i dont think its true eh.
wahh becuase if it is. a gazillion number of people who have wanted to see me for the past few years. this explains how weird my dreams are. i always dream of random people i wonder whyy.

Update.

its been awhile since i last updated.

and so, my birthday came and went. feeling very old now ): esp when the SA boys keep calling me aunty. im only a young adult! no, wait, im Not even a young adult yet please!

was really surprised and touched by those who celebrated for me (: and a few personal notes and gifts that were really unexpected too.

really had fun with maggie on my bday eve! hahaha she made me laughed so hard till my saliva came dripping out! hahaha Very Gross i know but she's super kuku please!! damn funny!! now im just waiting for the pics to be loaded!

Except that there was one particular person close to my heart.. whom i think forgot about my bday. but its okay. ive learnt to forgive and forget. no more having to meet whatever silent expectations i have of close friends. i'll still love her despite all that.

been a longg and tiring week. with pm in the mornings and tuitions in the evenings.

i cant really recall significant events already.looking forward to going back to school tmr. I WILL NOT SLEEP IN CLASS.cant waste my $$ and the 6 mths of experience!!

its almost the end of april and still no news from NUS(FASS).

how now brown cow? ):
BELIEVEEEEEEEE.and STILL BELIEVEEEE.
many little issues bugging me.
but it doesnt matter if im a 2 or 3.
doesnt matter who says or what they say.
as long as my God understands and knows me.

i want to be Unconquerable.

Good Listener

A good listener is one who listens and doesnt judge.

cant believe i came out with this smart phrase today.
just feeling very hurt lor ):
shared my feelings bcause we were close. and if you know me well enough, it takes me awhile before i start warming up and opening to others. i am afterall, human. people do get sad and offended at times right. we all fall down and need outlets to vent and rant before we can finally pick ourselves up again. so why this judgement? you rant, i listened. i ranted and you formed opinions. if i knew it a long time ago, i wldnt have done likewise. headache.

"A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you." -Psalm 91:7
i really like this verse alot.

HAPPY. God wants us to be happy.
Pastor said today that if you're not happy in what you're serving, change.
if you're not happy in your cell, change.
if you're not happy doing what you are doing, change.
above all the serving and acheiving our dreams,
God wants us to be happy.
Happy,
i will be happy and stay happy.

looking forward to sunday night with maggie (:

Discipline

head underwater, breathing gets harder even i know it.
this is how i feel at times.

i need to be more disciplined.
i need to be more disciplined.
i need to be more disciplined.

in my thoughts. remember the breakthroughs, the promises, My Vision. and focus on it.


"Just as iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another man's countenance."
i finally know what it must have been like for my leaders initially. so many times i feel like the opposite.. but just like a good shephard cares and tends for his sheep.. i want to be a good shephard. each and every single one of them is imporatant. let my heart be big enough to love and contain these people.

feeling burdened. i dont need to feel very appreciated on my bday, little acts of response will really make my day. i dont need extraordinarily good helpers, i just need willing ones.

not feeling very excited this year. maybe the feeling hasnt gotten to me yet?
Overnight pm last night, came back and slept all the way from 10am to 6pm then went for tuition. there goes my plans for springcleaning my room, ive still yet to find that bugger mosquito! two days off from sot before it commences on friday, finally a break(: many things on my to-do-list which i havent fulfilled.
Got a new antibiotic from the dentist today but it still doesnt seem to be working. my right tooth hurts everytime i bite ): i hope its nothing to do with the roots.

Alrighty, rest well think less. live longer (:
Joy of the Lord shall be my strength!

Nostalgia

i was just looking through fb and came across many ex-classmates' profile.
people whom i used to be close to. expecially those of the same faith. i rmb the times when we used to share about each others' lives and dreams Alot. so happy to see so many of them living out those visions now. some achieved, some still achieving. these are people who reallyreally Impacted my life.

people like Althea, the one who taught me my very first strum on the guitar. who had Lots of patience with my complains and poor learning skills. i rmb us having a spare guitar at the back of the class and how we wld always pick it up to play in between periods when we had free time. so happy that she is now serving God in the mission field, helping out with the churches in m'sia. she didnt apply for uni, just went where God led her too. theres so much i can learn from her faith. how she was able to go eventually with peace and a sound mind. i miss altheaaaa, cant her for her to come back to s'pore!

and then theres Blackspot too, Jeanette justin! my going to school and home buddy plus all the studying sessions. and above it all, all the spiritual sharings we had. and when i failed my A-levels, she was the one who really got me back again. so many times i scrambled to my feet, fall down and try to stand up again in front of her. but im really thankful for the undying faith in me that was alwaysalways there.

and of course, not forgetting rachel ho too. so many people..
looking back, i think i was really Blessed to have so many people along side with me. its like different people having that same fire burning on the inside. though we seldom talk nowdays and we're all each busy in our own ministries, i know that we are running our races alongside each other. Oh Mannn, i really miss those good old dayss!

things are different now. now that im more mature in some sense.. it can get really lonely at times. but when i start thinking of all these dear ones and when i look at what all the other leaders are doing, it doesnt seem that lonely anymore.
i know and i know that i know. im a Conqueror in christ. when i go up to heaven, i'll be living in my beautiful home and drive my cool beatle (:

feeling a little nostalgic, missing my old friends!

and i am left here still standing in awe.

wow i am really Amazed at how God works. through the manymany unexpected ways.
indeed, i need to stop doubting and limiting God.

very happy and flattered and amazed by the revelations ive been getting through dreams again. happy that this gift is not dead but still alive. thankyou God.

its been a busy week. i keep oversleeping and end up cabbing. need to stop this bad routine! seriouslyy ): SOT assignments are piling up. oh dear and i havent really started on any books yet. i really need to get things started. anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAZELINE (((:

new week ahead! determined to make it a good one. excited about praise and excited about my pm. this week, i will Smile everyday as much as i can. and do what i can to be a better person and leader. thats the best way i can bless my sheep.
i wanna face everything with a kindof clamness and peace on the inside of me. because i know that the Lord will provide.

need some peace.

busy dayss. so many sheep and goats. im not an experienced shephard yet. sometimes i feel so lost God. please touch the hearts that i cannot touch.

need a shoulder to lean on.
and tell me that its all going to be okay.

my phone is cranky!! ):
gonna get it fixed tmr.

focusing on my own individual race. i know i will finish it well (:

Delay is not denial.

today i learnt that when Daddy delays your plan, it doesnt mean that He has denied them. dont ever doubt God's happiness for you life.

and thats exactly what i need to constantly remind myself of everyday. havent been meeting up with my friends recently, wanna do some catching up this week.. and easter is around the corner too!

oh Daddy, im so tired.

please multiply my sleep and give me the strength.

thankyou, Amen.

oh God, more of you and less of me.

SOT is good (: i really need to slap myself wide awake, still drifting inbetween consious and unconsciousness. even though i see other people dozing off at times too.. this shouldnt be the case!! im working and paying for it, really got to make it worth it! anywaysss, i REALLY NEED a RETAIL THERAPY ): i wanna shop carefreelyyyyy!

sometimes in my heart i feel a thousand and one emotions that i know i must constantly crucify.
why like that? why they dont respect me? when is the breakthrough coming? i cant do this alone?!!
but most of the times i just ignore these thoughts. because i know i need to stay focus. if Daddy can do it, i know i can love these people too. just keep giving and giving and sowing into their lives. sometimes i just feel so tired, i take a break to stop and rest. but i know i musnt stop for long. someday.. they will love me back.
i cant wait for that day.
(:

AHH DEAR GOD,
I REALLY WANT TO GET INTO NUS.
PLEASE?

Hello (:
SOT has been good. really happy to be living one of my goals for 2010! this 6 mths, i am going to toally enjoy it, work hard and grow from it. and look back with smiles (: not easy though, been dozing off a little here and there in between, think i ate at least a hundred mints alrdy! need to re-adjust my body clockk.

very busy week! but for the upcoming one, ive a few goals:
-finish applying for uni
-buy sports shoes, hopefully!
-find a new tuition assignment
-adjust body clock
-visit the gym!


im Loving my sheep(:
inspired my them. sometimes they are my biggest frustrations. but also for most of the time, they are one of my biggest motivation (:

"This is the day which the Lord has made; i shall rejoice and be glad in it."
-Psalms 118:24


even if my heart breaks and cries, i will still sow these seeds of love. because in due season i will reap.

i am tired out to the Max. slept at 4 plus last night oh mann my body clock is rather haywire.
tuitioned at sengkang today after sportsday. super tiredd. svc tmr then nus open hse and tuition again. monday's sot orientation day plus meeting at night.
i need to catch some serious sleepp!
my interview is tmr. oh God, please help me!
Tiredddd.

been so busy this week travelling from places to places, i can feel the hole in pocket growing bigger n bigger already! and what a blur blockk, i counted wrongly on the amount of prizes i need to get. now ive to travel to ikea again ): seriously feeling very tried from doing so much without pple's help. sometimes i feel like superman. i just want to have my own time to worship and really wait on God as well.
But i will not give up. they say that when you find yourself complaining, its when its time to increase ur capacity.
well let it be to me.

thankyou for always believing in me even when no one else did.
thankyou for always having faith in me even i doubted my own abilities.
and thankyou for always doing the work for me even when i dont deserve it.
sometimes i just sit and stare blankly at things, thinking that i will not breakthrough this week. but you always do the works for me and show me that it is so easy. that there is in fact nothing to be scared of, nothing to contemplate or even worry about. as long as im willing, all else will fall into place. because you're Jehovah Jireh, God you're my provider.
so why then am i still hesitating? a moment im in and the next im out. and then im in again. i am such a timid, foolish girl.
i need to start leaving fear and living faith.

Dear God,
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

feeling so nervouss. its the feeling which ive been trying to escape and avoid for months and tomorrow is finally the day. its scary how time flies, now is already march?!
dear God, please help my unbelief. i want to leave it all in your hands tomorrow.

sometimes i just wish that the earth beneath me will open up and consume me so that i can hide in there for awhile until im ready to come out again.