standstill.


basketball matches and meetups.
work and tuition.
church and prayer meetings.
outings and shoppings and going out.

and i still have so much to say for myself. thought of expressing or explaining my train of thoughts to sound reasonable. but guess it doesnt matter now. does it even help after going through all the details? think' it will only make us sound more petty, like finding someone to push the blame to. i dont even want to reason things out anymore. just want to do i know whats right.
but it really can be tiring at times. just one of the moments when im feeling real drained. well, in this aspect. and i pass these on to others around me, those whom i love. like, my mum. i know i should be more sensitive and careful with whatever im doing. im the every bit least greatful and pleasant. despite me feeling regretful and not wanting to, the words just spill off like that. guess its just a form of releasement that i need. but in a wrong way. i feel so on the verge now. i know whats right and whats not. but for now i feel a lil restrained, i need to let my own thoughts run wild. let my own dreams fly as high as they can. smell this fresh air of freedom and release, a place where i dont have to explain anything to anyone. but i still feel this strong need to protect and love, more than that, to just be what i was again. to be loved and love.
dont even know what im typing now, this huge chunk doesnt even link, just different thoughts mashed up tgt.
dont get me wrong. my recent company is just nothing but Great.
work is smooth, everything's fine.

somethings, i really cant explain.
i just need God now.
time for my quiet time.




every once in awhile, i come to the understanding again that crying is healing.