a better day today(: theres always Ups and Downs everyday. really got to discover how to recharge and just pull myself together every now and then. like what ive been telling my ppl recently, "when the going gets tough, the tough(me) gets going"

wahh my phone bill for this mth's gonna explode like a huge atomic bomb again, judging from the rate im msging. this is Badd. thank God its the last mth and then i can finally change my plan!! shld i get a BB?

fetish for carbo(esp bread) is backk. this is so bad ):
a very busy week ahead. time to sleep and prepare my engine.

feeling inadequate.
in so many ways. sometimes i knock and try my best to push through these walls but they never seem to weaken in any way. but one thing's for sure, that i know i cant just stand there and look at my walls again. even if it means to just sing praise. i got to do something everytime they rise up against me like goliath, and then i feel so tiny.. but yet strong on the inside. in so many ways, sometimes a little appreciation would be good to get me on my feet again. but my value shall not be defined in this manner, even though i cant feel it, i will Know it. battling with my thoughts. and in so many ways, people dont understand. thats why Daddy, Daddy you are my best friend.

i need you.

Just gonna give my best and keep on loving and hopefully someday they will love me back. and follow me.
a million and one thoughts in my head..
its a quiet night tonight.

i found a VANESS WU look alike! he's name is LEE WEI.
handsomeeeeeeeee (:
okay, ignore the woman on the left. hahaha

gymmed and swam ytd! my shoulder muscles are aching and my stomach hurts everytime i laugh. must be the machine which i did ytd. ):

anywayss, i had bs with vera today. i really wish she wldnt have to study overseas in the coming years. her excitement is so contagious and makes me so Excited!! weejun is coming tmr. yay im so Pumped up for revival (: i love my mehmehs alot. these are really what that gets me going when the going is tough. i think like what nic say, the greatest gift that i can ever give my sheep is to be happy and smile. trying my very best to always be happy in front of them even though the going might be tough at times.

had a Weird dream last night. i was lana's new roomie and moving into her hostel. we were painting our room bright yellow and we shared a king-sized bed. haha how interesting. the other part i shall not disclose. but it was so real.. funny how big an impact dreams can have on you. got me thinking for the rest of the day.

not exactly the most interesting job. so tough to hit the quota! ): and not in the mood for socializing with fellow colleagues. just felt like being quiet and alone during lunch break after promoting credit cards for hoursssss. well at least BFF is working with me (:

good time spent with nicholas and vera today. i wanna play lan with them someday! vera is so lame and unglam. hahaha

really need to take some time to build up my prayer life. feel that i havent been praying enough recently.

this pic, very ugly meh? I LIKEEE leh ):

having similar recurring dreams recently.
last night i dreamnt that the NUS building toppled and crashed before i could even enroll into the school to study. and a few nights ago i dreamnt that i was looking through the newspaper, a whole list of private unis to apply for.
HUH, what does this mean? i really hope its just my inner fears reflected in the night.
NOOOOO, i wanna get into NUS so badly. IT WILL HAPPEN.

went jogging at serangoon stadium today with claudy. feeling very tired but i just cant get to sleep. a million and one thoughts in my head today.
anywayys, gymming and swimming with sooon tmr. heh healthy lifestyle, lose weight, be toned! (:

super fun to sing to! (:

i used to worry that there wouldnt be anyone for me to lead when im ready. but now that the people are here, im worried that im not good enough for them.
so many mehmehs, im trying my very best to get a good hold of them and lead them into the right path. some of them are like goats, heading off into different directions. but i will use my rod to guide them!
oh God, please give me the strength. and the wisdom and the love to carry on. and on and on and on.

oh yes, i found a job (:
the past few days have been busy. i think i spend like a BOMB on transport fees, eating up my pocket. ): finally have some time tmr before meeting ppl in the evening. i shall gym away some calories. and also fix my guitar strings on sat, finally.

when the harvest comes, it does not wait.

feeling like a ping pong ball..
ignoring these feelings and trying to get over it!
how God, how? ): they make me wonder when my turn will come. but i dont want to rush things. i will not make haste. i will be patient and wait. and focus on the things which time has installed for me.

and one day, my turn will come.

"though the vision tarry, wait for it."

was feeling up, down, haywire but im okay now(:
the reason why i love youths so much is because of their passion.
youths+passion = unstoppable.
and passion is contagious.

remembering the vision which i saw during the helpers' pm night. really unbelievable that sometimes even i stop to ask myself, "what if it doesnt come to pass. am i creating everything up then?" but i know i got to stop having such doubts and start confessing it out loud. i want it so badly.

ytd was Thanksgiving cell (: really extremely greatful for Leila and Nic in my life. very heartfelt moments ytd, so touching.

Liwen's tamogochi is gonna be with me for a week. so hard to take care! now they are not happy at all but they are in sleep mode eh. i cant play games with them!
really hope i can get a job by this week..

good nights (:

just had bs with Aiko at tiong bahru. very far!!
and on the train i was busy marking my student's hmewrk. she did 3/4 of the whole book within 3 days. her mother's so strict, i think she just wrote any answers down so she could complete it on time. so many wrong answers! i think holding a red pen and marking books on the train captures a lot of attention because there was this auntie beside me who kept looking over. i didnt notice her at first but when i stopped to rest and turn my head, her face was like only inches away trying to look at the assessment book. and then she began chatting to me abt the students nowadays being so poor thing having lots of stress. she alighted and in my heart i was thinking "phew, now i can rest."
but the next person to take her seat beside me was a young ang moh guy and he went, "what was that you were marking just now?" i was so tired and surprised that i just went "huh?" and he began to chit chat again. He's pretty good looking! but his accent me dont understand! Haha luckily i was gonna alight the next stop if not i really wldnt know what to say.

interesting day..
just bathed. gonna head out for tuition and then join the others for angeline's birthday celebration then sleepover at lana's.

i wanna go shopping!!

deep in my heart i just know.

2am and i cant get to sleep. hope i dont wake up at noon again and procrastinate my jogging plans. aiyo i need to stop thinking and just go to bed!

woke up with another weird dream last night. but the feelings were so raw i thought it was reality. feeling more recharged after sleeping for 10 hours. counted down at elana's place the night before. the guys were really high esp jc and kenneth, was laughing at their absurdity! i only went to bed ard 7am and woke around 9am. so tired that i was dozing off during tuition! thank goodness my kid didnt realise because she was busy trying to solve the maths that i gave. haha!
i seriously cant wait to be schooling. i know it sounds so absurd but i really miss school life. the vibrancy, the friends and even the stress. haha, too long a holiday thats whyyy.

minds' cafe today though not many ppl are coming-all busy rushing through their last min hmewrk. going for svc with chin yee today(: mummy suggested shopping on monday. i hope the sales wld not have ended by then.

sometimes i feel really taken granted for. esp after lending a listening ear for so long and availing myself when im needed. but i do try my best to ignore those feelings. happy to see them happy(:

this year, i made resolutions and also wrote down a long list of things which i want to do/experience in this one year in my diary. and this year, i want to rise everytime i fall again. but i dont think i'll fall much this time because im stronger now (:

took a break today sleeping in, giving tuition and jogging (:

think i know tt surely im in the right place doing the right things now. because ytd's prayer touched my heart so deep, i found myself crying while saying my prayer. want to be the one Bringing in the revival (queensway) and Part of a revival (NUS!).

anywayss, i had a Super retarded dream last nights. different parts abt many people but the funniest of all was when i placed spoonfuls of mashed potato on angeline's hair. weird man!


my promise land.

went to body worlds exhibition and the science centre with kao n kenneth today. was really reluctant at first, i just wanted to stay in and lie on my bed. but it was an eye-opener! saw many interesting stuff too. cant rmb the last time i've been to the science centre, miss those times when we had all sorts of funny school excursions! astons after that and headed to lana's new apartment for awhile. very nice place! i wished i could rent a room and we could stay tgt (: almst spent the night over but tmr's gonna be a longgg day so better not. ):

the end is Better than the beginning.
yea man, gonna end this year well. go fiona!!

feeling so tired and worn out like a Zombie.
all i want to do is crawl into bed and hug my bolster to sleep.
goodnights.


dreams are meant to inspire, sustain and motivate.
i wanna be a Dreamer.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! ((:

many series of events, i dont know which one to start from. sleepover at elana's last night, im already wishing that we can spend more time tgt again. missing soon liyun too ): i keep having thoughts of a short trip to somewhere recently. huhhh can we go to bangkok please!?

went to pick up some elderlys today. had a tough time trying to locate the bus with perspiration and all but its just so hardwarming when you see all of them entering into church with smiles, wearing christmas hats and taking joy in the simplest things (: they're really simple-minded people who are easily-contended. very touched and heart felt (:

received a christmas card from someone very unexpected today. surprised and happy both at the same time! what can i say, God is Amazing.
just had a phone chat with angeline. im feeling so Excited! "feel the power" is my favourite phrase.
2010 is really going to the Best Year Yet. ive already proclaimed it in the beginning and will continue to do so!

for now, im just gonna catch up on my beauty sleep. slept at 4:30am last night! madnesss, my body's going on strike already. good dreams (:

shopping with mummy is the Best!! (: