it seems like lots of things have happened.

i feel so proud of myself for making the right decision ytd

perhaps its no big deal

but it must have meant alot in God's eyes

"the time when you dont feel like worshipping God the most, is the time you Should"

this just kept running through my head the whole time ytd

and Thank You anna (:

aiya, i know i've picked myself and den weaken again

and so the cycle goes

but i really want to make a come back

back to my first love

back to right where and what i was

looking back, i Was much faithful in my bible reading n trusting in God during the times when i had PO

and Thank You hansheng (:

thank You weide for listening (:

i'm not a perfect person

but i really do want to try.

PSALMS 118:24

is my self-motivation everyday

i really do miss my friends who are from BAND.

because everyone has been so busy.

and its actually kindof irritating. ):

i cant help but miss a million and one ppl right now.

Jean pang is having poly camp!

Pam is busy with SYFC and soon, poly.

joby has sch too and Jl's starting poly soon

i'm sorry that i cldnt make it ytd

AIYA.

i guess even I am busy, actually.

but i guess thats life.

hopefully time will really go slowly so we can all savour and spend our jc time tgt.

and i like basketball training

though they've hired an outside coach to train us every week

and we Have to train with all the J1 guys

And we have to do what they do

though theres only Five girls.

i still like training alot

cause its fun and its cool.

and it makes me feel fit!

at least it balances my unhealthy diet.

i've realised that reaching out is very much a personal choice.

when i chose to look on the brighter side,

i found that there are, actually possible circumstances.

i thought i knew enough in my own spiritual ife

but so it seems like i still have Lots to learn and grow.

i Want to be Better.

i Want to be the one who smiles no matter what happens

i Want to be like Job who stands strong no matter what.

and i Want to be like Jesus who gives and loves, and expects nothing in return.

i want to be a better person!

Thank YOU GOD for Loving me so much.

i've never watched a real basketball match in my life

thats why when i watched one today,

i was Filled with Awe.

Nobody told me that you cld be SuperSuper rough

just when things were getting exciting,

the coach frm the opposite team made a whole big fuss concerning the referee

there was a heated arguement and den the coach left!

and to think his team players arent even on his side.

lousy COACH.

his team players carried on with the game happily after he left.

goes to show how much they disliked him.

haha.

i like Ms Rivera!

:D

she's my PE teacher too! and she makes PE so much more FUNner

than running round the tracks

my basketball coach is one Interesting LADY!

--

i ran 2km today! not including PE

hello muscle aches, i am mentally prepared.

halfway through bball, i saw my class and waved

i guess its just the way they are,

they went, "Fiona!! *wave, wave wave* ! *Big smiles*"

and right at that moment, i felt Very Loved.

welllll, its a start. i Really hope we'll forget abt feeling weird and being totally ourselves.

okay, maybe it only applies to me

but i Love my class anyway.

its gona be Fun (:

i Hope CELINA, CLAIR, SHIQI, VAN, JASMINE and me will all stay in basketball together.

it'd be Really Cool man.

i miss seeing PL ppl in sch.

our timetable's all so different!

i think even a game of 'wacko' will do much fun.

i'm getting rid of the bad, to be better

freedom of speech!

my muscles are aching frm monday's training.
there's training n PE tmr too.
bring it on man!
i wanna be FIT (:
and i think i'm gona stay in basketball.
even though i cant exactly play
HAHA
i think if i manage to make it as a sch team reserve,
its not bad alr.
i might not be good, but i believe that Prayers will give me the power to play well.
Yea. (:

for the first time in months,
i was almst late for sch today
i sprinted for sch the moment i alighted frm the bus.
ran up the overhead bridge and through void decks
i was so Happy! when i realised i wasnt the only one running late for sch
cause they were so many other ppl running along as well.
but guess what, they Were all guys lar.
Not a single girl was in sight.
and so, i ended up being the one running far behind with all the big guys right in frnt
i was so afraid i'd be the only late one man!
thank God for my sissy friend, lionel!
HAHA
yea! we reached sch tgt.
and i was laughing at what a slow runer he was, while he was laughing at what a slow runner i am

-

we had about 3 hours of break today
so damn superb long!
my class sat at the grandstand and Shared.. ghost stories
oh man! theres one that impacted me so greatly:
friend's father and his friends were sweeping the floor in a house,
when someone to them through the window. so they waved backed.
but soon after, they realised they were on the 4th floor.

do you get the whole point of that story?!
it means tht the person who waved was actually some..ghost kindof stuff.
so EERIEE man!
i can still feel my goosebumps even after telling this to so many other ppl.
i need some laughter to clear this outa of my mind!

what did zero say to number eight?
"fat then Fat lar! still wear belt for what?!"
hahaha, i thought it was So Funny :D



a couple of days ago,
i was feeling heavy and burdened.
and i happened to step into this christian shop in a shopping mall.
amidst the soft music which was playing,
i felt God's presence.
it was So Strong.
that i really felt like forgetting abt my surroundings and just kneel dwn before God.
but of course, that was not what i did.
and nw i am convinced that He still lives in me.
i just have to Dig Deeper and Press Harder.





its somewhere on the inside.

but now i know what i didnt know

HELLO!
school has been rather smooth-sailing for me (:
well, thank God for the crazy bunch of girls who i hang out with frm my class
though their gossips arent what i can relate to,
they add ALOT of noise to our class
Yea (:
and thanks to the long hours of breaks,
my class's been bonding quite abit through games.
YEA, i'm feeling more n more comfortable each day
all the smiles i've been receiving frm ppl justtt
makes me wana Smile back too!
(x
i have approximately one and a half more years to go,
NICE.

well actually,
i have this fear lingering
that as we all move on, friendships will drift apart
but thats not what true friends should be right?!
hey,
SOON LI, i love you (:
(i just feel like saying that!)
even though you're always so busy with band,
and we're always frm diff classes.
doesnt make a diff to me.
treasured by quek hui lin, fiona!
--

as i spend my days in sr,
i'm reminded of the revival that everyone's expecting
the revival that we're all so excited about.
guess what, i discovered smth today.
my Whole Entire class is either christian or catholic.
only ONE is buddhist and ONE is a free thinker.
so....who am i supposed to reach out to then?
in the beginning of sch term,
i feel lyk i'm a fish placed out of the water,
Now i feel lyk i'm a fish submerged in water.
get the idea? i feel like i'm placed in a too-comfortable zone alr
it seems lyk no work's available for me to do!
truth, in the beginning, i've been complaining and questioning God like crazy.
why me? why sr? why 16 points? why this combi? why the 4 years of pure science for nothing?
why Me Again? why no companion in my og? or my class? why travel so far?
its good that things finally seem oh-so-fine now.
BUT i'm really starting to worry because i think the position i'm in is an all too comfortable one.
its when i'm placed out of that comfort zone that i start to grow right?!
oh God,
please use me once again.
i WILL be strong and ready this time.
i Know i can do it!
include me in your harvest Lord, please USE ME.
because the joy of the Lord shall be my strength (:


i dont really see how, but i know my Father will make a way!

i LOVE my new RC WALLET
(:



everybody's doing the talk on SR revival
i really have no either how its gona work for me
but if God says go, i'll go

man!
todays incident in the library was so Funny!
i havent had a good laugh in the past few days?
or so haha
we bring the PL atmosphere along
:D
nothing's gona change that.




because you make me believe in myself
when nobody else can help

school was different ytd
we're all in our own classes now
i looked at lana's class, her class's got ppl of the same combi as me too
and i was wondering, "why cldnt I at least be in the same class as her or smth?"
but then again,
i've always had these unanswered qns lying in my head

fewer guys than girls!
good thing i supposed.
haha, it wasnt tt tough to open up
well, i hope these wont be hi-bye friends
i wouldnt want to have to deal with emotional sickness when the graduation comes again

-

after school, i met JOBY ong si hui!
Jl was having fun with her friends
and since i'm so vacant these days,
we better grab the chances and hang out more often
i doubt there'd be much time in the near future
sec sch life was a busy one,
i feel indebted to our friendship. haha
we Studied in the library till we were freezing cold
decided to change the location to..
her house.
but as expected, all the studying stopped when we were in her house

we rotted there for like a couple of hours
den we left
reached j8, and decided to catch 'music and lyrics'
the moment we saw GV
i was BROKE, totally penniless
all my money was gone to the sch books in SR
Plus the stupid cab which i took in the morning cause' i overslept.

She insisted on catching te movie and giving me a Treat
thank YOU (:
this isnt the first time or so alr.
plus the cards n photograph..Eee you're so nice(:
know what this woman actually told me?
she said she read in a mag,
"hving a BFF is like having a boyfriend. you've got to show affection n love etc too"
sounds really nice, but i was grossed out by the showing affection part
haha!

was thinking of JL too (:

-


i've been realy travelling alot lately
in the mornings esp
it requires at least an hour and 15 mins you know?

i'm not whinning
but lots of ppl asked me why i didnt chose a nearer jc or smth
good qns, i had really like to ask my Father that too

i guess sacrifices are measured separately in diff ppls' life
and while i feel worn out and used
maybe its just a teeny bit of rubbish when compared to smth else.

everybody will feel like a fool in some point of time.

AHA.
enough said,
gone to play my Guitar
(:




i just want to go home

DEAR GOD:

thank you
-for placing so many Nice Buddies in SR with me
-for Joby n Junling
-for Love
-for the recent compliments that i've got personally
-for not forsaking me
-for a mum who nags and actually cares
-for still being there no matter what
-for Your word
-and for Your soft presence

Lord, i just pray that
-sch will be more appealing
-i'll have a More Willing heart
-church, cell will be better.




and when things change, our hearts will stay the same

someone once told me,
"the greater your calling, the more trails you'll face"
i sure hope this is so
sometimes i feel like the world is against me
AHH
the letdowns frm the past few mths have been Enough
and now i cant even get the combi that i Want.
its really eerrie you know
cause one min you decide to be firm and the next, smth comes along Again
BUT
i've convinced others around me that surely, theres more to this
and i too will believe that God has a Greater purpose for me
beyond this whole picture
i dont think my God will lead me into a path thats doomed for sure
would He?
my saviour wouldnt.
i'm taking..
H2-lit! history, econs
H1-maths

--

friday night:

these feelings' taking control

i know what it feels to be loved
that feeling is totally Awesome
that is why when things come our way,
i can either do smth about it
or sit and pray real hard that it doesnt affect our friendship at all
both are Equally impt to Me
i wldnt want to loose any.
-


if we hold on together,
i know our dreams will NEVER die



nobody said it was easy

HELLO everyone!
orientation ended with me feeling a little High (:
i only started enjoying it just when things were ending
well, we had Fun, bid our goodbyes sadly
so much that we forgot all at exchanging contacts
HAha, so Dumb.
gotta do that the next time we see each other in school

up till now, i've only found one person with the same subject combi as me
hopefully, i'll mix well in class
H2-math, LIT :D , econs
H1-history
can you feel that a revival's coming?
cause i sure can feel it
nicolette's back in SR, and theres another huge gang of PL lites
smth amazing is about to happen soon
it makes me kindof nervous actually
but, i'll make sure that i'm well prepared.

i dont know where God will lead me to
but i guess i trust Him enough to know that He'll send someone to pick me up when i fall.
-

so, i met junling n joby after sch ytd
we went to my workplace to visit
i am Not working anymore! ):
i'll miss the thai related thing, i'll miss serving n eating the shushi-s
i'll definitely miss the friends that i've made too
but lifes like that.
aint it?
so many things have been happening recently
and they all come one after another
i spent one night convincing myself to look on the positive side of things
and i Am Really Trying to.
i'm gona last longer than expected (:
-
we sat by jl's pool in the night
oh Yea, not forgetting tt her lover boy was around too
and so was josh, who is 'joby's'
i was practically being a Gigantic Lightbulb!
lying on my chair, in the quiet night,
tuen left, i see dear jl n her guy.
turn right, i see joby n hers
do you understand how i felt?!
Haha nahh, i jus read bth of their blogs.
Yes (: you two are impt to me too!
though i dun really show it
maybe two or three years later we can really go on triple-dating
for now,
thou shalt be strong!

i tried alcohol a couple of sips here and there
totally not interested
--

i feel like i need a million things right now
i WANT-
RIPCURL/QUIKSILVER flip wallet
ADIDAS jacket
a good pair of JEANS
converse SNEAKERS

show me the MONEY


okie dokes,
i slept at 4 plus last night and i woke at 8 plus
its time i get some sleep




like a literature text come alife

HEY all,
you have no idea how many PL lites there are here in SR
probably more than 15
including..
soon li, elana, diane, daphne, gradys and the list goes on
and i really thank God that at least, i've got the company of these ppl
SR's like a 'miniature' PL to me.

the first day was Tough man!
Despite having so many PL lites in the same sch,
None of them are in the same grp as me
and so, i talked more and made a few friends here n there
i've got one New Good Buddy (:
Clarrissa
she's a catholic, very very interesting.
haha and my dear friend just joined O school not too long ago
plus, she wants to visit our church for fun very soon
just how small get this world get?
-
it really Isnt easy making new friends
esp when everyone's alr got their own cliques after the first intake
but my opinion of things have changed a lil
haha, IJ girls can be very friendly though they appear to be terrorising
Nice ppl lar i must say
and surprisingly, theres quite a number of SA ppl in my sch n grp
i thought they had all head to SAJC

for the past two days,
we cheered and sat through talks
today's college Dance was Fun!
HAHA though it so embarrassing
was most probably one of the few times everybody laughed!
but it had be so much better if my partner was a girl
the girl beside me was pulling a Longg face cause she didnt lyk her partner
no offence lar, but he just looked..more disciplined and different.
Haha, made me laugh like crazy
she went, " i dont mind a hotter guy" *rolls eyes* *covers face*
aha!

went over to junling's hse after sch today
i was so tiredthat i slept n slept
we're gona have a stayover tmr!
one in a Million years
:D
it actually feels great to have Friends who treasure you the way you treasue them





tell me whats fiction and whats fact?

hello world,
i am finally going to attend school tmr just like any other ordinary person
i MISS school ALOT.
after a few phone calls and a long time spent on chatting,
the negative thoughts that i had initially are more or less gone
(:
SRJC wont be that bad lar
Seriously.
its gona be like a second PL to me
cause i've alr found like more than Ten ppl going there too
of course, PL is the best and will still be
i am really Happy that i'm not going in alone tmr

Thank You so much for all the encouragements
(:
fiona feels better now

we'll study hard and pull it through
and show the world what we can do


i can feel love

went out with AUDREY and HAZEL today
(:
one from AC n the other frm SA
boy, i sure gained lot from listening and listening.
we wanted to watch protege but changed our minds
ate at Thai Express!
finally
i feel a lil richer than usual times
maybe its because i've been saving n saving n saving.

i spent my day at junling's hse ytd
fiona's gona do an art piece when she's free
its gona be a picture on a boy n a girl
k-i-s-s-i-n-g
haha

i just found out that my dear 19 year old friend
has had S**
and its not his first time
oh. my Gosh.


i am disgusted.


more than some pretty face

my supervisor cancelled my shift on sat night
that meant one whole free night for joby n me
things werent going occording to plan.
but i was so glad that i had her
and she was glad that she had me

thank you for your LOLLY!
(:
it the first time someone gave me a big one

i think i might turn les for a short period of time
just KIDDING.
haha

we strolled ard clark quay after cell
and den headed for expo
we sat at the big windows in the library
the sight was Beautiful
round the corner, i cld see my workplace
i cldnt help but acknowledge tt i'm gona quite my job soon
do people really come n go in life?
and
i must admit i've not been a perfect friend to Everyone.
but i tried and the sometimes the going gets really tired for some.
why do i seem to feel tired lately?
is there even an end to it?

MAN. i see a pile of problems lying in front of me.
and to think that i wanna be a Psychologist.
someone once told me tt a Psychologist's got to have a Strong mind
be able to take one problem after another
and not let these burdens affect yourself emotionally.
seems like i cant even handle my own problems,
what about others'?
i Might die of depression Man.
-
and i feel it for Joby.
that stupid guy of hers,
i ever Do get to see him, the first i'll do is really to throw him hell lots of qns
and if he cant give a proper ans to each of them
i'll be sure to Kick his Butt real Hard.

thank God i'm single.


I AM OKAY.

and i'm going out today! with lana tan
and then i've got work tonight
(:

Soccer t-shirts are very very Cool




the way that i want you to know

hello world!
okay firstly, i've said it personally to my dear friend alr
but i want to shout it in here Big and Loud:


HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOON LI YUN! :D

see, its GREEN buddy,
thankyou
for the happy and the sad,
the sweet and the bitter
i treasure them all
its been Six whole years, and still counting yea?!
i hope you'll like the present that we got you.
theres still a few more days till you get it.
i'm so Sorry that its gona take so long man,
but i think you're gona like it.
(:


i've got a few pics frm last night.
theres more to come frm saihoo's camera
its nice to have friends who bring their cams along,
they capture all the nice stuff!

i spent my early hours of the day with JOBY ytd we tried a couple of jeans and guess what, we gave up haha. it was irritating having to find smth that fits you perfectly. so we sat and chat Alot instead. her boyfriend is one major source of a problem. but then again, its also her source of laughter and happiness. Love is so difficult to understand. i really wonder what it'll be like..maybe two years down the road for me? someone promised to be there when i need her Huh. better mean what you say! (:

that stupid woman fell sick today. i think she worries too much. but what i can i say? so as a good friend, i visited her n brought her to the doctor. the hours in the day were long but we entertained ourselves. YEA (: joby feels much better now.

hey sandy wong, Get well soon too! i do care for you, you know.

i was quite free this week. very free in fact, that i started to worry what i was gona do to waste my time away. cause theres no work for the whole of this week. i am starting to Miss it real badly. when i get back, i'm gona flash a Big big smile at the glass window opp.

anyhow, i guess the week's almst up anyway. gona swim tmr with my good old pri SIX pals (:

funny how things work. seriously, its feels much better not having to think of draining stuff.

i feel rather Blessed for now. and i thank my heavenly father for that(:

please dont play with me, my paper heart will bleed

hello world,
its been awhile since i last updated
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! (:

i know its typical,
but my first day of chinese new year was really much of eating n of course, catching up with relatives!
it was until we were half way to my grand dad's place tt i realised i wore black n white today
aha, what a coincidence
thanks goodness my grand daddy was hip enough to ignore tt matter
i wasnt able to make it for the cell reunion steamboat
i'm Sorry sandy, and also the others who put in lots of effort
i felt so bad man, causei know how it feels to organise things
Sorry. hope that we'll all like gather gt n have fun again,
its gona be a long time till then

on the plus Plus side..
met up with my dear maggiemee friend,
PAMELA soh :D
haha, we were supposed to shop for some new year stuff
but shopping can be really stressful man.
and yea, we Dont like shopping
so a change in plans caused us to catch a movie instead
wanted to watch PROTEGE but due to time constrain
we caught follow law instead. some local show
wasnt worth the money
but we did had fun talking n laughing in the freezing cinema
oh yea, right before the show i bummed into Joby(:
but she told me she was out with her family n her brother was around
we said our goodbyes real quick after hearing that
aha
personal issues.

i've been putting quite alot of effort into some stuff lately
hope it pays off!

cant wait for Next Week
-Grins
:D


oh YEA
did i mention tt i played with birds today?
we were at my Goduncle's place n the kids there have baby parrots!
my gosh, yellow n blue ones which looked superb pretty man
and so they were flying ard in the room,
landing on almst everypart of my body every now n then
my shoulders, hear, fingers, hands
if you're wondering, well,
they Did shit on my shoulder a couple of times
HAHA
but thank God, its baby birds i'm playing with
poo comes out dry and a small lump
i hope their still alive next year when i see them again


okie dokes,
see ya



what made God take so much care to make creation glow?
He could have made it black and white and we had never known.

after one whole day of commotion,
my head starts to spin
i feel really dizzy and i was(Am still) a lil sick since morning
with a little of cough n block nose
there was just so much to take in today

if you're wondering,
i didnt do that well.
it wasnt up to my expectation nor was it smth which i have been hoping for.
strangely, i wasnt surprised though.
my dream came TRUE.
man, i really duno how to put how i'm feeling to words
but i guess i just cldnt accept it.
i mean, its freaky you know.
having dreams and den once in awhile having these weird feelings that they wld come true.
and They really DO come true.
its not a bad thing, i know its the Holy Spirit at work.
and the past few times it happened, it Amazed it so greatly.
so i really asked God to use me again, in some way or another. just similar to the times when He wld simply speak to me through my dreams.
but
How wld i know that it had smth to do with my results.
and how wld i know that it had be so soon?!
i was scared, i didnt know what to do man.
i mean, i cldnt bring myself to accept the fact.
the fact that my results tallied with what i dreamnt.
for days i've been telling Him,
"this is not what i want, please give me smth better. just give it to me"
and i've been trying to hope tt somehow i had dream a better dream to cover up the bad one.
well, i Know that God has a purpose for everything to happen and since He even told me beforehand, there surely has to be a Big reason for me not getting into the jc i wanted.
right?

forget it if all of the above doesnt makes sense.
it doesnt matter anyway.

anyhow.
it was Superb scary today i tell you.
i cld even feel the tension before getting my results.
and when i got my paper, i refused to tear it open
Jean sihui n soon li were ard me, telling me to open open open
all the struggling got my result slip so cumpled now.
i've thought long enough
and
i kindof accepted what has been done.
i really should trust God more shldnt i?

words are really just mere words when compared to actions

i realised that theres still a long route to growing n learning
and boy,
do i have to be Strong.


tell me that its gona get better

SEVEN more days to valentine's
i guess this year's gona be one of the most boring year to celebrate it
for one thing,
no more cookies or presents or sweets frm all my Girlfriends
we're out of PL alr
and we dun meet up so oft anymore
arh!
last yr was fantastic man
just seeing little presents pilling up on ur table sends the joyous feeling
i'm Determined to not spend a lonely valentine's!
--

OH yea
TWO more days to the results day
i've dreamnt once tt i had 30 points
den i dreamnt my Physics mcq was 13/44, sec B n C full marks but prac was real bad and i failed overall.
and Then the recent dream was about getting 16 points
i want to have pleasant dream about my results before getting them
maybe 13 r 14?!
at Least i can get into AC in my dreams
it kindof makes me feel better you noe
you get wat i mean??

boy, i think before that we're gona go somewhere n have fun before facing reality
i Cant wait to see all my PL friends again
but the atmosphere is just so Wrong Wrong Wrong.
i am Scared.
--

went for a swim today with eLana n joyce
and den for prayer meeting

the JOY of the Lord shall be my STRENGTH

not gona allow other sorrows or sadness to pull me down
i know i'm in the right track n thats good enough


i have work today.
TADA (:





when i grow up i wana protect the ones i love

hello world,
i am Superb filled
new year cookies make me very very full
see lar, all the exercise for nth
i think i might find time for much exercise soon

so
i went for JAMs church with sandy ytd
and the ppl there are very hyper
in fact, they're very friendly too
i think its kindof expected that i'd be touched or smth
and i really was
it really encourages me to see these ppl so happy
and, a part of me envied them for not having to worry abt anything at all
-
i compared JAMs n CHILDREN church
and after thinking alot alot
i'm gona join JAMs (:
you can see that they need ppl there too
i wanna be the one who gives that extra love to especially extraordinary ppl
--

dear God
i dun wanna quite my job
help me to convince my parents please?
i wanna do well for O's
help me to be able to smile when i see my results please?


and God,
help me to Love you more
i do but i tend to ignore it sometimes
i wanna be More than this



love is unresonable

yo world,
i played badminton with lana n soon li ytd
andd HO
my Kick-boxing class is starting in April!
:D
YEA it had be perfect it were to start earlier though

--

will be trying out JAM's church today with sandy
i wonder wat it'll be like
well, not that i've never had any interaction with this grp of ppl before
but to stay in a ministry lyk this for ..years?
i hope that amt of patience n love
which those ppl in Jam's church have
-

man
you know, what can i do?
i'm not blaming anyone for telling me their sorrows or problems
and no, i'm talking abt this Particular person
its, a few ppl ard me
i cant help but feel lost.
and i question myself,
what can i do to help?
truth is, i cant do anything much
except to lend a listening ear.
and perhaps jus keep praying n hoping
up to this point, how am i supposed to know the direction when everyone else is lost too?
i need to be told what to do as well.
perhaps the storm's gona clear soon
i feel Sorry that i cant do much to aid anything.
but i hope this pair of ears help alot.
and for whats to happen, we'll pray n wait n see


i'm the girl who's kicking the coke machine