ive never felt so helpless and hopeless in my whole entire life before.
ive never let loose and cried so much before.
not even when my grandpa passed away.
PM was really good but after pm i went home and looking through all the uni books made those tears well up again.
i feel like hard marble, being crushed into fine powder.
it makes me feel so hard to believe and hope or trust in myself again.
as much as i really do want to accept this whole chunk of results and facts, it really is very difficult. i dont know why, maybe its because ive been so used to being in the top class in sec school, and all those views from my classmates..it makes me really want to be of the top notch. as much as i really want to make my father proud, i hold this bitterness and grudge against them as well because no one seems to understand. what i want or how am i feeling now.
i need to stop asking Daddy why? and why?
i know i really do need to accept whatever there is to embrace.
its not like all hopes are thrown down the drain right?
i need to know that the A levels results is going to be part of me forever. and getting over it doesnt mean just accepting it now but also being able to feel totally happy for my friends when they laugh over their results, or simply just being able to talk about it easily.
someone once told me that there are two reactions towards reality: either you live in deceit or you move on courageously.
i havent replies all those msges asking about my results or called back those who bothered to call and ask if im doing fine. but thanks so much(:
if theres anything i learnt,

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed - always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body."
-2 Cor 4:7-10