached lai lai's i only managed to clock in an hour plus of work. working alone is Boring. i Missed KAT. worked with her ytsd and it was so Funny!!

we were talking n i was just asking her if she liked anyone before and she refused to head to the point la! after laughing for so long she suddenly gave me this serious look and said in a serious tone, "i like ppl who type the keyboard, it attracts me. you turn me on" (i was typing some notes on the keyboard then) it left me stunned for a moment. i was like Whatt?!!? she's so Crappy :0)

but im gonna work alone frm next week onwards, gonna miss her company. ):

'been burning a hole in my pocket, pocket! ):

got to bite my nails and resist the urge to buy a new guitar bag n going Shopping.

I WISH MONEY FALLS FROM THE SKY.

alrightos,

childrenchruch visitation today n then bs!

TOODLES.

this is my prayer in the desert, when all thats in me feels dry.
this is my prayer in the fire, in weakeness in trail or pain.

lots of planning made me go to bed only at 3 plus and waking up at 6 plus to have bs before service.
i seriously Cant do without sleep. almost made my way to lala-land during service manymany times today.
felt So BAD about it ): hopefully nobody beside or behind realised those funny little jerks. =/

gave NUS openhouse a miss and i was on my way hme when blackspot decided to meet!
ate so MUCH. and since theres nth much to explore in sunplaza we went to the lib to read magazines. chat and then we practically dozed off on the couch in the lib. so Embarrassing!
we talked alot today.
thankyou Blackspot :0)



got to find my own way of re-charging before the battery runs out.

when the stage is bare tonight, theres no one else, just you and me.
just you and me.

do you have the time, to listen to me whine?

had a great time at minds cafe with the cell today (:
think the next time we play we shld settle for Five hourse straight!
went on for class gathering later on, or rather clique gathering.
was so absorbed by zhi xian's army stories and Spooky ones too. for once, army doesnt sound as Cool anymore. i think i will just Freak out if my buddy and i were the only ones patrolling in the night and something eeiree happened la.
so Superb broke after today's settlers' cafe and swensens dinner!!
burning a huge hole in my pocket lately ):

OH. i think this smiley face is so Superb CUTE.
:0)
heh, big nose.
I LIKE!
:0)

went to NTU open house today in the morning too.
it was like a reunion gathering, seeing so many long lost friends.
am so CONFUSED about which course to take under FASS now.
with interests vs talents vs career aspects. i seriously need some direction.

recently i realised that there are really alot of interests to meet.
the happy ones, the sad ones. to be laughing along with the happy and to be understanding and caring enough to the sad. riding alongside with my leader made me realise that while we be flexible to those needs around us, guarding my own emotional health is as important too.
this particular love bank is really running Dry and i know theres sth i got to do about it.
feel like, im currently on a learning journey and such lessons seem to be never-ending.
its both intriguing and interesting.


good tight, sleep tight
dont let the bed bugs bite.

i hope everything falls into place.

GONNA MEET MY DEAR MAGGIEE FRIEND!
:D
argh, cant wait for my fringe to grow longer. sometimes i look like a mushroom when i wake up.

To Be With You -


I LOVE THIS SONG!! (:
beautiful oldies!

hold on, little girl show me what he's done to you.
stand up, little girl a broken heart cant be that bad.
when its through, its through. fate will twist the both of you.

gave out flyers today with angeline for Mr Lai.
the sun was so Superb HOT i could practically feel my perspiration trickling down my back.
we finished in one and a half hours when we were supposed to stand for 3!
working at night for lai lai with kat wong was rather relaxed. but its painfully boring. kat's itouch served as Great Entertainment today :D
im so amused by her ice-cream game!
i know ive been mentioning it for so long but i think im gonna take up another job soon.
probably scoop ice-cream or work in subway! having fun putting all the veges and bread.
sometimes i wish money wld just fall from heaven so i dont have to worry about AnB and all the other stuff. but then again..

i know sometimes its really hard to step out from something or how youve been feeling entirely.
especially when you've been burrying it within, thinking that its not tt big an issue and you are bound to overcome it because you want to.
but wanting to or knowing you have to and being able to are all separate issues.
it took me awhile to reallyreally get over my own results and other problems.
it began to dawn upon me that if i dont ever move on, my people will never ever will too. its like, if i never ever have a breakthrough, they will never ever have one either.
im not saying that im superior but it really reminded me of what pauline said before.
having people under you means that whether their lives grow closer to God or not depends on you too.
it really had me thinking. and many times when i find it hard to move on or carry on, i keep reminding myself, "if not for yourself, then for those around you". i need to be less selfish and start focusing on those around me more.
thats when i was able to let go and let God.
and i dontknow, but somehow i feel that ive been receiving comfort from Daddy of late. comfort from simple verses like 2Cor 4:7-10 and Heb 12.
and also small little new breakthroughs that happened the past few days, really assured me that it is worth believing again.
i can get water-baptised! finally got my mum's consent after so many years. now its a matter of when. (:
and now that i hear the worries of people around me. i think im starting to really understand why my life goes through this amount of experiences. it really enables me to understand and relate first-handedly.
all i can say that, this road isnt easy. but now that ive come out of it stronger. not only am i able to Stand, people can now lean on me too.
you just have to move on and not think or dwell on it anymore.
just move on.



deep inside i hope you feel it too.

you're the still small voice in me, everytime i want to find my way back home.
you are the compass of my soul.
--

playing praise on sat went rather well. guitar-ing with leong has really made me more confident. i wanna be one of the 12 annointed guitarist, tgt with lana tan! haha (:
looking forward to worship for the next combined.

its the third day but im still pretty much the same.
wanna say a big ThankYou to sarah. i like talking to sarah (: its funny how i spent ytsd listening to your share of heavyload and today its my turn. thanks lana tan too.
blackspot spoke to me online ystd and all that she said really spoke into my heart. i will never Ever forget this super annoying funny spiritual studying buddy that i have(:
've been a little cranky the past 3 days.
i cant say that im able to accept the way things are now
but with so many people by my side i feel braver.

went for some educational fair today with eunice and sarah.
after looking through all the various courses i think i shld be able to land into a good uni.
if not local, maybe a local school with a foreign and better cert.
university of london sounds so tempting and nice. am so glad that i went for the fair today.
but of course, am still definitely looking up NUS and NTU.
ive decided to follow my passion and take up either literature or psychology!

alrightos, feeling so drained and exhausted from insufficient sleep.
sweet dreams.

ive never felt so helpless and hopeless in my whole entire life before.
ive never let loose and cried so much before.
not even when my grandpa passed away.
PM was really good but after pm i went home and looking through all the uni books made those tears well up again.
i feel like hard marble, being crushed into fine powder.
it makes me feel so hard to believe and hope or trust in myself again.
as much as i really do want to accept this whole chunk of results and facts, it really is very difficult. i dont know why, maybe its because ive been so used to being in the top class in sec school, and all those views from my classmates..it makes me really want to be of the top notch. as much as i really want to make my father proud, i hold this bitterness and grudge against them as well because no one seems to understand. what i want or how am i feeling now.
i need to stop asking Daddy why? and why?
i know i really do need to accept whatever there is to embrace.
its not like all hopes are thrown down the drain right?
i need to know that the A levels results is going to be part of me forever. and getting over it doesnt mean just accepting it now but also being able to feel totally happy for my friends when they laugh over their results, or simply just being able to talk about it easily.
someone once told me that there are two reactions towards reality: either you live in deceit or you move on courageously.
i havent replies all those msges asking about my results or called back those who bothered to call and ask if im doing fine. but thanks so much(:
if theres anything i learnt,

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed - always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body."
-2 Cor 4:7-10

Wonderwall - Oasis

and all the lights that lead the way are blinding.

the WHOLE WORLD is talking about the results day.
makes me so Nervous about it. =/
even my own dad doesnt have confidence in me. a decent results is what i need. theres so many people whom i need to prove to. Dear God, please give me the right attitude to how im going to react to the results.

i said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.
and afterall, you're my wonderwall.

someday, i'll shine.
im not perfect but im being perfected day by day.

my parents went to SIM open house today.
after seeing those courses,
am thinking about studying literature and taking psychology as electives.
i shall go for the other open houses soon!

OH, i think family's most probably going to macau for a short holiday around march.
YAY so Excited (:

am thinking of selling of my current guitar and getting a beautiful acoustic one with better wood and strings plus plug-in.
HMMMMM.

just settled down after a long day, feeling so exhausted from all the children church visitation.
we visited about 20 plus kids over two and a half hours.
they are so Adorable! (:
and thank goodness my leader has a car if not i wonder how we can complete all the visitations.
we celebrated one of the girl's birthday today, she looked so happy!
im so Amazed by what my church is doing!
its like, they actually make an effort to visit ALL the kids.
wow, really reminds of having a spirit of excellence.
YAY im so glad to be contributing (:

i sent a personal msg to pst Kong today on fb and he replied!
he's so humble and Amazing (:

went to NAFA earlier in the day with tofu.
she's applying to get into the school. seems like a pretty good place to be in.
all these stuff makes me really nervous about the results and all.
i wonder which school i'll be in at this time nxt year mannnn.
caught "he's just not that into you", a pretty interesting show.
finished a whole tub of sweet popcorns myself ohmytian!
bugis street has many cheap buys, im so going there again.

having a really bad headache and feeling exhausted now.
guitar-ing tmr. Oh Boy, i reallyreally need to work on my guitar skills.





heaven's secrets.

This Is Me - Joe Jonas e Demi Lovato



feeling a little.. different tonight.
this dream is so huge to contain. sometimes i feel like im the only one standing and no one else totally understands how i feel or what i want.
sometimes it makes me afraid to step out, the lack of confidence to move in the supernatural the way i feel it should be.
and at times i look around to find one whose on equal grounds as me. a few but not too many. if not for my listening nature, will things still be the same? what if i need to lean on something one day? but then i know all this is still just the beginning. ive yet to see the full portion of it.
and then i start believing again.

i'm Really Glad that we cleared up our differences and everything else.
through thick and thin, i know that theres a reason for those years of friendships (:
and Thanks for the big fluffy heart! i hug it to sleep now.

love is not about loving what the person loves or loving what the person does but the person itself.

i ate so much ystd woahh, i think i pamper my stomach too much!
and i found out even more information. now i reallyReally feel like a stalker. Ah, this is too much! ):
gonna sell old books at bras basah later with eunice and lana. i hope we can reap a profit! (:

heaven here on earth.

you know i'm hoping that you'll sing along, although its not your favourite song.
dont want to be there, when theres nothing left to say.
--


feel Touched that my leader made an effort today. it made me feel like i was important and worth it. Thank You (:

i finally got the guts to explain to my tuition kid's mum.
i want to help them cause' of their circumstance. but it figured out to me that i should take joy in whatever im doing. and since i find myself not enjoying it at all, but rather bitterness is building. the kid's a a little slow and she doesnt even seem happy most of the time to have tuition too.
so, after 3 more lessons, No more tuition lessons.
YAY! (:
more time left for other things.


after finding and knowing so much information,
i feel like a creepy stalker.
HAHA.

jogging and swimming tmr
then working with lai lai. with angeline aw as company!
(:



its worth my sacrifice.

ahh camera quality not good ):
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOON LIYUN!!
officially NINETEEN!
much much lovee from deep within (:
--

i spent my journey home today, thinking about how is it like to be in Bible school. imagining myself rushing for lessons if i wake up late, taking down notes during classes and having fresh revelations Everyday in the house of God.
and then i imagined the stage and lights,the mikes and then the congregation, the music. i couldnt sing well but it was good enough.
if we dont imagine or see it, the more unlikely it will happen right?
maybe its really not the time. honestly, i do not know.

but ive been experiencing what its like to serve and then to serve More and More these few weeks.
sometimes i feel like an elastic band, just when i thought i cant be stretched anymore, things get more flexible again.
children church for the first time today and bible studies. plus three jobs. i must be crazy. but things have been great recently.
of course, i really do have to expand my own capacity. just like, Guitar-ing.
Lots of work to be done on the strumming and skills and.. everything!



its 1:41 AM.
i am craving for miso mushroom from pastamania now. ):





take me deeper, deeper in love with You.

ive been a really Busy person recently.
but admidst all these business i find myself having self-reminders from time to time.
"take joy in whatever you do" especially if its for KOG. kingdom of God.
and then i stop complaining if i was complaining at that point of time.


mr lai lai is a nice guy overall, just a tad too talkative. Haha but still Nice enough.

discovered another pleasant place to hit the gym or pool today with tofu.
yio chu kang! absolutely love school hours because that means no crowd and no people, makes it so much more peaceful.
my back is so Burnt! like black Black, dark tan. OH MAN ):

ive been reading so many "fearless" books.
NEW YORK CITY sounds like a great place for holiday and discovery. though the cities have high crime rates and so many muggers. but that fact just made it sound more thrilling and exciting.
someday im gonna go backpack hiking (:

Sweet And Low - Augustana





HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY.


spend valentine's with most of my favourite people.
V'day is also friendship day! (:
was so nervous initially for our vday cell event because i was playing worship.
it went smooth when the whole thing started but halfway through my short-sightedness left me partially blind and i lost track of the chords. thank God for leong man.
playing praise and bv for worship the next meeting!
im so Excited yet nervous.
dear God please stretttccchhh me.

we finally caught "Changeling" after that.
the cons of being in a cellgroup which is always growing is that it takes a long time to finally do something that we all Can do together.
but the Pros are even better because of the company (:
anyhow, movie was really good and touching. made some of us do some deep thinking!
i like these kindof films (:
urgh. which reminds of "Battle Royale", the show which yuqi introduced. i finished watching the remains on youtube alone. it was so gruesomee. made me sick on the inside out!
definitely not something to watch alone again.


many things happening recently,
leaving me feeling drained sometimes. but somehow a lil satisfied.
okay maybe its still a too early to be using that word.
i still have a resume to submit before i start working admin with Watermelon and the rest.
giving tuition lessons have been real tiring, esp when the kid is a lil different and refuses to listennn. i dontknow if i have enough patience to last, all the way?

admission for SOT this year is open.
i want to go, but no financial providence.
is now the time?





Jehovah Jireh, my provider.

We’ll write a song
That turns out the lights
When both boy and girl start suddenly shaking inside
Don’t waste your time
Speed up your breathing
Just close your eyes
We’ll hope it’s not for nothing at all
--


making gifts with eunice, sarah and soon liyun was so FUN ystd!
havent had a great laugh in awhile ((:

Excited for Valentine's (:


i read this from somewhere,
"i think its about time to let go as this door that im trying to open keeps on closing. oh wait, i think it was locked."



perhaps its time to move on to greener patches. or do i keep trying to look for that particular key?

But I see your true colours
Shining through
I see your true colours
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colours
True colours are beautiful, Like a rainbow




like a rainbow.

standstill.


basketball matches and meetups.
work and tuition.
church and prayer meetings.
outings and shoppings and going out.

and i still have so much to say for myself. thought of expressing or explaining my train of thoughts to sound reasonable. but guess it doesnt matter now. does it even help after going through all the details? think' it will only make us sound more petty, like finding someone to push the blame to. i dont even want to reason things out anymore. just want to do i know whats right.
but it really can be tiring at times. just one of the moments when im feeling real drained. well, in this aspect. and i pass these on to others around me, those whom i love. like, my mum. i know i should be more sensitive and careful with whatever im doing. im the every bit least greatful and pleasant. despite me feeling regretful and not wanting to, the words just spill off like that. guess its just a form of releasement that i need. but in a wrong way. i feel so on the verge now. i know whats right and whats not. but for now i feel a lil restrained, i need to let my own thoughts run wild. let my own dreams fly as high as they can. smell this fresh air of freedom and release, a place where i dont have to explain anything to anyone. but i still feel this strong need to protect and love, more than that, to just be what i was again. to be loved and love.
dont even know what im typing now, this huge chunk doesnt even link, just different thoughts mashed up tgt.
dont get me wrong. my recent company is just nothing but Great.
work is smooth, everything's fine.

somethings, i really cant explain.
i just need God now.
time for my quiet time.




every once in awhile, i come to the understanding again that crying is healing.

Im Forever Yours - Planet Shakers



old song. but always the same feeling whenever i hear it again.
a very familiar feeling, one thats filled with assurance and strength and faith
the strongest of all being Love. God's love which i felt when i first heard this song.
i was feeling at my lowest when a friend introduced this song to me casually in school. she had no idea what i was going through at that point of time.
so i sat down to listen, and listen.. and then the lyrics got so strong, they were more than just words of promises. slowly as the words registered, i began to realise that i dont have to wait for tomorrow for a new breakthrough or for help to come. i dont have to keep asking Daddy things like "why?" and "when?" or even "how?". the answers have always been on the inside of me all along. its like, the Solutions and Problems, they both appear at the same time. i just need to focus on my goal. my goal not being the end or the process or the difficulties that i'll face or the rewards that i'll reap or the amount of experience that i'll gain or the number of people who ive helped along the way or even the greatness of my breakthrough. but just Daddy alone.
no wonder some people just really never ever get tired of serving and living a christian life.
or maybe some of them dont even realise that they are going through a tough time because their walk with God is just so Close.
--

Here i stand within your presence longing for your touch.
A thousand days cannot compare to one day in your courts.


i was just filling up my plans for this coming week.
many packed slots with work and tuition and ministry and bball and social life as well.
i literally looked over my planner for a couple of hours with a few phonecalls in between, with me trying to settle some things so i cld fix them into the planner and i managed to let out some complains and whinning in between.
Planning is good. stress is also good. cause' if i fail to plan, i plan to fail right?
stress is good cause' its a good burden in a way that at least i have sth to work towards and not being complacent. of course not too much stress.
but i got all panicky. and then, i realised that this is actually Nothing.
nothing compared to, well to what so many other ppl are doing.
im just a little new and not confident at this.
but i know it will all work out eventually.
after a little moment of thinking and given assurance
im all set and ready for this week ahead Man.
BRING IT ON!

haha okay i hope all those above dont sound too gibberish to be understood.
anywayy,

spent my day at haji lane today aft service with eunice, angeline and cheryl.
expensive clothes but we seived through a couple of cheap and nice ones in between.
bought two tops!
and am inspired to lose some TUMMY ):
cause' of this beautiful top which i cant fit into Well.

i MISS,
my friend. i think i really have ALOT to work on.


okay, my challenge for the week begins in a few hours time.
need to catch some sleep.
good night world (:

The Fa La La Song - Jack & Rai




No twisted lovers, No forever and evers
I’m a sucker for simplicity.

No complications, No angry telephone conversations
Seems like yesterday when
I learned to be free


the ball is in my court.
but all i really want to do now is to take one step at a time, take a breather and let things unfold by themselves.


some think that im immune, others think that im just serious or too focused.
but sometimes,
i just wish that you're here with me.





well, maybe soon.
(:

its just monday and im already feeling so Packed for the week.
maybe its because i took extra care in planning ahead.
but i feel so Disorganized when things are cancelled or extra stuff pop ups, makes thing so messy now!
EEE. i dont like those scribbles n cancellations in my beautiful planner ):

work tomorrow and then meeting up with jue and cmk.
i seriously am not in the mood to wrk tmr
am feeling the sudden vibes to Shop
and all those online blogshops are so TEMPTING.
just banked in some money into my account, i shall Not flush all my money away so easily!

tuition is starting this thurs and friday, block 300 in sembawang!
decided to explore n search for it on feet but i ended up walking aimlessly for an hour around my estate.
thank goodness i wasnt lost.

borrowed eunice's ipod.
SO COOL!
watched "she's the man" and "camp rock" finish!
i know im slow.
Sighh, i wanna go overseas to study!


alrighty, back to "breaking dawn"
- or maybe just having a vampire boyfriend wld be better than studying overseas.

after planning and writing some cards late last night, i went to bed feeling very happy and excited.
it was near 4 am but i thought i could survive the short night.
who knows i Overslept.
slept all the way till 9:15 AM !?
): ): ):
thank goodness ah soon called me if not i wld still be in lala land.
so, my first attempt in booking seats failed.
try again?

(:

Pst Kong is Amazing!
--

AM very Excited for adidas sundown marathon!

i ate so Many SUSHIs and chicken pie today for dinner.
"ENOUGH no more! tis' not so sweet now as it was before" -william shakespear

i like this picture.
says alot and it gives me a kindof optimistic feeling, with hope.

want a lappy and a camera which i can explore the world of arts with.
was just admiring some pieces of art the another day
it amazes me how an artist expresses his feelings through his art and then the many different ways we interprete it. i dont think anyone can truly understand the artist's train of thoughts.
its, pretty interesting (:

potluck today was not bad (:
there was so Much food today! totally unexpected.
consumed so many mashmallows with chocolate n brownie that i dont even what to think of the aftereffects. think its time to ignore those glances and hit the gym again.
i was Blessed today!
twilight's fourth book- Breaking Dawn by cheryl lim porkchop (: (:
THANK YOU so Much! (:
am not very used to receiving blessings but it was a pleasant surprise(:
bryan made a casual request of me coming up with lyrics for his song on valentines'
agreed so eagerly and Overconfidently, i forgot that ive zero experience in such things.
got to start wrecking my brains if he's really doing that song, hope it'll be great.


i was thinking in the beginning of the day. doing Alot of thinking.
thinking of cell, of my own desire as a worhip leader and the many other things which ive desired and never gotten the courage to do anything about it.
leaders make things happen, they dont just sit and wait for things to happen.
thats what ive learnt from talks and sharings.
but things fell into place quite well in a very unexpected sort of way.
i think Daddy really works in a very natural way, just like what i learnt in CL that discipleship takes place under very natural circumstances.
i think Daddy has really Always been trying to help and teach me all along.
i know that im not perfect or good enough because i dont try hard enough. i know it because sometimes i just dont put in my all- for all the different reasons.
but time and again i see that despite so im given opportunities, new hope again.
such Grace and mercy,
i can never comprehend.
but i find myself standing in awe again.

im just starting on the book of Ezekiel, like a young toddler, i dontknow much about the story behind.
but from what i know so far,
Ezekiel is a prophet. he walks Very closely with his Lord.
like a close friend and brother, its like whatever troubles or advices or joy he just turns his head and God is there- they very person whom he wants to share his feelings with.
and Ezekiel sees visions like no other. okay maybe among the characters whom ive known so far. i mean, his experiences with the holy spirit is so Personal. its Life Changing.
i want to be like Ezekiel.


ive got a new tuition job recently
a primary school kid from children church.
but the family condition is tight and she has a lil mental condition.
90 bucks for 8 lessons, an hour and a half each session.
not very big money but i want to help. and i think i should give it a try.
for exposure and experience, maybe it'll even be of some help on the psychological aspect.


waking up early tmr to book seats with eunice.
first time doing so,
i hope we get Great seats tmr!


Sweet Dreams
(:

had Fun staying over at lana's place.
squeezing on the bed with her and Angeline aw the watermelon!
visiting ah soon in SR and swimming and lots of eating.
(:

i need some rest for now.

and finally after more than a week of no work,
its back to work tmr.

i Want a lappy of my ownnn.


dear God, i miss you so much.
i feel like a little child.

my cousin is Sec One!
do i look older? (:

HAPPY CHINESE NIU YEAR (:


doing visitations is so tiring esp when you're feeling half awake.
i felt like a walking zombie today.
but was so Happy to see my aunt whom i havent seen in a gazillion years today.
she said i slim down!
:D
played a lil with my cousin's son
he is just FOUR years old, Superb CUTE. we played aeroplanes together (:

just one more day of visitation and i'll be free.
YAY, no more having to dress up or anything like that.

was just thinking about our subzone musical today,
EXCITED(:

and i Cant wait to start my church ministry- children church!
Nic, *hints, Hints, HINTS!*

Misses and KISSES! (:
--

it feels weird to use the comp without music.
my comp's been having problems of late, i cant even see youtube now!
haha

ystd's sermon was just Awesome.
im so amazed by pst kong, it makes me feel really proud and Happy because of the fact that he's my pastor.
((:


gymed with nicolette a couple of days ago at yishun area
didnt know the facilities there are like a Thousand times better than those at bishan
plus the Bigger toilets n bathing rooms
think im gonna go there frm now onwards -maybe!
basketball in the night all the way till 1 am with church ppl.
it felt so Great to be playing bball again!
stayed over at ah soon's place and Angeline and i had to squeeze into one small bed.
halfway through at 4 am plus we were both STARVING but soon liyun just refused to allow us to Eat.
i practically dreamnt of food that night la!
seriouss, i dreamnt of the pasta, Aglio Olio.
Hahahaha

my whole body's aching,
butt cheeks, calf muscles, upper arms, fore arms and even shoulders too.
ive no idea why.

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!
am so looking forward to the big Ang Pows
:D :D :D

after yesterday's survery, i am 60 bucks richer in my account.
it was good money in the making.
even the refreshments, 'cept that the pizza was too cold.
i regret eating those nuggets and pizza though.

now i sound like a donkey all over again.
):

someone commented that i sound like a DONKEY today.
a Donkey??!

watched the ends of "wild child" and "camp rock" all the way into the night yest.
eunice's ipod is so entertaining!

i lost my voice.
its not even anything near to sexayee,
it sounds, Masculine. ):
--

when the stage is bare tonight, theres no one else, just You and me.

was just reminded of a personal revelation. its like a constant theme in my life recently.
or rather, i want to make it my theme.

" But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you"
- Matt 6:33

i feel like at the end of the day, when all the events and ministries and hanging out with friends and gatherings cease,
Daddy is still my one and only secret hiding place
where i can go to anytime of the day
and where i can be the most transparent.

when the curtains close behind, theres no pretense im on my knees.

plus, the verse says "and All these things..shall be added"
ALL shall be added, i have nothing to worry about now.
(:


--


bball friendly match is on this wednesday.
OH BOY, i cant even rmb the last time i touch the ball let alone dribbling it.
and, jersey means flashing of the Flabby ARMS.

i just realised that eunice, our dear mother bear has superb small eyes- even smaller than mine!
haha she's So CUTE.
(:

had a massive dream last night.
dreamnt of a couple of familiar ppl like cheryl n elisha.
and my mum nagging at me.
thank God for that dream, it woke me up!
if not i wld have been late today.

had a long day, packed with two prayer meetings and one cell session today.
my fingertips are hardened now! but at least they're no longer purple.
think i shld be bring my own guitar out the next time.
better to lug a heavy object rather than being unfamiliar with other guitars.
thought the prayer meetings were Greaat today, but if only we had more time(:
OH, finally completed CL with eunice today. today's bs was on discipleship.
i dontknow, but i feel really happy to see our new addition in helpers' pm and all the other extra servings.
i shall not be complacent,
it has all only just begun.
(:


i lost my voice today.
it gets on my nerves when i cant sing-a-ling along during praise n worship ):

TAN HANSHENG finally called from camp again after almst a week of mia.
we're missing him.
cant wait to see how he looks like with his Botak head!


im, craving for SUSHI.
Sakae SUSHI.

my bro's friend is staying over tonight.
he's busy trying to tune our classical guitar -which is older than me because i refuse to lend him my guitar.
am i very selfish? ):
now i feel BAD.


let all earthly crowns, fade in the shadow of the cross.

i really need to be less angsty at home no matter what happens.
ever since Rev John Bevere's sermon on honouring, i find myself stopping at my own faults
at least once a day.
he did such a great job on the message, it really bothers me now everytime i find myself dishonoring someone around me.
and so, my bro has found a job in church. with a monthly salary of 600 bucks.
i can feel the unpleasant vibes let alone the disapproval thats pointing at me. not good enough.
it seems like my current job is not enough because sometimes it hardly covers for half a week.
sometimes i really dontknow whats expected of me.
work but i cant come home late. if i stay home i cant use the comp all the time.
is it just me or is it really tough to be a good and filial daughter.
okay fiona, THAT IS NOT THE POINT. please STOP complaining.
i need Cash. really badly.
to prove that i can do as good. and hopefully even living off myself.
i even feel bad for taking money now.
and i need cash for AnB. this one's out of my will and i really do want to give, but i need to find the means.
Less angsty, less angsty.


work has been fun recently.
Clarence is really Irritating! but i have to admit that having a cranky manager who works in the same shift is really Fun.
the other days without tofu or my cousin are just plain boring.
last wed when we were on the same shifts, he actually washed his hands and flicked the remains of those dirt water at My Face.
what the?! as if once wasnt enough, he just kept doing it again and again.
but at least i had a chance to get back at him.
he actually had to remove his specs to wipe those water droplets away.
i so Enjoy getting back at this Assistant manager :D
Charlie is getting creepyy.
i know it sounds evil and mean but he is over-friendly.
i hope tofu and i arent too cold towards him.

chatting to lana in the afternoon was so funny LUH!
we were searching for jobs through classified,
we found jobs that were looking for bridal models!
students also can pass, they need bridal models for their new portfolios.
ohmygosh so COOL. haha think about it man, not only do we get to have studio shots, we get to have fun and paid too! it was temptingg.
but we figure it wld be so weird if the pictures really got shown in those bridal albums!

finally got down to some household chores.
did some ironing and cleaned my room.

"breaking dawn" twilight's fourth book has been Out-Of-Stock for Forever.
i cant finish reading my twilight series LUH ):
visited the library a couple of days ago, am so into the whole series of FEARLESS books again.
reading is gooood. i shall make my kids read more nxt time (:

finally mustered the courage to head to the pool and swim alone.
7pm and the pool was Full of kids from swimming classes.
managed a small number of 20 laps but i still dont have enough courage to swim without the wall.
ah, healthy lifestylee. wanna loose 5 KG!


massive guitar-ing tmr,
i better go practise now!



sweet lullaby.

after much typing n backspacing n typing again.
im left with no more time to finish this.


i am freaking Eighteen going on Nighteen.
when is this going to end?
please understand me as much as im trying to understand.

oh gosh,
i need more Patience.


giveme more patience+perserverance+LOVE.

thought we would be stronger than such issues.


slides at the pool was rather Fun today! (:
except for the fact that there were so few people, such that it felt a little weird to be the only ones playing.
i need a new pair of goggles!

finally spoke to gradys in ages and centuries.
i MISS HER.
and i miss her staying near my area. ):


think i shld start cleaning my room sometime this week.
my A level books and notes are still lying around.
HA Ha ha.

almost accepted a ride home on a motorbike after wrk ytd
if my cousin hadnt given me that half shocked n speechless look
it was Classic. haha!

sky-high transport fees are burning my pockets real badly
i am feeling the PINCH. ):


and without love all else said wouldnt count.

what a simple yet complicated word.
it seems like our cell theme for the whole year round.
and it basically summarises my whole life now.
the good and the bad.
wanna be a love fountain!

swimming today at anchorview ( haha however you spell that)
OH,
i cant wait to watch CHANGELING!



being Bold.

i ATE so much today.
i feel like a COW.
i wanna swim tomorrow.
i wish that the pool would be empty tmr, no guys, no males, Nothing!

facebook is so Interesting!
:D

pauline and boon kiat's matrimony today.
so, Sweet (:
i rmb when i first stepped into this church five years ago
when boon kiat was the cell leader and he would come up to ah soon, liwen and me, talking to us like how we make the new friends feel welcomed now.
who ever knew that they would end up tgt in love?
i like the fact that my God works in many mysterious ways.
(:

i had a good time talking to nic today (:
cant wait for Swimming and Shopping on tuesday!

mm after hearing a couple of comments here n there
i realised that ive really kindof neglected my other 'social life.
maybe its because most of my closer friends are already in church.
but there are others too. from jc, secondary sch like pam and gradys.
its true that the closeness cannot be compared to churchmates but i guess its time i do sth and not neglect my other life.
make more time.

bumped into sandy today.
felt a mixture of pain, joy and worry.
i miss those close phone chats we used to have so regularly as well as a couple of bs lessons which we had. counselling, teaching and growing.
the seed which i sowed into her life, ive no idea where they went to.
its the same feeling which i get whenever i think of junle.
guess i really need to move on. in many different areas.
and hopefully some day we'll come to the point when i have another chance to sow the seed again.



more than a feeling.

i didnt know we could choose a new baptism name after being water baptised.
EEE, so NICE!
it wont be easy getting consent for water baptism
but i really want it.
cant wait for the day (:

i finally worked out after Ages ystd.
saw a couple of familiar ppl.
think the whole world goes to bishan gym!
small world, small world.

sushi with cell ytd was nice.

my bro has been planning real alot about his poly admission and courses.
makes me think about my own future.
oh MANNNNNNNNNN.

do you have the time, to listen to me whine?

a couple of nights ago was living hell. its become so ridiculous and absurd. ive my limits too. but thanks lana and angel for caring(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELINE AW!

i absolutely love those phonecalls and just small little chitchats which we share (:thanks for bringing so much joy along with you.

sometimes i feel like its just ministry and nth more. it makes me hard to understand and be understood.

gymed.

Love Story - Taylor Swift

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo
You were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go

And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while

Oh, oh, oh

'Cause you were Romeo,
I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go

And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town

And I said
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh

'Cause we were both young when I first saw you


--


taylor swift is really pretty!

was talking to angeline the Watermelon last night.
temptationss. 
so much more than necessary
but i believe we can both overcome it!




its a love story, baby just say yes.

got tagged by dear nicolette!
okay, lets play TAG (:

Put down facts about yourself, the number of facts will be based on your age.
Then tag 5 other people.

1. ive reached a heavy weight of 59 KG maximum before! ( not that im proud of it but im just glad that im so past that stage now. and it was right aft i joined basketball can you believe it?! all that exercising for? )

2. ive a secret love for Art esp human drawings or sketches. im not proud but i think tt i can draw! but only humans and i cant shade ): sometimes it makes me feel a little jealous when i see talented ppl creating beautiful art pieces but actually its more of admiration for their talents(:

3. i tend to get attracted to well-built guys. but i myself am not very toned. HAHA

4. i have a very bad habit of borrowing things and forgetting to return them at times. OOPPSS.

5. long distance travelling used to make me unhappy but i tend to enjoy them now. gives me time for myself to think n reflect n wonder away in thoughts.

6. i dream ALOT. and many Weird ones too. sometimes it makes me excited n look forward to bedtime cause' its like an unexpected exciting experience. even a few of the scary dreams like the other time when i dreamnt of Vampires from TWILIGHT! :D

7. TWILIGHT is my very favourite book right after the whole series of FEARLESS books which i read for 5 years straight over n over again. ever since primary 5 :D

8. im a better listener than talker. it makes me happy to share the burden and knowing that i can be trusted with their darkest secrets.

9. but somtimes i have difficulty in expressing my own problems because of that. i tend to bury things and try to pick myself up. am still figuring that part of myself out.

10. sometimes i have severe moodswings. ask poor soon liyun. but im trying to be better!

11. i Love to eat Bread! and noodles! more than rice and porridge. and i Love brownies n cakes much more than potato chips

12. ive got a stitch under my chin! bled profusely after running and falling when i was much younger.

13. ive got a huge admiration for a girly senior before. and almost fell for a bung who sortof confessed but im really entirely STRAIGHT now. ( Jicai, please dont be scared for me ): ): )

14. when we were younger, my brother and i used to fight so much that he would end up pulling my long hair n i kicking his stomach.

15. when i was around 10ish to 14ish, i had this 'phobia of wearing dresses because my mother dolled me up in many dresses when i was younger. HAHA.

16. i like the idea of dressing up and looking good but havent really gotten the confidence to.

17. am in Love with shakespeare and literature!

18. i used to look up to mother teressa ALOT and wanted to be like her. and then i decided to be more practical and more honest with myself. she's way too noble! so i settled on angelina jolie instead. i still think that she's so COOL! to be both hot and fantabulous and Cool + adopting kids n donating to charity at the same time. (:

Tag : joby, liyun, hansheng, patson, and whoever else who wants to do this!

HELLO WORLD!

its the new year, new resolutions.
i havent really said an official goodbye to 2008 in my blog and a great Big HELLO to 2009
but im all ready to embrace the new year.
a couple of days ago, i finally sat down and made my new year goals n resolutions.
one of those that ive made,
is to really treasure those around me and treat them better.
not to take the things that i have for granted.
and always to be reminded of being thankful for whatever i have.
dear hansheng, i really Am gonna miss you when you go into camp.

secondly,
i wanna lose weight!
a high target of 5 KG.
hohoho, haha but im not gonna go to the extent of depriving my body of food anymore.
cause' i know that im gonna add on those fats again a couple of days after i stop dieting.
instead, i shall exercise Regularly!
since i like working out, it shall be a happy hobby or activity instead of doing it for the sake of doing so.

thirdly,
relationships wise.
better relationships with my family members.
to be a good daughter and able to express it out as much as i desire myself to be.
to swallow my own pride every now and then and to be more obedient.
its gonna be very Tough. but i know that if i move, things will start to change too.
i shall be the one who start this change.
and on other aspect of relationships,
maintaining the current strong friendships and probably even forming stronger ones (:
love wise,
being smart and un-tempted
and until i meet the right guy, staying single and focused on my greater calling!

fourthly!
of course, Spiritual wise.
it wont be enough if i say that i need a breakthrough.
because even if ive finally had my breakthrough, i'd still be needing or making more breakthroughs.
i want to, go deeper in every possible aspects.
already starting to dream and visualise alot.
but more than that, i really want to be much closer to Daddy.
such that through my darkest and brightest moments He'll be the first whom i think of naturally.
people think that im so spiritual but im not close to perfect.
Ezekial walked with God many times,
im not even close to that.
more of you and less of me!

fifthly,
im not too sure where id be heading to after collecting the A'levels results.
but wherever i land,
am so gonna not take my studies for granted anymore.
ive decided to study hard and do everything more than just satisfactory.
so that, can shine!

--

THANKSGIVING cell was Awesome today!
(:
currently feeling so greatful for what i have around me.
am so Touched esp by lana's and angeline's card and eunice's!
i love my star!
thankyouu (:
clarice's brithday party was a splash.
sharon is so Sweet!
somehow i wished i didnt have my p
it would be fun if we all jumped into the pool together!

i feel like, im AGEING.
its okay, maturity is, Goood(:


FINANCIAL BREAKTHROUGH!
):
i need,
a pair of good goggles
wallet
new mp3
my fourth twilight book "breaking dawn" :D teeheehee.


work is fun,
i made a new macho friend the other day.
and i was more than surprised to discover that he stays just a few blocks away.
small world!