thank you Jesus,
for a new found hope.
Nothing is impossible!
i cant wait to see the change in him again.
(:



hearts joined as one.

sometime ago, i finally understood what my name meant.
F for faith.
"faithful fiona" was what leila would always say.
in her little cards or notes which she gave to us every now and then.
but together with faith,
comes along Fear.
Faith and Fear are really two extreme ends.
and at any point of time, you can only be at one side.
there are,
Many things that i really want to do in my life.
for example, just sitting down and Study.
but ive been running away and refusing to sit at my study table.
true, it is so Scary to know that you've so much to catch up.
its Even scarier to feel that you dont even know where to start from.
and everytime i pluck up my courage to do simple things,
i know that i must gather up my spirit.
because sometimes,
"the greater the faith, the greater the disappointment" at the ultimate outcome too.
sometimes i feel so far from Daddy that i dont even know if im going in the right direction.
but only to realise that it was I who didnt search hard enough.


Jesus, you are my BEST FRIEND.

-"she's fallen from grace."

human beings have so many different emotions.
that sometimes, its confuses me much.
-


you know, someday when im big enough to shine.
maybe a worship leader, or a mission trip leader, or a pastor. maybe.

this song, was the first worship song whose' lyrics caught my attention.
and with Althee, we both figured out the tune.

into the Holy of holies.

i've seen so much more than you know.
-

friendster has so many Weirdos.

my friend's having major bgr problems right now.
the feeling of betrayal Sucks.
i guess thats the painful part of love.

the guys in my class are so FUNNY n CUTE.
i Like sitting at the back row in class,
watching ppl like patson and joel entertains me and makes me Laugh
:D

i miss kick-boxing yo.

im captivated by Your love in me.

at times like these,
especially when i browse through the pictures which i have in my comp,
i cant help but stop and spend a few seconds longer, staring at certain pics.
they Really remind me of how much fun we had.
we were much younger, foolisher then.
more Happy too.
i wonder, how many of them feel the same way as i do when they see these pictures.
the last time i last saw or spoke to Pangsai was a Gazillion Years ago.
and SOON LI, though i always dont show it..
i LOVE you TONS and TONS.
okayy, i feel so EMO now.
but a part of my heart smiles because
we had it once.
and memories keep those moments Alive.






--

i used to be really afraid of loneliness.
but this feeling is GREAT (:
sometimes, personal time is really essential for- yourself.
choosing to draw away from alot of other stuff really gave me the time to think and reflect.
studied in the library today
it was Freezing Cold.
i almost became an Ice Block.
Studying is my New Hobby(:
the thought of studying excites me and makes me wanna keep going.
i am not being sarcastic.

ive got a DATE for SATURDAY!
*WINKS* :D

im captivated by this "captivated" song
you're the reason why i sing.
-

lunched with cell after service today!
i Love my CELL MATES(:
and i think Neal and Moen are so cute haha
little mischievous boys who really remind me of my own childhood.

service really Impacted me today.
and for all the people whom ive 'spiritually adopted in the past,
im determined to not let it go so easily again,
but to try even harder instead.
if not for yourself, then for those around you.

HILLSONGS UNITED is coming to SINGAPORE!
i wanna GO.
but my mum says no.
AHH
but its HILLSONGS.
i'll find a way to get myself there (:

i started using the book which tofu gave to me today.
its PRETTY.
(:


the heavens sing Your praises from above.

and it would be nice to know that your hands are always there for me to hold onto.
--

i always end up hurting the close ones,
and helping those who dont even care for second thoughts.

and everytime i realise how much hurt ive inflicted,
its always too late.
but please know that,
i do LOVE you alot.
its the sum of our arguments and laughters
i do Treasure you Alot.
-

its beautiful to have so many Awesome friends.
but sometimes,
it feels Nice to be alone too.
--

spent almost half the day at the dentist's today.
gave me an x-ray
and an Injection which hurt oh so BADLY 2 hours later.
gum felt so sore
the thought of not eating properly made me Depressed.
pain was Killing, i was tearing.
but the dentist was so nice and friendly,
i couldnt help but laugh at her jokes.
a few hours later and couple of panadol saved my life today.
cramps left me curling in bed with a few sleepless nights.
WHAT is happening Mann.
dear God, im a strong girl, please keep me healthy!
i wanna Fight again!

met potty to study a little.
and and,
i found cure for my dear fossil already!
gonna bring it down to that shop to fix it the next time i have the time.

im too lazy to rant on anymore.

thankyou, for being my friend.

the greatest distance isnt from the north to the south,
nor from the east to the west.
the greatest distance is from your head to your heart.
--

i had a great variety of dreams last night,
and with my painful cramps,
they made me wake up countless of times in the middle of the night,
only to find that they were all unreal.

i had a conversation with JUE last night(:
it feels good talking to my old sec 4 friend!
Mmm bible study ytd was good.
im looking forward to our CELL CHALET :D :D :D



gonna devote my time to my books today,
Jesus please help me to study!

perfect love.

this game will never end.

basketball aside, but i still Love it.
hello KICK-BOXING! :D
ate alot today.
i wanna Slim down!
drained
but am studying.
will be studying.

i guess sometimes i chased my friends away unknowingly.

it just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.

You broke the night like the sun
And healed my heart with Your great love
Any trouble I couldn't bear
You lifted me upon Your shoulders

Love that's stronger
Love that covers sin
And takes the weight of the world

I love You
All of my hope is in You
Jesus Christ take my life
Take all of me

You stand on mountain tops with me
With You i walk through the valleys
You gave Your only Son for me
Your grace is all I rely on

I love You so, and I give up my heart to say
I need You so, my everything

--
training on saturday.
my team's banned on winning tmr's match
and so am i.
we said a "WE WILL WIN TP" x100 times already.
haha okay, i was just kidding.
--

today's service was Great.
i Love being in the house of God.

studying with blackspot
brought a Big Smile up my face (:
and the girl sitting directly opposite kept smiling at me,
for whatever reason i do not know.
but, it felt so nice to be receiving smiles.


thankyou blackspot(:


this is my bs student, SANDY WONG (:


look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

around and around
and around
and around we go.

its just the two of us,
Jesus and I.
i want to hold his hand and look into the face of eternity.
this, is what i need to remind me of my future,
to remind me of my purpose in life and what i am living for.
people always ask, "what am i living for?", "whats my motivational drive?"
but i've already found my answer in christ.
i am a child,
i want to be a child- being filled with child-like faith
and when i close my eyes, i can see Daddy so vividly,
standing so close, there He is, smiling at me and holding my hands,
telling me that
its okay.
He's so proud of me, the way i try, the way i am.
--

i remember my secondary school days,
when ALTHEE and i would just sit and share about our spiritual lives in class.
even with RACHEL too,
i miss hearing her ranting for hours about her church and us having our very own prayer meetings.
i even miss that guitar which stands at the back of our class, right behind mine and ALTHEE's seat.
and everytime there was a break or spare time,
someone would grab the guitar and begin to strum it,
even though the whole class were not Christians,
i could still feel it so strongly, it was such a pleasant and Beautiful atmosphere to be in.
the Many times we had our very own cell prayer meetings in my class,
that period of time when i caught a vision of God and the times when cried together in the presence,
its something that i will Never Ever forget.

i chanced upon ALTHEE's blog
and i felt so touched.
its so Beautiful to know that she's doing so Well in Daddy, even better than before.
i really Thank God for these angels who appear in my life.
those who really understand me and Leave and impact at the same time,
they are so Rare and Difficult to find.
she makes me think of blackspot too.
but its okay that we hardly have the time to meet up now,
because i have the assurance that when we meet in heaven, it will be for eternity.
--

thursday night,
we watched HAMLET at raffles hotel.
marcus was a gentleman-ho! lending me his coat when the room was freezing cold.
but HAMLET was a tragedy and almost everyone died in the end.
it left me depressed for a few minutes,
but my supper cheered me up again.
CHICKEN BURGER :D
haha we were Starving.

thankyou for understanding me.
now i feel like a bird in a cage set free.

friday,
match with AJC made my heart thumped so Much.
i was praying for Daddy to give me strength, strength and more strength.
prayer really Works, Abba Father does listen to them.
though on court for less than 5 minutes-i know, it sounds really pathetic.
but i felt like a Star yesterday.
towards the end, we scored so many(:
and i had my First free-throw on court in my Life.
i really thought i didnt contribute much as my team gathered and rejoice tgt over our victory,
but everyone came up and patted my back, telling me how well i had performed.
and seeing everyone's Wide smiles and laughter,
it made me so HAPPY on the inside.
i wanna Thank GOD,
for being my Strength on court.
for helping me shoot those balls and being the warrior in me.
and of course, we are a TEAM (:
we achieved that together.
just one more, and we will make it to the next round.
i believe that Nothing is Impossible!

i bumped into JUE yesterday at the basketball centre.
i MISS her so Much ):
we practically ran and HUG (:
it felt so good to be seeing each other again.
-

today is Potty's birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLOTTE!! :D
oh oh! i saw number 20 on the bus ytd!
haha
you've been more than a friend to me,
you've been Amazing (:
-

i have a Beautiful boyfriend,
all Macho-up and Handsomely Cute.
his name is
JESUS CHRIST.
thats right, and im in Love with Him.

i wanna say, "thank you" for the rain.

go easy on my conscience.

hello world,
R exploded at me on court today.
not because i wasnt performing well, but something else.
leaving early on wednesdays and fridays for bs and cell landed me somewhere today.
but i know that wanting to play and having other commitments at the same time requires sacrifice.
yet on the other hand,
i Fully understood how she must have felt as a coach
and i dont blame her at all.
its Devastating and frustrating when things dont go the way as expected
and people just dont understand.
but i know things will be Alright (:
Daddy told me it will be.

i'll be visiting the dentist on quite a regular basis i guess.
dentist spoke something about my nerves being affected,
which explains those headaches.

anyhoww,
watching HAMLET tmr (:
i Love Shakespeare!


you're the answer to my prayer.

i was so worn out by the past few days
that i fell right asleep after my bath last night.
leaving me with PILES of hmework undone.
thank GOD, theres a reason for me to visit the Dentist today.
i ran More than 17 rounds yesterday, its exhausting.
but if we were to count,
i know that we've only got 3 more trainings left
and then, what happens?
i dont want to think about it.

i refuse to think about Alot of things.
as for now, i guess being ignorant and oblivious is a better choice.
but you're breathing down my neck, i need my own space.

ive been having lots of dreams lately.

last night i had a superb long chat with hansheng over the phone.
and throughout the years, i must really say a
Big Fat THANK YOU
for really being the one sustaining this friendship and always waiting for me.
and more than feeling honoured,
im Greatful (:
i believe you'll be Successful one day too(:

and im really greatful to POTTY too,
for being someone whom i can talk to just about anything.
i dont know how to express it,
but i know that she knows it too.
thankyou POTTY! (:
--

i LOVE my spiritual family.
the ones in cell are the ones whom have been with me for years.
though im always unable join you guys,
know that just seeing you guys around in school brings a Big Smile up my face.
:D


ive been waiting for a while around the corner now.

this is rather anti-climax.
but thanks to van and neal LA,
theyve got this song stuck in my head now.
haha, its really cool.
i wanna learn hip-hop someday!




hold me down, sweet love.

i wish you would know that things havent changed one bit.

THANK YOU everyone for making my day today/yesterday and for the past few days.
(:
much, Deeply, Appreciated (:

receiving Tons of messages made me feel so LOVED.
i was really really surprised at newyork newyork,
with all those enthusiastic staff working there singing so loudly
plus the company of cell and claudy,potty,shir's handmade CAKE.
thankyou LEO and WILFRED for the BAG too,
looking at my new basketball makes me smile
and not forgetting all the other presents and well wishes too,
i feel like a little girl!
:D
thank you LANA, LIYUN, NIC and everyone else who planned
and
thank you Abba Father,
for creating me (:

saturday,
i had the privilege of so many people's company.
swam in the afternoon with TOFU (:
but it was so Stressful with that Pervertic lifeguard staring and staring.
if not for that stupid Tofu, i wouldnt even change into my swimsuit la PLEASE.
i met up with MAGGIE a few days back too
and she is still the same, much Loved!
-

so much has happened for the past few days.
i went home after SR olympics with my first Two medals!
of course, it was with the help of other teammates too.

my TOOTH has been aching,
sending bolts of headaches up my right brain.
i need to visit the dentist real soon.
--

service this morning made me think alot.
"MY spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak".
sometimes, i find myself being so self-centered and greedy,
it leaves me ashamed.
everytime pastor talks about impartation or receiving the anointing of God,
everyone steps forward and raise their hands, including me.
i mean, who doesnt want it?
you know, its so easy for man to want and ask and receive
BUT
how many have actually stayed and waited for the presence of God to come down?
how many have actually worked for it?
i want to be like king david, like moses, who obeyed and waited so patiently.
i want to be like jonathan, who didnt mind not being king simply because that wasnt his calling.

"Lord i believe, help my unbelief"

please help me to STRETCH and Maximise myself,
i wanna SHINE!




life goes on.

so pack your bags and leave home,
you dont have to come home tonight.

TOOTHACHE.
STOMACHACHE.

im addicted to BASKETBALL.

there are so Many letters which i want to write to certain people
but i havent really gotten a time to do so.
i MISS my GIRLFRIENDS.


we've got so much that we cant lose.

its getting closer now.



saturday's victory felt so Amazing (:
service this morning was Great too.
i want to Love and cherish the moments i have alone at night,
in my room, with no one else but
Jesus Christ.

i hope LANA's feeling much better now.

came home and had a short chat with stinky online just now.
now im all INSPIRED UP.
theres ALOT to do, and i Dont know where to start.
honestly, i am Scared.
but 78 points shall be my GOAL for As.

BYE.



"love of beauty is taste, the creation of beauty is art."

the hearts are all over tonight.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
DAPHNE and DIANE
(:

celebration on thurs brought old scenes up in my head.
the times when we had such a crowded and noisy cell.
and it gave me a chance to chat with people like stinky again.

everyday,
i find myself with more reasons to fast and pray.

i just want to get over with this J2 year thing and have my normal life back.
but then again,
this isnt the way i want to live life,
it defeats the meaning of it.
i knew that ct meant well when she came up to speak to me.
but its so difficult to work when everyones breathing down my neck.
i feel so Suppressed. its getting harder and harder to breathe.
they were so blant and law-biding with me,
i lost my grip and snapped back.
but apologizing in the later evening gave me a new chance to prove myself again.

training was crazy.
i tried to stop her from kneeling
but it didnt help.
it was devasting.
if theres anything that i can do,
i would love to play this nationals well.
please, i just need a few more opportunities.
--

singing in the karaoke room after cell was so Fun (:
i wished lana and DDs were around too.

you know,
if i had all the time in the world,
i would love to be down at the pool swimming with you too.
but we both know that this isnt the case.
i miss you alot, theres so much i need to tell you.

its a mutual thing.

we dont have to say the words.

i am Tired.
there is just so much going on around me,
i can almost go BONGUS.
please stop saying that im busy,
i know that i am.
but i want to make time for different people too.
call me greedy, but i dont really wish to compromise in that area.

bible study today was so GREAT,
i learnt so much.
-

people make my day
but at the same time,
they are also the reason why im going Bongus.

all these feelings and emotions and thoughts and reactions,
friend or foe,
buddy or lovers
DADDY, please save ME


it rekindles hope, im starting to see LIGHT.

i like won bin!
ah Soon knows that ive been faithful to him since pri six
HE, plus his Hair, so Cute
:D
--

its a fine day today,
but my tummy's been playing tricks on me.
and it feels as if someone's knocking my head with a Huge hammer.
ive been dreaming of lots of things in my sleep recently.
pretty amusing.
since skipping school buys me lots of time today,
im gonna get down to work and be productive.
(:

[/edit]
they think that by doing all these they are helping me.
but instead, it makes me feel like backing off even further.
dont try to buy me with your words and i dont need any counselling.
in fact, im the one who's been lending a listening ear.
it just goes to show how much you know and how much is assumed.
so maybe you should just stop before you even try to assist the situation
cause its Not helping. and it wouldnt even work, trust me.
what can i do? everything that i say will be secondhand anyway.
its simply because you adults say one thing and mean the other.
dont get me wrong,
i dont harbour any hatred.
i just Dislike it when people intrude and then assume they can step into my world that easily.
--


i Love literature,
cause unlike anything else,
it colours my world.


"in the depths of winter, i finally learned there was in me an invincible summer"
-Albert Camus