im feeling, GREAT tonight.
and Loved (:

truly,
it was a really Tiring and Trying period for me.
to plan and organise and be part of it at the same time,
with other problems bugging in my life.
but the sermon today did impact me somehow.
if im complaining all the time, then the person im serving really isnt God but myself aint it?
because if i were to serve Daddy wholeheartedly,
it would be one out of compassion without feeling tired because then my source of strength would be from a source thats everlastingly strong.
anyhow,
today was Great (:
with trembling arms and a slightly shaky voice,
i found myself singing into the mike during worship today.
but the experience was good
and truly, i felt so honoured to just to be
serving, in the house of God.
(:

thank you God, for everything.
for using me.

i felt so Humiliated today during "UNLEASH"!
the catwalk and talentime and everything else,
though our group's performance was quite ruined..
HAHA. it was Great just having fun with the right people
:D

Fellowshipped after everything ended.
i LOVE my cell mates (:
haha

and from today onwards, am gonna blog more of SPIRITUAL stuff
because of people like
LANA TAN and CHERYL PORK.
haha

alrights, i need to butt off already
):
PICS TMR!

you are my glory.

woke up with two red and slightly puffed eyes this morn from last night.
it felt so horrible then.
but i feel better now.
thank you ELANA (:
for being so timely and for just listening.
i wish i could be there by your side too,
haha chasing away that wild imagination of yours.

king Lear has been ongoing for two days
and i dont have this excitement to go for today's show.
its weird how people tend to exaggerate their dressing.
we're only going to the Library mann.
i wonder what they're gonna wear for their prom night.
haha of course this is just from my point of view,
i do know that i tend to under dress many times too.
BasketBall's bbq is this evening
and i dont know how to explain it to them.
cant possibly split myself into two.
i do Miss Basket Ball a lot as whole,
the trainings and all the people.
but i guess too many absence from these social gatherings have made things different already.
i feel so bad for turning them down almost all the time.

PM was yesterday
and it felt great singing worship after worship after worships.
im quite stressed out about the upcoming events and all
but hopefully this sat is gonna be a Great one.
was talking to God on my way hme yesterday
He didnt respond back back im sure He was listening.
i wish that Daddy would come down in a physical form so real, and be my friend here on earth.
a friend who understands and is just all about perfect inside out.
sometimes i feel so exploited by the people around me
but its not that i hate anyone of them,
in fact i do Love them.
just that once in a blue moon,
i guess its when my energy really runs out
and i need someone real to lend me a shoulder to lean on.
but its alright,
we're all gonna be fine.

its friday today.

"this is the day which the Lord has made; we shall rejoice and be glad in it"
-Ps 118:24


back to this childlike yet Strong verse.
i want to be a child, with childlike faith.

burning a hole in your plastic heart wasnt my intention at all.
i just thought that as a friend, or even as a close friend,
i should just tell you how i feel.
and,
i miss J so much.
i guess i really am very Bad in expressing how i feel.
dear God,
i need to take a break with You. not away from you.
but i guess, i really do need a break.
to settle relationships issue.
and so much more other stuff.

toured round bugis a little today with lana before the lit play.
bugis street has lots of nice stuff
its pleasant to go there without the crowd.
i wanna get my sling Leather bag (:
and changed the face of my Beloved fossil watch,
change my sports shoes at queensway too.
MAN, ive got so much to do.

are you there?
i feel so dumb and jaded.

ZOMBIE.

i feel like a walking zombie.
walking zombie is what i feel like concurrently.


i'm so EXCITED and nervous at the same time.

dear God,
i Love them a lot.
but im not perfect and i suckk at expressing my feelings.
please give me more love, more patience.
more kindness, more sacrifices.

more of You and less of me.

back from camp!
im so tired after days of 5 hours of sleep and being busy with all the different preparations.
for a moment, i felt like i was serving in full-time ministry.
sometimes theres so Much here and there that i got so mixed up
but often, i find myself heading to bed smiling a little,
cause' im a servant.
(:
mm, camp was Great.
we had our overnight prayer meeting in PL primary.
which brought back so Much memories of my PL school days.
i really wished i could turn back time.
i Love worshipping Daddy with a huge group of people,
the feeling is pretty awesome (:
and im so inspired to really pray more and more daily.
its really, your heart that matters unto God.
fancy words dont count for anything.
i felt it so real during our pm just now,
when jicai started praying that burden in his heart was so Strong.
i started tearing just by hearing his prayers.
Jesus' Amazing! (:
i came hme after such a long day and to find a brand new study chair
haha Praise God, more motivation to study. (:
i must be NUTS to be still up at this time.
its 8:51 AM and everyone's more or less too zonked out from last night.
we didnt even slept a wink last night.
my head's spinning round and round already,
OH MAN, and i just dozed off while typing.
haha OKAY, time to really rest.
talking about rest,
my head was practically resting on this old lady's shoulder during my bus ride hme just hours before and some man kept staring over.
it was so Superb Embarrassing!

mm i MISS JOBY.
i think we both need to talk to catch up with each other.
(:

perhaps its the raging hormones.
ayee.
Love is so Interesting (:

its so Difficult to be patient and loving all the time.
i really do want to love, love and just have More Love.
but sometimes its difficult to convey the message that i want to pass on to them
if i werent to be harsh.
how do i make them understand that sacrifices are needed to grow?
that if you really want something, you've got to work for it.
just like our own destiny is in our grasps,
the different actions that we take explains our different journeys in life.
i need to PRAY more.
and also, to birth forth people like liwen and cheryl.
im starting to dare to dream now.
of the amazing things that we can do,
of my own cell in the near future.
am so Excited for Unleash!(:

alrights, theres still so much to do.
leaders' meeting later,
plans for unleash,
settle guitar pm
and our very own pm for unleash.

wow wow wow,
im gonna and i need to,
STRETCHH.
but for now,
a nap shall do the re-charging of my physical energy.

greatest love that anyone could ever know.

You are the peace that guards my heart.

i feel reallyreally Tired.
been sleeping around 3, 4am for the past few nights.
and for no particular reason actually.
just lying on bed and not being able to sleep.
OH MANN, i think i have insomnia.
):

i wish,
i could be the perfect friend.
nevertheless,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY joby (:
--

we are all innocent.



with a little more distance all of a sudden,
i feel so weird.
like what joby said,
"it always feel nice to be loved."
yes, it really does feel so nice to be loved.
and what can i do?
i brought it upon myself anyway.
overtime, its gonna get better
at least its a fact which i can seek comfort in.
but for now, i'll just let this weird bitterness hang in there a little.
--

zoo with joby today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE (:
:D
though it was drizzling, we still had fun.
saw so Many animals,
those RHINOCEROS are the Best!
(:

mm, i want to lose body fat.
i Need to Stop eating supper.
i really want to head down to the gym but plans for next week are taking up so much of my time.
time to STRETCH.

mann, im starting to lose my inspiration to blog.
i kind of miss my old blog now.
sometimes it feels like im talking to myself.
OKAY, im so Contradicting.

close your eyes, give me your hand.
do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?

too much pride.
in many different ways.
i always thought the people around me were full of pride.
but i overlooked myself.
and Pride, was the first sin in the bible.
when satan was so proud and egoistic, wanting his own kingdom.
i dont even want to have a small Inch of similarity with Lucifer.

recently, ive been playing a little hide-and-seek with God.
but i got so worn out after running in all the different directions.
i was just too lazy to sit down and wait on the Lord for my own breakthrough, too fearful, too impatient, too busy.
but God is LOVE.
and He told me today, that
"it doesnt matter if im not good enough.
it doesnt matter if ive made so many mistakes as a person.
what matters most, is being the faithful little servant who has a willing heart."
prayer meeting was Awesome today.
we all know that its so Difficult to become what we want to be.
its Never easy to walk the talk.
but i really want to be the small Humble servant who remains faithful at all times.
so that when Daddy looks down from heaven to see,
He notices me.

trying to Love A and Y with all my heart hasnt been easy at all.
like every other human being,
sometimes i get so irritated by their passiveness.
but now that i know it takes Extra love and an Extraordinary attitude to be different,
dear God i pray for more love.

and, this distance is the best that i can keep
for both you and me to grow.
i hope we will still be great Great Friends(:
--

hmm ZOO on saturday with TOFU (:
that woman dreamnt that i migrated to australia or something and she was so upset about it.
so SWEET.
i Love you too (:
cant wait for saturdayy (:

studying tmr with lana and wilfred.
alrighto,
lets get the ball rolling!

tattoos and memories.

i feel so much better without having to think twice before i type anything.
its easier to breathe in here.

esplanade last night.
i really thank God for such people around me.
(:

now that the exams are over, i really want to focus on A lot of things.
i think God is a really Beautiful God.
cause' everytime i come before Him and asks Him to use me,
He does. despite the fact that im not good enough.
and opening my eyes to look at this world around me,
i see so many people hungry for God too.
which makes me feel so honoured to just to be used by Him.
why me, God?
why me? im not as perfect as them.
and in my heart i feel so flattered, that i dont know how to express it outwardly.
but sometimes when Daddy really comes to use me,
im not even prepared at all.
sometimes, i feel like some greedy nutcase person.
yes fiona, you want God to use you, and you want to serve in ministry, shine in studies, touch the lives of cg members.
and so i ask God for this and that, and that and this.
but when it really comes,
im not even ready for it in person.
recently,
i realised that there is so Much more that i have to do before perfection.
im not even anywhere near to perfection.
whats the point of claiming that i want to be a "prayer warrior" when im not even strong enough to come against the night and darkness.
seeing visions and dreams were so amazing, but today, its past revelation that im living on.
when i share with others, i can only tell them of my dreams which came true.
the extent is so Limited.
i dont want to be just living on past revelation.
i want to be living on Daily Manna.
to have Never ending dreams that i can testify of to those around me.

i think i need to seek God so much more and i know that He's waiting for me to make some kindof move.
He has been so patient with me.
i think i dont even deserve it.

dear God, please dont pass me by.
i believe, help my unbelief.
--

ive been dreaming of so Much random stuff lately.
MAN, if we were all younger, we dont even have to deal with all these bgr rubbishh.
and WHAT is nic saying in her blog leh?
Haha, who's the one who always talks about guys Huh you tell me? you tell me NOW!


take me on a journey.

"You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo."
-DADDY by sylvia plath

my scars remind me that the past is real.





--

now im stronger, than yesterday.

i'll take my chances with you.

close to 2:30am last night and i was listening to this song.
i like the part which goes, "woohooo.."
haha, CLICK FIVE(:

HMM, history wasnt very smooth,
but at least i made an effort to smoke my way through a little here and there.
Maths, MANN!
was doing my questions and then i realised i FORGOT how to press those buttons to make my calculations.
things like Hypothesis.
my format was all written out already, but i just Forgot what to press on the calculator.
Aye, oh well, they are overr.

bumped into PL-lites at j8 today.
met tofu and we went for dinner.

i bumped into this particular friend today.
and perhaps, maybe its just like what tofu said. "everyone is growing up."
but i just didnt expect her to be the one.
it got me into a lot of thinking after that incident.
what is love?

i think we are all growing Up.


LOVE is beautiful, its unconditional.

dear God,
PLEASE SAVE ME FROM HISTORY.
)':

You're the only one who can undo what i've become.

where morning dawns and evening fades, You call forth songs of joy. (Psalm 65:8)

i MISSED out PM today.
))':
i heard that it was so Cool.
and i felt so dumb after tearing in front of soon li and leong.
but i was that close,
ignoring the small voice on the inside of me. and headed to study instead.
today, i really Understood importance of constantly doing the little faithful things.
you could be so Close to experiencing sth in the supernatural,
but just when the breakthrough comes, you head in the wrong direction.
but now that its over, its Okayy.
i'll have my very own great time with HS in my room today(:
i want to experience it Everyday.

service was quite good.
it was really nice down there at the floor area.
soon li was trembling.
it felt so Nice seeing people around me laying down their pride,
crying and worshipping God.
though time spent with lana during lunch today was short,
i Enjoyed it alot (:
I MISS YOU, though i see you almost everyday in school.








CHERYL! you owe me pictureS the next time i see you You STEAMED PORK.
(:
--

TOFU came over to sembawang yesterday.
i felt so LOVED after yesterday and reading her blog.
(:
i THANK GOD for youu (:
and Yes, THANK YOU to you too.
for always taking care of me.
SLEEPOVERS at both your place and mine after my eams!
:D





the little pretty boy we saw in the library:
HAHA. okay, a very random picture. but i thought it looks Cool.

stupid friend of 12th years.
i've seen all your mischievous deeds since young man!
--

OHH.
i cant wait for the next blood donation drive.
wanna be a BLOOD DONOR.
(:

on this altar i Stand, with my hands lifted high.

The Dry Bones Live.
Ezekiel 37:1-13
vs1-the hand of the Lord came upon me and brought me out in the Spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley; and it was full of bones.
vs2-then He caused me to pass by them all around, and behold; there were very many in the open valley; and indeed they were very dry.
vs3-and He said to me, "son of man, can these bones live?" so i answered, "O Lord God, you know."
vs 4- again He said to me, "Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, 'O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord!"
vs 5-'Thus says the Lord God to these bones: surely i will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live.
vs 6-"i will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall live. then you know that i am the Lord."
vs7-so i prophesied as i was commanded; and as i prophesied, there was a noise, and suddenly a rattling; and the bones came together, bone to bone.
... ...

i like these verses Alot.
if even, the Dry bones can live and breathe again,
what more can me spirit who delights in Daddy.
dear God, i dont want to be Complacent with what ive already seen or experienced or felt.
theres so much more, so much More.





oh MAN,
its close to 5:00pm and i havent done a Single thing since 11am.
was supposed to head to the airport with gradys today.
but we were both so Lazy to travel that we cancelled it,
laughing at each other's situation over the phone.
she Rushed hme, all the way to yishun to just to bathe and pack her books.
while i brought all my towel and clothes to bathe in sch for Nth.
my Goshh, felt like some SUA GUs.
i dislike weekends. its so Packed everywhere.
macs' packed, library's packed.
theres no place to STUDY.
which leaves me to Home, where all the slacking and eating takes place.
mann, the weather has been so HOT lately,
thank DADDY for RAIN! more rain pleasee.
(:
alrightts, i should Stop complaining.
at least no one's home now, which means silence.
and my brother's not home, i can use his ROOM!
i LOVE my brudda's room,
Shouldnt have volunteered giving him that room when we were younger.
i Wish i can turn back time.
-

woke up feeling nausea and giddy yesterday morn.
i think i've been Too distracted lately.
because i left home without my __! (for personal privacy)
and i only realised it after walking out of the house for 15 mins.
HAHA, i told gradys and soon. MANN, so embarrassing la Please.
something's wrong with me lately.
down at the library, trying to Flood my brain with econs
when i saw something which i shouldnt have seen.
YUCKK.
it Grossed me.
--

BA GUA has been flooding me with phone calls lately.
:D
i cant wait for JUNE,
i cant wait for JUNE!
-

imperfection is what that makes us perfect.

Studystudystudy.
with GRADYS today (:
the library's a really nice place to be in,
especially when i just discovered a couple of Lit books on poems today.
my tofu has a new name!
BA GUA.
:D
she wanted to come down and visit me in the library today.
THANK YOU (:
i know your thoughts!
cant wait to see you Tmr (:
-
i miss my classmates.
i miss people like claudy and char and patson.
well, at least they are studying too.
-
THANK YOU
SOON LI YUN(:
for praying for us and taking over all our bs and all.
it must have been tiring for you too.
i wanna give you my Full support when you're having exams too!
HMM.
gradys and i ate so much today,
i felt like a Pig.
i need Time to jog and run!
OH, there was a scene at the library today.
some man was chasing after a thief down the escalators in the library.
and he got caught, the police came.
rather Exciting. Haha
alrighto.
CELL tmr,
gonna exchange guitars with LEONG.
HOHOHO(:

dont turn around.

tonight i've fallen and i cant get up.
i need your loving hands to come and pick me up.
and every night i miss you, i can just look up.
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight.
--

MUSIC

last night, 1 plus am and i couldnt sleep.
plugged into the praise songs in my mp3,
it felt good though it was dark.
(:

econs was like Crapp today.
i had so much time to stone in front of my paper.
GP was not too bad,
i hope i at least fare well for it.

my plans for the next few days are up already.
after the exams
i want to head to the gym andd
Kick-boxing.
JUNE is waiting for me,
i can hear it calling out my name already.

for now,
its LIT, maths, history and more econss

the words dont fit.

days grow longer and nights grow shorter.

slept at 3am last night.
but the time wasnt spent on my books.

unconditional love.

trying hard to be a friend but you make it so difficult.

i dreamnt of TOFU last night
(:
and with cell, we were all in church worshipping
when the pastor suddenly reached out his hands and said "touchh"
instantly, we fell back on our chairs, slained.
it was so Amazing in my dream.

i want to be a worship leader. i want to lead people into the presence of God.

ive been studying with nic lately(:
people always succeed in their attempts to burn midnight oil.
honestly, i dont know how they do it.
i guess im just not a night person.
which is, rather bad.
cause' i waste my day away ):
i hope i survive this round of mid-years,
at least enough to make it through alive.

STEAMED PORK, im so glad you're smiling now
you look so Much prettier smiling(:

challenging my spirit,
to go deeper even though it means the probability of lesser guidance along the way.

i Love DADDY for He is.
and not just what he brings or what he gives.

BYE.-

cold and out of breath.

esplanade.
is really a beautiful place.
while making my way there,
i found myself slowly stepping deeper and deeper into the world of arts.

met hansheng and we studied (:
cell was good.
i wanted so much to just sit there and worship longer,
just spending time waiting.

nothing comes from nothing,
go to, he's a Wise fool.

sometimes i feel so foolish and dumb.
but i realised that its in this unclear state of mind that i start to grow,
and start to see clarity.

i'll show you the best of it.