ARGHH.
feeling so Irritated. how God, please help me.
i keep telling myself to not loose my cool, i know i can handle this.

nothing is impossible.

decided to just rest at home today just watching tv, surfing the net and reading my book. feels rather nice to spend some time alone. missing my parents though, hope they're having lots of fun holidaying and eating chinese delicacies (: i want to go on a holiday too. so badly, to bangkok to shop like crazyy!

i did the sweeping and operated the washing machine, hanged the clothes..wah, ive never really realised how much my mother has been doing for the family until now. ive been eating maggie mee for 3 days in a row!! i wont die right? haha supposed to jog today but im just too lazy to move. tmr I WILL. feeling a little aimless because ive yet to find a job ): wanna earn $$$ $$$$

itchy sunburns..really uneven tan line on my body. and my butt muscles are still aching from last week's badminton with the guys. Haha im so unfit!

feeling hungryyy

having my doubts..

but reminded that, God loves me for who i am and not for what i can do for Him.
and then im reassured again.
slowlyy, but surely.

hello! just a quick update in here (:

i've been really seeking God these days. trying my best to always place Him above all else. maybe its because of the exams fear too that i find myself praying more than five times a day. before, during my papers, while studying for them and during my own qt.. but what really blew me away are the encounters with Him.

now i really know firsthand of what it means by "just one touch and i'll never be the same". not that ive never experienced God before in my life. its just that, this season has really been a dry one. and i complain, whine, get upset and cry Alot. i kept reminding myself that God loves me as much as he loves those around me, kept assuring myself that God hasnt forgotten about me. but the next moment i find myself questioning God again. why me? why must i wait and wait and always wait? why cldnt i have gone to sot last yr, or even uni? am i not good enough, do you not love me enough? why must i have another breakthrough again, the past few ones weren't enough? sometimes i just move on. sometimes, just a little trigger was enough to make me doubt all over again.

But i grew so tired of complaining and thinking. and i made a decision to really trust God again. and i mean like, trusting whole-heartedly. true, it does make me feel vulnerable at times- prayers like "take all of me", "this is my life, use it as you please". sometimes i feel so scared making such prayers. but i think its the sincerity of making such prayers that really touches God's heart. i learn to lean Alot more on Him. I've been really seeking God these days, in my room when im alone. and i feel really happy to say that God does see the sacrifices we make. my sacrifice of faith. to dare to trust again. the recent encounters have really blown me away. Besides those dreams, the little incidents that really assured me that my God, my King is in control of everything and i dont have to be afraid. along the way, i also learnt to be really honest with God. i learnt that its okay to cry or be angry about things in front of Him. simply because He understands. He allows me to be in this situation and surely, its only human to feel this way. but after all the cryings and complains, i want to able to say that im becoming stronger each day. and that my capacity is expanding along the way.

the year is coming to an end. i know that He allows me to take this slightly longer path just so that i will come to learn to really lean on Him totally. even if it is only towards the end of the year that i learnt and changed. i think, different ppl have different areas of weaknesses in their lives. mine's insecurity. know that, God loves you too much to leave you the same.
like Job, i want to be able to say that those past trials are considered nothing. bring on the new ones so i can be changed again.
i dont think i can ever describe accurately my encounters with God- whats more with my poor english =/ but i hope i managed to translate some kind of encouragement through my sharing (:

above it all, i dont want to be complacent too. praying for a pure heart that will Always stay loyal and true.



feeling really sleeeppyy. feel like taking a nap before studying!
but ive wasted too much time already ):
i think i'll take a shower and drink some milo to stay awake. (since coffee doesnt work on me) haha, my exams end on friday!!!
HEH HEH HEH, i cant wait! (:


some dreams are worth waiting for.

you know that something is wrong when you're studying and yet busy untagging pictures in facebook and thinking of what to wear tmr.
oh no!! i better start focusing.
so sad that i missed out on halloween, looks like Lots of fun ):
feel like i havent caught up with the cell in ages.

anywayyss, just a few more weeks till everything ends.
alrighty, off to studdyyy!

I, just want to be true to Daddy and myself about my own feelings. learning and trying my very best to be satisfied with whatever i have. no more bitterness or complains or even comparing myself with others about our haves and have nots. reminding myself that whatever i have now is the amount of grace He has over my life. telling myself each day to keep having faith despite the thoughts in my head. im not outspoken, gifted or a good leader in anyway. i just have my willingness to offer in any case. take me, mould me, use me, walk beside me. feeling like a young child throwing tantrums during my lower times. But i know that He can take my honesty. someone once told me that if i want to take a break, i should take it with God. and not from God.

where are you Daddy? i miss youu.
let's go on a holiday.

boon lay today for history tuition, lunch with mum and spent the rest of my day at starbucks studying. was feeling tired. kept nodding my head as i dozed off on my seat, So Embarrassing! everytime i go there, i see an RJ (the same one) girl studying. plus another 2 more regulars whom i always bump into whenever i visit that starbucks. woww, they must be going there everyday. imagine the amount of money spent on coffee??! imagine how hard they are studying for 'A's! freakky. today, i joined them. heh heh. a little distracting though cause' i find myself observing ppl like you know, people-watch. pretty interesting how humans behave(;

facebook is so distracting! its 12:54am, feeling so tired again. wondering if i shld just give my lit assignment a miss this week.. gonna be a novena starbucks at 8:30am tmr to study before tuition and pm. i need sleep!

i got a little cranky few days back. crazy emotions. i think its the stress kicking in. feeling loved and cared for by those around lately (: feels weirdd to be receiving in such various ways. makes me feel like giving something back in return. haha


"it doesn't matter how slow you go as long as you dont give up."

surprised at myself for liking singers like demi lovato and miley cryus. i was so Determined to not like any of these typical songs haha so dumb right i know.

just finished writing a lit essay on a poem which is Superb Tough. feeling satisfied about it now (: today was an unfulfilling day, slept in a little to catch up on sleep and spent the rest of the day zonning out. i really need to sleep early so that my body clock doesnt go cranky again.

been having Really Retarded dreams the past few days. nightmares of evil spirits haunting in my sleep. its so Crazy, sometimes i feel like i havent even slept. because of the trauma and fear ): they say its because we think alot in the day thats why dreams occur? hopefully i dream of something sweet and lovely for a change tonight.

anyway, i got carried away on youtube just now. the video below is very sad and rather gross actually. really makes me thankful for who i am and what i have.

and another story, of the "Elephant man".

"the Joy of the Lord is my strength"

breathe in breathe out.
"what doesn't kill you will make you stronger".

i feel you tugging at me, a voice that whispers inside of me.

sighh! was just browsing through old photos and i think i really put on weight! recalled my first yr in J1 when i could still fit into my small skinny jeans. now its just lying around in my cupboard because i cant fit in man! ): thinking back, those were the times when we had Crazy basketball trainings. we used to run At LEAST 10 rounds around the track before drills and basketball trainings. and when its nearing the competition, we trained THRICE a week! Wah, that must be lots of calories burnt. and i rmb that crazy BEEP TEST. keeping up with the timing which the radio set for us and running in front of so many other basketball n soccer guys. now, even running 2.4km makes me feel all worn out! =/

i have so many things that i wanna do. ive ALL of them planned already (: first of all, GET FIT, STAY FIT. BE SLIM! haha next, i really wanna get a good guitar preferably frm MAESTRO and a nice, hard, solid guitarbag. haha. was running to get into the train the other day and the door closed. it left a slight dent on my current old one. )': and when i get my new guitar, wanna learn how to play favourite songs like 'breakaway', 'no boundaries', 'this is me', 'you belong with me' and many Many more(:

but for noww, STUDYY.

some issues bugging me recently.. i think i need to solve my existing problems before i can move on. its like, if i just ignore and cover it up then just one day when the worm comes, all the bottled up stuff will emerge again right?

moving on..
(:

was over at charm's place today, working on nationalism and chatted quite a bit (:
sharilyn just sent over lots of lit notes, i think she's so Sweet!
my next few days' are Crankyy. having tuitions almost every other day!
feeling that, i need to build healthy relationships. my assurance n value doesnt come from people around me but from God above. ive been reminding myself that recently. shared discipleship on sun morn n was inspired by my own sharing! felt that Daddy was assuring me some things. Anointing attracts people. i wanna be more honest to myself n those around me. wanna be who i am and not what others want me to be. felt Daddy telling me that i dont have to worry, because his anointing will do the works for me. i just need to find Joy in what i do and be happy, everything else will fall into place eventually.
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." -Matt 6:33

many unsaid desires in my heart. dear God, only you know my needs.
dear heart, dont make haste. Pray trust wait.


i know when it comes it wldnt be too late.

ION with maggie today (:
i miss her so much! bought a shirt which i like alot. superb Broke to the maxx now.
cell and then study session, fed lots of mosquitoes today! ):
Excited for tmr's discipleship session now, feeling for the msg(: HEH HEH

im too lazy to blog. GOOD NIGHTSSSS (:

i used to have someone always proudly declaring to me that i was her bestest friend, though i've never assured her that she held the same position in my heart. there were so many close ones, i cant tell who's the best. to me, best means always being there without fail and sharing all my happy and sad. because that specific person is different from the rest, i set very high expectations of that someone. its like that little action she does can make me alot more happier or sad just because she is my Best friend, the one whom i care most about. i dont want to unconciously set all these standards in my heart and wound up disappointed. that is why ive since stop the idea of having a Bestfriend. a circle of close friends would be good enough.
we are Worlds apart. i just cant find the right way to express it. different environment different beliefs different interests even. honestly, ive thought about letting go manymany times. but giving up isnt and will not be an option for me. wish i can forgive and overlook like i used to. wish i was more understanding and assuring too.

i studied at the library's cafe today, bought hot chocolate n a muffin. guess the lady at the counter was really bored, she kept looking over to see what i was doing even though i was just studying. yes i sat at the table near the cashier, should have chosen a better spot. midday, bumped into yoke kuan n weatherly, they were having bs! time is running out, i tried to study today but my short attention span really isnt helping. only completed maths n the basics of nationalism AGAIN. keep going back to the start of the book because my memory keeps failing me and ive to read, understand n memorise all over again. ): left the library and i was really intending to head hme. but i noticed the newly opened COTTON ON in the shopping mall. haha God must have heard my desires. because i was really thinkin abt heading to woodlands just to look at Cotton on for clothes. -this is called desperate shopping when you've got no time Okayy. and woah, the shop just appeared in front of me. it was never there before. i know it because i go to the shopping centre often. it must have opened a couple of days ago! so anyway, tried lots of stuff but many werent that appealing. bought a couple of pieces home. feeling a tad happier, now (:
should i visit the lib again or just stay home?

my plans to exercise and loose the flabs keep failing because im just too lazy to vist the gym. gym's much more effective because i always end up walking when i jog at the park. aiya, thousand and one excuses building inside my head. what if its crowded and full of guys? need to bring towel, sports shoes, bathing lotion and all, superb troublesome. but i know i cant keep procrastinating if not i'll really turn into a FAT POTATO!

sighh, God please help me solve my friendship, family issues and deal with my worries appropriately. aiyo, such basic things in life.. i really need to have better control and live life to the Fullest.
Hungryy. craving for long john's grilled chicken wrap.

"but we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed- " - 2 Cor 4:7-9

"just keep swimming, just keep swimming" - Dory in Finding Nemo.

just keep going.

ignore the video. LOVE the music! (: p.s, guy is handsome!

what if God allows me to go through all these just so that i can impact someone else's life for a short moment of time? then it would be very foolish of me to keep dwelling on the fact that im taking a longer route and miss that opportunity.

like pst kong's daily devotion blogpost on Amazing Love(:

THE SANDS ARE RUNNING OUT. (new phrase which i learnt today)
i better make full use of whatever time left.
this year's full of many changes. Really wishing that i can do my best and say the right words of comfort to a dear friend. wanna fight the good fight of faith together.
AH, i keep zonning into the post-exam mode, thinking of shopping, wrking and all the korean shows which i can watch already. need to FOCUS.

feeling ))))):
SIGH. at times like this i got to keep reminding myself that its not man's approval which im looking for but my Heavenly Father's.

sometimes a little resistance is good. kites fly against the wind, not with it.