cause' im the one that loves you lately.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAMELA!
i Love you, MAGGIEE
:D

"pillowman" was Interesting!
though the Dark and negative content was really Disturbing initially,
i got used to it after awhile.
i Like watching plays! :D
looking forward to watching HAMLET!

check out my latest FATTY food:
CHEESE.
someone should go try eating bread with peanut butter and then smacking one square piece of cheese.
its MMM (:
my breakfast for the past few days
HAHA
--

OHH, thanks to LANA TAN (:
this song is..
AWESOME.
i LOVE the prescence of GOD
(:




SATURDAYS have become Very Precious days.
looking forward to my next SATURDAY!

they tell a different story.

what hurts the most, is being close.

STOMACH ACHE ):
i had a great long talk with Tofu last night
and though we kept dozing off so many times in between,
i Love talking to her (:


i attempted history today,
doing trigger notes and all.
shall do More tonight!

byee (:

we've got this great thing

should i stumble again, im caught in Your grace.

this song means Alot to me.
i remember the first time when i first heard it,
it became my bedtime song and i fell in love with it.
the lyrics, they comfort me.
and a couple of days ago on wednesday,
i felt so Drained and on the verge of losing myself.
but then after my jog of Ten whole rounds at 6:30am with the team,
i switched on my phone and saw jon's msg which reminded me of this song.
and then i saw the next door young man's msg too.
as if it werent enough,
char came up to me randomly and showed me this verse:

"He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength"
- Is 40:29

it left edged deeply in a corner of my heart for the rest of the week.
it Amazes me how coincidental things can be
and how much Daddy loves me.
no matter what, no matter what.
sometimes i feel so WEAK.
many people come and tell me that im so Strong.
but at times when i fail to do so,
i feel so Exposed and Vulnerable.
and this attached attention that comes along too,
it makes me feel raw.
this is so Not ME.
but of course, i know that its alright to feel the ups and downs once in awhile.
please stop asking me "if im okay"
i am Perfectly Alright.
why HO, i do feel cared for (:
its alright, Dont worry about me.
im a big girl now.
--

let justice and faith, become my embrace.

"meet the parents" was today
it was Bad, and ive got to see B first thing on monday morning.
BUT,
oh Wells, lets Not talk about this anymore.
-

friendlys are on mon and wed
its nice to be praised on court by R,
but it feels even better to be down, running after the ball.

i almost Died from frustration during gp lecture this week.
cause stupid Beng locked my table with his Soccer legs for HALF of the lecture,
i was forced to use my POOR lap instead
he is such a Sadist!
and after finding out that so many people had the Misconception of me and Beng..
i almost Died again.
HAHA.
he is my Enemy-come Friend la PLEASE!

"pillow man" is this coming sunday,
im looking forward to the PLAY and our CLASS DINNER
:D

--

after so Long,
i finally spoke to pam and tofu just now.
which also partially explains why im feeling Higher already.
seeing their Fat faces tmr, plus CELL
(:


HAPPY BIRTHDAY LESMANA (:
andd
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE to..
PAM :D

ALRIGHTS,
"always look on the bright side of life"

please give Me some personal space,
im Claustrophobic.
i need to BREATHE.

i dont need to friend the whole world do i?

just take what you need and be on your way,
stop crying over it.
--

hey there dairy!
pe network started this morning,
and i still Cant believe we signed up for DANCE of all items Haha.
it was my idea on mistake, BUT i thought we were signing up for the olympics thing which's supposed to last for Only a day.
and everyone else just followed without bothering to explain
THANKS ah!
we ended feeling awkward in the dance studio.
HAHA. i can Never be one of those dancers man.
but thank GOD its not ballet that we are learning,
hip hop! just some minor steps here and there,
the studio makes me think of Kick-Boxing(:

poor claudy injured her two knees
she was having so much difficulty walking around today.
i think you're Strong darl! (:
and THANKS so much for helping me with my history file today.
i felt like a kid being cared for haha.
you Sure do act like a Mum at times, though Childish too.
-

friendly's on wed and thurs!
i am so excited about this TEAM(:
and the more i play, the more i discover.
passion, gets you Far, further than the others.
had a good talk with my junior on the way hme today!

dear God, i Miss you alot.
though you arent far but i know i can always become closer too.
i want to be Bigger, Better, Stronger, Firmer.
leaning on no one but standing on my own and of course,
You are my pillar of Strength.
(:

-

sometimes, i feel so watched in school.
its getting harder and harder to Breathe.

BENG has been looking down lately.
i wish im a little braver and smarter to know what to do.

bs with SANDY tmr after school (:
friendly with NJC on wed!
friendly with NYJC on thurs!
meet the parents' on friday -OH BOY.

angel's note made my day yesterday,
i went :DD
oh YEAA, tofu got into RP.
im so Happy for her (:
Swimming, Swimming TGT !


super punk rock boy!

i feel You tugging at me,
a voice that whispers inside of me.
--

fossil, FOSSIL ):
it breaks my heart to see those beautiful Leather watches in shops.
yes i am Jealous and i am Angry,
at that Irritating person who probably cheated me of my cash.
BUT
i am So gonna SAVE up myself and get a replacement.
just you wait and See!

eevel came for service today (:
and BOY, he sure can eat Alto for breakfast.
cell went for movie after service.
we caught "vantage point".
i MISS fellowshipping with CELL alot,
and i miss talking to ppl like soon, nic and jicai too.
im SORRY for being so hesitant today,
but im glad i still went for it (:
though it means having to do lots tonight.
little kiddos like cheryl and liwen make me smile haha
though they will really Pull you around non-stop.
reminds me much of SANDY when she was much younger.
:D
oh yea, i made a pact with that woman to have bs regularly every tues
i Love my bible student who hungers and thirst!(:
i Love action-packed shows,
so Exciting haha.

WELL WELL,
my coming week is gonna be so PACKED.
i Hate it when people say that im so Busy.
but i know that i am, despite not wanting to either.
but im really trying
to make time for me and for you and for GOD.
im proud to say tt i burnt mignight oil till 4:30 am last night!
Aights, we'll do it again today.
and though,
the idea of falling sick is really Appealing,
Daddy has really been taking care of me.
im not boasting, but my body just Cant fall sick easily for some reason,
esp despite eating so much wrong and cold food
andd all those flu and cough Bugs around.

tmr's MONDAY,
i'll fight a good battle and then on saturday i'll be able to share my good testimony
of how i survived through this coming Really Busy Week.
(:

1st APRIL is COMINGG
means, start of new monthly phone plan!
haha i know its Dumb having to control my msges and all,
but BUT
am Not gonna OverExplode my phonebill anymore.
i cant afford to.

breathe life into these bones of mine.

HELLO WORLD!
it feels good to be back in here.
hello blogspot,
i Miss YOUUUUUU

i accompanied layho for service today.
it felt so GREAT going back to jurong's church.
i like that warm and familiar feeling.
the CUTE usher ushered us all the way to the front seats.
he looked so familiar, i think we were in the same bs class.
haha okayy, he's not the main point here.
the thing is, we were sitting right at the Front.
it was our first time and i got all so Excited over it.
cause you see, usually only pastors and cell leaders get to sit there.
and it was so near the stage, closer to the anointing(:
but BOY,
we forgot all about the camera and video.
so halfway through praise and worship,
i saw my own face being screened on that Large screen when the camera rolled
and my Shocked plus DUMB expression was shown.
so Embarrassing!
but sitting in front was a great experience
haha layho felt the same way too.
sermon was Good (:
i felt so blessed by it today.
she's coming back for cell and service,
i am so HAPPY!
:D
--


i have Alot of work to do.
but im still looking forward to SCHOOOLLL.
OHH, Eevel's coming tmr!(:


listening to my own heartbeat

MOVED.

www.imthe-heroine.livejournal.com

i know that ive been busy.
tell me now, what am i supposed to do.
and who am i supposed to please.

being BUSY SUCKS.
i wish you knew how much i care.


please understand me.

it isnt "what am i here for"
but instead,

"Who, am i here for."

--

today i reflected on myself and my life.
until i can manage waking up on time,
staying awake through all my lectures,
doing tutorials Myself,
coping basketball,
cell and service,
being a good daughter
and a good friend,
then i guess, i can think of expanding my capacity even more.

i was telling and asking Abba Father today.
when can i start serving in my ministry?
why is it that theres still no news for so long?
when is it gonna be my turn?
and then i realised,
i cant even manage all that ive got now.
and to be honest,
when i see friends around me falling ill,
i find myself looking forward to the day when its my turn.
but that day never comes.
perhaps i should stop having thoughts of running away or hiding off somewhere for awhile.
i would really Love to take a break.
but i would want to take a break With Abba Father,
not From Him.


forgive all these talks,
i need a place to rant a little in.


i MISS RACHEL HO so muchh,
i dreamnt of her whole church gang last night.
and i MISS ALTHEE so muchh,
that reading her blog is the only way i can catchup with her life.
i MISS JOBY so much,
but we're both too busy to meet up.
TELEPATHYYYY.
):
well, i THANK GOD for people whom i can see everyday.

JESUS CHRIST,
you're my HERO!
please come and Perk up my emotions and fill whatever emptiness there is.
come and be All the Good that i'm not, and take away All the Bad that i am.
and dear God,
i need more of patience for this coming week.
more of tolerance,
more of Love,
and faith and more of strength.
in short,
i just basically need to be more of You.

Thank You.


and so, my heart sings.

he was sitting there on the cold hard ground,
collecting social graces.

i've found the path which i want to take.
to major in social sciences and be a psychiatrist
or a psychologist, going into prisons and homes to aid people,
spreading the LOVE!
OR, major in literature and see where i can go from there.
(:


THANKYOU so much, for sticking around me.
for putting up with my smiles and frowns
or
just being a normal friend who doesnt change despite the situation.
--

yesterday after cell,
i learnt that if i really want to see it coming to past,
i'll have to bear the full responsibility of it.
so bring it on,
this EASTER is gonna be a Different one.
-
and soon, i know you care
(:
i Love you Alot, Alot.


"and all things, whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."
-Matt 21:22

i, want to be a Prayer Warrior.



someone's watching over me.

they tried to pull me away.


my Biggest faults are
Stubbornness and Pride.

as a matter of fact,
maybe sometimes i really do have to stop and pause
to listen.
--


my knight in shinning armour

once again i pour out my life.




i just read sandy's blog and it made me Smile!
these are really, the kindof things which keep me going.
"it's a new start.
and they'll be jealous of ur smile(: "
she said that too,
and i think, its really meaningful (:
--

everyday, school has been like a mini challenge to me.
but after one week,
i feel like i've accomplished something.
and i really do like that feeling.

perhaps its really biting in.
and that explains why ive been determined to stay Strong no matter what.
just this week alone,
people around me have been crying, crumbling, feeling stressed.
ive seen E,X,C cry.
and receiving a 1Am phonecall from P only to hear her crying non-stop made me feel so horrible on the inside.
theres really, nothing much that i can do but to direct them to the same helpline i turn to,
Abba Father.

imagine having to face and hear negative statements everyday.
lines after lines of words that are Not edifying at all.
i know its all meant to be a joke.
but maybe sometimes, it just gets carried a bit too far off?
and theres a reason why they say
theres a limit to everything.
for the exact same reason which make C teared that day.
i feel so ARGhH.
i feel like punching someone upside down.

i'm a human,
i do feel something too.
and i managed to control everything and lift them all to abba father today.
releasing made me feel so much better(:

forgiveness is unconditional.

--

of course
School was PLEASANT too
(:

studied with stinky and sooon ytd.
and stinky will always be my good friend despite being so smelly.
(:
am so glad to be roaming the streets with AH SOON ytd,
i miss YOUR company alot
though i see you ever so often-ly.
we,
bought MY BAG :D

Beng has been giving me the cold shoulder lately
i dont know why
but it makes me feel so uneasy on the inside
it makes me so not at-ease without all those "insults" and "scoldings"

i hope things will be better soon.
--

i've never really took sermons and sunday messages seriously before.
but now,
i see that its starting to influence my own life.

change is needed for growth.
love, is essential.

and i dont believe that
love cant melt any cold heart.


give me some time to prove to you that my God is Real.

shout it out with a voice of triumph


"therefore we do not lose heart. for even though the outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is renewed day by day"
- 2 Cor 4:16

this verse was one of the few revelations i had
and
its been running through my head for the past few days.

it means that though the body will grow tired
and be weaken,
the spirit's Different.
it can be standing strong cause this strength which i'm leaning on,
its not mine but God's.
and since my God is so Big and Strong and Almighty,
this pillar of strength which i'm leaning on will not tumble or fall or come crashing down.
--

i have so many things to say,
i vomitted them all out to Abba Father.
people just never seem to be there all the time do they?
but then again, even if they do
i dont think i had want any either.
the way ive pushed so many away,
its not that they're not good enough,
i just feel much safer and less vulnerable with my Abba Father.


RIGHTS,
friday!
WEEKENDS are coming again, HO.


seeing with your heart

do you think that i would cry on the phone?

i've learnt to be stronger now.

--

THANK YOU GOD
once again,
for the GOOD, the BAD
the SWEET, the SOUR, the SALTY and the BITTER
for the TEARS and LAUGHTERS
for REST and for WORK
as well as for PATIENCE and LOVE
all experienced in my busy school hours.

maybe sometimes, just sometimes,
i need a little more privacy
so i can trash more things out and share more personal stuff.

anyHOW,
biblestudy tmr, i Cant Wait
(:

andd gonna, gonna
hit the track and run those lanes for the next three days again.
lets go, LEGS.
we can Do it!


running after You.

much has been happening
i'm so Happy that its friday!
(:
finally a short break and a chance to catch up.


what the world needs now is love

you are the one

the weekends are coming,
the muscles in my legs are aching.
homework's piling,
and emotions are rising.

my SPORTS SHOES have fallen apart
):
i Need shoes.
my White jersey has gone missing
)':
i Miss it Alot.

i've never been this awake before during tutorials
and of course,
old habits die hard
and theres still so much to improve on
but what i really need now is the strength
and your understanding.
--

was late today and i gave history tutorial a miss.
sat at some ulu staircase talking with sooon for the whole of first period.
i really miss those days.
those days, those days.. soon enough we're gonna be 21 and ready to marry and have our own Baby!
hahaha.

caught up with Huds today!
and i Cant wait to see joby's face in the next few days.
(:
-

much has been going on recently.
all these things that are happening,
they make me feel flattered and honoured,
but i guess i have no need of these kindof distractions for now.

ALRIGHTS!
history quiz and tutorial are waiting for me
and so are two maths exam papers
Plus econs.
which reminds me when i was rushing hme wrk the other day,
leo went,
"see la! PLAY PLAY PLAY."
and Stupid BENG went,
"see la! PRAY PRAY PRAY."

he meant it in a joking way and it made me laugh haha.
OKAY,
i shall be a GOOD testimony.

am missing CHURCH
and seeing ppl like my cell and those marists ppl
cant wait for SUNDAY!


falling into the arms of grace,
into the arms of Security.

i cant stop falling in love with You

its amazing how i've been living this week through.
to be honest,
training has zapped almost all the energy that ive got.
with the SIX plus plus km i ran on monday alone,
and reaching home on late nights
together with piling homework and tests,
they're draining me out.
BUT
i still wanna thank my Great BIG GOD!
for keeping me awake in most of the lectures
today, i broke my own record! reaching school at 7:15AM
i Knoww, it isnt that early,
but HEYY i broke my own record Haha.

before this whole new school term started,
i told myself
no Matter what, i'm gonna expand my own capacity. and No matter how tiring its gonna get, i will survive with God's help.
its not just a religion alone,
its a personal relationship that i have.
cause' this is how i grow.
how does the tough get going if the going doesnt get tough?
--

tonight, i'm a little disappointed and shaken.

but seeing keeps me believing
and
believing keeps me going.

i dont believe there'll be no breakthrough in you.
just wait and see.


the higher the calling, the tougher it is to breakthrough.

we cannot tell the sun to keep shinning,
nor can we tell the rain to stop falling.

i think, i want to find a new home
one with more privacy.
sometimes along the way,
all those giving becomes tiring.
not just giving physically, but mentally, and emotionally as well.
i need an Input and an output.
ABBA FATHER,
please give me the strength to stay as the pillar
which never breaks.

PAM and me are both crazy about bball now (:
i LOVE you MAGGIE,
thanks for, Everryything (:
and for always listening.



this is my life,
and i wanna live my life to the fullest.

and theres so much to say to you, its empowering me.
the music's blasting, those lines,
they remind us of what we used to be.

after a tiring day out in school,
seeing familiar faces,
trying my best not to miss and think of people like
huda, lim woan, tabby, clauds..-
after putting up with the mischievous acts of others,
pulling my hair, shooting friendly sarcasms, shoving me around, jeering jokingly
concerning things like my very own religion.-
after thinking much for the day
and mixing with new friendly pleasant people,-
after evening training which left me gasping for air at the end of it,
but was edifying cause i was praised today,-

i just feel like saying a little prayer
and then crawling into bed with my aching legs,
not needing to move one Inch
and allowing my eyes to take a break.

BUT
its only the first day of school.
why am i feeling so tired?

Female warriors arent worn-out that easily,
so i shant be!


what can i do to make you care?