To Be With You -


I LOVE THIS SONG!! (:
beautiful oldies!

hold on, little girl show me what he's done to you.
stand up, little girl a broken heart cant be that bad.
when its through, its through. fate will twist the both of you.

gave out flyers today with angeline for Mr Lai.
the sun was so Superb HOT i could practically feel my perspiration trickling down my back.
we finished in one and a half hours when we were supposed to stand for 3!
working at night for lai lai with kat wong was rather relaxed. but its painfully boring. kat's itouch served as Great Entertainment today :D
im so amused by her ice-cream game!
i know ive been mentioning it for so long but i think im gonna take up another job soon.
probably scoop ice-cream or work in subway! having fun putting all the veges and bread.
sometimes i wish money wld just fall from heaven so i dont have to worry about AnB and all the other stuff. but then again..

i know sometimes its really hard to step out from something or how youve been feeling entirely.
especially when you've been burrying it within, thinking that its not tt big an issue and you are bound to overcome it because you want to.
but wanting to or knowing you have to and being able to are all separate issues.
it took me awhile to reallyreally get over my own results and other problems.
it began to dawn upon me that if i dont ever move on, my people will never ever will too. its like, if i never ever have a breakthrough, they will never ever have one either.
im not saying that im superior but it really reminded me of what pauline said before.
having people under you means that whether their lives grow closer to God or not depends on you too.
it really had me thinking. and many times when i find it hard to move on or carry on, i keep reminding myself, "if not for yourself, then for those around you". i need to be less selfish and start focusing on those around me more.
thats when i was able to let go and let God.
and i dontknow, but somehow i feel that ive been receiving comfort from Daddy of late. comfort from simple verses like 2Cor 4:7-10 and Heb 12.
and also small little new breakthroughs that happened the past few days, really assured me that it is worth believing again.
i can get water-baptised! finally got my mum's consent after so many years. now its a matter of when. (:
and now that i hear the worries of people around me. i think im starting to really understand why my life goes through this amount of experiences. it really enables me to understand and relate first-handedly.
all i can say that, this road isnt easy. but now that ive come out of it stronger. not only am i able to Stand, people can now lean on me too.
you just have to move on and not think or dwell on it anymore.
just move on.



deep inside i hope you feel it too.

you're the still small voice in me, everytime i want to find my way back home.
you are the compass of my soul.
--

playing praise on sat went rather well. guitar-ing with leong has really made me more confident. i wanna be one of the 12 annointed guitarist, tgt with lana tan! haha (:
looking forward to worship for the next combined.

its the third day but im still pretty much the same.
wanna say a big ThankYou to sarah. i like talking to sarah (: its funny how i spent ytsd listening to your share of heavyload and today its my turn. thanks lana tan too.
blackspot spoke to me online ystd and all that she said really spoke into my heart. i will never Ever forget this super annoying funny spiritual studying buddy that i have(:
've been a little cranky the past 3 days.
i cant say that im able to accept the way things are now
but with so many people by my side i feel braver.

went for some educational fair today with eunice and sarah.
after looking through all the various courses i think i shld be able to land into a good uni.
if not local, maybe a local school with a foreign and better cert.
university of london sounds so tempting and nice. am so glad that i went for the fair today.
but of course, am still definitely looking up NUS and NTU.
ive decided to follow my passion and take up either literature or psychology!

alrightos, feeling so drained and exhausted from insufficient sleep.
sweet dreams.

ive never felt so helpless and hopeless in my whole entire life before.
ive never let loose and cried so much before.
not even when my grandpa passed away.
PM was really good but after pm i went home and looking through all the uni books made those tears well up again.
i feel like hard marble, being crushed into fine powder.
it makes me feel so hard to believe and hope or trust in myself again.
as much as i really do want to accept this whole chunk of results and facts, it really is very difficult. i dont know why, maybe its because ive been so used to being in the top class in sec school, and all those views from my classmates..it makes me really want to be of the top notch. as much as i really want to make my father proud, i hold this bitterness and grudge against them as well because no one seems to understand. what i want or how am i feeling now.
i need to stop asking Daddy why? and why?
i know i really do need to accept whatever there is to embrace.
its not like all hopes are thrown down the drain right?
i need to know that the A levels results is going to be part of me forever. and getting over it doesnt mean just accepting it now but also being able to feel totally happy for my friends when they laugh over their results, or simply just being able to talk about it easily.
someone once told me that there are two reactions towards reality: either you live in deceit or you move on courageously.
i havent replies all those msges asking about my results or called back those who bothered to call and ask if im doing fine. but thanks so much(:
if theres anything i learnt,

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed - always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body."
-2 Cor 4:7-10

Wonderwall - Oasis

and all the lights that lead the way are blinding.

the WHOLE WORLD is talking about the results day.
makes me so Nervous about it. =/
even my own dad doesnt have confidence in me. a decent results is what i need. theres so many people whom i need to prove to. Dear God, please give me the right attitude to how im going to react to the results.

i said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.
and afterall, you're my wonderwall.

someday, i'll shine.
im not perfect but im being perfected day by day.

my parents went to SIM open house today.
after seeing those courses,
am thinking about studying literature and taking psychology as electives.
i shall go for the other open houses soon!

OH, i think family's most probably going to macau for a short holiday around march.
YAY so Excited (:

am thinking of selling of my current guitar and getting a beautiful acoustic one with better wood and strings plus plug-in.
HMMMMM.

just settled down after a long day, feeling so exhausted from all the children church visitation.
we visited about 20 plus kids over two and a half hours.
they are so Adorable! (:
and thank goodness my leader has a car if not i wonder how we can complete all the visitations.
we celebrated one of the girl's birthday today, she looked so happy!
im so Amazed by what my church is doing!
its like, they actually make an effort to visit ALL the kids.
wow, really reminds of having a spirit of excellence.
YAY im so glad to be contributing (:

i sent a personal msg to pst Kong today on fb and he replied!
he's so humble and Amazing (:

went to NAFA earlier in the day with tofu.
she's applying to get into the school. seems like a pretty good place to be in.
all these stuff makes me really nervous about the results and all.
i wonder which school i'll be in at this time nxt year mannnn.
caught "he's just not that into you", a pretty interesting show.
finished a whole tub of sweet popcorns myself ohmytian!
bugis street has many cheap buys, im so going there again.

having a really bad headache and feeling exhausted now.
guitar-ing tmr. Oh Boy, i reallyreally need to work on my guitar skills.





heaven's secrets.

This Is Me - Joe Jonas e Demi Lovato



feeling a little.. different tonight.
this dream is so huge to contain. sometimes i feel like im the only one standing and no one else totally understands how i feel or what i want.
sometimes it makes me afraid to step out, the lack of confidence to move in the supernatural the way i feel it should be.
and at times i look around to find one whose on equal grounds as me. a few but not too many. if not for my listening nature, will things still be the same? what if i need to lean on something one day? but then i know all this is still just the beginning. ive yet to see the full portion of it.
and then i start believing again.

i'm Really Glad that we cleared up our differences and everything else.
through thick and thin, i know that theres a reason for those years of friendships (:
and Thanks for the big fluffy heart! i hug it to sleep now.

love is not about loving what the person loves or loving what the person does but the person itself.

i ate so much ystd woahh, i think i pamper my stomach too much!
and i found out even more information. now i reallyReally feel like a stalker. Ah, this is too much! ):
gonna sell old books at bras basah later with eunice and lana. i hope we can reap a profit! (:

heaven here on earth.

you know i'm hoping that you'll sing along, although its not your favourite song.
dont want to be there, when theres nothing left to say.
--


feel Touched that my leader made an effort today. it made me feel like i was important and worth it. Thank You (:

i finally got the guts to explain to my tuition kid's mum.
i want to help them cause' of their circumstance. but it figured out to me that i should take joy in whatever im doing. and since i find myself not enjoying it at all, but rather bitterness is building. the kid's a a little slow and she doesnt even seem happy most of the time to have tuition too.
so, after 3 more lessons, No more tuition lessons.
YAY! (:
more time left for other things.


after finding and knowing so much information,
i feel like a creepy stalker.
HAHA.

jogging and swimming tmr
then working with lai lai. with angeline aw as company!
(:



its worth my sacrifice.

ahh camera quality not good ):
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOON LIYUN!!
officially NINETEEN!
much much lovee from deep within (:
--

i spent my journey home today, thinking about how is it like to be in Bible school. imagining myself rushing for lessons if i wake up late, taking down notes during classes and having fresh revelations Everyday in the house of God.
and then i imagined the stage and lights,the mikes and then the congregation, the music. i couldnt sing well but it was good enough.
if we dont imagine or see it, the more unlikely it will happen right?
maybe its really not the time. honestly, i do not know.

but ive been experiencing what its like to serve and then to serve More and More these few weeks.
sometimes i feel like an elastic band, just when i thought i cant be stretched anymore, things get more flexible again.
children church for the first time today and bible studies. plus three jobs. i must be crazy. but things have been great recently.
of course, i really do have to expand my own capacity. just like, Guitar-ing.
Lots of work to be done on the strumming and skills and.. everything!



its 1:41 AM.
i am craving for miso mushroom from pastamania now. ):





take me deeper, deeper in love with You.

ive been a really Busy person recently.
but admidst all these business i find myself having self-reminders from time to time.
"take joy in whatever you do" especially if its for KOG. kingdom of God.
and then i stop complaining if i was complaining at that point of time.


mr lai lai is a nice guy overall, just a tad too talkative. Haha but still Nice enough.

discovered another pleasant place to hit the gym or pool today with tofu.
yio chu kang! absolutely love school hours because that means no crowd and no people, makes it so much more peaceful.
my back is so Burnt! like black Black, dark tan. OH MAN ):

ive been reading so many "fearless" books.
NEW YORK CITY sounds like a great place for holiday and discovery. though the cities have high crime rates and so many muggers. but that fact just made it sound more thrilling and exciting.
someday im gonna go backpack hiking (:

Sweet And Low - Augustana





HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY.


spend valentine's with most of my favourite people.
V'day is also friendship day! (:
was so nervous initially for our vday cell event because i was playing worship.
it went smooth when the whole thing started but halfway through my short-sightedness left me partially blind and i lost track of the chords. thank God for leong man.
playing praise and bv for worship the next meeting!
im so Excited yet nervous.
dear God please stretttccchhh me.

we finally caught "Changeling" after that.
the cons of being in a cellgroup which is always growing is that it takes a long time to finally do something that we all Can do together.
but the Pros are even better because of the company (:
anyhow, movie was really good and touching. made some of us do some deep thinking!
i like these kindof films (:
urgh. which reminds of "Battle Royale", the show which yuqi introduced. i finished watching the remains on youtube alone. it was so gruesomee. made me sick on the inside out!
definitely not something to watch alone again.


many things happening recently,
leaving me feeling drained sometimes. but somehow a lil satisfied.
okay maybe its still a too early to be using that word.
i still have a resume to submit before i start working admin with Watermelon and the rest.
giving tuition lessons have been real tiring, esp when the kid is a lil different and refuses to listennn. i dontknow if i have enough patience to last, all the way?

admission for SOT this year is open.
i want to go, but no financial providence.
is now the time?





Jehovah Jireh, my provider.

We’ll write a song
That turns out the lights
When both boy and girl start suddenly shaking inside
Don’t waste your time
Speed up your breathing
Just close your eyes
We’ll hope it’s not for nothing at all
--


making gifts with eunice, sarah and soon liyun was so FUN ystd!
havent had a great laugh in awhile ((:

Excited for Valentine's (:


i read this from somewhere,
"i think its about time to let go as this door that im trying to open keeps on closing. oh wait, i think it was locked."



perhaps its time to move on to greener patches. or do i keep trying to look for that particular key?

But I see your true colours
Shining through
I see your true colours
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colours
True colours are beautiful, Like a rainbow




like a rainbow.

standstill.


basketball matches and meetups.
work and tuition.
church and prayer meetings.
outings and shoppings and going out.

and i still have so much to say for myself. thought of expressing or explaining my train of thoughts to sound reasonable. but guess it doesnt matter now. does it even help after going through all the details? think' it will only make us sound more petty, like finding someone to push the blame to. i dont even want to reason things out anymore. just want to do i know whats right.
but it really can be tiring at times. just one of the moments when im feeling real drained. well, in this aspect. and i pass these on to others around me, those whom i love. like, my mum. i know i should be more sensitive and careful with whatever im doing. im the every bit least greatful and pleasant. despite me feeling regretful and not wanting to, the words just spill off like that. guess its just a form of releasement that i need. but in a wrong way. i feel so on the verge now. i know whats right and whats not. but for now i feel a lil restrained, i need to let my own thoughts run wild. let my own dreams fly as high as they can. smell this fresh air of freedom and release, a place where i dont have to explain anything to anyone. but i still feel this strong need to protect and love, more than that, to just be what i was again. to be loved and love.
dont even know what im typing now, this huge chunk doesnt even link, just different thoughts mashed up tgt.
dont get me wrong. my recent company is just nothing but Great.
work is smooth, everything's fine.

somethings, i really cant explain.
i just need God now.
time for my quiet time.




every once in awhile, i come to the understanding again that crying is healing.

Im Forever Yours - Planet Shakers



old song. but always the same feeling whenever i hear it again.
a very familiar feeling, one thats filled with assurance and strength and faith
the strongest of all being Love. God's love which i felt when i first heard this song.
i was feeling at my lowest when a friend introduced this song to me casually in school. she had no idea what i was going through at that point of time.
so i sat down to listen, and listen.. and then the lyrics got so strong, they were more than just words of promises. slowly as the words registered, i began to realise that i dont have to wait for tomorrow for a new breakthrough or for help to come. i dont have to keep asking Daddy things like "why?" and "when?" or even "how?". the answers have always been on the inside of me all along. its like, the Solutions and Problems, they both appear at the same time. i just need to focus on my goal. my goal not being the end or the process or the difficulties that i'll face or the rewards that i'll reap or the amount of experience that i'll gain or the number of people who ive helped along the way or even the greatness of my breakthrough. but just Daddy alone.
no wonder some people just really never ever get tired of serving and living a christian life.
or maybe some of them dont even realise that they are going through a tough time because their walk with God is just so Close.
--

Here i stand within your presence longing for your touch.
A thousand days cannot compare to one day in your courts.


i was just filling up my plans for this coming week.
many packed slots with work and tuition and ministry and bball and social life as well.
i literally looked over my planner for a couple of hours with a few phonecalls in between, with me trying to settle some things so i cld fix them into the planner and i managed to let out some complains and whinning in between.
Planning is good. stress is also good. cause' if i fail to plan, i plan to fail right?
stress is good cause' its a good burden in a way that at least i have sth to work towards and not being complacent. of course not too much stress.
but i got all panicky. and then, i realised that this is actually Nothing.
nothing compared to, well to what so many other ppl are doing.
im just a little new and not confident at this.
but i know it will all work out eventually.
after a little moment of thinking and given assurance
im all set and ready for this week ahead Man.
BRING IT ON!

haha okay i hope all those above dont sound too gibberish to be understood.
anywayy,

spent my day at haji lane today aft service with eunice, angeline and cheryl.
expensive clothes but we seived through a couple of cheap and nice ones in between.
bought two tops!
and am inspired to lose some TUMMY ):
cause' of this beautiful top which i cant fit into Well.

i MISS,
my friend. i think i really have ALOT to work on.


okay, my challenge for the week begins in a few hours time.
need to catch some sleep.
good night world (:

The Fa La La Song - Jack & Rai




No twisted lovers, No forever and evers
I’m a sucker for simplicity.

No complications, No angry telephone conversations
Seems like yesterday when
I learned to be free


the ball is in my court.
but all i really want to do now is to take one step at a time, take a breather and let things unfold by themselves.


some think that im immune, others think that im just serious or too focused.
but sometimes,
i just wish that you're here with me.





well, maybe soon.
(:

its just monday and im already feeling so Packed for the week.
maybe its because i took extra care in planning ahead.
but i feel so Disorganized when things are cancelled or extra stuff pop ups, makes thing so messy now!
EEE. i dont like those scribbles n cancellations in my beautiful planner ):

work tomorrow and then meeting up with jue and cmk.
i seriously am not in the mood to wrk tmr
am feeling the sudden vibes to Shop
and all those online blogshops are so TEMPTING.
just banked in some money into my account, i shall Not flush all my money away so easily!

tuition is starting this thurs and friday, block 300 in sembawang!
decided to explore n search for it on feet but i ended up walking aimlessly for an hour around my estate.
thank goodness i wasnt lost.

borrowed eunice's ipod.
SO COOL!
watched "she's the man" and "camp rock" finish!
i know im slow.
Sighh, i wanna go overseas to study!


alrighty, back to "breaking dawn"
- or maybe just having a vampire boyfriend wld be better than studying overseas.

after planning and writing some cards late last night, i went to bed feeling very happy and excited.
it was near 4 am but i thought i could survive the short night.
who knows i Overslept.
slept all the way till 9:15 AM !?
): ): ):
thank goodness ah soon called me if not i wld still be in lala land.
so, my first attempt in booking seats failed.
try again?

(:

Pst Kong is Amazing!
--

AM very Excited for adidas sundown marathon!

i ate so Many SUSHIs and chicken pie today for dinner.
"ENOUGH no more! tis' not so sweet now as it was before" -william shakespear