at times like this, i feel like
im not good enough.
this is too difficult, maybe im just not good at it.

but no, i still wont give up trying.

cant believe that i just spent almost 4 hrs just sitting in starbucks listening. was supposed to study with my sot team mates but we ended up drifting away. life can be really complicated. even when we're all in church, bitterness, conflicts, misunderstandings.. its so impt to always have the right motivations in life. im so glad that my group of young king davids are not like that. life should be that easy, serve God with the right intentions. no pretence, jealousy or backstabbings. always having a pure heart.

on a happier note, sot with Pst Mike Connell this week was just Awesome. i'll never forget how he came over to give me a hug and demonstrated the Father's love so strongly to me. (:

TIREDD. ):
just finished all my assignments that are due tmr. i hope i'll do well.
3 hours of sleep tonight, feeling horrible with my flu and cough. part of me wants to take an MC real badly but tmr is Mike Connell, dont want to miss it.
having two tuitions tmr aft school )):
i need energy!!

trying to finish up my first book review out of the 4/5 reviews (im not even sure how many it is) that are due on monday 2pm. but i keep dozing off at my keyboard. i think i must be looking so retarded now!!! ahh, must be the flu panadol's side effects of drowsiness and also accumulated late nights

):

it feels Terrible to have flu and cough. feels like im crying and i Cant taste my food. mann, how am i going to serve in choir for next week like this?

):

i need to recover Fast!!

slept over at Marina sands resort with the pl girls last night(: was really looking forward to it. but everyone was tired so we ended up just watching tv and sleeping. with a few of us squeezing on the bed.. and some of them slept on the blanket which explains why i was left exposed under the strong air-con and why im sneezing now!!

cell was good today. im so Happy and Thankful for nic's presence. would have felt really different without her. im so glad to have a great leader and friend(:

Happy that mr leo nardo is back in town too!!!

still very awed by the fact that he just received christ abt a month back! so very unexpected of him. and he just got water baptised!(: i know, mine will be soon tooooo. i cant wait.

W543, my young King Davids! (:

just boarded the train at bishan and heading to sembawang for tuition. just finished one tuition class w my p3 kid today and had bs with chinyee. feeling productive(: but the headache's back, and feeling very tired. ahh, the limitations of the physical body. sometimes i just really want to lie in bed and not move an inch. but i know the hardwork will pay off. i think, this period of transition is crucial and faithfulness will produce fruitfulness Amen.

headache be gone in Jesus' name!,

im so tired! in fact im almost dozing off while typing this already. but i decided to really sit down and blog well, update abt what has been happening! ive been so lazy to do so ever since i got my data plan.

N441B had our first cg today after multiplication!(: felt that it was good! haha and happy that we're all wearing my handmade friendship band. heh heh heh, im gonna make one for myself tonight too so we can all wear it tgt as a cell(:

been travelling super duper a lot recently. today i took a one and a half hrs bus ride just to get from sengkang to clementi. goshh, i really hope this wont be the case every week.

preaching tests have come and gone. had an awesome chat with the ladies in my team and great food in a great hse! only two months left. time really does pass very fast, i must treasure what i have now. even if the going gets tougher and tougher, as all the tests and assignments pill up!

on a random note, i really Do need to brush up on my guitar skills. played for lei during sarah's cg ytd and i made a few blunders here and there. results of not practising at all for months. so many things that i wanna do. wanna improve my guitar-ing, lose weight!, prepare for uni which starts in Aug. this year is really a year of transition. and like i said at the start of the year, it Will be my best year yet(:

ohgoshhh, i just dozed off while blogging! hahaha, time to sleeeep.

goodnight,

thinking of N441B, my young King Davids!(:

i felt so tired just now while trying to draft out my final sermon for the week. and now that its finally done the tiredness just seemed to have gone away! but im still gonna lie down on my bed to sleep. been a pretty hectic week. my eyebags are so big that they can carry watermelons please! after sunday, all i want to do is lie down on my beauty bed and rest for a longggggg period of time before i resurrect and finish assignments with the one week i have left before its due. BEE-SY!! ): i really need to expand my capacity!! but its a good thing, i know im stretching and growing (: realised that i havent exactly been complaining. though i may have felt super duper tired and thoughts of escaping by feigning sick along the way im really glad that i didnt. ive been seeing pple around me taking MCs and hearing lots of whinnings and complains along the way. of course i do too, but i realised its much lesser than before now (: stretching your capactiy is good huh, its growing!

anyways, excited for cg this week! (:
hope i finish making _________ by sat!!

it's the start of something new(:

dear God, please help me to be the Best i can be.

i surrender to your love

i got distracted while doing the ppt slides and ended up fb-ing. now i feel so much like a stalker bcause i hopped from one page to another looking through so many pictures!
anywayzx, its been such a Busy and Hectic week!!!!!!
thank goodness this week's tests are over. and i still have to climb the mountains of 5 sermons, bible readings, 3 more books and summaries.
feeling really very excited about multiplying. I Love my future cg-to-be (: each and everyone of them in their own ways.

ohgoshh its 12:54AM!? ahh, i still need to go through my tuition kid's exam paper before sleeping. what am i doing lehh, i need to stop facebooking!

"For you have made him a little lower than the angels, and You have crowned him with glory and honor." -Psalms 8:5

ThankYou God, for everything.
im on my way to sot now but i just feel like sitting dwn and crying bcause im so overwhelmed.
my cup is filled and it runneths over.
ThankYou God(:

SOT today and had two biblestudies. spent my day meeting new friend and irregulars, chatting and fellowshipping with them. came home and spent time w family over dinner and i just finished appealing for both nus and ntu.

its 1:40AM, feeling dead tiredddd. ive two tuitions tmr ohgosh save me )))): i would very much prefer a free day to catch up on sleep and do my readings tmr.
winning souls is really hard labour but it brings me joy to see than we're all slowly becoming closer and watching more souls get added. i would say, it is all worth it (:

alrighty im gonna sleep, God please maximise my sleeping time. no nightmares tonight please, PEACE of God (:

shopped with mum today and bought a few tops(: woww, so happy that Great Singapore Sales is here!!
i went to SIM to apply today. made me miss school life a whole lot. miss my secondary and jc friends too. i seriously cant wait to start school!!!!! love my daddy and mummy for asking me to apply into SIM UB. its such a big sum of money that im alrdy feeling the stress even before i start studying. but i promise that i'll put in the Best that i can and probably even get the scholarship(: score well and get in nus for my masters. who says i can never study in there? if not now then the future(: anywaysss. i still have a few more days to submit my appeals to the local uni. feeling uncertain abt what to write. i'll use the next few days to ponder over it (:

AC has come and gone, very glad that i caught the fire in the midst of the crowd and so many events. JUNE is gonna be one very extremely busy yet powerful month. can you feel it? i can feel it cominggg!!! Xiong man. but in the midst of it all, God let me be faithful to pray, fast and seek you and not let this month pass me by. yes, i know This will be the month of breakthroughs!

talk about being Bold and daring to dream again. tell me about it..
oh God, set me on fire once again.

dear God,
is it too late for a miracle?

"A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones."
-Proverbs 17:22

At times like this, i need to constantly remind and tell myself that the Joy the Lord is and shall be my strength. all else doesnt matter. doesnt matter anymore.

ive been reading up on the various courses in ntu, sim.. and the more i read the more i want to study psy. whether is it visiting prisons or working in hospitals, just somewhere where i can interact and impact society. it will be Awesome if i can just land safely into one local uni. only believee.

very nervous/excited/happy about multiplication. not that i dont have the reassurances. i just need to embrace myself and march forward bravely. i may not be the best or the most talented in many areas but if theres one thing that i can be, like me be the one to say that i'll try my best and sacrifice what i have. i truly believe that God sees and rewards faithfulness. and like what pastor bobby said, i wanna be a Bu Dao Weng. who jumps back up whenever something hits it. and carrying that same big smile on its face comewhatmay.

Okayy, exciting AC is in two days! got to brace myself up and receive all that i can till my cup runneths over!
GO FIONA!
i will open up and Recieve!!

feeling so much more organized after printing the checklist of the mountain of books which ive to conquer for sot. (this is seriously crazy!!) preaching test is in about a month's time which wld most prob coincide with the time we multiply. this is really one busy month, sometimes i find it so hard to keep up and catch up on sleeepp! i find it hard to flow with hs when im tired n weary. plus, i dont want to have another auntie offering me her seat!
but above it all, God is good((:
been checking up on private unis recently.
Faith is expecting the best and preparing for the worst. im still believing for nus AMEN!
feeling much more organized after doing my research and staying home just to show my presence to my parents. even if it means having to sacrifice some fellowship time with boss and the cell ): but i think its good to spend time at home as well.

almost 1am. need to sleep!!

God works in mysetrious ways.

ytd i was just having bs with sharmaine when the woman beside us asked which church we were from. turned out that she was from chc too and she's been looking for a cellgrp for her student! and so.. to cut the long story short, her student came down to cathay that day n we sat down to chat and she's joining us for svc tmr! it all happened so fast that i found it hard to believe. and it was only on my way back that it dawned on me how much God loves and cares for my ministry. funny how He can supernaturally bring the numbers in for me. i feel.. reassured. and also, how much He loves that girl, knowing that she was seeking for Him, He went to sought her first. my Daddy's Amazing (:

last night i dreamnt of demons possessing humans. ): been having these quite frequently and sometimes i feel as though i havent been resting as much as i shld have bcause of disturbed sleep. Horriblee. plus the tuition lessons etc, i keep dozing off in school this week. my leader says i keep "nodding in agreement" during class! feeling so Embarrassed :/ but im Okay(: i guess thats the way satan attacks me and my rest. haha my spirit man's larger than this!

Snowcity was really fun today! freezing cold and fun slopes(: i reallyreally want to save up to buy a camera so my future cg and i can take super duper uber many shots together(: and i wanna save up for an ipod classic too. for musics, sermons and videos. $$!!!
headache please go awayyy.

In the storms and raging currents, i know You are there.

)':
i just need to grab hold of your hand.

Dreams

these are the desires in my heart God, only you know them.
these are the Dreams that i have.
i really want to live my dreams.

God, give me a broken heart. not my will but yours. i need some direction.

Believe

was just blog hopping when i came across Edmund Tay's blog with this post:
http://www.edunloaded.com/parenting/goodnight-baby/
so sweet (:
hahaha very random i know but im so curious and excited abt what will happen 10 years from now when ive my own family and children.

live life well with love.

met up with Nic for awhile today and went to ikea. vera, charlene and xuanwei were studying there! looking forward to friday's dinner (:

i, was really disheartened last night. so many times in my life have i encountered barriers which caused me to take detours instead of the perfect route i had in mind. from po, retaking A-levels, not entering into sot last yr, waiting for water baptism and now uni application.. you know that feeling of not knowing which and what obstacle will appear next? But, in my God i trust. and will trust no matter what. because looking back, i wouldnt be what i am today if not for the route ive taken. there are some lives which i wld never have impacted if i had my ideal route instead. and so with all that i have and my mustard-sized faith, God i want to say "not my will but yours be done". i place my future, dreams and hopes into your hands.
today we learnt in school..
i dont just want to have faith in God, i want to have the faith of God.

i Believe, please help my unbelief.