ytd, SENTOSA with cell mates (:
my studying ended with only Half a chpt of maths.
BUT, am gona start Hard-Core on MONDAY
seriously.

i've just returned from MALAYSIA
with PANG, SOON LI and SAIHOO a few hours ago
it was FUN :D

THANK YOU dear GOD for
Everything
(:
today was one good holiday,
off from the outside world.

woke up dreaming of huds, clauds and tabby.
and there were so many COFFEE BEAN cakes in my dreams
oreo cheesecake, chocolate fudge..
i was Drooling!

camp was Fun though tiring indeed.
i completed my first 5km run ytd!
:D
and it wasnt as tough as i thought it wld be,
i felt internal glory completing it as the 3rd female.
never thought training mental strength cld be of so much use.
we caught a movie in the night
"coach carter"
man, SLAM DUNKS are so COOL.
all the physical training drained out the energy in us,
and the air con was Freezing Cold in the night,
they ended up sleeping in the gallery haha.
i was too soundly asleep with 3 other ppl
and NO One woke us upp!
we Froze in the room that night.

ytd, we had a friendly game with 2002 seniors.
and BOY,
my opponent was really into the game.
she practically grabbed my in front.
i just GAPPED at her, surprised.
i Thought it was accidental but it happened a couple of times.
it was getting on my Nerves because she kept elbowing me away too,
and all those were Not fouls in the game.
no wonder they say we've got to be super rough.

i left camp with a bleeding lip and tanned face plus arms.
):
i DUN Want to be any darker anymore.
dear God, please hide the sun when theres trainings ):
an aunty mistook me for a malay the other day mann,
what Rubbishh.

i think i'm addicted to basketball.
and after what coach has said,
am so Determined to train and play well.

--

by yesterday so much has happened.
my friend's bf two-timed her.
and another's involved in some love-triangle.

so IRRITATING man.
i wanted so much to punch that two-timer guy in his Stomach,
and Zapped out all the air in his belly.

why do people enjoy playing with emotions so much?
-


dreaming of you and me

op was smooth today, we had Fun.

when i woke up this morning,
i felt something really heavy.
saw it coming,
i think i need to rest emotionally.

count it a blessing to leave this place tomorrow.


take me away with you

went to sch early morn for OP rehearsal
by 10am, i had alr Bombed Twice.
had a bad stomach Attack!

the security was Picking on me today.
firstly, i am NOT racist.
but he was so evidently picking on me.
MANN.
i was made to change into sports shoes at the nearby void deck and he wanted to confiscate my slippers till i left sch.
no Way wld i allow that,
cause, its QUIKSILVER.
HAHA, though i think its an imitation item frm thailand,
i like that Name printed and No Way was i gona give him my Slippers,
fullStop.
i wasnt in the mood for someone to be Pinpointing me on an early morning
forgive me if i was rude,
thank God clauds was present, if not i wldnt have known wat to do.

and So,
the security guard took down details frm my IC
and said i'll get into big trouble if i was caught wearing slippers ard the school.

all was fine,
UNTIL
in the afternoon around 3 plus,
i was walking in the canteen when clauds came running to me exclaiming,
"security guard, behind you!!"
HAHA
and she was doing her best to block me
i was so scared.
i was like a chicken, running away frantically
HAHA
but it was so Exciting
ran and hid in the female toilet for SO Long.
huda made a scan for me, and BOY,
that security was standing outside the toilet waiting for me to exit
oh MAN.
i was scared yet, it was so Exciting too
step 1: aqidah brought my shoe bag d0wn for me!
step 2: wore my pants inside out, changed the sides from red to white!
step 3: let down my hair
step 4: wore huds' jacket
step 5: changed to shoes
step 6: threw my shoe bag out of the toilet window
step 7: huds caught it from the other side!
HAHA
i made it out from the toilet Safe n Sound,
without him spotting neither the shoe bag or Me.
the moment we stepped out of the toilet,
i practically Ran from concourse to 2nd cafe man
rather climaxing
haha :D
and we saw the security looking puzzled and curious cause he cldnt catch the person he wanted to catch.

but i've learnt my lesson,
will not wear slippers unnecessarily anymore.
--

half way through OP,
bumped into lana n mingling (:
hear the Scared ppl trying to scare ppl.
we were trying to tell each other ghost stories,
but ended up scarying only Ourselves
HAW haw!
MISS lana TAN PEI YING.
Love, lana tan pei yin.
yoyo! reading this rightt, fiona Lovess you
(:

--

i played ball today.
i've been doing lots of imagery and visualising in my mind.
i Will SHINE,
just you all wait n see


school is getting more interesting,
but scary too.
i need security guards!
okay la, maybe it isnt That bad.
but stupid Huda refuses to help me out.
i DUN Care, i'm gona hire you as one of my bodyguards
SINCE, you kindof contributed to this issue and Refuse to help enlighten this whole thing.

female friends are enoughh to bring fun into my life.

i should have been stronger than what i look.
we think alike.

Jesus picked me up when i fell,
He was there when i needed someone the most,
when the whole world seemed to have vanished,
Jesus was still there.

i found my hero.


ytd,
i managed to find time and drop by joby's hse before cell
she Sewed me a keychain with "F" for my Namee,
in the midst of O's
why, Thank YOU
my love for TOFUs has increased overnight
:D
and i gladly acknowledge this Really special bond tt we share
i know its gona last so long.
we'll Beat all the other friendships in the world,
Ho!


aft service,
had lunch with my crazy cellgroup
and for some reason, i felt like i missed having meals with my dear crazy friends (:

took a bus down to kovan with fanny and stinky
haha
i Love my friends (:
--

right there in kovan,
i bumped into..
Malao!
lana's dear family haha
and Leo!

MANN.
much happened during project work
i am Fine now, dun you all worry.
(:
stupid pw is a spoiler of friendships.
and i still do Love everyone very muchh.

i learnt how to love.

in the midst of everything,
i had some quiet time with clauds.
Please CHEER up soon dear Woman.
i'll be there for you, no matter what.

sometimes i really wonder,
why do ppl bother with relationships when they bring along so much pain and worry?
but then again,
its difficult to understand.


ALRIGHTT
for a very packed week.
i am all-geared up
Cant wait for my CAMP (:





and you'll always be my good old buddy

your face is a book which i cannot comprehend.

methinks females with short hair are Superb COOL
cause they are different.
but Mann, give me back my hair!
i Cant wait for my hair to grow backk.
--

training was canceled today.
but we still played anyway.
i cant perform under pressure from familiar ppl.
and,
its Embarrassing for ppl to see how i perform, knowing wat my cca is
Haha, i Dun want to degrade the standard of my cca.
today was one good day,
most of my shots went in.

they say that i've got to be rougher
i wonder how tough must i get.
--

today, tofu said something which made me Smile big time.
"you know, you've always been there no matter what. i really do appreciate it"
and i Do appreciate that gratitude felt in return too.
man, i miss her so Much.
and maggie was feeling so down today.
i wish i could teleport us to heaven for a few mins.

maybe its More of the idea of being in love than really loving someone.

huds told me something today
and i really didnt know how to react.
i guess all these stuff shld be normal for teengage girls by now.
but for a moment, i was at a lost of what to say.
--

the past couple of days have been Boring.
in contrast,
next week's gona be so Packed.

i do remember my textbooks


let the rain fall down, it makes me stronger.

you used to wait for me, and so now its my turn
i'll stand by you.

went to sch ytd for OP rehearsal.
whilst all the other grps are practicing so hard,
our class merely rehearsed One time.
we played Hide-and-seek
HAHA
it was so HOT hiding in my area.
i almst died while waiting.
i pity Clauds for hiding behind that Bush too haha!
and,
though we never seem to complete things Throughly,
i'm really Glad that my pw group is at peace with one another.
that the conflicts and tension present and so minor compared to other ppl.
THANK YOU (:
you guys help being a leader so Much easier.


i CANT wait for joby's O's to come to an end
and i CANT wait for maggie n pang to have her poly holiday
i CANT wait for soon li's op to finish
and CANT wait for lana's piano exam to pass.
MANN
):
why is it that my timetable Always clashes with people?
and when they're all gona be free next week,
i'll be away having my op and camp.
AHHHHHHHH.

BUT,
its still OKAYY.
cause i have JESUS CHRIST for company (:
through the years, i've learnt that God's by my side 24/7
which means, loneliness will Never be a word in my dictionary.

i Need to restring my guitar
i cant wait to be strumming it again ):

oh YEAA yiwen and i are gona check out
MUAY THAI this time
its superb Cool
and i hope theres some class like this thats available.
kick-boxing and muay thai.
i Can be a hero for my female friends soon
HOHO.
(:

last night,
i dreamnt of so Much Stuff.
petes was the main character, in relation to wat soon li n lana told me abt last night.
and in my dream,
soon li transferred to TJ,
a sch tt was supposedly best for her.
OHH and there was this golden heels which i tried on, Nice.
AHA.


perhaps its a tad too early.
But i'm Determine to Clean Up those files and books in my room by this week.
and Down to those books,
come'on man, We Can Do It.


it's a complicated relationship

OH MANNN!

dad just said YES to 10th Nov malaysia trip withh
PANG, SOON LI and SAIHOO
:D

though its a one-day event,
I CANT WAITTT
just think of ALL the FUN that we'll have
TOGETHER
:D


better a witty fool than a foolish wit

cause one, you're like a dream come true

we played bball ytd though there was no training
halfway through, my coach appeared
i cld tell he was being Very patient,
comparing with the incident when his frustrations made my friend cry.
it just made me want to be Better and not let him dwn.
letting ppl around me down is such a Horrible feeling.
theres so Much for me to work on,
and that includes studying too.

seeing Huds fighting with her tears makes me feel so Horrible inside out.
wont publicise my tears
but i Hate that feeling of separation.
-

my one week and one day injury on my knee
has DIRED PUS covering it.
i know, its so Disgusting.
haha
but everytime we get rid of the pus, it keeps coming again
zy says its due to internal infection
mann
i want a scar-free KNEE!

Stupid shawn wee hit my head with a soccerball ytd
and walked away smirking.
i wished i had the natural instinct the throw a Basketball at him
Haha
wasted lots of time with aqidah ytd, just doing our pw and hearing her share stuff

THANK YOU GOD,
for my class and my school.
and for having the chance to play the guitar for cell too
(:


i'm off, to the library,
gona try to study CHI with GRADYS
:D
tada.


just want to be with you

walking out from the back door

and so,
the promotional results were out today.
i've got a mixture of feelings within.
some are retaining
and of Course,
i will Definitely miss soon li, huda, daphne, diane
though we see each other almost everyday.
but i've come to accept reality.
and if the ppl around me are strong, i dont see why i cant either.
(:

as an advanced case,
i Dont exactly know which path to choose actually.
my dad emphasised so Much on poly today
and he told me to decide for myself.
so,
what am i supposed to do?
its sucha difficult decision to make.

hearing fat-facedd Tofu's voice over the phone was amazing today.
it made me feel so Much better.

i really,
do want to be there for ppl when they need me.
i'm really trying my best.
--

after sch today,
Huds and i took a long bus ride to somewhere in town,
Concourse.
we had out private moment and nice time spent.
(:
saw so many Halloween outfits.
halloween parties are SO COOL.
i wanna go TRICK or TREAT-ing!
we walked all the way to esplanade and suntec.
and we explored so many unknown buildings which i've never come across today.
half way through, we passed this run-down but Cool building
and Stupid huda just had to turn around, going..
"BOO."
natural instinct made me Scream out loud across the streets and run.
Haha, so Embarrassing.
a Ka Cham Pu Teh stall uncle cheated me of my Ka Cham Pu Teh today.
together with all the Humilating moments in the washroom,
today is one throw face day.
but it was also one coincidental day as well
(:
you know wat i mean.
You'll Always be my friend no matter what.
i do treasure those walks and talks moments tgt,
Though you jus seem to Eat Non-stop all the time.
(:


after thaat,
i went to meet BLACKSPOT :D
at sun plaza in the evening.
blackspot cut her hair!
we ate so many cakes at coffeebean.
its having a discount, go Grabb themm!
that, i felt like puking frm the overdose of sweetness afterthat.
but anyHoww,
we sat opp each other and talkedd Alot :D
havent seen her for the past..
TEN months.
missed her so muchh. (:
blackspot's my going-to-school partner
and we've always been late for sch tgt
HAHA
i found out tt up till now, she still is frequently late for school.
so expected, Hahaa


dreams are so exciting.
i look forward to sleeping!

i LOVE You, GOD
have always been Loving YOU.



a black and white rainbow, captured in history

today,
Coach said i Can play basketball.
But
i've got much to work on my shooting though.

when will i shine?


i cant wait to see joby's FAT FACE.
hopefully O's is not torturing her yet.


today's training, tgt with the late nights have worn me out.
good nights!



true beauty is seeing beyond all the imperfections.

"if not for yourself, then for those around you"


dont tell me, its not worth trying for

did you ever know that you're my hero?

HAPPY SWEET 17th, HUDA RASID (:
i really do treasure those heart-to-heart talks.
and its amazing to have a friend who understands and share,
the way you do.
-big Tight Hug
:D

basketball is Addictive.
my middle finger's still on its way to recovery
and i tripped n rolled on the ground on fri's training.
its amazing how ppl like my friend still Wants to get back to the game.
thats after removing two out of the three ligements tt we have in our legs
i Dont want to be like that!

played bball with lana, soon li, diane, alan, petes, daniel ytd!
(:
i Need a personal bball coachh.
--

who do you love?

we were burnt after bball in the afternooon
nice lively and Radiant
i Likee :D
bible study with lana after cell was amazing (:

i Really think you're a wonderful person,
LANA TAN.
you just wont believe wat i say wld you?
the presence of God was there
i could feel it,
and in the midst of our bs and sharing,
we were between tears n laughter.
the men beside us cldnt stop staring
and i guess they must have thought we were crazy,
to laugh and cry and the same time.
HAHA.
i guess actions speak much more than words.

do you feel like a man when you push her around,
do you feel better now?

she falls to the ground.

came hme and we were invited to our neighbour's place for Hari raya!
FOOOD :D
after staying here for 6 plus years,
i finally had a proper conversation with my neighbour.
HaHa.
but he's one nice guy, and i never thought we wld have so much in common.
thanks for those study notes
maybe someday i can learn the guitar frm him,
HaHA
if it means Free guitar lessons,
why not?
:D

someone has to Remove all the food frm my sight.
downed 2 1/2 donuts last night
and i fell right asleep after sitting on my bed after that.
no WONDER i jus keep putting on those KGs and not lose any LA.


last night,
i dreamnt of J and S.
in my dreams, they came to church
and wats most amazing was tt everyone felt so at hme.
it was jus like before, the way it was meant to be.
and there i was in my dream,
taking part in some marathon
(marathons are So COOL.)
when i lifted my head,
i saw crowds of ppl smiling and cheering me on.

dreams are a beau
(:


with You i'll walk this narrow road.

this is why i love my life.

its just my imagination.

today,
i fell asleep on my way hme in the bus.
and when i woke up,
the bus was alr Parked in the interchange,
lights were Off,
all the passengers were Gone
and the doors were Closed.
the bus driver was outside the bus, locking the door already.
MY GOSH.
i ran as fast as i could to the door and waved at the bus driver.
he was shocked to see me.
and to think that, NO ONE saw me sleeping in the bus!?
i could have been LOCKED in there the whole entire night man?!
DEAR GOD, thank you so Much for taking care of me.
i wldnt want to spend one lonely night, trapped alone in the bus.
so CREEPY.

i am TIRED.
went to get huda's present today
and had bible study with soon li after that.
when we're over n done with OP,
i'll be the happiest person on Mother earth.
but i like my grp members
who really, have gone through alot with me as a leader.
Haha.

i need Sleeep.
training's absorbing my energy.
its gona be Thrice a week.
not that i dislike it.
but theres ppl whom i want to catch up with and meet up with.
and i want to Study so much,
that its gonna be my Priority from now onwards.
as to being promoted,
i found out the answer today.

the doubts and feelings..
they're all still present of course.
but we'll still carry that same strength and run our own individual races,
different races, but still running at the same time.

i am going to work DUPER, SUPER, MEGA
HARDD.
studying's priority number TWO.
after GOD.
(:
i wanna be a nerd, a fool for my Lord Jesus Christ!

dear God,
please help me to manage my time well.

i Need to balance my time well.
andd
i think there are amazing people right here on this earth.

distance makes the heart grow fonder

i remember everything so clearly.

we've been through so much.
to be honest, i'm a little unsure as well.

i just am aware of this gush of emotions that is within.
having shared close times together before n after school hours,
its really a blessing to me.
i never thought we wld have this kindof intimate friendships.

i feel afraid and worried at the same time.
yet i know that its just another phase of life that we're going through.
and holding on, we'll definitely come out of this stronger.

i cant help but feel these feelings.
havent stopped to think about my own plight and how well i've done.
but i wonder if we're all really be taking different paths soon?

there is this urge to crumble.
and perhaps allow myself to cry a little.
yet strangely enough, it is the same factor which makes me want to be stronger at the same time.
they let me know that i've to be strong and at the same time,
i share the same amount of pain when i see them going through it.

i guess,
theres no need to express to each other how we feel anymore.
or maybe theres no need to be present physically for each other.
cause right now i really do feel like calling one up and speak words of encouragement.
yet i know, it'll be the same lines which she'll be saying back to me.

i want to protect as much as i can.
and embrace whatever i have.
at the same time, showing and expressing all the gratitude in my heart.
i have always felt so blessed.
and i still feel so.
i havent done much to deserve all these love which i've received.

i have so many questions probing in my head.
and whilst i know that we All have to be strong,
heaven knows that i still need a shoulder to lean on every once in a while.

even the best fall down sometimes.
but i still want to be there when you're falling.
i want to be the one who help you up when you're down.
isnt that what, friends are for?

its all reduced to one slow dance.

i've just completed this jap drama,
"One Litre Of Tears"
it made me teared so much
HAHA
i feel Dumb but its so Touching
i've learnt to treasure my life so much more.
to run and jump on the court when i still can, and to smile at the blue sky regardless of circumstance.
--

went over to clauds hse for pw
i just CLDNT Stop eating!
my mouth was practically chewing on food for the entire day.
andd
we SLACKED so much that we had nothing done today
haha.
i think i make a bad leader, giving in to all the excuses.
but Anyhoww,
we had heart-to-heart chats
and it was a good time well-spent anyway.
(:
i Like my grp members.
they are very understanding friends.
andd
i Hate to talk abt promos or anything to do with it.
but everyone's been at it and pretending just makes me feel like i'm the only one running away.
but if we Shld ever get separated or retained,

NO, Huda. i really Dont Want this friendship to end like that.
i'll still be here and around whenever you need me
(:

OKAYYY lets Not think about this kindof stuff anymore.
its so Emo and demoralising.
what is to come, i know not
but something tells me that it'll be alright.
maybe its the peace of God.

and dear God,
i really Do want to shine for you.
please help me to shine like a start,
i'll grab hold of any chance to make it all well again.
this time, i'll make sure i do it the right way.
--

anyHow,
my pw group rotted the day away lying on the bed,
munching on food and taking pictures.
i Finished my Jap drama,
Stupidd clauds led aqidah n lionel into the room
when i was sobbing away at that Touching show.
HAHA, so EMBARRASSING.
i wanted so much to bury my head somewhere.

a couple of days ago,
i spent my saturday morning
dunking balls with bball mates.
i learnt muchh
(:

theres school tmr,
i CANT WAIT (:

the idea of going to school and seeing everyone makes me so happy now.
i think its a treasure to see beautiful ppl everyday.

THANK YOU GOD,
for all that i have in my life.
i feel healthy physically n emotionally,
and am flattered n blessed.


when i looked at the blue sky, it was smiling right back at me

wednesday evening,
debated for so long to snip my long hair Off or Not.
and when we finally reached,
i realised that
my FAVOURITE HAIR SALON has SHUT DOWN for Goood.
i havent tried other shops cept' tt 10 bucks salon for years.
MANN!
now what?


an angel here on earth.

cause there's so much more for us to learn,
thats why i fear to take things from here.

ytd was one coincidental day.
i was amazed by how things can work out.

my muscles' are having cramps
and,
i'm down with a fever.
38.4 degrees.

MANNN, i'm so SORRY CLAUDS
)):
i intended for everything to go on so beautifully
i'm so SORRY.
i hope presenting tt big surprise thing tmr will make it all up dearr.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVEEE.
(:
--

i found out more news today.
and i honestly feel so UN-purified
for both you and me.
are human feelings really That hard to control?
i'm Disgusted.
yet at the same time, worried for you.
but what can i do?
for some reason, i feel betrayed
maybe its because of the image you portray urself to be,
but in actual fact, is not.
but i guess, my feelings are secondary
as compared to ur life now.
wont you just Open your Eyes and see,
its so dumb and foolish girl,
you're worth So Much More.
so much more than this.
--

have been, dreaming of ppl again lately.

i Thank God from the bottom of my heart that i found you.
(:
its the pretty, natural bits that outshine all the others.
--

i stumbled across a few pictures in my comp.

they bring back so much memories

esp THIS:

back then when we had sandy and jolenee

i said a prayer for you today.

promo's are finally over,
now its left to the collecting of results to decide everything.

ANYHOWW
i spent my friday meeting JEAN PANGG!
:D
we went to 'true fitness' for a free trial
stepped into the gym and acted like we were all so Interested in everything.
and OH MANN, so COOOL
i felt like a star haha
cause' we got to experience so many things for free and there was even this personal coach.
Big toilets, nice-smelling soap and towel!
AHAHA, i think that guy is Really So gona hammer ur heads, cause we acted all the way like we were interested in beng a member but did Not in the end.
yet,the service was Good.
did Body Compact!
which reminded me so much of my kick-boxing lessons.
had so much FUN boxing and kicking away
:D
i think its so COOL man, funky!
we sat in for the weight lifting class after.
lifted 5kg weights, and did cruches.
and MANN, the aftereffect has alr taken on my body.
my arm's Aching, DUPER alot, despite all the strethings.
but HO, PANGGGGG (:
company n work done was both as GOOD (:
i MISS JEAN PANGG!(:
loved/love.
imagine if we were to attend gym weekly, we'd all be so slim and fit man!
-

OH YARR,
measured our weight at the gym ytd
and i'm one Depressed kid.
))))))))))))))))):
DP starts officially tmr!
BUTT THENN, i still cant forget that specific someone who told me:
muscles are thrice the weight of fats
so i'm Not tt fat afterall right?right?
so De-Moralising!

SOON LI slept over last night
but we were both too tired to chat muchh.
i LOVE my FRIENDS ALOT

and fiona feels LOVED (:
--

got clauds sth today with patson!
and we spent our afternoon in the library,
absorbed in the whole of books.

i love my GUITAR (:
i dont call it my babyy, but i treasure it Muchh.

i'm off,
to sleep(:
hopefully there'll be Beauty dreams tonight.
(:


army of the one, and proud to be

you and me dancing the night away

i've been dreamng of people, people and More People!
it can be pretty amazing how dreams are so real and vivid.
i like that feeling, of seeing ppl in my dreams.
(:
three nights ago,
i dreamnt tt someone invaded PL sec
and there in the canteen,
peishan was playing the drums! her coolness was Up by somany levels Haha.
althee was standing somewhere in the middle of the canteen, doing her GB DRILLS!
andd jonathan ng taught me the guitar.
two nights ago,
i dreamnt tt JAPANESE soldiers invaded My Church ):
and so mnay females wee captured for prostitution.
my GOSH.
that was one Big terrible scary dream.
and there i was sprinting and running from all the Baddies.
and den i bumped into JUNLE.
and tgt with the guys, i was protected n Not captured!
mann, i miss junle Alot.
and when i think of him, i think of ppl like rachelteng and jeff and sandy.
that was back then, when were bonded and close.
well at least spiritually esp.

maybe i've really been studying too much History.
cause my dreams have consistantly been about Something invading us.
it can be really scary you know.
-

i messed up history real Badly.
TWO qns of wat i studied came out.
and i CANT Believe tt i actually did the other which i've Never studied,
only to realise it after the paper.
did only one out of two qns.
okayy, i think its really quite messed up.

JOBY's big O's drawing nearer.
i can already picture us going to the zoo, swimming or even studying tgt.
(:
i cant Wait for the O's to come n go.
and we'll get through ur maths tgt lar, TOFU.
(:
--

just a side remark;
i AM Very Very Straight.
and do Not for girls,
thank you very Much.


words are mere words, they dont count much without actions.

JESUS, balance my emotions and help me to love you whole-heartedly.
i dont want anyone else, not anymore.

not yet a woman.